Chapter Thirteen
Dr. Liara T'Soni sits on the couch sipping on her morning cup of coffee when Kaja walks into the living room. The young asari sits next to her mother and rests her head on Liara's shoulder. "I love you, mom."
"I love you too, little one. Feeling better?" asks Liara.
"Not really. I still don't think I'm good enough," answers Kaja. The young asari brings her knees to her chest and puts her chin on her knees. She stares at the wall on the far side of the room.
Liara rubs her daughter's back. "Kaja, I need for you to listen to what I am going to say carefully." She moves Kaja's head and looks at her. "You are not your father. No one can do what she did. It's been over two centuries and I'm still in awe at the things she did." Liara pauses to think about the Reaper Shepard took down on Rannoch. Only Leia could have done that. Even the geth, Legion, suggested they flee because the Reaper was stunned and they had the chance to flee.
After Cass finishes her shower, she joins Liara and Kaja in the living room. It looks like Kaja is still full of self-doubt. Cass gives Liara a hug and kisses Kaja on the lips. "Good morning."
"Morning, Cass," replies Kaja before she buries her head behind her knees.
"Do I need to leave? I can go to the apartment and pack up the rest of our stuff. I do need to pick up my car," comments Dr. Mitchell.
Liara answers, "Good morning, Cassandra. I picked up your car earlier this morning. It's parked out front. I don't think you should go, but I suppose that is up to Kaja."
Kaja shakes her head no. She lifts her head and looks at the human. "Will you come back?"
"Of course, I'm coming back. Where else am I going to go?" remarks the human archeologist with a smile on her face. "Thank you, Liara. You didn't have to do that."
"My pleasure, Cassandra." Liara rubs on Kaja's back again. She finishes her comments to Kaja, "Kaja, look at me." The commando looks at Cass then to her mother before she puts her chin back on her knees. "You are not and never have been your father. You have to stop trying to live up to expectations that were never placed on you. Those expectations are all in your head. Your father is proud of you. I'm proud of you. The pressure you have placed on yourself is unhealthy. If you don't start living your life for yourself, you will ruin your relationship with Cassandra. Is that what you want?"
Lt. T'Soni stays silent and shakes her head. She knows what her mother is saying to her is the truth. Her parents never put any expectations on her or her sisters. "You don't know what others expect from me, mom. Others expect me to do great things. I'm not dad. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough nor good enough. I feel lost most of the time. When I feel that way, I bury myself with work to deal with it. I'm tired, mom. When people see me they either see Commander Shepard or Dr. T'Soni. They don't see me, Kaja. I don't know how Gaia and Olivia deal with it. Maybe that is why Gaia started acting. To deal with the pressure of being Commander Shepard's daughter."
Kaja looks at Cass. "Cass, you are the only person who sees me as a person, not the oldest daughter of Commander Shepard and Dr. T'Soni." Tears starts to roll down the young asari's cheeks. Cass wraps her arms around the huntress and holds her. Kaja's body is shaking as tears continue to flow down her face getting the human's clothes wet. Cassandra doesn't care. Her concern is helping Kaja through this.
"Who puts expectations on you, Kaja?" asks Liara
"They never say anything directly to me. I hear whispers between other huntresses. I even heard a Matriarch say once I would need to save Thessia to live up to my father's deeds. Because it was something she didn't do. I didn't understand that comment then. I still don't." answers the asari maiden. She wipes the tears from her face and puts her chin back on her knees.
Dr. T'Soni sits quietly, rubbing on Kaja's back. She sighs after hearing what Kaja is saying. Is that what some Matriarchs think? I'm sorry, little one. That's not fair. Liara remembers how defeated Shepard was after watching the gunship carrying Kai Leng and the Prothean VI, Vendetta, fly away. And how she felt learning more about asari history and the fall of her home. They couldn't stop the Reapers that day. It's something Liara is still unwilling to talk about. Even two centuries later. "I'm sorry, Kaja. That's unfortunate."
"It's been a long time since I heard anything, but those words have always been in the back of my mind. I've always felt the pressure from the things people have said. Especially, the words from the Matriarchs. Some of them look down at me I think. Or how I feel anyway when I am near them. I don't understand why. What did I do?" asks Kaja.
"It has nothing to do with you. I think some of it is because of Benezia and add in my line of work. Even after all this time, some of the older Matriarchs still can't forgive Benezia for joining Saren. Even after seeing what the Reapers did to the..." Liara pauses when she thinks about the screeching creatures. "...Ardat-Yakshi. I don't know what else to tell you, Kaja," answers The Shadow Broker.
Cass sits and listens to the chat between mother and daughter. The archeologist wonders how long Kaja has felt this way. Her instinct says since Kaja has been on Thessia. "How long have you felt all of this pressure?"
