Chapter 47 Getting Nightmares, close to nature

Dust in the wind- Sarah Brightman, Huntik themesong in italian

Nuada

The woman, my sister told me to get the name right, was Johanna. I went only because Nuala looked worried for me. She had evidently felt the times I awoke from nightmares or dreams. Dreams were also disturbing, I was halfway solving a mystery and had to wake up. It took a long time to sleep again. For the first session, I wanted to observe her first, before talking about anything.

She drew the blinds, saying softly how tired I looked. Really? The couch was inviting. I sat down, not intending to sleep but somehow I was too groggy from the night before. To my embarrassment, I only came to when her presence was leaning over me. Whenever people approach me I will awaken.

Johanna smiled. "Sir are you better?"

I nodded, raking my hair from my face and rubbing my jaw. She turned around and remarked, "It seems you sleep much better with such quiet in the room, Prince. Afternoon heat. Did anything bother you last night?"

I debated whether to tell her. The incident of the tooth fairies massacre mingling with Father… No, not yet. "I am fine. I want to leave now," I said curtly. Rising made me slightly taller.

The woman accepted this calmly. "Sure. You can come in anytime ok? Even Red and Manning talk to me. I won't leak anything. It's personal, confidential."

I scanned her. True she was not lying, while I slept the woman read a book and sketched pictures.

The second time I came of my own accord. Johanna was busy with something. She dropped them when I stepped in silently. "Oh my! Hello Your Highness." Her papers flew in various directions. I helped her to pick them up.

"What are they?" Much notes and scientific stuff. I forgot she was a human so she did not hear me coming in.

"They are my notes. I'm doing my master's. Thank you!" Her voice was more like a youth's vibrant and excited.

"Don't have to greet me so formally. Call me Nuada. How do I address you?" I asked, glancing at her long name on the tag.

"Jo. Ok!" She motioned for me to continue. I told her briefly about the nightmares. The human was patient and listened without interruptions. Along the way I think I said many of her kind perished. No reaction. "Are you not filled with hatred to me?"

Her eyes were silvery blue. Dark hair complemented her face and I looked at her dangling earrings. "I am a bit stunned."

What? it took time for my voice to return. A bit? Some people here were hostile because they had lost relatives. I slit their throats when I sneaked in to come after my sister. She was just calm. "I felt they were cruel. The crown was mine, yet, they mocked us. We were lost. I did not want us to fade. If they had kept the truce, we would not have to be driven from our place."

I accepted a sweet and warm cocoa. My hands felt less chilly. She did not speak. I sighed. My initial anger had worn off.

"What can I do to stop the nightmares?"

"I cannot teach you how. I am truly sorry. I think the nightmares are a manifestation of guilt. You are not a lost person neither are your people."

I think my mouth might have fallen open from shock. Johanna then showed me a few pictures. I wondered what the purpose was to do the activity. I told her my interpretations.

"What is the use?" I gestured.

"They show your character. Thank you." She smiled.

I waited while she tidied her things. Her voice resonated, "Did you think it was justified? To have murdered them? Tell me."

Of course it was. But the young ones had never been to war. Their ancestors killed my friends and comrades. I hate them. Those humans in the auction were… "I am not sure. Why don't you tell me what I can do instead?" my tone was firmer, and I wanted her to have eye contact with me. "That's what you're here for."

Jo tried not to smile. I scowled. "I will try to understand your pain all right? There is no rush. May I touch you?"

Nothing gained here. But my heart was puzzled, not angry, and somewhat skeptical. She added that touch was a good thing. I agreed with it, the people important to me healed and comforted with their hands. Nuala would hold me in a certain way. And Halfling of course. Jo wore a cheerful smile.

"Can I touch you? Please? Next time you can help your stress when you touch that spot."

I wanted to refuse. To an elf it is invasion of privacy. She was a stranger and dared to suggest it? I did not want to read her mind.

"Not yet. We are not close and you are human."

The lady nodded, composed. She took a seat in an opposite chair. "I understand. You loath all of mankind? Or a select few."

I hesitated. What did she want from me? "I do not hate them all. Why?"

"I see, hmm… so feeling better?" the woman gazed up at me.

"No. There is no solution. Woman tell me how to stop the nightmares. Or at least reduce them!"

