Chapter 13 Dark sins and confessions by the forest everglade…

To the fairies they draw near, Loreena mckennit. not sure how to spell her name. she sang the Tinkerbell movie songs! Can give the 'fae effect'

Nuada

She actually stopped the music. The extent of the shock I had caused. I had no doubt murdered all those people at the auction house. Why had I thrown a jellyfish and set tooth fairies, such vicious creatures, at them? They did not directly destroy and occupy Bethmora, only expressed curiosity at the crownpiece. Innocent beings.

This nightmare constantly haunted my mind. For the past month, I often woke up bathed in cold sweat. How to sleep well when I was the person responsible for this? Once I even pictured one of my own kind consumed by tooth fairies. In the day, my slumber was not bothered. So I preferred writing and reading really late into the dawn before collapse into exhaustion.

Then the Halfling continued as if nothing had happened. Don't you hate me? I asked insistently.

"No, now stop asking me! I don't care," she snapped, pulling on a long thing with a string and circular objects to cover her ears. What was it called, headphones. The noise disappeared instantly.

I lay my head down on the sofa, sweat prickling my skin. The weather was indeed unbearable. This morning, I had jolted awake feeling terrible. I took a cool shower and lay down but it only resulted in this pounding migraine. Here, the air- conditioner worked better at night and chugged weakly in the day. In the BPRD, it was automatically cold so much, I had to use a blanket or catch a cold. I closed my eyes and drifted for a while, until the man from the auction screamed, "Please sir, what do you want? Sir identify yourself. Take what you want and leave!"

He had pleaded with me. I did not need to hurt them. Ariadne! How can I make up for that evilness? Why wasn't I sent to hell and whipped by flaming swords or whips? I am contrite for my actions in the past. A desperate prayer…. I am not a religious person. Yet,

if I did not try at least to pray, I would go mad.

Nuada, slaying those people responsible for your race's suffering, blood for their blood?

She answered fleetingly.

Can I end these visions? I am changed now. I'm really tired.

The solution is the present moment. Not all the young races want to destroy elflands, much as you think. She flamed in person, green leaves growing over her pale form. I shivered. Four eyes of silver opened on her forehead. And she sprouted wings.

This is my true form, Silverlance. But my sisters and brothers agreed to raise you from death. They believe that you can redeem yourself.

'Tell me what I must do to redeem myself.' I said. She laughed. The sound was chilling and I knelt in front of her, fearful and shaking.

Speaking in the background. Someone shaking me by the shoulder. "Nuada, you ok? You really freaked me man!"

I gazed at Joe, concern clouding his sunny face. "You did not respond when I shook you a few times. Are you sick?"

I sat up. "No. I- slept badly. Nightmare." His warm grip anchored me to this world.

"Ok. Let's go out for a walk. You and me." The boy said. He packed some portable food. I ate some of the cake they bought.

"It's so hot," I replied. But then again, I could not possibly go to sleep. Fear froze me at the prospect of a vision of hell.

"Where?" I stood up, deciding not to take any weapon.

Joe nodded and took the keys.

He opened the car door to the back seat. I did not like the upfront seats, how had he known that? The aircon was a relief! "Water. Don't dry out," he said, handing me a bottle.

"Thanks." I drank some.

"I know this uber special place. It'll be elf haven for you."

He was right, I loved this place! A kind of forest grove, preserved nature habitat. Wild fowl calls, animals hiding. Joe beamed. I walked ahead to savor this totally untainted landscape. My energy levels returned. "Better?"

I smiled and accepted his hug. "Yes! It is so good for me!" A waterfall foaming from a height above.

"So why did you space out?"

"I don't understand, space?" I frowned.

"Like this," he made his face blank. "You were in a world of your own, usually you wake at slightest sound, but I couldn't reach you. I was freaked, thought you had fallen sick and fainted. Your eyes were blank and open."

I had been? Awake yet asleep… it terrified me. I am a warrior but I fear the spirits.

I glanced around. "I would be glad to share. But is it safe without glamour here?"

My voice in a whisper.

Joe nodded. He looked thrilled. "This my prince, is the HQ of my research buddy, Dr Franklin. He's into elves and stuff, roleplaying and movies. Making games and stories about mythology is his hobby. When we were on dig together, his friends found this awesome hangout. They decided to buy down this place, and few people save the hermits come here to like, meditate and stuff. You can hide from civilization."

