BONUS TRACK: Alas I Cannot Swim
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Laura Marling's "Alas, I Cannot Swim", her song "Alas, I Cannot Swim" from said album, nor Eyeshield 21.
Sena felt the raw longing cutting into his very soul. And he wished that were hyperbole. He wasn't quite sure what he was anymore: human, raw energy, a literal pawn in a battle of gods and demons and his former lover's soul, he really didn't know, but he did know he was his soul and his soul was him. Not that that was really knowledge, as it seemed to only make sense in his head.
But who else did he have to explain himself to? It was just Sena, standing on the banks of the river the sea the waters of death itself. He was pretty sure that's what it was. It must be the waters of death, because Sena was standing on one side, and Juumonji and Mamori and Mom and Dad and Hiruma and Kurita and everyone—everyone—was on the other side. He watched with raw longing and a sheer lust at the sunshine and life growing on the other side. He watched his loved one grieving him, but healing and moving on—like they should! Sena didn't begrudge them their own healing, but… it was so lonely and cold on his side of the sea river water.
But worse than watching his parents slowly losing and finding meaning again in their lives after the loss of their only son, was watching his one great love, his Juumonji working so hard to reclaim the life meant for Sena. It tore up the ex-runner to see his lover working so desperately hard, and for Sena to just stand and watch. There's a boy across the river/but alas I cannot swim/and I never will get to put my arms around him/There's a life across the river/that was meant for me/instead I live my life in constant misery/There's a life across the river. He wished, oh gods how he wished he could jump into the waters and swim home, but it felt like there were shackles holding him down. When he looked for the cruel metal around his ankles he could never find them, but he knew they had to be there, and he was always surprised, every time, that he could find no tangible attachment to death. All that was really holding him back, in reality—or what passes for reality here—the only thing holding him back was that he couldn't swim.
He couldn't swim, could he? Sena was pretty sure he could swim in life, but when he looked to the cold waters of death, he knew he would never make it across. I want. I want so much! His soul cried, but alas I cannot swim/I'll live my life regretting that I never jumped in. Sena looked at his unshackled shacked ankles and wished again, wished he could swim.
I actually love the ending to this chapter, truth be told. If you liked it, feel free to leave feedback either to me or to Bragi151 who provided the bare-bones that I built upon. Love to him and to all of you, readers and reviewers.