She told me when I came to terms with what happened, they would stop on their own. It was guilt. "Listening to soft music and lavender scent will help sooth you, Nuada. And this is hard, not being exposed to much violence. Take half an hour before bedtime to relax." I nodded and took a seat. This woman was confusing me, making me angry yet not defending herself. "Nuada do you hate me?"

"Not yet. It is too soon to tell. You make me feel strange." I settled for that word. She apologized. Her ornaments had rainbows and looked so beautiful. She had a melodious voice. Jo noticed I was studying her and reddened at the cheeks. "Try to tell your companions about your feelings, because repression will be unhealthy. And when there is a nightmare, tell yourself it was not real."

She had touched me. I drew away and opened the door. I replied a gruff goodbye when she called out. That day I wanted to vent my feelings. Writing is therapeutic. One of the methods someone suggested was to keep a diary. Would my soulmate mind? She was so young, I did not want to burden her. So I stashed some papers on my nightmares.

'feel free to confide in me Noowa, I don't mind'

A lump rose in my throat. Yes I will send it this round.

Dearest Lyra,

Sorry for being late. Hope you are not worried. I wanted to tell you about many things but needed to do work. Yuck! Now I am free for privacy. In the next page, you do not have to read it if it is too much. I wrote it long time ago, when there were many nightmares. Some affected my sleep.

Presently Miss Johanna suggested some quiet music and lavender. She keeps asking me why. But she will not give me answers. I want you to understand you have no need to worry. The nightmares are not everytime. Usually I calm down and fall asleep. You have been so kind to me, I am very lucky and at peace! (smile)

You do not have to feel sad growing apart. It is natural, she made that choice. That person thinks too highly of herself. It is better to seek friends who have more substance. So Hollow is how I think, haha. Pride is another sin of humans.

I am ego blasted. Thanks for reminding me. I have kept secrets from you, though I vowed not to. Sorry. But my reason is because I don't want you to get overtly worried. What, you too? No fair! Tell me I want to help. Virtues, let's see. Even temper, patience and forgiveness. I envy your brother's happy spirit. Thank you I am flattered!

Right and left handers have differences? Cool. I think it depends. You are quite the scientist, Lyra. I liked maths but could pass all subjects. Sometimes I did not do the mini quizzes and got punished. My favorite is to demonstrate. I forgot to add, that woman did not give me a solution. She just guides. She may tell me the same things again, so I won't go for a while. It is boring. I had sweets. I told her not to touch me, but she did. Ignorant person!

I appreciate your kindness. That time I felt like Nuadha. Not today. So I will try the electronic thing. My typing speed is not good. I only go to the lab once a week. Do keep writing to me, please. I like them more. Enclosed is an extra bookmark. This week I have not read anything yet, lack of time. My dainin enjoy your leisure. What are you reading today?

All right, I will try not to explode. No no I will be ashamed to hit you. So it scares you. How to console- my fury is unreasonable I admit. But when it is over I am myself again. Maybe it is unhappiness which becomes anger. Men don't express sadness as well.

I think it is true. It is my vice. What are yours? I saw a little bit on the 7 Deadly sins series, greed gluttony pride envy anger lust sloth. Mine are pride and anger. I am definitely not a sloth, that's for certain.

Write soon, I cannot wait for your reply. See you on Saturday!

Lots of love,

Nuada-sempai (not chan)

Laira

I'm so happy to get this letter. He'd been regularly calling me and apologized for not having the time to write much. I had no idea of the nightmares. Poor thing! At least the counsellor could hear him out and help professionally. I tried to picture Nuada pouring out his problems to a stranger. haha!

A bitch I hated was from our digteam. She insisted someone will always be evil no matter what. There would be no room for redemption. I wanted to crack her head with a shovel. Unfair! Nuada was trying. Maybe my defensiveness was due to my time with him. Still, I say give the villain a chance.

After showering, I felt a whole lot better. I did read about the whole page of it. Nuada seemed terrified and lonely, uncertain. He was so considerate. If only more people would be, not to burden their friends with stupid emotional problems. Well I wanted to be there for him. He had done more than his duty.

On our phone time, I said, "I have read the page, elf. I'm so sorry. Slept well?"

Pause. "Oh. Yes I did. How did you feel?" full of concern for me.

