Written from a request. Hopefully I can get this right. Never written a hurt!fic before…at least, not intentionally. .

Plot: Hurt!Balthazar and Comforting! Castiel AND Comforting!Dean. After refusing an order to eliminate another angel, Balthazar has a long, enraged fight with Raphael and ends up obeying…now he is devastated from what he's done and with his broken and battered wings, he debates Falling…until Castiel shows up.

****It is not vital to read this if you do not want. **Very angsty and dark with torture!****

. . .

Chapter 19: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows:

"You will do as I say!" Raphael roared in his new vessel, one of a large, muscular man in a black suit and short hair.

Balthazar cried out in pain as the archangel clasped a handful of feathers closest to his back and yanked on them, pulling several out in the process. Balthazar could feel the warm, sticky blood pouring out and soaking his clothes. He had already been going through torture for a while now and he was positive his wings couldn't handle much more before never growing back. He could barely feel a hint of grace inside of him as it mixed into the blood that pooled out of his wings.

Raphael had the angel pinned on his stomach, one foot on the battered wing. He twisted his foot, causing one of the arches to snap.

Balthazar cried out louder, tears spilling from his eyes. He sucked in a deep breath "Please don't make me do it."

Raphael leaned in, closing his fingers in Balthazar's hair "I could always just find your little buddy Castiel and torture him until you comply."

Balthazar's stomach dropped as he thought about that and how Raphael would indeed keep that promise. He took a deep breath and nodded "I-I'll do it," he said, wincing when Raphael snapped the arch in his other wing.

"Good little angel," Raphael said smugly "I will return to his Heaven later and if I find that angel still alive, Castiel will be next."

Balthazar winced and nodded as he struggled to climb back to his feet. He glanced around to see the archangel gone and decided not to hesitate before making his way.

. . .

Balthazar sucked in a deep breath as he stepped into the Heaven that he was ordered to. His heart and grace shuddered inside of him as his eyes grazed his surroundings. He had been here several times to visit with his friend. It appeared as a hotel room complete with high ceilings, the walls painted white with golden trim. The tiles on the floor were made of crystal clear glass; a large, indoor pool and hot tub sat in the left corner and an enormous, feathery bed sat in the other corner of the room covered with silky sheets and blankets and a down comforter and pillows. There was a kitchen in front and sliding glass doors that revealed the Garden in the back.

His wings throbbed painfully as they twitched. He glanced back to examine the mess that they were. Half of the feathers were torn out and ripped and sticky crimson red blood soaked the normally beautiful blue and gold. The arches were twisted with the several broken bones that they held. He couldn't see the furthest parts but he assumed they were burnt to a crisp. Balthazar knew what he had to do and his weakened grace curdled in his gut again as he took another step into the room.

"Balthazar?" a familiar voice questioned with sudden concern.

Balthazar felt his throat close up as he turned his eyes to Omniel, one of the angels he had known since he was young. Omniel's eyes were large and were a honey color that matched his slightly long wavy hair. Omniel's wings were perked out and alert as he met the eyes of his friend.

"Balth…what happened to your wings?" Omniel questioned, running forward, his eyes widened in concern.

Balthazar tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he slid his hand into the jacket he wore. He clutched the angel killing blade, his hand shaking furiously. His entire body radiated in waves of despair as he stared into his friends eyes. He had to do this…Omniel had disobeyed and Raphael found out…Balthazar had to kill him or be tortured by the archangel for centuries alongside Castiel…his breaking point would always be his blue eyed friend.

Balthazar hated to think about it but he cared about Cas more than Omniel but he didn't want to kill the angel. His mind ran amuck as Omniel's tilted his head in wonder "You okay, Balthazar?" he asked, his voice smooth.

Balthazar gulped deeply and blinked away a wetness that was forming in his eyes. He took a deep breath and stared into those eyes "I'm sorry, Omniel," he whispered.

Omniel knit his eyebrows "Why?" he asked.

Balthazar's hand shook as he pulled the blade out and lunged forward, slamming it into the heart of the angel before him. His body shook with a sob as he stared into those warm eyes before the bright beam of light shone through and Omniel's wings burned into the glass below them. He lay there, lifeless on the floor.

Balthazar jumped up to his feet and backed up, quickly looking away. He felt a pang in his chest as the room around him blurred until filling with white light. When Balthazar opened his eyes, it was gone and he stood alone in the Garden. He felt his entire body convulse as nausea took over.

