It seems like forever that they sit there on that cold stone bench, until Deacon realizes Rayna is shivering in his arms, and it is starting to snow, large white flakes drifting down around them, sticking to their coats.

"Come on," he says softly, pulling her up. "It's freezing out here."

They walk back to her truck, hand in hand. Her fingers are like ice, but his are warm.

"Does anyone else know you're…sick?" Rayna asks quietly as she leans against the side of her truck.

She knows to some level the shock hasn't set it yet. It will set in later, when she's alone. When she can allow it to set in, because right now it is all she can do not to lose it in front of him.

"Just Scarlett," Deacon says. "I'd like to keep it that way for now. I know we need to tell Maddie soon…I'm just not ready for that yet."

Well, and Tandy knows, he thinks. But he figures the discussion of how Tandy found out is better left between Rayna and her sister.

Rayna isn't ready for that conversation with Maddie yet either, and the fear and devastation that she knows it is going to bring to their daughter's life. She can't bear the thought.

Maddie has been through so much already, it all seems so unfair.

"What happens now?" she whispers.

"What happens now," Deacon rubs the lone tear on her cheek away with his thumb. "is that you go back to your office, and then go home to the girls, and let me worry about the rest. This is my battle, not yours."

Impossible, she thinks. There's too many unanswered questions.

"What about…us? Where does this leave us? Are we going to let something else get between us again?"

He'd always swore there was not a thing on earth that could every completely get between him and Rayna, and now this disease is chasing them down like a freight train, threatening to completely derail the chance for forever they finally have.

"I just want you to have some time to think about all this, Ray, and what it all means."

"I don't need time to think about anything," Rayna says with quiet determination. "We wasted too much time already, Deacon. Let's not waste anymore."

His eyes are pained, and once again they are having one of those conversations with no words, as only two souls who have loved each other as long as they have know how to do.

I'm not letting you go

He sighs tiredly. In a way, it is a weight lifted off his shoulders that she knows now and it's not a secret. She's already mentioned second opinions, and researching alternative treatment options, just like he knew she would. She wouldn't be Ray if she didn't. He loves her so much for that, and hates it at the same time.

But even Rayna can't change the unchangeable, and the odds that are stacked a mile high against him.

Her heart literally aches standing there in front of him, wanting to be in the safety of his arms again so badly. So close and yet he still feels so far away. She knows Deacon loves her. He always has. He's never had to say it for her to know. She just wishes he'd let her in.

He takes her face in both hands, kisses her forehead and says only one word. "Go."

He's wrong, she thinks as she climbs into her truck.

It's her battle too.

###################################

Deacon

After he watches Rayna drive away, he doesn't get in his truck and do the same.

He walks back down the bridge, runs his hand over the beloved, tarnished padlock once more and leans against the railing, thinks about that "E" on there, and what that means. He thinks about everything they've been through, over the last 26 years, of all those tumultuous years Rayna had stood by him when he sure as hell hadn't deserved it. They'd survived all that, and now the sins of his past were coming back to haunt him, to rip them apart again.

It kills him, thinking about how he'd today watched the fear replace the hope in Rayna's eyes that he'd seen there the entire time they were at the cabin. Rayna is tough as nails, and the most unflappable person he's ever known, but today he saw it. She was scared.

She deserves better, he thinks. Someone who is gonna be around in a year, or five, or twenty. Someone whose past wasn't continually trying to run them down.

He stares down at the swirling icy water. It'd be cold. And deep. At least it'd be fast, he thinks. And over with. No dragging it out, no months of the people he loves watching him suffer.

Hesitantly he puts one boot on the first metal rung of the bridge, and one on the second, and he closes his eyes.

The phone in his hand buzzes, startling him. He opens his eyes and looks down at it.

Her face, her number. Her message. Please don't push me away. In sickness and in health, babe. I love you no matter what.

It has always been that way, and whether he thinks he deserves it or not, Rayna loves him. He has never doubted this. It's why he never let go, why he never gave up on them, even when she was married to Teddy, then engaged to someone else.

With a shaky sigh, he takes his foot down, and steps back, shocked and ashamed that his thoughts had even gone there, to such an easy way out. He owes it to her to fight, no matter how hard and painful it is.

Once again, Rayna saves him.

###############################

She drives back to the office. Numb. Trying to keep her mind on the logistics of everything, trying to keep her heart from failing her. "He'll be fine," she says out loud several times. In the silence of the truck, no one answers her, nobody reassures.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asks when she stalks into Highway 65 like a woman on a mission, her heels clicking hard on the wooden floor. Rayna is always a woman on a mission, but this is different. "You seem kind of….edgy."

"Bucky," she says as she sits at her desk and opens her laptop. "That is the one question you are not allowed to ask me today. Please. I don't want to be bothered by y'all for the rest of the afternoon unless something is on fire. Close the door on your way out."

Bucky sighs, but he leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He doesn't think this is a good time to mention the summons that came by courier while she was gone. Luke Wheeler has decided to sue her for "damages" from the defunct wedding, to the tune of half of a million dollars.