"Ok. I won't remember it, you try to forget them. They were the past. I want to be here for you." Believe me this wasn't mushy tone. I read somewhere if you baby guys too much they get pissed. Nuada was not the kind to be romantic, and our relationship was not so much romance, more into bonding and friendship.

"Thank you. I can talk to the woman, she is trained. Maybe you both have a lot in common." He chuckled.

"Why?" This was new, introducing me to a human? Had I become deaf?

"You both talk of peace and forgiveness."

I laughed. Then he told me he felt impatient. How would it work? I urged him to be more patient. "I tried. I was not rude to her this time. Are you free this weekend? Want to go to the sanctuary place Joe brought me to last time. Need a respite(describe)" Oh he sounded like he had a beam on his face. Then I spoke to his twin a while.

"Thank you for being elf penpal no 2. The others didn't reply me already." Salem and Uriel were not letter people.

Nuada watched Joe to see how he would react. He waited for a sulky temper. Joe did not like me tagging along to special places. "Can we go together? Laira should see it."

"Yea man. Don't mind."

I smiled. Nuada patted his shoulder. "For my sake. Please." His tone was more of an authoritative please coupled with buddyness. He didn't beg. The next day we went there for an exploration. Not by car, by wolf.

The place was tranquil. All natural. Elf gave us food he brought. We had a kind of picnic. "How is the food?" he asked while we chewed.

Joe said squashed. I glared at him. "It's good. Not eating? Don't neglect your stomach."

Nuada shook his head. "Fine. I am not that hungry." Then we hiked through the forest. Nuada was at home and not disoriented though this was only the second time he had been here.

Inside he posed this- mellon will you come with me to Bethmora? One day we can live there again, where we truly belong.

You got a house there? Or a palace?

Not at the moment. When it is safe and construction of structures can resume. In the future.

I smiled. Yes, I'd like to. Don't be silly. I wouldn't dream of not accepting, Noowa.

His lips turned up in a little beam. I want to discuss matters of importance. It is necessary. You have told me I get possessive.

"When did I say it? I'm a diplomat remember," I remarked, folding my arms. A stork landed in the pool before us, dipped down and fanned its wings over the surface. The song of exotic birds and animals in the distance. Joe was stacking rocks into a kind of house. They fell apart but he was going to persist. Nuada smiled.

"Eh don't look at me like that, elf. Help me. Why can't they balance?" Joe was complaining. Nuada explained to him while helping. Honestly my bro got so fascinated with dead stuff when we were within nature. They made a little castle thingie.

"This is you," elf said triumphantly. Ok the ganging up part is supposed to mean they include me. Males have a certain code to let us join in if they make jokes at your expense. Yea yea, I smirked. The guys guffawed.

"I didn't imply about the possessive issue. In fact I cannot remember when it was." I wanted to get back to the topic at hand.

Nuada closed his eyes and pillowed his blond head with his arms. "Um. Yes, you did."

"When? When exactly?"

Elegant shrug. "Forgot. So from now on, we will discuss important things. Joe stop wandering off. I want to rest now."

My bro said, "Bored, elf champion. Ok we'll camp here. Later what time leaving?"

I wanted to see the moon light. It'd be so cool! We hadn't done a moonlight trip before. "It might be a storm man. No shelter," I whispered. "Gotta go before dusk."

Nuada breathed deeply.

What to do? We snuck up on some birds and collected some rocks, colored ones by the lake. A rainbow arched over the mountains far off. I imagined scaling it. In our job it is usual to scale heights, and I love the thrill. But I haven't told my friends yet. They'd be worried for us. Joe snapped pictures. We kept close to the shade where Nuada was. If only we brought some sleeping bags.

He awoke refreshed and hungry. Unfolding a leaf package, Nuada took out some cookies to eat. We stared till he offered a piece. They tasted funny like sweet yet salty too. "What are they made of?" I asked.

"Better not to know. Is it nice?" Nuada chewed.

"Funny. What else did you bring?" The prince folded the leaves and slipped into his bag, then opened. Blue stones on strings- for torches like the ones they used in the dark small houses at the wedding, canteen of water, portable foods and other things I didn't know. Joe shook his head.

"Those heavy? I will help carry them later."

"I'm not a weakling. Thank you. Oh yes, these are for you." They were Swiss army knives! "The runes are for protection. I made them with some people."