He quickly began running as far as he could since his wings were too battered and broken to move. They throbbed painfully as they began to sway in the wind behind him. He didn't stop running until he reached the end of the west heaven where a balcony sat, overlooking into the vast white path. He leaned over the railing as a sob began to shake his body as guilt rolled in waves through him. He took a shaken breath and took a step back to he could sit down and lean against the brick wall that appeared behind him.

He heard a flutter of wings and he didn't have to open his eyes to know it was Castiel.

"Gabriel just called…," Castiel said, his voice stuttering to a stop when he noticed Balthazar.

Castiel felt his chest ache as he glanced down at his best friend who sat crumpled on the floor. All Gabriel had said to him was that Balthazar needed him…he didn't mention anything about Balthazar's condition and Castiel felt nauseous as he glanced at Balthazar's wings which were completely battered and torn and burned and bloody.

"B-Balthazar," his whispered, feeling stinging in his eyes as tears suddenly filled them. His grace curled in fright at the sight and he instantly remembered when he had been 'taught his lesson' after the angels began to notice him getting too close to the Winchesters.

He leaned down and his hand shook as he tried to place it on his friends shoulder. Balthazar flinched from the touch, his eyes filling with tears as regret tore though his body.

"I had to kill him," Balthazar breathed shakily.

Castiel took a deep breath as he slowly sat beside his friend "Who?" he asked, feeling a lump in his throat.

"Omniel," Balthazar said, staring down. He didn't want to see the look in Castiel's eyes. Omniel had been a close friend to both of them.

Castiel felt his heart tug "You didn't want to do it," he said, now understanding why Balthazar's wings were so broken…but this was the worst he had ever seen happen to an angel and he silently vowed to get revenge on whoever did this to him.

Balthazar shook his head…he wanted to tell Castiel about the threat but he didn't want worrisome little Cas blaming it on himself.

"He trusted me," Balthazar whispered, finally staring up into those soft, ocean blue eyes "He trusted me and I killed him," his wings throbbed again as another wave of agony poured through them. He sucked in a deep breath as he felt Castiel try to touch them. He winced when all that did was send more pain through. He closed his eyes and all he could see was the look of betrayal in Omniel's eyes when he stabbed him.

He popped a bottle of booze into his hand and began to chug it down. He swallowed the entire bottle down without stopping before creating another one and doing the same. He could feel the alcohol draining away his problems and starting to numb the searing pain in his body. He was glad when Castiel remained silent.

"Cassie…" Balthazar said, his voice cracking from a dry throat "I…I can't stand this."

Castiel turned to him with sympathetic blue eyes "What do you mean?" he asked.

Balthazar took a deep breath and stood up "I…I can't do this anymore," he said, feeling his eyes sting with unshed tears once more "I can't take it anymore."

Castiel felt his stomach turn and he stood with Balthazar. He tried to run a soothing hand through his friend's broken wings but Balthazar winced in pain. Castiel wouldn't be able to help his wings much…Dean might be able to help, though.

"I can't keep going on like this," Balthazar said, grabbing the railing as he lost balance "I won't stand to be around them anymore…"

"Balthazar, what are you thinking?" Castiel asked, dread seeping into him as he saw a tear fall spill from Balthazar's eye.

Balthazar felt his grace clenching as he gazed over the edge of the railing. His heart raced as he debated on how it would feel to Fall…for one, all of the pain in his wings would disappear…the pain from killing one of his closest friends would disappear…he would be free of Raphael and the laws of Heaven.

"Balthazar," Castiel said, his voice turning deep as he grabbed onto the angel's arm with a firm grip.

Balthazar knew he had to go now or he would never muster up the courage. He gave Castiel an apologetic gaze before shoving him into the wall as hard as he could. Castiel gasped in shock as his wings smashed into the bricks. He blinked for a moment, trying to regain focus.

Balthazar instantly climbed up the railing the moment Castiel was down. His grace fought inside of him as he slowly began to let go of his hold on the railing. He stood up straight and wobbled for a moment, the path before him glaring and trying to pull the angel down.

He took a deep breath, praying to his Father before closing his eyes; he began to let his body fall forward.

Castiel gasped and thrashed his wings once, shooting to the other side of the railing, catching Balthazar before he could Fall. Balthazar's wings tried to fight and pull away but they were too broken to do anything. Castiel's heart was pounding as his wings flapped slowly, keeping them suspended in midair.