The room falls silent. Kaja isn't sure when it started. After going to Thessia, Kaja knows that much. She looks over to Cass then to her mother. "For too long." The huntress lies her head in Cass' lap and puts her feet in her mother's lap.
Dr. Mitchell strokes the asari's hair tentacles. "I will help you get through this. Trust me, Kaja. I'm here for you."
Liara leaves the couple alone and goes to the kitchen to make something to eat. She looks back at the couple and is grateful Cassandra is here for Kaja. Liara isn't sure if Kaja will get through this without her help. Reflecting back to the day on the Normandy when Shepard had her breakdown. The Shadow Broker realizes Kaja is too much like Leia. "Goddess. Leia, your daughter needs you now more than ever," says Liara softly to herself. She brushes away a tear from her eye.
The huntress sits back up so she can look Cass in her hazel-colored eyes. "Cass, I love you. I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm lost in my mind and I don't know if I can be the person you need. I need you to feel whole. I hate feeling this way because it's not fair to you. It's like I'm using you and I don't want to do that to you or anyone. I want you to go to the apartment, get our stuff and bring it here. I'll help you with it if you need me to." says Kaja before she presses her lips passionately against Cass'.
Their kiss lingers for what seems like forever to the couple, but it only lasts a few minutes. Cass wipes the tears from the asari's face. "Come with me only if you are up for it. If not, stay here and I will take care of everything. Kaja, sweetie, you are strong. Stronger than you know. I am here for you. I'm not leaving you. There is a connection between us that isn't easily broken. Think about this, Kaja. Do you think your dad could have done the things she did without your mother's love for her? Love is a scary thing, but it is also gives us strength to do amazing things."
Liara walks into the living room to hear what Cassandra is telling Kaja. Liara knows Cass is telling Kaja the truth. She flashes back to a conversation during the war:
"Sometimes, I wonder how you do it?" asks Liara with her right hand on her hip as Leia sits in on of the chairs in the Shadow Broker's office aboard the Normandy.
"Every time the world is about to end. I think about how mad you'd get if I didn't stop it. I don't know if I can do this without you." answers Shepard.
Dr. T'Soni leans against the wall thinking how sat on Leia's lap and called her "Flatterer." that day and about those dark days. Those days, everyone in the galaxy was depending on Shepard to win the war and Shepard depending on her and the rest of the Normandy's crew to have her back. Liara thinks about the friends they lost along the way. They are all gone now, except for Wrex, Grunt, Bakara, and Shiala. I was right. It's not such a privilege to out live so many.
"Listen to Cassandra, Kaja. She speaks the truth. Your father found strength in her family and friends," comments Liara. "Oh, I made breakfast."
"What did you make, mom?" asks Kaja as she heads to the kitchen.
"Quiche." answers Liara with a grin on her face.
Kaja stops and has a disgusted look on her face, "Oh, yuck."
The Shadow Broker chuckles, "I'm only kidding. I know you don't like quiche. I made french toast."
Cass feels like she missed the joke between mother and daughter. Shaking her head at the two asari, Cass joins them in the kitchen for some breakfast. "Quiche? What's wrong with quiche?"
"I don't like it. It's looks weird. Not eating it," replies Kaja shaking her head from side to side in a dramatic way. Plus she is waving her right hand.
The human brings up her omni-tool and writes a note plus she says it out loud with a mischievous grins on her face. "Don't make quiche. Kaja won't eat it. Even though I don't know how to make it." Cass winks at the huntress and closes the omni-tool.
Liara starts laughing. Cass is perfect for Kaja. If their relationship can get through this, they'll be together for a long time. Liara is sure of it. Kaja will have to get herself together first. "Well, it looks like you have found someone who can keep you on your toes, Kaja."
A hint of a smirk appears on Kaja's face. "I know. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up."
Seeing the smirk peeking through Kaja's dark demeanor puts a smile on Cass' face. "You keep up just fine." She rubs on Kaja's back as a sign of support and her affection for the asari.
The trio sits to eat their breakfast. Kaja doesn't eat more than a few bites then pushes her plate to the middle of the table. "I'm not very hungry. I need to take a shower." The maiden pushes her chair back and heads to the bathroom.
Liara and Cass both watch her leave the kitchen. Cass thinks about following Kaja, but decides to finish her french toast first. Dr. Mitchell sighs softly and shakes her head. She glances in Liara's direction to try to read the asari's face. To Cass, Liara seems stoic, but the human wonders if that is a facade. The human takes the last bite of french toast, picks up her plate and takes it to the sink, then checks on Kaja.
Cass opens the bathroom door to see the shower running and silhouette of an asari behind the shower curtain. The huntress' clothes are on the floor including the shoulder brace. "Any problems with the brace?" asks Cass when she walks in and sits on the toilet.
