Rayna
The sun is coming up in front of them in a gorgeous ball of red and gold as they cross the last hill. It is a good day for starting over, and she is filled with an odd mixture of thrill and apprehension. She is exited to get to reconnect with her girls, grateful Deacon had offered them the use of the cabin, but a sadness she can't seem to shake still lingers.
"Mom," Daphne calls sleepily from the backseat. "Are you going to tell us where we're going now?"
"Nope," she says with a smile. "But we're almost there."
"I think I know where we're going," Maddie says quietly.
She glances over at her oldest daughter.
"Is he going to be there?"
"No," Rayna says. "Just us."
Maddie looks a little disappointed, but tries to hide it.
"It'll be nice though," Maddie says with quiet enthusiasm. "To get away from all the cameras."
Rayna reaches for her daughter's hand across the console and gives it a squeeze. She knows Maddie has probably been hurt by the invasion of privacy more than any of them, and she would give anything to undo it all. "Yes, it will. Pretty cool that Deacon said we could come up here, isn't it? This is a really special place."
Maddie nods.
Rayna is sure Deacon has told her things, how a place like this had been a dream of theirs when they first started out, to have an escape from the city, and the business. How he'd bought it for her after her first CMA nomination.
She's sure he hasn't told her the entire story, though, how this place had given them more than just an escape.
It had given them Maddie.
They pull off the dirt road onto the long driveway that leads up to the cabin, and the 4- wheel drive kicks in as they hit the unplowed snowdrifts. It hasn't snowed much up here yet this year, but there has to be a good foot or so of powder on the ground. Daphne squeals in delight at the bumps.
Rayna laughs at the girls as they trudge through the snow to the porch, occasionally scooping down to toss a snowball at each other. Their giggles are contagious, and they echo out in the wide open space against the trees and the snow. The morning is crisp and cool, the sun is quickly rising, and up here they are surrounded by nothing but smooth white untouched perfection.
The key is right where Deacon said it would be. They make short work of carrying in their bags and the groceries before shedding boots and hats and coats.
"Go on and pick out a room," Rayna says to the girls. "I'm going to turn up the heat and get it nice and cozy in here, and then I'll make us some breakfast."
"Come on," Maddie pulls Daphne down the hallway. "You can share my room. There's three empty ones, but it'll be more fun if we share."
It is nice to see the two of them back in each other's orbit as well. It's been hard on Daphne in the last year, watching Maddie make a life with a father that isn't hers, and also Maddie is growing up and away from wanting to have a little sister tagging around, as teenagers do. They're both growing up fast.
A smile crosses Rayna's face as she listens to their happy chatter. First thing we need, she decides, is some music. She thumbs through Deacon's collection of vinyls to find the Elvis Christmas album she knows is there, and pulls it out victoriously. It's spinning on the record player in the corner in a few minutes, and the King is singing "Santa Claus is Back in Town".
The girls are in and out of every room while she unpacks the groceries they've brought along and contemplates where to put things. She can't help but laugh out loud when she opens the pantry cupboard and Deacon has got nothing but a box of pasta and 10 rounds of canned spaghetti in there.
Some things never change. Deacon is not a person of change. He doesn't let go of things. Or people, she thinks wryly. The raggedy recliner in the other room is the same one they'd bought 20 years ago, and it had been old then, now the material on the arms was so thin the pattern was worn smooth. He has the same artwork on the walls, and the Eternity sign is still over the door.
She remembers when they bought it, stopping impulsively at a yard sale on the way up on a summer day.
She thumbed through a stack of novels while Deacon wandered around looking over stuff on the tables.
"Hey look," he said, causing her to glance up. He has walked over by her holding a long wooden sign. "This would be good for the cabin, right?" It had one word painted across it: Eternity. "We can hang it over the door."
"I like it," she said, pleased. "It has a good meaning."
"Yep," he said, his mouth turning up into a grin. "It means you're stuck with me forever."
"Deacon," she says, laughing. "What 'm I gonna do with you?"
"Keep me, I guess," he said, planting a kiss on her mouth. "Or maybe I'll keep you."
"Ahem," the old lady running the garage sale gives em a stern look. "No loitering!"
Deacon tosses a dollar on her table, and they are on their way.
It takes her a second to regain her composure as she stares at that sign and contemplates everything Eternity means. Forever. Unending. Part of a circle that can't be broken. They will always be tangled up in each other. She has tried to fight it for so long, but it is their truth, and she thinks she is finally ready to face that. Scared to death, but ready, nonetheless. Her only hope is that it's not too late.
Over plates of eggs and bacon, the girls talk about all the fun things they want to do this week while they get their mom all to themselves.
"Can we roast marshmallows in the fire place?" Daphne asks, her enthusiasm contagious. "Later?"