I took some time to process this overload of information. It didn't help that I was sleep deprived and groggy. He patted my shoulder. "I can try to… you told me that, it is safe?"

"Yeah. Coolness Nuada!"

I relaxed. "Have you felt really guilty about something in your dark past? I had a nightmare of the auction house. Tooth fairies killed everyone there. I wanted a piece of the crown."

Would this boy judge me? I felt his mind going numb. Then he shook his head. "I did have a dark past. Me not innocent. I often drove mom crazy when I was young, getting in fights I couldn't win. But eventually I won some. And, I hated my father. He never came home- one day just said he had to do something important. Then poof disappeared!" Joe cursed. "We waited for months! I was furious. Everyone looked so happy it ain't fair."

"You did not kill anyone? That was a lot to deal with," I said softly.

We sat facing each other, me against the tree stump. The waterfall almost musical.

Joe shrugged.

"Nah. I wanted that son of a bitch's life though! wanted to strangle him, punch his nose till he screamed. But not your race. Only that bastard!" His blue eyes blazed. I had never seen this fury in him before. I brokenness.

What could I offer him? I was too drained, filled with cynical motives,myself.

Underneath his pretended cheerfulness, Joe's grim and serious side were unlayered. What about Laira?

"Sis told me not to mention all these, or your holiday would be ruined. Now she ain't listening though. Nuada she was only six when that idiot left us! Can you believe it? That asshole!" My heart ached. The child who had embraced me openly and without discrimination, abandoned. What a beast! He does not deserve to be one of us.

"I am sorry. This elf should be punished. If I find him, I will thrash him." I said vehemently.

Joe looked astonished and then laughed. I smiled. He confided also, that he would do anything to protect his little sister from agony. "How did she take the news?" I asked gently.

His jaw clenched. "She always asked, - did daddy die? But no tears, she just continued waiting… waiting at the windows. Her rationality did not allow her to give up the hopeless vigil. Then Mom always cried. When I was 18, mom ran away from home. Said she needed freedom from taking care of us single handed. She sacrificed much for us to be happy."

The only time Laira had broken down regarding this was when I lay injured with fever. Many female elves succumbed quicker to tears and storms of rage faster. How level headed my friend is. I laid my right hand on his shoulder. Their human mother had such strength, indeed this was something I admired in any race. We all persist even if we will lose the race in life. I marvelled how steady his voice was.

"You are not going to judge me? Don't you feel, after what you said that some elves need to be in hell?" I wanted to know.

"Nope. You have your conscience and you will repent. I am also a sinner." How brightly intelligent those blue eyes were. "Er, thank you."

I inclined my head too. He said I was good with listening. "My ears are sensitive to many things, especially emotions. What is that sound now?"

Joe fumbled until he found his phone. "Yea hello! We're hanging out. No no don't worry. You didn't even care we left the damn flat! Nuada's here. Want to chat?"

He gave it to me. The rectangle object looked small. But her voice came out clearly.

"Nuada! I am sorry I was rude! Why were you upset? I forgive you. Whatever you said."

I held the phone further away from my ear. The boy smiled.

"I am fine." That horrible music. "Much better now that I am outside."

"Yep, great. So what time you coming back?"

I glanced at her brother. "I don't know where I am. Up to him." I gave him back the phone. He discussed some more things while I dreamed. I felt very content, sorrow inside yet knowing my friends had accepted me it was a little consolation. I needed to punish myself for all those self-righteous deeds.

'I forgot to thank you properly. You really frightened me though,' I prayed.

'Ah.' This time, a male celestial being floated. Dagda, an elven god! He was one of the old kings. His beard was so long it touched the cloud ground. Scarlet robes covered his massive body. I was a tiny pixie compared to him. Where was I? Heaven?

'You have many long years ahead of you, Silverlance. Suffering is unbecoming. There will be more chances for self- rebuking.'

I felt his large hand lift me up. So many countless beings all bathed in golden light. 'What of my father? Will he ever forgive me?' I looked among them.

In your dreams, he shall visit. Now go. You mustn't leave the mortal realm so often. Your friends are worried.

I had? "Nuada! Nuada come back!" Such urgency and panic in a familiar voice.

His face came into focus. "Oi don't make this spacing out a habit. What happened?" he demanded.

"I am sorry. I was praying." The visions seemed too fantastic for description and my mind had become foggy again.

