A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them :) Sorry this ones a bit late, but I had a little trouble with it and RL insisted on getting in the way. I have noticed the song I used has been used in a fair few fics, and I did do alot of searching for an alternative (also BIG thanks to Candice, Jules and Cam for trying to help me out with that too) Drop me a review and let me know what you think of it if you can, they always make me happy XD Thanks again and enjoy 3
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Hoobastank-the reason :(
Of meerkats and moving forward
CHAP 9
"Hmmm?" Dave came out of his day dream.
"I said... Are you going this Saturday?" Jimmy asked.
"Saturday? Wha- oh- yeah I guess I might, maybe." Dave mumbled. He had been feeling out of it since Friday night. Like his world had been turned upside down and nothing was right anymore.
"Alright, awesome. I'm coming with you." Jimmy smiled before pulling out his phone.
"Why do you wa-" Jimmy cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"Have you talked to Seb?" He asked quietly.
Dave narrowed his eyes at his best friend and shook his head with a grunt. "Why would I talk to him?" He grunted. "I told him I want nothing to do with him. Talking to him kinda contradicts that don't you think?"
"Look D, I think if you just let him-"
"I don't want to talk to him. Why would I want to talk to him?" Dave glared at Jim. Didn't he know how much it killed him not to talk him. How much he craved to hear the boys voice, just once more.
"Because you still have feelings for him." James shrugged before going back to his food.
"Feelings for who?" Ben asked as he, Alex and Emily joined them at the lunch table, causing Dave and Jim to jump in unison.
"No one"- "Just a girl" They both squeaked at the same time.
"Which girl? Is it Maddie, cos she still seems pretty sweet on you." Ben smiled, while shoving as many chips as humanly possible down his throat.
"Mouth closed sweety." Emily chided before turning to Dave with a smile. "She won't stop asking about you David. If your interested I'd love to play match maker. Oh, this is so exciting!" She bounced in her seat. Alex let out a loud huff before shoving his chair back and stalking off.
"What's his deal?" Ben mumbled around his half chewed food, earning a glare from his girlfriend. Everyone at the table proceeded to shrug.
"No it's"-Dave glared at Jimmy. Why'd he have to mention a girl? "It's a girl from my old school."
"Oh." Dave watched as the chirpy girl deflated instantly. "Well that's dissapointing. She really likes you."
"Yeah, well." Dave shrugged, what else could he say. He hated lying to them, but he didn't feel ready to tell them the truth. And besides, the school cafeteria wasn't the right place.
"So... Is this mystery girl your girlfriend? Or you just like her? I could totally help set you two up." And Emily was back to bouncing again.
Dave just rolled his eyes. He was just getting so tired of all of this acting.
...
Dave didn't see Alex again until football practice. The tall, quiet boy was already out on the field in his gear, blonde hair glowing in the afternoon sun. He frowned as he spotted Dave heading towards him.
"Hey man, you okay?" Dave asked nervously. He had a feeling the boys sudden storm out had something to do with him. "You kinda flaked on lunch."
"Nothing." The boy huffed, kicking dirt with the toe of his boots.
"Did I do something to piss you off?" Dave asked nervously. This was one of the few friends he had in the world. Someone he wasn't willing to lose.
"Nope, nothing at all. You just stole the only best friend I had left and the girl I've been in love with since freshman year, but no, don't worry yourself . You did nothing wrong." He growled before stalking away.
"HEY!" Dave jogged after him, grabbing him before he could get too far. "Hey wait man. What's the deal?"
"YOU!" Alex shoved at Dave's chest. "You come in here and take everything from me. Ben has a girlfriend and Jimmy was the only one who ever had time for me after that... Until you came along, now I barely see him. Now Madison?" He kicked the ground again, dirt and grass spraying in every direction. "It's not fair."
"Dude. I'm not trying to steal J from you. I'm not trying to steal your girl." Dave braced himself before letting the words roll off his tongue. "I'm g-gay. That's why I've always been kinda distant with you guys. Jimmy knows, so we got kinda close. That's what we were talking about when you guys got to the table." Well it was out now, all he had to do was sit back and wait for the rejection.