"We could do that," Rayna agrees, "I haven't done any fire building in years, though," she admits. "Think we can figure it out?"
"I can help, Mom," Maddie says confidently. "Dad taught me how to do it when we were here. And how to put it out safely when you're done."
Rayna glances across the table at her, caught off guard a little to hear the way calling Deacon "Dad" rolls so easily from Maddie now. "Dad?" she says. "Um…When did that start?"
Maddie gets real busy with pushing her eggs around her place all of a sudden. "Awhile ago," she admits. "I guess you weren't around."
"Guess I wasn't," Rayna says softly.
"That's okay, right? Because he is my dad."
"Yes, honey. That's just fine."
She watches the girls eat, her heart aching a little.
I wish he was here with us, she thinks.
Last night when she had driven to his house, she didn't know what she'd been expecting but he is definitely keeping her at a distance, at least for now. It hurts, even though she knows she deserves it. She's made such a mess of everything, and it's going to take some time to unsort it all.
###################################
Deacon
"You make that appointment for that treatment they talked about yet?" Scarlett asks as she's standing by the door slipping on her coat and boots.
"Nope," Deacon says, not even looking up from his newspaper. "I don't need em to pump me full of poison just to delay what I already know. All those pills you keep shoving down my throat are bad enough."
"For god sakes," Scarlett mutters. "You are the most damn stubborn man on the planet."
She will never admit in front of him how terrified she is, not only of what the outcome of all this is going to be, but how easily he seems to just have already given up, like his life isn't worth fighting for.
She just wishes she knew how to convince him otherwise.
The doorbell rings, before they can get back into the same argument they've been having since the moment they released him from the hospital yesterday.
Being the closest, Scarlett opens the door, and Rayna's sister Tandy barges right in, her face determined. She is a woman on a mission.
Scarlett gives Deacon a look behind her back with raised eyebrows. "Well, I was just leavin." And she makes a quick escape.
"Where are they?" Tandy demands.
"Sorry, not sure I know what you're talking about." Deacon says, not even looking up from the newspaper in his hands.
Tandy has her hands on her hips, glaring at him.
That woman. For as much as he loves Rayna, her sister has never been too fond of him, and he hasn't been too fond of her either. They have made nice with each other in front of Ray all those years, but he always feels like Tandy is staring daggers at his back as soon as he turns around.
"I know you know where they are," Tandy says. "She leaves me a note saying they'll be back in a week, I have no idea where they've gone or if they're even in the country."
Deacon sets his paper down, and rises from to leather sofa. He walks into the kitchen, just kind of pretending like she isn't there, but Tandy is right on his heels.
"You know why she called off that wedding," Tandy says quietly from behind him. "It was because of you. It's always because of you."
It pisses him off a little, because Tandy has no idea. He has paid for his sins a thousand times over. Hell, he missed the first 13 years of his daughter's life, that in itself is enough of a punishment. But apparently that isn't enough. The man upstairs is not done with him, because now more than likely he'll miss the rest of her life as well. For Tandy to stand there and accuse him of ruining something else in Rayna's life, well, that was pretty much the last straw.
"You blaming me again, huh, Tandy." He says, his voice edged in sarcasm. "Maybe if you weren't always trying to push her into what you think is the right thing-."
"Me!" Tandy exclaims. "You proposed to her on the night she got engaged to someone else, Deacon. What kind of a jackass move is that?"
"You're the one who convinced her to marry Teddy," Deacon says, raising his voice. "Maybe if you woulda stayed out of it back then, we'd be celebrating 15 years of marriage right now!"
Tandy stops yelling abruptly, and so does he.
She is stunned, that he has had the nerve to say out loud what she has felt guilty about since the day Rayna told her of Teddy's affair with Peggy.
Deacon runs his hands through his hair and rubs his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that…exactly."
"Yes you did," Tandy says quietly. "And I guess it's true, in a way. But I love my sister, and all I really want is for her to be happy."
"I guess we both do," Deacon says, and they both stand there, staring at each other for a minute, neither one ready to back down. It is a coming to terms with each other, of sorts. Tandy will always fight like hell for her sister.
It makes him relieved, in a way. When he is gone, Rayna and the girls will always have Tandy to look out for them.
He finds himself thinking in "when" more now, than "if". It is depressing as hell.
"I know she came over here last night to see you."
"She did."
"What happened?"
"I think that's between her and me, don't you?"
"I just want to know if she's okay," Tandy says in a quieter tone.
"Honestly, I don't know," he admits. "We're not exactly on the same page right now. But as far as physically okay, like are they some place safe and quiet and away from cameras and news reporters? Yeah. They're fine."
Tandy looks like she wanted to say something else.
