Maddie-
It's Christmas morning. She watches them, when they don't realize she's looking. She's been watching them for three days.
Considering the breakup with Luke about ten minutes before the wedding, her mom has been noticeably quiet, a little sad. Those first couple nights at the cabin, after they went to bed, she played the saddest records her and Daphne ever heard.
Maddie wants to ask if she misses him. Because even though she never wanted her mom to marry Luke, she still wants her to be happy. It's weird, seeing her without that big ring on her finger. It's weird just spending this much time with her, since they've felt so on their own for the last six months. Daphne is eating it up, hardly wanting to leave her mom's side. She wonders if it will all change again, when they get back home and her mom gets busy again running Highway 65.
She feels a little more cautious, maybe still secretly a little bit mad. All the ordeal over the magazines, and the wedding, and it seems like it was all for nothing. She wants them to be close again, like they used to be, but it seems like it might take awhile.
It changed Friday night when Deacon showed up. Suddenly her mom seemed a lot less sad, walking around humming a little tune, getting a little smile on her face when she thinks no one is looking. Maybe it wasn't Luke she missed, Maddie thinks.
They watch each other, her mom and Deacon, when they don't think the other is looking. He watches her while she reads. She watches him while he plays. Maddie watches both of them.
She saw them before, hugging outside on the porch, like they never wanted to let go of each other. She is trying real hard not to get her hopes up again, but the way they are with each other, it's so sweet it's almost sad.
Now, Daphne is enthusiastically diving into the stack of presents under the tree.
She knows Deacon must have brought them from home, how awesome her dad is to have thought of her little sister that way, to make sure she wouldn't be disappointed.
Her mom sits by the sofa on the floor now, to watch them open their gifts. Deacon sits behind her on the couch, and Maddie watches as he reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder, and she almost unconsciously covers it with her own, and smiles as he leans forward and says something in her ear.
None of those presents under the tree really mean much to Maddie, although she knows it's going to be nice stuff. All she really wants with every piece of her heart is for her parents to find their way back to each other. She wants the family they were always supposed to be.
Now that Luke is out of the way, maybe, Maddie thinks, it isn't such a far off wish.
So she keeps watching.
#######################################
"Well," Rayna says after all the necessary present-opening has been completed and the wrapping paper cleaned up. "I hate to say it girls, but we really do need to start packing up and heading for home this afternoon."
Both of the girls look disappointed.
"Can't we stay one more night, Mom?" Daphne begs.
"We really can't," Rayna says firmly. "We've been up here a week. I need to get back to my business, and I'm sure your dad misses you like crazy. You haven't gotten to have Christmas with him yet either."
"I gotta get home too," Deacon adds, backing her up. "Scarlett probably thinks I fell off the face of the earth."
Daphne stares out the window wistfully. "I wish we didn't have to go. We didn't get to go sledding yet. The snow looks so pretty."
Rayna sighs at the glum look on their faces. Will one more night really hurt?
"Tell you what," Deacon suggests. "It just so happens that there's an old toboggan out in the shed. I'll see if I can dig it out. If you help your mom pack everything up, we can take a couple runs down the hill before you go."
"Deal," Daphne says slapping him a hi-five, and running off to pack her bags.
A little while later, Rayna is packing the last of the things in the truck and watching the two of them trudge off, dragging the long wooden sled behind them. At the last second, Maddie calls "wait, I'm coming with!" and runs after them.
Deacon looks back at her expectantly.
"You comin'?" he asks.
"Oh no," she says with a smile. "You take the girls. I'll just double check that we have everything."
"Come on, now," he says, his smile cajoling. "You only live once, Ray." You only live once.
"Well okay," she says reluctantly. "I'll come along, but maybe just watch."
They trudge through the woods and to a place where Deacon knows there is a good hill.
He'll never let on that this entire sledding thing might not have been such a good idea, given the fact that he's exhausted already. Three days without medication, and he's pushed it pretty close, that Rayna and the girls haven't noticed anything is wrong. The smile on the girls' faces are worth it though, even if it lands him back in the damn hospital by tomorrow morning. He can just imagine back at home Scarlett is looking at all those pill bottles ready to chew him out good.
The four of them stand at the top of the giant hill, and the girls are not hesitant about flinging themselves on the toboggan and immediately going flying down the hill, their laughter echoing behind them.
Rayna smiles, watching them as they slow at the bottom, climb off the sled and start the long trudging climb back up the hill.
"They're great," he says next to her.
"Yes they are," she says quietly. She regrets so much all she has missed in the last six months, time and moments that can never be recovered. But this week makes up for some of it. Finally they are back on track. Her and her girls. And maybe her and Deacon too.
Deacon nudges her with his elbow. "That's because they got a great mama."
Their eyes meet for a minute, and the butterflies in her stomach start dancing around. She thinks of Tandy's words the night before the wedding that didn't happen, how her sister didn't know it, but she'd been saying exactly what she needed to hear, about the wrong man. Just think about the way he looks at you. The way he talks to you. You love him, and that's enough.
The girls reached the top of the hill then, breaking their gaze.
"Mom, that was really fun," Maddie says breathlessly, laughing. "You should try it."
"Oh no," Rayna says, holding up her hands. "I'd much rather stand safely up here and watch y'all have your fun."