"So... You're not trying to worm in on my place?" Dave shook his head nervously. "I feel like a bit of an idiot now. Kind of over reacted didn't I?" He chuckled. "Bros?" He lifted his fist, the same one Dave had been waiting to make contact with his face, and held it there until Dave bumped it with his own.
"You dont have anything to say about what I just told you?" Dave wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs.
"My cousin commited suicide after coming out to her parents. They weren't very accepting." He paused before continuing. "We were really close. I just wish she'd thought she could talk to me before- " Alex sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and sniffing quietly. "I got your back bro. I don't wanna lose another friend over something like that." Speechless, Dave grabbed the guy in a rough hug, Alex awkwardly patting his back.
Hearing a story like that made Dave think about his dad. When he'd tried to end his life, he'd never considered the effect it would have on him. Having to go through the rest of his life without his son. Never knowing why his son had done what he'd done. He'd been so terrified of his dad being dissapointed in him, he'd never considered his dad ever accepting him. Never given him the chance to accept him. After striking another person of his 'to tell' list, Dave was resolved to come out to his dad. He had a right to know that trying to end his life had nothing to do with what his dad did, but what Dave was afraid he might do.
"You alright D?" Alex grunted quietly. Dave hadn't realised he'd begun shaking, and quickly tried to compose himself, releasing the boy from his hug in the process.
"Ummm, yeah. I'm just, sorry about your cousin Alex." Dave mumbled, not quite looking his friend in the eye. He was not going to cry infront of another friend, that shit had to stop.
"Thanks D." Alex shot him a small smile. "I'm sorry I've been acting like a dick. And I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me man, I won't tell anyone." He clapped Dave on the shoulder before heading over to the rest of the team who'd begun their warm up stretches.
"Thanks man, for being so cool about everything." Dave gave him a tight smile in return, his nerves slowly ebbing away.
"Well... I can't talk for the rest of the team, but whatever floats your boat man-" Alex shrugged- "it doesn't really bother me... Though I still can't believe she'd go for you when she could have me." Alex laughed before racing over to the other guys, Dave huffing a laugh and quickly following.
...
"Okay!" Kurt sauntered to the front of the group, a confident smile plastered on his face. "I'd like to call this second meeting officially to order. We have a few new members." He gestured to Jim and Alex, who'd decided to tag along after hearing the boys plan, and a small girl, most likely a freshman, who was attempting to make herself as small as possible. "If you guys would like to introduce yourselves? Maybe what brought you here today? We're all friends here." He smiled reassuringly.
Jimmy bounced up first, giant grin on his face and waved. "Hi everyone, I'm Jimmy and I'm here to support Davey boy." He gestured to Dave before plopping back into his seat. Elbowing Alex until the other boy relunctantly stood up to introduce himself also.
"Umm, hi. I'm Alex." He waved self consciously. "I'm here to support my friend. And everyone else of the LGBT community." He smiled tightly before resuming his place beside Jimmy. Dave gave him a soft smile, mouthing a quick thank you to his two friends.
"And your name sweetheart?" Kurt asked in his most sugary sweet voice. "There's no need to be shy, this is a safe place."
"Uh, h-hi." The small girl waved awkwardly before dropping her hand immediately. "My name is S-sarah and I'm here because- I'm here- I." And she dropped back into her seat, her face a boiling red.
"Welcome Sarah." Kurt smiled brightly. "I'm so glad you felt you could trust us by coming here. If you ever need to talk to someone, we're all here for you."
The rest of the meeting went well. Everyone chatting amongst each other, eating sweets and mucking around. That was until Dave heard the door open and watched the carefree look on Jimmy's face change immediatley morphe into an apprehensive smile. Looking to the door, Dave's heart stopped before picking up speed at the sight of Sebastian, guitar in hand, with a nervous smile on his face.
Sebastian paced nervously outside of the Mckinley high choir room. What was he thinking? Was he really going to do this? He'd tried phone calls. He'd tried messaging the boy. But Dave was adament that he wanted nothing to do with Seb. And so Seb had gone for his last resort; Kurt's plan.