"No…please Cassie just let me go…please I don't belong up here…" Balthazar groaned as Castiel tightened his hold around Balthazar's upper body.

"I'll ever let you Fall, Balthazar," Castiel said, using one arm to curl under the other angel's legs so he was holding him bridal style. Balthazar fought against the angel for a moment before sighing and relaxing into the embrace.

Castiel felt tears in his eyes as he pressed his forehead to Balthazar's…he couldn't believe he almost lost his best friend.

Balthazar felt another wave of pain rip through his body from the way Castiel's arm brushed his broken wing. He sighed and stared into those sapphire eyes as he felt a wave of warmth pool into him. He knew Castiel was trying to put him to sleep "I killed Omniel," he whispered again "I don't deserve anyone…just let me fall…"

Castiel felt a lump in his throat "No…It isn't your fault, Balth…you had to do it…he disobeyed and the archangels wouldn't have stopped until he was eliminated."

Balthazar felt another wave of regret "Would you kill me if they ordered you to?"

Castiel felt his throat close as he thought about that. He truly didn't have an answer so he just blurted out "I-I did kill you…without orders," he said, flinching when he thought he was going to get hit. He was surprised to hear a snort-laugh. He turned his eyes to see Balthazar with a slight smile curled on his lips as he shook his head "Did you just make a joke?"

Castiel stared down, feeling guilty for saying that. He didn't think it was funny.

"You've been around those Winchesters for too long," Balthazar said, feeling more soothing grace sweep over him "stop doing that."

Castiel took a deep breath as he mentally marked where Dean was. He closed his eyes to find the motel room.

. . .

Dean was sitting on his bed, cleaning his shotgun while Sam sat on the other bed, sharpening the machete they had just used a few hours earlier to kill the vampires.

Both of the Winchester's jumped when they heard a flapping of wings and a thud. Dean was standing up, shotgun ready in his hands while Sam held up the machete. They both relaxed slightly to see Castiel standing in the room, his face contorted with fear.

Dean gasped when he saw Balthazar almost unconscious in Castiel's arms. Cas' wings were dark and appeared ruffled from flight and Balthazar's wings were hanging down, dragging on the floor. He felt bile in his throat when he noticed how bad they were. He remembered the beautiful, light blue and sunset colors Balthazar's wings usually radiated…at the moment, he could barely see any color except deep crimson stained into the tattered and bent feathers. Several chunks of feathers were missing, leaving empty patches and where the arches usually curved…Dean felt a lump in his throat and his stomach turn when he saw the white bone cracked through the tops.

Dean quickly cleared off his bed, shoving all of the cleaning equipment onto the floor.

Castiel gave Dean a thankful nod before pushing more soothing grace into Balthazar, wishing he could block the pain. He gently laid Balthazar on his stomach so his wings could hang freely over his back and across the bed.

"What is going on?" Sam asked, noticing a pale and unconscious Balthazar being placed on Dean's bed. He could see Castiel gently moving his hands through air as if he were trying to move a bomb that could explode at the wrong movement. He assumed he was touching the wings of Balthazar.

Balthazar cried out in pain when Sam took a step forward. Sam jumped back when both Castiel and Dean shot him a wary look.

"Stay over there," Dean said firmly, his face going a green color as he stared down.

Sam winced when he realized he must have stepped on a wing. He instantly felt bad and kind of irritated that he couldn't see them. He wanted to help somehow.

Dean felt panic inside of him and even though him and Balthazar weren't on the best of terms, he really didn't like seeing anything in this much pain.

"What happened?" Dean asked, staring at how bad those wings really were.

"I think Raphael did this…I know it was an archangel and I can't see Michael or Gabriel doing something this bad," Castiel said, his voice pained and solemn.

Dean felt rage pierce through him as a whole new level of hatred towards that archangel pumped through him. It was one thing to have a Civil War with Castiel but a whole other to see the damage he would inflict on an angel like Balthazar "Why?"

Castiel stared down "He wouldn't kill an angel they ordered him to."

Dean felt repulsed "I feel sick," he said "I don't even think Alastair ever did anything this bad."

"I-I hate to ask…b-but do you think you could try and help his wings…I know you dislike him…b-but I tried a-" Castiel started, the stutter of a sob ready to spill out.

"-You don't even have to ask," Dean said, immediately stepping towards those torn wings. He would do anything he could to help.

Castiel nodded and smiled "Thank you so much," he said.