Deacon holds out his hand. "Cmon, Ray," he says, shooting her that grin that in its earlier days had been able to convince her to do just about anything. "It'll be fun."
Probably it still could, she surmises. Damn him and that smile, got her every time.
"Just once," she says hesitantly. "One time and that's it."
Reluctantly she climbs onto the toboggan and scoots all the way to the front, and Deacon gets on behind her, so she is between his knees.
"I swear to god, Deacon," she says. "If we hit a tree with this thing, I will never forgive you."
Suddenly that hill looks huge, and she is reminded of the first time they rode a rollercoaster, after a show somewhere in Illinois. She has always been the chicken, and he is always the one convincing her to take chances, still to this day.
"Scared?" His voice is amusing next to her ear.
"To death," her voice comes out a little breathless. She wonders if they are still talking about sledding. Even with her thick winter coat, she can feel the warmth and strength of him against her back.
"Okay, here we go," Maddie and Daphne push them off from behind, and then they are racing down the hill.
Her scream echoes off the trees, along with his laughter, and that of the girls, cheering at the top of the hill. It's over in two minutes, and they roll off the sled and land in the soft snow at the bottom.
Rayna is laying on her back in the snow, laughing now, staring up at the white sky and the trees, and he is laying next to her. He sits up and leans over her, brushing the snow off her collar, smiling.
"What," she says, pretending to grumble. "are you smiling at? That just took ten years off my life."
"You have snow flakes in your eyelashes."
Feeling her face flush, she reaches up a gloved hand to brush the snow off her face.
"Don't," he said softly, catching her hand. "I like it."
She looks so beautiful laying there, her red coat and her reddish blond hair against the white of the snow, that he can't not do it. He leans over and kisses her, capturing her mouth under his, so sweet and so familiar. It makes him remember once again that he sure as hell does have something to fight for, and he will. He'll fight to kiss her every day for as long as he's left hangin around this earth.
The little smile on her face says she likes it too.
#######################################
After a few more sled runs, Rayna reluctantly tells the girls that they need to hit the road, and they start trudging back towards the cabin.
"You comin?" Maddie calls. She's got the sled, but Deacon is dragging a little, walking a little ways behind them.
"I'm comin," he says, forcing a smile, knowing that last sled run was probably the worst damn idea ever. He feels like he's been hit by a semi. The fatigue is the worst part of all of this.
Rayna eyes him up. "You okay?"
"I'm okay," he says, stopping for a moment reluctantly to catch his breath, trying to make a joke out of it. "Think I'm getting old, Ray."
"Oh come on now," she says, giving him a teasing smile. She waves the girls on ahead, and it's a good five minutes before Deacon starts moving again.
But now, she's worried, and he can tell. Dammit, he forces himself to keep moving, because he sure as hell aint gonna fall face down in the snow in front of her and the girls.
Finally the cabin is in sight, and he can breathe a little easier as he settles on the top porch step and watches Rayna check one more time that they have everything.
"Bye, Dad," Maddie hugs him long and hard. "I'll see you next week."
Daphne's hug practically knocks him over. "Bye, Deacon. You make the best pancakes ever."
Rayna smiles and shakes her head as she watches the girls climb into the SUV. "I swear if they could those girls would live on nothing but pancakes."
Deacon leans with his back against the rail and his hands in his pockets and watches with guarded eyes as they get ready to leave. How would it be now, he wonders. Going back to the real world. They'd been playing at this little fantasy for a few days but now it was time to face reality. For her, her broken engagement and all the ill effects. For him….the reality that he needed to suck it up and make that doctor's appointment and accept whatever they told him was the best possible treatment. Live with it…or not. But deal with it nonetheless.
He is hard-pressed to admit that Rayna wasn't the only one who'd come up here to do a little running away.
"So I guess you're gonna have a lot to deal with when you get home, huh," he says neutrally.
"Yep," she sighed, sinking onto the step next to him. "Let's just hope Tandy and Bucky haven't tanked highway 65 while I was gone."
"Nah, I'm sure your business is fine."
"Teddy'll probably be taking the girls this week, since he hasn't gotten to have Christmas with them yet."
"So maybe I'll see Maddie next weekend or something."
"Yeah. That would be good. You headed back to town?"
"Yep. Just gotta close everything up here and then I'm headed back." After that sledding adventure, he'd probably have to take a long-ass nap first, but she didn't need to know that.
"So I'll see ya soon, then?" She asks tentatively. She reached out and touches his arm. Their eyes met in silent conversation. I want to see you. I need to see you. She wants to hug him, kiss him, wrap her arms around his neck and say goodbye like she's feeling, but the girls are watching.
"Yeah. When we get home…" Deacon says, clearing his throat. "We should talk. Soon. I mean really talk, Ray. Just us, when the girls aren't around?"
"Sure," she says, puzzled. "We'll do that."
"Alright," he says quietly. "You better get going then, they're waiting."
With a sigh, she squeezes his arm once more, and then gets in the SUV, and puts the key in the ignition.
In the backseat, the girls look melancholy already.
"I wish we didn't have to leave, Mom." Maddie says, sounding sad.
"Me too," she says quietly. "But you know what, girls? Everything is going to be different now, I can promise you that."
As she pulls out of the driveway, Rayna can't help but look in her rear view mirror one last time.
He's still sitting there on the top step. Watching them drive away.
Of all the things she can be leaving behind, her heart is the one thing she least expects.