"Not really. Putting it back on will be another matter." answers the asari. Turning the water off, wrapping herself in a towel, Kaja steps out of the shower. "I don't know what to think anymore, Cass. I'm not sure what to do next. At times, I'm not sure if what is in my head are my thoughts or something else. However," Kaja smiles faintly at Cass, "I know this. I love you. And I don't want you to jeopardize your career because of my problems." The asari's words are dripping with regret with shame mixed in. She looks Cass in the eyes, "Just promise me you'll contact me every day if possible. Even if it's only a message."
Dr. Mitchell holds Kaja's face tenderly with her hands and lightly caresses the asari's cheek bones with her thumbs, "I will. You bought me a portable extranet terminal so we could keep in daily contact. Remember?"
"Oh yea, I still need to set it up, so you'll have good bandwidth. Sorry, I did forget. Thanks for reminding me," replies the Lieutenant. Kaja dries off the best she can with the injured shoulder's limited movement. She puts on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts. "Will you help me with this?" asks the asari as she reaches down to pick the brace off the floor.
"That's a silly question, Kaja T'Soni." replies Cass before she helps Kaja with the shoulder brace.
Lt. T'Soni opens the bathroom door and holds it open for Cassandra. "Take a walk with me, Dr. Mitchell? Around the property. There are some nice views from the back yard."
"Lead the way, Lieutenant." Cass motions with her arm for Kaja to lead.
First place Kaja goes is to her bedroom to put on her boots. Cass bring her hand to her forehead. She thinks Kaja looks ridiculous. Oversized powered blue t-shirt, purple cut-off shorts, and a pair of boots. Kaja gives the human another hint of a smirk. "I know, I know. I don't care, Cass." The asari shrugs her right shoulder with her arm out to her side and her palm up.
"Well, as long as you know you look ridiculous. But oddly sexy at the same time. I think it's the boots," remarks Dr. Mitchell with sarcasm in her tone and she points to the boots.
"So you wouldn't want us to go to the Blu Rose with me dressed like this?" replies the huntress with an equal amount of sarcasm in her voice. The smirk gets a little brighter, but Cass can still sense Kaja's self-doubt and sadness.
Chuckling softly, Cass comments, "They won't even let you in the door. But hey, if that is how you want to look. Who am I to say different?" The human moves her hand up and down pointing at Kaja's attire.
"Well as long as you wear the sexy yellow dress, I'll be happy." Kaja leans close to the human's left side to place a hint of a kiss on the archeologist's cheek.
Cass reaches out to take the asari huntress' hand. "You're amazing. Even in your darken mood, you are able to flirt with me."
Kaja grins, takes Cass' hand to lead the human archeologist from the bedroom to the backyard. The huntress informs her mother, they are taking a walk around the property. The couple walks away from the house in silence. When they get far enough for Kaja to feel comfortable they are out of range of any devices around the house, she asks, "Where do I go from here, Cass?"
The couple reaches a big flat rock near a path that leads to a sniper range. Kaja isn't sure if the range is still being used or not since her father die. As kids, they were never allowed to go past the rock. The huntress sits on the ground with her back against the rock. She pats the ground next to her and Cass sits next to Kaja with her right leg out straight and her left knee bent with her hand clasps around the knee. "Do you really want my opinion?"
Kaja puts her hand on the archeologist's bent knee. "Yes, I do. Please, Cass, be honest."
A grin appears on Cass' face when she glances in Kaja's direction. "I actually have two opinions. One, I think you need to leave the military. It sounds like it's the source of your problems. And, Kaja, sweetie, I think you might want to consider talking to someone trained to help you. Your mom and I can only do so much."
"I know I do, Cass. On both." The asari slides her hand between Cass' arm and leg so she can hold the human's hand. Kaja lies her head on Cass' shoulder. "What do I do after I get out?"
Dr. Mitchell says, "One step at time. First step is you getting better. Then we'll see what your options are. Mind if I make one suggestion, Kaja?"
"I always want your opinion or advice," replies the huntress as she brings Cass' hand to her lips and places a tender kiss on the it.
"Step out from behind your father's shadow. What I mean is do something besides following in your father's footsteps. Find something that brings you fulfillment. You say you want to help people. There are many ways to do that besides serving in the military. Have you thought of joining a local police force?" answers Cass.
Lt. T'Soni keeps her head on Cass' shoulder. "I don't what would bring me fulfillment. I really don't. Joining a police department would be the same as doing what I do now and I don't like what I am doing now."
Cass leans her head against Kaja's head. "It's okay, sweetie. You don't need to figure this out today. Or even tomorrow. Like I said, let's get you better first. Then we'll see what your options are. That is the only thing you need to concentrate on, getting yourself well."