"You can let yourself out," Deacon says, abruptly ending the conversation. He opens the door off the kitchen that leads to the backyard and disappears.
Tandy leans against the kitchen sink for a second, feeling defeated.
Something else catches her eye. Pill bottles lined up along the window ledge, with Deacon's name above the prescription. What the hell is that all about? She peers at the bottles, glancing over her shoulder to see if Deacon plans on returning for another round of sparring, and she tries to memorize the drug names before quickly leaving his house and heading for her car.
In her car, she types the names in the google search engine of her phone.
That can't be right, she thinks. This is for patients with advanced hepatitis and liver cancer.
It hits her, all at once, and her heart starts to hammer. She covers her mouth her hand, and forces herself to drive away before she gets physically ill.
It is entirely possible her sister just gave up a future with one man for a man who didn't have a future at all.
################################################
Rayna
It isn't until later that night, after a day of playing in the snow, and roasting smores in front of their expertly built fire, after she has tucked her giggling girls into the queen sized bed in Maddie's room together, that she gets the nerve to go into Deacon's room. She has to. It is driving her crazy.
Just a peek, she thinks. Whose gonna know?
Cautiously Rayna pushes open the door, and somehow it comforts her to see it is another room that is mostly the same. This was "their" room. There is still a picture of the two of them on the bureau, taken on a tour bus back in the day. They look so young, gazing into each other's eyes like no one else in the world exists. Back then no one else did. She looks barely a few years older than Maddie in that picture.
There is a picture of Maddie in a frame as well now, holding a fishing pole and wearing one of his old hats and a huge grin.
Rayna sits in the middle of the bed, and pulls her knees to her chest, and closes her eyes, and remembers how he'd always been an early morning person, and she would have laid in this bed until he dragged her out by her toes if it was possible. But he didn't know sometimes she just laid there and listened. Him banging around in the kitchen, singing in the shower. The thud of his axe as he chopped wood outside the window. The sound of his bootsteps. He was never idle, always had to be doing something. Then after awhile he'd come in the room and poke at her, all wrapped up in every blanket they owned. "You gettin up yet?"
"In a minute," she'd take his hands and pull him down onto the bed with her. "Come snuggle with me first."
"Ray, I just got done chopping wood and I'm seriously dirty. And I got my boots on."
"That never stopped us before, did it?"
Sitting there in the middle of that bed, suddenly she missed him so much it was almost unbearable. She would give anything to hear those footsteps in the other room.
She lays back against the pillows for just a second, and in the darkness where no one can see, she stops being the unflappable superwoman label head Rayna Jaymes, and she just becomes like any other woman with a broken heart. She lets more tears fall than she has in a long time.
############################################
They spend the next few days in quiet contentment, talking, playing games, reading, singing, making cookies. They have become their little triangle again, and Rayna likes it this way. The girls like it this way too.
They spend an entire day decorating the cabin with the fake tree and old ornaments they've found in a hall closet.
Rayna shakes her head as she sifts through the box of ornaments, while the girls are stringing popcorn on thread. "I can't believe Deacon still has all this stuff. He hates this fake tree, I'm surprised he hasn't tossed it out in the snowbank years ago."
"Well, he never gets rid of anything," Maddie says with an affectionate eyeroll.
"You know I remember," Rayna smiles. "The first year we had this place, I bought this fake tree, and he was so mad at me. He wanted a real one."
"So what did you do?"
"We had two trees that year," she recalls with a laugh.
"Deacon, this is ridiculous," she said, trying to hold up the trunk of the tree as somewhere underneath the branches he tightened up the stand to get it straight. "There is a perfectly good fake tree right there in the corner, with lights already on it and everything." He had taken one look at the box with the fake tree she'd bought, grabbed a saw, and came back an hour later dragging the most pathetic looking pine tree she'd ever seen that he'd cut out of the woods.
Deacon crawled out from under the tree, satisfied that it stayed up right. "Rayna," he said with a face of complete serious. "This is our first Christmas here. You want a damn plastic tree, fine. You can have your tree over there and I'll have mine over here."
"Mom, that's silly." Maddie said, laughing.
"Well honey, I guess that's what you get for having two stubborn parents."
"I'm so happy we're here with you, Mommy." Daphne keeps saying, snuggling up to her on the sofa.
"I think we'll probably head for home on Sunday," Rayna says. "It's Christmas Eve that day, and I'm sure aunt Tandy misses us."
"I like it up here," Maddie says. "Away from everyone. It's too bad we have to go. I wouldn't mind spending Christmas here."
Of course she would, Rayna thinks affectionately. She is her father's girl, thriving on the solitude.
Friday night as they are finishing up a round of Monopoly, where Daphne is beating the pants off both of them, the bells over the door jingle, and all three of them turn in surprise to see Deacon walk in, snow dusting his shoulders.