Dean waved him off and gently sat beside Balthazar, being careful not to shift the mattress too much.

Sam noticed the look on his brother's face and instantly knew that Balthazar's wings had to be a horrible sight. He had never seen so much horror in those emerald eyes. He felt helpless as he sat upon his own bed, unable to do anything.

Dean took a deep breath and gently touched his fingers to one of the charred feathers. He felt Balthazar shift slightly and pulled his hand back, afraid he hurt him but the angel let out a sigh. Dean felt slightly better to see the feathers lightening up, the black char disappearing.

Balthazar sighed when he felt a warmth pool into his feather from the touch. He was dizzy and unfocused and had no idea who was touching him but it felt incredible compared to the fiery pain. He felt his wings twitch and try to push back into the touch.

Dean tried to relax himself as he started to gently brush his fingers through the damaged feathers. He knew he would need to fix the broken arch but he didn't exactly know how to do that. He glanced at Castiel, who seemed to be reading his mind.

Castiel felt bad as he sat down near Balthazar's head. He took a deep breath and lifted the angel's upper body onto his lap. He locked his hands onto the shoulders and gave Dean a look.

Dean took a deep breath, knowing this was going to hurt a lot but it had to be done. He closed his hands on each side of the arch where the bone was split in the middle. He let out his breath as he turned both hands, causing the bone to readjust to where it should be. Balthazar screamed in agony and tried to thrash but Castiel held him down with all of his might. He felt horrible holding his friend down for this so he gently ran his free hand through the angel's hair.

Sam felt his stomach turn and blood curdle at the agonizing sound Balthazar made when he heard a snap. He knew from the sound that it was a bone being put back into place and he knew it had to be a wing. He winced and tried to return to cleaning his weapon but it was hard to concentrate.

Dean held one hand over the arch and felt the bones and feathers begin to mend and heal and he let out a breath of relief. Once Balthazar began to calm down, Dean realized the other arch was just as broken and he sighed as he held onto each side. He repeated the process, wincing when Balthazar cried out in pain again but he seemed to calm down faster this time.

Castiel remained composed, whispering soothing words in Enochian. He gave Dean a thankful look as the hunter began to smooth out the rest of the damaged feathers. It only took a few more minutes before the feathers were mending and lightening back to their glorious colors.

Once Dean did all he could, he pulled his hands away and stared down at Balthazar, who was now fast asleep, his grace resting.

"Thank you Dean," Castiel said sincerely with a tight smile. His soft blue eyes were sparkling like sapphires as they watered with tears begging to be spilled.

Dean let out a long breath and reached a hand out to hold his angel's. Castiel forced a smile as he thought about what his best friend must have had to go through. He knew Balthazar well enough to know he wouldn't break easily. When they were young, he and Balth had gotten in trouble several times and had to endure similar punishments and Castiel would break much faster than Balthazar ever did…he knew it must have been serious to make him kill one of his best friends.

Castiel knew it was wrong but he just wanted to know what truly happened. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he pressed two fingers to Balthazar's forehead.

Dean almost jumped off of the bed when Castiel suddenly stood up, his blue eyes widened as he held a hand over his mouth.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Dean asked, suddenly feeling his stomach turn when a tear rolled down Castiel's cheek.

"I-I have to go," Castiel said, shaking his head and taking a deep, shaken breath. His heart felt like it was torn. He couldn't believe that Balthazar broke because of him…Raphael threatened to torture him if Balth didn't comply. Cas couldn't believe it was his fault Omniel was dead and Balthazar almost Fell. He quickly pulled away when Dean walked over to him "Please make sure he is okay," Castiel said to Dean, whose eyes were begging Castiel to stay.

"I will return shortly," Castiel said to Dean as he soared up to Heaven. He needed to find Raphael…he was going to shred that archangel's wings and make a blanket out of them.

Dean sighed when Castiel disappeared. He turned to Sam, who was staring around the room in confusion. Dean just shook his head and then gently sat on the edge of the bed. He ran soothing hands through Balthazar's feathers again as it sent relaxing waves into him. He had only seen that look in Castiel's eyes a few times before and whenever he did, someone got hurt. Only now he was worried that Castiel might be on the one who gets it.

. . .

So I somewhat came up with a little idea for the next chapter. . I hope you do not mind what I have planned…I don't even know why I want to do this but I do.

Also, let me know what you think of this…I would love a review or comment.