"You're too good to me, Cass. I appreciate it more than you know. Thank you." Kaja closes her eyes. The asari has too many thoughts running through her mind at once. One thought in particular Kaja is certain on. The one thought she knows is hers and hers alone. "I need to say something. Please, just listen." She removes her head from the human's shoulder and looks into her eyes, "I would love to share my life with you, but until I find myself. I can't commit to you or to any thing else. Please, if you can, have some patience with me. I'm not sure if I can do this without you."
Looking into Kaja's eyes, Cass sees the turmoil, the sadness, and the pain. Yet she also sees the love the asari has for her and the reason she fell in love with Kaja in the first place. Those ocean blue eyes has always shown a hint of the huntress' sensitivity. Even though it's buried behind a few tough barriers. A thought suddenly pops into the archeologist's head. Something that might show Kaja how much she means to her. Cass grins from ear to ear then kisses the asari on the bridge of her nose. "Let's head back to the house. I have something for you."
Kaja gives Cass a curious look. She moves her head to the left, looking at the human sideways. "Okay."
Dr. Mitchell offers her hand to Kaja, who accepts it. She helps the asari off the ground, places a soft kiss on her lips, then they hold hands as they head back to the house. They walk past Liara, who is sitting in one of the lounge chairs reading, enjoying the morning air, and the view from the patio. Cass gives Liara a little wave as she walks by Dr. T'Soni. The human leads Kaja to the bedroom and closes the door before she grabs her bag containing the item she wants to give Kaja.
Lt. Kaja T'Soni sits on the bed, thinking it looks inviting. The asari waits patiently for Cass' gift. She grabs a pillow and leans against the wall, putting the pillow between your back and the wall. Cass finds what she is looking for and joins Kaja. The archeologist has the Prothean memory shard in her hand. She takes Kaja's hand to put the shard in it and closes Kaja's fingers around the shard. "I want you to keep this. It symbolizes my love for you and my desire to help you through this."
The asari opens her hand to look at the shard, then her eyes move to Cass. "You want me to keep your most valued possession?" asks Kaja in a soft, almost child like tone. She looks at the shard again and wraps her fingers around the shard with care.
"Yes, I do," answers Cassandra as she strokes Kaja's cheek with her fingers.
Kaja swings her legs over the edge of the bed and walks over to her desk. "Where's the display case for it? I'll keep it on the desk." The huntress looks at the shard again. Knowing how much this artifact means to Cass, it means the world to Kaja. Because the asari maiden finally realizes Cass is going to give her the support she needs. Cass joins the asari at the desk. She puts the display case for the shard on the desk. Dr. Mitchell doesn't say anything, but she does put her arm around Kaja's waist. T'Soni puts the shard in the base of the display then carefully puts the cover on. She picks it up and moves it to the desk's top shelf. "I love you, Cass. I will take good care of it. I know how much it means to you." A tiny smile appears on the asari's face.
Seeing the smile even if it's a tiny one, makes Cass feel good. "I know you will. It's why I'm giving it to you, Kaja. That and I love you," comments Cass before she places a soft, tender kiss on the asari's lips.
Kaja turns the soft, tender kiss into a long lingering passionate kiss. The commando breaks away from the kiss, "Thank you, Cass. I'm going to lie down and try to take another nap."
The human reaches up and caresses the side of the asari's head. "Go ahead. I'll go and pack up the apartment. I'll ask your mom if she is willing to help. So, if we or I am gone when you wake up. Don't worry, okay?"
"Okay," answers the asari as she goes to lie down for a nap. The young asari feels a little better than she did before their walk. Kaja is mentally exhausted. She still hears her father's words in the back of her mind. Mix in the comments from other asari including the Matriarchs and Kaja is feeling the pressure of a life that is not her own. When her thoughts move to Cassandra Mitchell, her body finally starts to relax.
Cassandra moves across the room, leans over the asari lying on the bed to place a kiss on her temple, "I'll be back soon, sweetie. Have a good nap." Cass kisses Kaja's temple again before leaving the bedroom to look for Dr. T'Soni. The human archeologist would like some help packing up the apartment. Cass knows she doesn't need the help, but having some help will make the packing and moving go faster. Plus, Dr. Mitchell wants to talk with Liara. Cass walks past the kitchen to head outside when she notices Liara washing the morning dishes. "Oh, there you are. Liara, would you mind going with me to the apartment and help..."
A/N: The only thing I have to say is, I hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter. Next week is the final chapter then I'll start posting part 2. There is a good chance I will post part 2 daily instead of once a week.
I still have a few stories in the works. Stay tuned for those.
See you next week.