As a warbler, Sebastian was quite partial to singing out his emotions, his problems. Singing his feelings to Dave though? The thought had never occured to him. Dave just didn't look like a sing and dance kind of guy. But the boy left him no choice, Sebastian had been forced to express his strange new feelings through song. It was a daunting task, but he was out of ideas.
He jumped as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. "saddle up cowboy- its go time- J".
"Idiot." Sebastian scoffed under his breathe, before settling his guitar on his shoulder and pushing his way into the room.
...
His stomach twisted as he came face to face with Dave after the other boy had declared their friendship over. Dave's sharp eyebrows were drawn down in a frown of confusion before they lifted and his eyes widened in comprehension. The reaction only caused Sebastian's stomach knot to tighten and his heart to speed up into overdrive. He'd never been more nervous for a perfomance in his life.
As his entrance was slowly noticed by the rest of the group, they all turned to look at the new arrival. Smiles and smirks adorned the faces of people who were obviously clued into the plan, confusion sat upon the faces of the group members who'd clearly been left out of the loop. Before he could back out of the whole idea, Sebastian wiped his sweaty hands off, cleared his throat and began.
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know,
Dave's face had gone from white to red in an instant, his jaw slowly dropping to the floor. Sebastian wasn't sure what to make of this, but he'd started and he intended to finish it. He watched confused as Finn jumped on the drum set and collected up the beat. Blaine grabbing another guitar and joining them. He hadn't planned on this being a joint effort but he wasn't in any position to complain.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
Sebastian had never let his guard down in this way before. Never dropped his walls infront of anyone, at least in a very long time. He always liked to be in control, always chased, never captured. It was the only way to protect himself, protect his heart. He hoped Dave could see how hard this was for him to do.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
and the reason is You
He knew somehow that Hummel was muttering, one of the girls making simpering, swooning noises and Jimmy was snickering somewhere beside him, but at that moment his complete focus was on David. Every flicker of emotion across the boys face twisted Sebastian's insides. The hurt that sat prominently on Dave's face caused a lump in Seb's throat and a pricle behind his eyes, making it even harder to continue. But he was determined to finish.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
The tears had unfortunatly beaten his will into submission and had slowly began to creep down his cheeks. He tried his best to stay composed and just keep going. His only thoughts were to show Dave how special he was, how special he was to Seb.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
As the song wound down and his senses became alert of the rest of the room, he only heard silence. Silence until Kurt spoke up with a huff. "I thought we settled on Katy Perry? That did not sound like Katy Perry." The Klaine really loved themself some Katy Perry, he mused. But Sebastian had wanted to speak from the heart. To show Dave that he cared. That he wanted to fix this, wanted to work for this. He just wanted this. And even though those thoughts scared him, he was willing to do anything to get it. And honestly, Katy Perry just didn't convey that message.
...
Sebastian stood there in the awkward silence, carefully removing his guitar. Was Dave going to say something? Do something? The silence was deafening, and Sebastian was struck with the sudden urge to be sick. He'd finally dropped his wall, finally made himself vulnerable, and Dave wasn't responding.
Eventually as the silence grew, Sebastian cleared his throat awkwardly and left the room, walking as quickly as he could without breaking into a run. Fuck wearing his heart on his sleeve. Fuck Dave. Fuck everything. He needed to get out of there fast, before everyone noticed the tears streaming down his face. Sebastian Smythe didn't do vulnerable, he didn't do tears and he didn't do feelings. And this was a prime example of why.
...
"Sebastian! Sebastian, wait." He stopped in his frantic walking, standing stock still in the middle of the hallway, not knowing what to say but knowing that he didn't want Dave to have the satisfaction of seeing his tears. While attempting to conspicuosly wipe his tears away, strong hands turned him around and he was being kissed. It was hard and full of passion and need, and he was kissing back with everything he had. Everything he felt. He never wanted this kiss to end.
Dave pulled away and brushed away the tears still making their way own Sebastian's cheeks. "I'm so sorry." Seb hiccuped. "I didn't mean anything I said, I just wanted to hurt you."
A shadow passed over Dave's eyes. "Well, mission accomplished." He stepped away from Seb, who immediately felt cold. "What is your deal? What was all that about Kurt?"