Joe sat down again and leaned against me. "Did Nuala and you.. like have a fight?"

Much too heavy. I closed my eyes briefly. Too painful, not a fight. I'm just sad. Being the older brother is burdensome. And Nuala has always resisted me, being the direct opposite. Quite a handful.

"Yea no kidding. Mine is too, never listens to me. Though we guys mean well. Ack. They bond together all right. Complexing things. Ha, don't imagine Nuala is naughty but you implying that."

I laughed. The girls evading our efforts to make them rational and casting traps was just too comical. "She is, believe me. I want to protect her, but she won't let me."

"How's it like being twins? I wish I had one. I would like a twin brother…"

I considered this, watching a duck land on the water and bathing itself. Silently I padded over. Got within range but the duck somehow startled. I went back to the boy who was shaking his head. I answered, "It is a live connection of our experiences together. Exhilarating… if I cut myself, she also has the same thing. But it has weakened off late. And I don't know why, my friend. Having her back now after so long a separation. Abraham may be responsible. I do feel possessive," I confided.

"I like her, I mean Nuala. Is it ok? She is dainty and nice."

I smiled. Praise for my sister melts my heart. "Many love her charisma indeed. She takes after mother a lot. "

Joe nodded and suddenly changed the subject, "Why did you want to creep up on that helpless birdie?"

"A rare woodduck. Must be your fault, you're way too noisy." He laughed at my attempt at banter. I held out my hand. He accepted the offer and stood up.

"Nuada, let's hang out here longer. It's rare to talk like this alone."

Perhaps he had felt leftout. I would try to seek him out, now I realize our perspective on females are quite similar. Man to man, there are things I just cannot expect a girl to relate to. He really liked being a half-elf and offered to practice some more on his little skills.

I complimented his natural footwork when he asked me to instruct him. He beamed.

"I do not understand. In my world, if you committed something serious, then they very much condemn you for good. I only felt wanted and needed by my own kin. I am dark of heart."

You have my friendship. And the people at the BPRD. And funny I don't have strong tele-senses and mojo, but I can feel your nature is different now. I don't think of you as that Nuada. This you is completely normal and like me, a struggling brother. Don't worry.

"Speaking of which, we should go home now." It took a while to reach the car, Joe not remembering so well. I thanked him but I didn't think he heard as he concentrated on driving.

I dropped off to sleep. It was uneventful. The lull of the engine sound always made me groggy. When the car stopped, I awoke before Joe tapped me. He smiled and whispered,

"Didn't have to touch you. Hey that sharing is all a secret. Coz Laira didn't want to ruin your time."

"Got it." I got out. He shut the door and made a beeping sound.

"You're real cute sleeping, elf."

I rubbed my eyes. Hoped I did not embarrass myself. Joe suddenly suggested eating ice cream. Oh yes! The sun had reduced its flaming heat. I stayed in the shade, not wishing to use any glamour so near the place. We licked the cones. Mine was almond and chips. It is addicting to take this.

When we got back, Laira had playing something more suitable for my people, light folk music. She frowned at me. Her short hair was wet.

"Why did you run away? Next time I won't let you out of sight."

"I did not run away." I feigned indifference and annoyance in my rebellious voice. She sounded like the chamberlain forbidding me to go anywhere. "That term is for children."

She turned away to take something. "The kitchen smells nice! Yea, got food already!" Joe yelled.

"Yea, wanna order something else. There is only one piece of meat in there!" she answered. Rummaging inside. Laira came to where I sat, with a basin of water with potatoes. She started peeling a few.

I helped, using a spare knife.

"Nuada like this music better?"

I nodded. We had companionable silence when she glared at her brother. "Hey you ateice cream before dinner? It spoils your appetite. He didn't know better."

"Eh how did you know? We didn't plan on telling."

I decided to side with him. "It won't. Just this once." We laughed at her indignance. Just could not resist.

"I guessed. You boys are so- argh! I thought you don't care for him." She said sulkily.

"It's different today. You were unsympathetic to my needs." I pointed out.

"I already apologized. Friends?"

"I accept. But no more chances. I am your guest. Shall I talk about how hollow you are?"

"No!" She knocked her forehead.

Dinner turned out very simple: fish with breadcrumbs coating, noodles with some mixture of mushrooms, sauce and potatoes. The noodles were ordered in, a man came in with boxes. I liked all of it.

"Why don't you like metal?" she asked.

I pressed my head. "Migraine."