Rayna doesn't want to do it, but her fingers immediately hit the google search button, for everything she can find about conditions of the liver.

It's confusing, disheartening.

It is terrifying.

But she is Rayna Jaymes, and he is Deacon Claybourne, and they've been to hell and back several times already together, and survived. She doesn't intent to let the two of them fold up like a tent now.

With shaking hands, she dials Scarlett's number.

"Hey, Rayna," Scarlett doesn't seemed too surprised to hear from her. Like she's been waiting.

"Scarlett," Rayna says quietly. "He told me."

Scarlett's sigh of relief is definitely loud enough to be heard. "Thank god."

"I need to know what to do. I need to know everything you know, the names of his doctors, what medicine they have him on. I want to know all of it."

The conversation with Scarlett soothes her jangled nerves a bit, and she hangs up with a better idea of what they are all fighting against.

And she tries to do as he suggested. She picks the girls up from school, takes Daphne to her dance lesson, forces herself to act like the world didn't just fall out from under her. Again. But the girls know. They're quiet in the car on the way to their father's later, they know something is wrong, and it pains her as they solemnly hug her and get out of the car in front of Teddy's house.

"Bye, Mommy." Daphne says, smacking a kiss on her cheek. "Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend."

"Bye, Mom," Maddie gives her an extra tight hug. "See you on Monday."

Her eyes blur as she watches them run up the sidewalk. Funny how you can forget how precious time is, until it is suddenly slipping away, she thinks sadly. You think you have all the time in the world, and one day forever suddenly turns into six months. Or less.

Rayna keeps it together pretty well until she finally walks in the safety of her own house at 6:30 that night.

Tandy is there, already curled up on the couch with her I-pad in front of her, sipping her first glass of wine of the evening. "Hey, where are the girls? I thought you were keeping them tonight?"

"I gave them one more night at Teddy's," Rayna says in a halting voice. "Tandy…."

Tandy looks up, startled, and sees Rayna's distressed face, worried eyes.

He told her, she thinks. She is relieved, and heartbroken for her sister at the same time.

"Deacon's sick," Rayna can hardly get the words out as she sinks onto the sofa next to her sister.

"Um….sick?"

"His liver," she says, each word painful. "His liver is failing. What am I going to do, Tandy? What am I going to tell my daughters?"

"Oh honey," Tandy is chewing her bottom lip. "That's awful. What can I do?"

She wants to cry, and scream, and throw things. But mostly, all she wants is a hug.

Tandy slowly, slowly puts down the I-pad, the glass of wine. Avoiding her sister's eyes.

Something is off with her, Rayna realizes, and it hits her.

"You already know," she murmurs, getting to her feet, startled.

Tandy winces noticeably. "I completely found out by accident," she admits.

"When?"

She lets her breath out slowly. "The day after the wedding was supposed to happen, when you took the girls to the cabin. I went to his house, looking for you, and I saw his medication."

"You knew for a month," Rayna's eyes light up with anger. "He could die, Tandy. You didn't think that was important enough to tell me? This isn't some random stranger on the street. This is Deacon. My daughter's father."

"No," Tandy says quickly, reaching out a hand to touch her sister's shoulder. "He didn't want me to, and I was just trying to respect his wishes-."

Rayna brushes her hand off. "Get out."

"Honey, I really don't think you should be alone," Tandy says softly, trying again.

"I said get out, Tandy."

Tandy's eyes are blurred with unshed tears as she grabs her purse and walks to the front door. "I know you're hurting," she says tentatively. "And I understand. When you need me, I'll be here."

Rayna says nothing. When the door closes behind her sister, she slumps onto the sofa and finally lets the tears fall she's been holding in all afternoon, and the sobs rack her body until she is physically and emotionally exhausted.

###############################

She only means to finish off Tandy's glass of wine that she left on the coffee table, but it goes down easily, and soothes her nerves slightly.

Well no wonder people turn into alcoholics, she thinks as she pours herself the rest of the bottle. She has never been much of a drinker. Anything past two glasses of wine is enough to make her more than a little tipsy and result in a killer headache the next morning.

Before she knows it, that bottle is empty too, and she stumbles down to the wine cellar to get another, knowing exactly which one she is looking for.

It just has a plain label with their names scratched on it with a marker and the place and date Napa Valley, CA 1989.

That bottle has been hidden away for just about 20 years now.

They'd always said they were going to save it for their 50th anniversary.

"What the hell," she mutters, searching through a kitchen drawer for a corkscrew. "It's not like he's going to drink it anyway. If I drink it myself now, or 30 years from now, what's the damn difference?"

Victory, she thinks, satisfied, as she pops the cork and pours herself another glass.

The message comes that night at 10:30, when she is three sheets to the wind and completely unhinged, wrapped up in her blankets on the couch surrounded by Kleenex and old picture albums, two empty wine bottles on the table in front of her. On the stereo, "No One will Ever Love You" has been playing on repeat for hours.

She scoops up her phone at the buzz.

You okay?

Ironic, she thinks, tears flowing, he's worried about her.

Typical Deacon.

No, she types back. Wish you were here. Really need you.