Nuada taught us how not to get lost, more tips. He had a compass, which was really intricate. North south east west are our directions, but they were not in English. Yet he hardly needed it. Later, he took out a pipe and blew a tune. It was high pitched but melodious. Wow!

You gotta give me one of those. Can you? My brother projected.

Nuada smiled. I saw the reason why, some wild rabbits, squirrels and bigger animals approached. He held out a pale hand and spoke in elven. "Don't make sudden movements." Soon I got a beaver that came right up and nosed me. The wolves who had let us ride on them also came to Nuada's call. I think it was a summoning pipe?

I slipped back into our Link: Nuada chan, will you rule? When we are in Bethmora living as royalty?

He did not look at me. Heartfelt Nuada said softly, in years. I am not certain about that.

Isn't it what you want? I frowned.

He shook his head and shaded his eyes at the sunlight glare.

I am not sure how Nuala feels. For me… I'm used to being a normal elf now. Except for people calling me by title. (flashes of moments in the Bureau and with us) don't know if I can rule the people or if they want me to. I wish I can be free, Lirael, of these heavy decisions. I will still fight for my people. They will always be foremost concern. I won't let them fade without a struggle. Peace is what the fae wish to have, though.

I bit my lip. He seemed so tired when he was speaking of this. I'm sorry. I was just thinking how to adapt and stuff. Never mind we'll handle it together ok? There is a lot of time. You don't need to be alone.

In bed, I thought he had forgotten about it. The time had flown by, Nuada said we should return again. Joe kept pestering him to make another one for him too. They had a friendly argument on it. Come to think of it, I was a bit jealous- when we were close we still argued. Yet, I loved it that Nuada cared for him as a brother. Joe was considerate to his needs, made him laugh all the time.

Nuada flopped down in his bed. Now I had placed my bed beside his so I could be nearer. He had warned me of 'accidents'. He had kicked his mates before when they slept together. Haha. But I wanted to try.

"Beloved one, about who will rule Bethmora... What is your opinion?" Nuada's voice melted the silence.

"I think it is your choice. I don't mind. If you are king…." I tried to picture the prince becoming king, and the palace of servants. I would be a princess? Or queen. Whoa those were very confusing.

He smiled, giving me full rapt attention. I held his hand. "No no I won't be king. In our custom, the heir has to ascend the throne, but my father- died. My title remains prince. You will be my princess. Yes."

I gasped. True! I hadn't thought of that. "Huh? it's so- sudden. I don't know how to be a royalty. Means court sessions and stuff. Everyone will call by titles? So much, ooh." I shook my head.

Nuada chuckled and his ambers lit with delight. "Yes, those will be the routine. It is nice to be a normal person isn't it? No stress, problems and public image. There're other options. My ancestors abdicated because they wanted to be free." His tone became light at this point. He showed me how they looked, so young. The uncles and grandfathers had beards, but no wrinkles, nor grey hair.

"Cool. I can try to adapt, it's fine with me. Let's go get Zs." I heard his snores before I glanced at him again. Oh Nuada's piyo was beside me. I took mine to sit beside his. Ruler? Gosh that's huge. I don't mind the perks, the kingdom, the people, food, etc. How could I handle it? Nuada would carry it off, probably I needed a governess. He seemed about to tell me something.

Later in the night, I heard gasping. Nuada was sitting upright, panting. He shook all over. "Elf what's wrong?"

He scraped back hair from his wet face and rubbed his jaw. A bad dream. "Sorry." He said weakly. Nuada's dark eye markings seemed deeper, he looked gaunt. Not daring to lie down, he made the pillow upright and drank some water. "What was it about?"

"Nothing I remember." His breathing relaxed. Nuada was still awake though, I sensed it. So I showed him sceneries. Thank you. Now I can sleep. My friend lay down and turned to the window. Piyo disappeared.

Next morning, I woke first. He must be exhausted so I was careful to be gentle when I moved. Nuada's hair covered his cheek, one arm was over me. I slipped sideways then went to get water. When I came with breakfast, the elf did not budge. We made him breakfast cum lunch. He was pleasantly touched by our gesture, almost going to cry. Instead he said he would finish everything on his plate.

"So delicious! I want some ice cream can I?" He had two helpings of the new flavour rocky road.

I got a new letter from his sister.