"I can't help you if you won't talk to me, Paige," Spencer told her gently. She was sitting behind her desk, Paige hunched over in the seat in front of her, staring at the floor. Spencer was trying to coax her to talk about Alison, but she wasn't having it.
"I don't need your help."
"Emily says you aren't sleeping. That's a problem, Paige. But you need to tell me what you're feeling instead of keeping it inside. That's not going to help anyone."
"I said I don't need your fucking help!" she shouted. "Jesus Christ!"
"Then why are you here?" she asked, folding her arms.
"Because Toby fucking strong armed me into it, that's why."
"Could you watch your mouth, please?"
"Fuck," she replied defiantly. Spencer massaged her temples.
"Are you five?"
"You're a really shitty counselor, you know that?"
"I can't do anything unless you want me to, Paige. You need to talk to me. Mona's been here twice already."
"Did you give her a fucking medal?"
"Paige, please."
"I thought you couldn't tell me something like that."
"I'm telling you that as your friend, not a counselor. Please talk to me."
Paige looked away, hoping she couldn't see the tears in her eyes. She knew she was being a total bitch but couldn't stop herself. She was scared and traumatized, and she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. She felt terrible that she hadn't been able to help her student, and she was scared that there was a killer on the loose and all of those strange things had been happening, like phone calls with no one there. She felt helpless, and even though Spencer was offering her help, she still felt so alone.
"I want to leave," she replied quietly. "I want to go home."
Spencer was silent for a moment. But she knew Paige was stubborn, and if she didn't want to talk, she wasn't going to.
"Fine. Go."
She got up and stormed out of her office, knocking one of her pictures off of a table by the door. She started for the parking lot, hyperventilating as tears began to pour down her cheeks. When she reached her car she leaned against it and let the tears come fully, trying to slow her breathing. She felt lightheaded, out of control. Almost like she didn't know where she was. She buried her face between her legs, letting the blood flow back to her head before pulling out her cell phone and dialing Emily's number.
"Em?" she whispered, taking a shuddering breath. "You can come over tonight, right? I really need you."
"Do you need anything else, sweetheart?" Emily asked, settling next to Paige on her bed. She gently ran her fingers through her hair, watching with relief as Paige started eating the sandwich she had made for her. She had barely eaten or slept since finding Alison last week.
"I'm good," she replied. Emily pulled her into her arms, holding her close as she ate. She was worried about her, and really wanted her to get help talking to someone. But she knew it wouldn't be easy, and what Paige really needed was someone who loved her.
"Paige?" she started softly. Paige looked up at her. "I love you."
Paige's eyes widened, immediately filling with tears. Emily smiled, suddenly feeling like crying herself at finally being able to say those words to her.
"You love me?" she asked in disbelief. Emily nodded.
"I do."
"I love you, too," she whispered, a tear sliding down her face. Emily pulled her in for a hug, not wanting to ever let go of her. "Thank you for being here."
"Always," she replied, smiling kindly at her. "Are you sure you don't want anything else? Hot chocolate?"
"You don't need to do all of this, Em."
"I know. I want to," she replied. "So, what do you say?"
"Okay," Paige agreed. She had started realizing how hungry she was.
"Great," Emily replied, leaning in to kiss her. "I'll be back in two seconds."
Paige sighed as Emily left the room, leaning back against her pillows. Emily loved her. She actually loved her. That was one less thing she had to worry about. And, maybe with Emily by her side she would be able to get over this.
But when Emily came back with the hot chocolate, she didn't look happy. She put the cup on the table and wordlessly handed an envelope to Paige.
"What's this?" she asked, confused.
"It was on the floor in the living room. I think someone slipped it under the door."
"What is it?" she asked, opening it.
"I don't know," Emily replied nervously as she sat down next to her.
"'Paige,'" she started. "'I had to kill her. She was a bad person and she needed to die. I'm sorry.'" She stared down at the paper in her hands, the feeling of panic returning. This was from Alison's killer. Ian. But why would Ian send her a letter? He didn't know her. He wouldn't care what she thought. "This doesn't make sense."
"I'm calling Toby," Emily decided. Paige didn't argue.
Toby wanted to speak to Paige. She took the phone from Emily, burrowing deeper into her side.
"What?"
"Emily told me about the letter. I want it tomorrow."
"Okay."
"And one more thing."
"What?" she asked, afraid to know the answer.
"Ian didn't kill Alison."
"What?" she exclaimed. He was wrong. He had to be. "There's no way."
"We brought him in for questioning. He has a solid alibi. He didn't kill her."
"That doesn't make sense. It just doesn't."
"We were all hoping for it to be cut and dry, Paige. A domestic abuse case turned murder would be nice and neat. Much better than a random killer on the loose. But, we have to start looking at other suspects."
"Like who?"
"That's really all I can tell you. I've already said more than I should."
"I think the killer's the one that's been following me," she told him, finally confessing the fear that had been nagging at her the past week.