The girls?

They're at Teddy's.

Gimme 10 minutes

#############################

Deacon is shocked as hell when he walks into Rayna's living room and sees the empty wine bottles and Rayna's inebriated state.

"You been drinkin?"

"No, Deacon," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "I just opened it up to smell it."

He picks up the bottle from California, and stares down at it, feeling sad, remembering that side trip after a tour date. "I didn't know you still had this after all those years."

"We said 50 years," she murmurs. "I thought I better drink it just in case we don't make it that long."

Deacon sighs and kneels down in front of her, gently takes the wine glass out of her hand and sets it on the table. "I think you need to get some sleep, darlin. It's been a long crappy day. And I of all people don't need to tell you that drinkin doesn't solve anything."

"Come on now," she says, having the grace to look a little embarrassed. "I didn't have that much. I was just trying to…relax a little."

He raises his eyebrows, gesturing towards the empty bottles, smirking at her. "Did it work?"

"I think so," Rayna says, leaning her head to one side and staring down at him intently.

"What," he says, his face curving up into a half-smile. "Why you lookin at me like that? Seein double or what?"

Before she can stop herself, she reaches out and lays a hand across his cheek. "I just love your smile, that's all," she said softly. "I always have." Buzzed or not, she's drowning in his eyes. The way he looks at her….no one else has ever made her feel the things Deacon does when he looks at her. He owns her, body and soul. He always has.

"Ray," he says quietly, clearly amused. "I think we need to get you to bed."

"You know what," she says, reaching out her hands to pull him in by the lapels of his shirt and pressing her mouth against his gently. "Deacon, I think that's the best idea you've had all day."

A few sweet kisses later, and they have somehow ended up all tangled up in each other's arms on the floor in front of the sofa. They are both clearly set on fire, the urgency between them growing at an unstoppable pace.

"Please," she whispers, yanking at the buttons of his shirt. "Just hold me, Deacon. I miss you loving me."

He closes his eyes, and leans his forehead against hers. "You're drunk as a skunk, Ray. It wouldn't be right."

She frowned.

"Don't give me those pout-eyes, cuz I'm not gonna change my mind."

"I bet I can make you," she said, with a soft little smile, moving her hand to his belt buckle.

"Uh uh," he says with a smile, catching her hand in his wrist. "But what I am gonna do, is carry you upstairs," he says, scooping her up in his arms and heading for the stairs. "And tuck you in. And clean up the…evidence you left in here."

"You taking care of me, now?" Rayna says as they head down the hall to her bedroom suite and he deposits her on her king size bed. Suddenly she isn't wine-drunk anymore, she's just tired. So tired. Emotionally. Physically. She's so tired of having to fight so damn hard for what she wants all the time.

"Yep," he says firmly, pulling the covers over her.

"Don't leave," she says, her voice catching a little. "Please Deacon, just…don't leave. I swear I won't jump you, just…I just don't want to be alone. And I bet you don't either."

He's a goner for those pleading eyes. With a heavy sigh, he sits down on the edge of the bed and kicks off his boots, and then crawls into bed with her on top of the blankets. "This is crazy," he mutters. "I better be getting a sainthood title after this."

She smiles, content as she slips an arm around his waist and closes her eyes. "Now this is much better."

"Yeah," he says softly, unable to hide a smile of his own and unable to resist stealing one more kiss. "It is, isn't it?"

"You ever finish that song you were working on at the cabin?" Rayna murmurs.

"Yeah," he says. "I finished it."

She raises her head and looks at him, then gestures towards the guitar in the corner. "Will you play it for me?"

"I don't know, Ray. It's pretty personal. Think I'm saving it for myself."

Rayna looks the slightest bit sad. "I miss this," she admits. "More than anything. Laying in bed with you….listening to you play. I miss falling asleep this way."

"Me too," he admits.

With a sigh, he gets up once more and retrieves the guitar.

Rayna lays with her head against his shoulder as his fingers glide over the strings softly. By the end of the first verse, she is already asleep, tears drying on her cheeks, but he keeps playing anyway.

I like fast cars and sharp dreams

Chased a lot of crazy things

Left behind my share of broken pieces

This morning I turned 46,

when you just remember half of it

You wonder how you outlived Hank and Jesus

I put the rage in a river, the roll in a thunder

But You kept me from goin under

When that current got too heavy

Always thought Id be a heap of metal

In a cloud of dust, foot stuck to the pedal

Sold for parts like a junkyard rusted-out Chevy

Fear, Ive had none

What the hell made you wanna love

A man who was gonna die young

Call it intuition or call it crazy

Just thought by now I'd be pushin up daisies

But I'll gladly stick around if we're together

As he stops playing at looks down at her, asleep against his shoulder, she sighs in her sleep and burrows in tighter against his side. "Night, Ray," he whispers, and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead before he sings the last few lines softly.

So baby when you bow your head tonight

Can you tell the Lord I've change my mind?

And with you I'd like to live

Forever

The song I borrowed is "A Man Who Was Gonna Die Young", by Eric Church. Thanks for reading!