"What about this? Here stick it in your ear." Laira handed me a white wire with a round knob at the end of it. She pressed something on a device connected to the other end. "MP3. want to see?" I heard a siren in my ear, she was almost deafening. The volume went down. I examined the little thing with little curiosity. Technology is just baffling.

Then I took it out. She stroked my hair for a while. Such affection. "Aww don't like?"

Prefer the external player. That one. I want the folk music again. The girl selected a flat box of the CDs, stuck the round metal thing into the 'player'. "Hmm I like this folk style too, Noowa. I like other genres."

"Don't call me that. Good. Thank you." Like this, we could each listen to something without my discomfort. They were good hosts, but needed reminding. I had been full of hopes. The list on the box showed titles 'Memoria', 'Days of Yore' 'Crown of twilight' and more. Memories emerged like butterflies. My allies and I loved to tell stories by a bonfire. It had been a festivity. Then I had been full of hopes and dreams. How did they fare? I pushed away all the unpleasant memories and focused on the good times.

The other companion polished one sword meticulously. His foot tapped to the rhythm. How blissful this was! At the Bureau I always heard shouting or alarms. I must treasure this while I can. Laira had the plugs in her ears and bobbed to the music. She slipped her hand over my weak hand and gazed at me.

"What?" I asked. She held for a while, as if pleading.

When the place was quiet and they were each occupied in their own activities, I crept up on Joe. He smiled. Ah, he noticed. Having pressed me always for a number of my age, they never got a straight reply. I might change that now. "Do you want to know my exact age?"

"Yea let's hear it."

"650 years. I did not lie about being 30 years of your equivalent." I chose to reveal this as the girl came within range. Then I did not have to repeat. Their faces were funny. I almost guffawed.

Laira gasped sitting down suddenly. I laughed. "God! Omg. So big a number? When is your birthday?"

Intriguing. "I don't know. We elves don't celebrate birthdays. Spring, summer time. We do not have the calendars to keep track."

"Incredible man! Yea we finally know! High five!" He slapped palms with her. "Hmm what else is new?"

"Prince why now?" she wondered. I lowered my eyelids. She flushed. Haha, that worked for mystifying. I picked up a sword to study my reflection. My ambers glittered. The scar was there. But I did not look so fierce today.

I asked, "When are your birthdays?"

"Sep 5, his. Mine is first November. If you don't have calendars how to keep track of time?" I mentally stored the information. I would get them presents, it will be fun. They are autumn babies.

They gave me paper. I drew out and explained the elven way of telling time. We study the sky patterns of clouds, stars and know when sunrise or sunset is. Now I was almost used to the girl's sudden embraces. She put her arms around my neck. The sensation was not as suffocating and was to reward my openness.

"Not too hard. My wound is there." I winced.

"Let me see. Oh dear."

"It's alright." I moved away feeling shy. A mistake. "You should lie down."

I protested.

The girl jumped, taking my hand."Nuada come show you something. Please!" I chuckled.

Later in the room, her fingers traced the long scar where acid had burned. It'd almost been half a year now. "It's got no pus. Aching or stinging?"

"Well, when the air is cold, it aches. No more stinging." I took my shirt and covered my body again. Then I lay down.

"Tell us when it hurts."

I nodded, not replying to that. I cannot keep that promise. What was the use of telling them? We held hands when I lay down. Too early to sleep.

Did you have a girlfriend?

Why these questions? I sighed.

Not one I loved. Many people came forward to… ask me. Have you used the salve? Got some more.

I sat up and opened my bag, finding the cream container.

"Tickles, yup I applied some everyday. Your injuries are more severe. I feel your ribs hurting again."

It is manageable. Do not fret. I am strong. She looked sympathetic,that annoyed me. I wanted to say stop bothering me, but it would be rude. So I turned away and pretended to sleep. Laira went away.

"Nuada is a guy. You shouldn't fuss. It ain't right." Outside Joe was saying. Yes correct. Thank you.

She murmured something low. Then they moved out of range. In truth the way she cared reminded me too much of my good friend Cecilia. She always cared so much that when I lost her to an illness, it broke my heart. From then on, I shrank from contact only allowing myself to talk to other men. Females made me worry and grieve. Cecilia had been almost a girl-friend a wood nymph.

My ribs ached. I forced myself to ignore the pain. I would be fine. The doctors fussed too much. I am a warrior. This is nothing.