The girls are on him instantly, demanding hugs and then running to get cookies and coffee. Rayna hangs back a little, watching the scene. Their love for him makes her a little teary-eyed, because as much as she knew they'd tried to like Luke, there was always a forced element to it.
This is genuine. Whatever happens with her and Deacon, he is still Maddie's father and will always be in their lives.
Deacon takes it in, how alive this old place seems with them in it. The fake Christmas tree in the corner they'd dug out of a closet, Christmas music playing softly, her girls with their happy giggles. He hasn't dug out a single Christmas decoration around this place in 15 years.
It feels alive. He thinks of the will he'd passed along to his lawyer that morning. Leaving the cabin to Rayna and the girls just feels right. They belong here. No one else does.
"It's good to see you," Rayna says with a little smile.
He thinks the solitude of being away from Nashville this week has done her good. She looks rested, less stressed. She looks like the Rayna he has missed, in jeans and a sweater the exact color of her eyes, with her hair in a ponytail, no glitz and glamour, just a mom spending time with her girls. But there is still that sadness in her eyes. He hates seeing that.
"You too," he says quietly, glancing over her shoulder. The girls are still in the kitchen. "Listen, I know you brought up the girls to be alone, but there's a huge blizzard about to hit tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's going to be early, it was getting bad on the way up already. It might be a rough trip."
Her smile wavers a little. "Oh, is….that why you came?" That's it, she thinks sadly. That's the only reason he came. He's just watching out for us. She appreciated that, but…..
With a sigh, she walks over and peers out the windows. It is nothing but a light snow falling.
"I'm not ready to go home yet," she admits. "Is the news coverage still crazy?"
"Yes," he says wryly. "They're watching your house like vultures. And now they're watching my house too. Luke paid me a visit a few days ago. I'm sure you'll see the video of us beating the crap out of each other in my front yard."
"What? Oh Deacon," she says, dismayed. "Really? It really had to come to that?"
"Rayna," Deacon says in a voice that means drop it. "It was a long time coming, and you know it."
Their eyes meet for a second, and it's like everything else fades away.
He is the first one to look away, and it makes her soul ache.
"Well anyway," he says quickly. "I also thought you'd probably be running low on stuff by now, so I have some supplies in the truck," he adds. "I'll bring em in."
"I'll help you," she said, reaching for her red parka, hanging from the back of a kitchen chair.
They make quick work of the grocery bags in the backseat.
The last bag she reaches for is a black garbage bag. "What's this?"
"The girls Christmas presents from your house," Deacon says. "Tandy dropped em off this morning. I thought just in case. I know you. I figured you wouldn't be ready to come home."
She is touched to the bottom of her heart, that he would think of the girls like that.
And she has to stop for a minute, leaning against the side of his truck, tucking her arms into her sides. It's cold out here, the chill biting her face, but suddenly she feels very warm.
Deacon leans next to her for a second, and they stare at the cabin with all its lights blazing like a beacon in the darkness of the woods that surround them.
"That's not the only reason I came," Deacon says, dragging the words out with a heavy sigh. "I was worried about you. Just wanted to make sure you're okay."
"You know," Rayna says quietly. "I keep trying to figure out how I'm gonna clean up this mess I've made of my life, and it's a little overwhelming. I'm not okay. But I'm getting there."
"That's good," he says. "Real good. It takes awhile, you know….to get over someone."
Sometimes you never did.
Rayna couldn't stop herself, any more than she could stop the snow falling on them.
She hugged him. Just put her arms around his neck, and hugged him as tight as she could, whether he wanted her to or not.
"Thank you," she whispers.
He can't resist, and his arms go around her waist, and he buries his face in her hair and closes his eyes, and tries to burn this very moment into his heart for whatever time he has left.
"Mom," Daphne's voice on the porch interrupts them. "Do we have any more marshmallows?"
With a sigh, Rayna pulls away from him, and trudges up the porch steps. Before she heads in, she turns and looks at him one more time standing there next to the truck watching her.
"You coming in?" She asks tentatively, almost afraid of the answer she might get. "Or hitting the road?"
Daphne, without a coat on, is standing there in her slippers jumping up and down. "Cmon Deacon!" she called. "We're making smores."
Maddie comes out on the porch behind the two of them. "What in the world are you guys doing out here, it's freezing!"
Something changes inside him standing there watching the three of them, and hope comes back to life. For the first time since that day in the hospital, he realizes that Scarlett is right, he's been a stubborn idiot to think that the fight isn't worth it. It's worth it, just to spend as much time with this woman, these girls, as the man upstairs lets him have, no matter how it ends.
He's ready to fight now.
"Yeah," he says, clearing his throat. "I'm coming in."