"We'll talk about that," he replied. "Don't worry, Paige. Try to get some sleep."
"Yeah. Sure."
She hung up, turning to Emily. She looked worried.
"Ian didn't kill Alison."
"What?" Emily asked, her eyes widening.
"Yup. And I think the killer is the one that keeps calling here. Why else would he send me a letter?"
"Paige," Emily whispered, pulling her in close. "No matter who this is, I'm not going to let anything happen. No, I'll do you one better. I'll find out who it is."
"The hell you will. There's no way you're getting mixed up in this, Emily. We're talking about a murderer."
"I can't let anything happen to you," she whispered, starting to cry. Paige didn't think she had ever seen anything so heartbreaking.
"No, no… please don't cry," she begged. "It's going to be okay. Toby is going to take care of it."
"I'm sorry," she sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I'm supposed to be comforting you."
Paige stroked her cheek, giving her a sad smile. They had been so happy, so excited about their relationship. And even though they were in a strong place, they had dealt with far more than most couples during their first month of dating.
"I think maybe we just need to comfort each other," she replied, snuggling in closer. Emily nodded and pulled her in close, holding her tight in her arms.
"Make sure you finish the lab today and don't leave anything for next week," Paige told her class, rubbing her temples. She could feel a massive headache coming on. She had spent the whole class not focusing on Alison's seat. None of them seemed upset she was gone. Sure, it had been big news, but no one liked her, as she had overheard Aria Montgomery putting it. Maybe she was right. Maybe Alison had been a bitch. But it didn't mean she deserved to die.
"Dr. McCullers?"
"Yes, Sydney?"
"I don't think we'll have enough time to finish this. We still have to do the-."
"What did I just say?" she snapped. Sydney shrugged. "Pair up. Fill out in your lab notebook and staple those pages to the back of your report. I want it in lecture first thing Friday."
"Tomorrow?" Darren asked as everyone started protesting.
"Did I stutter?"
"You said it was due next Friday," Sydney argued. "Two days isn't-."
"Are you deaf?" she shouted at her. "I said this Friday! If that's not enough time for you, don't hand it in, but I promise you you'll receive a nice, fat F! Would you like that?"
Sydney shook her head, looking like she was going to cry. The whole class was staring at her in disbelief as she stood there, chest heaving, as the room started to spin. Her panic was coming back, her hands growing clammy.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Sydney, I'm sorry. Go home. Leave. Forget about the lab report."
The students packed up quickly and left the lab, whispering to each other. She knew what they were saying and she didn't blame them.
She locked the lab and made her way across campus to the health center, her vision blurred with tears. Spencer was standing at the front desk, talking to the receptionist. She stopped when Paige came in.
"Spencer," she started, sniffing. "I'm ready to talk."
"Come with me," she replied gently. Paige followed her to her office and sat down in the chair, watching as Spencer closed the door and sat down at her desk. "What changed your mind?"
"I think I'm going crazy," she whispered. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I just screamed at one of my students like I couldn't control what I was doing. I keep getting these waves of panic where I can't breathe and everything spins and I can't take it anymore."
"Take a deep breath," Spencer told her gently. "Let me start by telling you that your reaction is perfectly normal. You're not going crazy. You went through something traumatizing that most people couldn't even begin to imagine. And you were emotionally involved."
"I feel so guilty, Spence. I tried to help her. I really did."
"I know," she replied. "And you did. Remember, it wasn't her boyfriend who killed her. Someone else did. There was no way you could have prevented that. The way you can start to heal is telling yourself it wasn't your fault."
"I think I know that deep down," she whispered. "I just wanted there to be something I could do."
"Paige, you're a good person. You care a lot about other people, and that's good. But you can't save everybody. It's impossible. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on."
Paige nodded slowly. That made sense. She just didn't know how to follow her advice.
"What about the panic attacks? I used to have them in high school."
"You stopped your medication?"
"A while ago."
"My suggestion? Go back on them. You remember Melissa, right?"
"Yeah."
"She's married to a psychiatrist. Dr. Wren Kingston. I'll call him and he can fit you in right away."
"Thanks, Spence," she replied, giving her a sad smile. "I'm really sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. But I'm glad you came for help."
When she came into the waiting room, she was surprised but glad to see Emily waiting for her. Emily took her in her arms, letting out a small sigh.
"Em, how did you know I was here?"
"Ezra told me. I'm not sure who told him, but here I am."
Paige knew. Aria and Ezra had a thing going on the side, and she had witnessed Paige's meltdown and probably told him. Emily hadn't been filled in on those details yet, although she was surprised she hadn't heard rumors.
"Thank you."
"Do you feel better?" she asked.
"A little," she replied. "You know what I really need?"
"What?"
"A night out. Just us."
"We can make that happen," Emily replied, and she gave her a loving kiss.
A/N: Thanks again for all the great reviews! I'm glad you're all liking the story and I hope you're into the mystery.