Author's Note: Thank you to all who reviewed.
I wanted to answer a question that a reader brought up, but they didn't have PM's turned on so, I couldn't respond. They wanted to know if Bella tells Edward off. She does have words with him a few times in this story, but my story mainly isn't about her being angry with him, it's about her moving on and learning to be in a relationship where she is still her own person. I won't give away the Edward/Bella dynamic of this story because it would be too big of a spoiler.
Another point I forgot to make is this: The whole story is from Bella's POV.
Also, I intend no copyright infringement with this story, and I don't own the rights to Twilight.
Chapter 3 – Liar
In the weeks that followed, I became a zombie. I went to school and home, but I never really saw or did anything. I didn't have a job because Renee insisted on me focusing on my sculpting. I was very grateful that she supported me in this. She was actually my biggest fan, though, Charlie was a close second. She was slightly disappointed that I hadn't been creative in awhile, but she understood that an artist needs to take time off every once in awhile. I really wish that had been the case, but sadly it was because when I was with Edward, he always kept me too busy to sculpt.
When at school, I did my work but refused to speak to anyone more than necessary. It took me all of two days to realize that I had absolutely no one to talk to, basically because I couldn't talk about my heartache to anyone. Even if I still had any friends at school, I couldn't tell them any of the reasons why Edward had left me. My heart was not merely broken, it was completely gone, and I had no way of dealing with my pain.
At home, I did everything Charlie asked, but nothing else. I barely ate and slept, and I probably hadn't said five words to him in the last month. When I did sleep, I woke up screaming like I was being tortured. In fact, I was being tortured. I knew that it was keeping Charlie awake, so I chose to stay awake as long as I could so that he could get some sleep.
One afternoon, I found myself in Charlie's basement where I kept my sculpting materials. I only knew it was Saturday because Charlie had gone fishing this morning instead of work. One Saturday, Charlie was called into work, and I assumed that it was a weekday. I drove all the way to school only to find it was closed.
While I was in the basement, I was pulled toward my clay. Before I realized it, I started working it through my fingers, feeling it, shaping it. When I looked down, what I had created was faceless, though you could still see the pain even without specific facial features. The torso had a distinctive hole ripped through its chest, and its arms were wrapped around itself, holding all of its pieces together. It was me. That was how I felt. For the first time in weeks, I wept. I had lost so much more than Edward when he left me. I had lost all of my friends. Seeing that statue released some pent up feelings inside me, and after what seemed like an eternity of crying, I felt much better.
I didn't even realize how much time had passed until Charlie came looking for me. He had apparently been calling out for me and had freaked out because I didn't answer.
"You scared the hell out of me, Bells." He chided me as he hugged me.
"Sorry." I mumbled.
"That's really good, Bells." He pointed at my creation. "Heartbreaking, but beautiful."
"Thanks."
"When are you going to cast it?" He wondered, gently encouraging me in his own gentle way to take interest in something other than my pain.
"Probably later." I answered, realizing that I had just had the most meaningful conversation with Charlie than we have had in the last month. "I'd rather work with clay a little more. It's more satisfying."
"Then…" he seemed to consider what to do next, "I'll just order us some pizza while you work."
I found sculpting much more therapeutic than I had expected. I spent almost every waking hour down in the basement working with clay. I did eventually cast my original sculpture and turn it into a bronze statue.
For the most part, I didn't plan on sculpting things. I just felt my way through the creative process. It helped me to deal with the pain I still felt inside. Most of the time, I didn't even realize what I was working on until I was more than halfway through. My breakthrough came when I saw that I had created a seven sided polyhedron. It was about the size of a basketball. Each side was the face of a Cullen family member. I nearly destroyed it, but ultimately decided to face my pain instead of running from it. It was probably the best decision I ever made.
As I looked at the faces, I thought about that song from when I was younger, One of These Things Is Not like the Others. Only this time, it wasn't me who was not like them. It was Edward. His face looked so arrogant. The others looked relatively happy, and loving. Sorry, Rosalie didn't look happy, but she still didn't look like she felt she was better than me. She actually looked sad, not angry as Edward had always told me. She was angry sometimes, but not as often as Edward had led me to believe. She definitely didn't think that I was a novelty. She could barely stay in the same room with me. Would she have even tolerated me if Emmett didn't truly like me? I kind of doubted it. But if he did truly like me, why would he have not spoken to me for the last six weeks?
I looked at the other faces. I missed Alice. I even missed shopping with her sometimes, sometimes. She was my best friend. When I really studied her face, I found it hard to believe that she didn't think of me as a sister the way she had said.
I then saw Carlisle. He looked so compassionate. Could he have been a part of this deception? Would he ever treat anyone the way Edward had suggested? I didn't think so, but I needed to figure out why not one of them had spoken to me since my birthday.
Wait. If Edward had lied to me, what would keep him from lying to them as well? But what lie could he have fabricated to keep us apart? I thought about that while turning the Cullen faced polyhedron over in my hands again and again. I paused my fidgeting and looked down. I had inadvertently shifted Jasper's face towards mine. In this sculpture, he looked happy, but in my mind, he looked so upset, like he did when he was absorbing the other emotions around him and was trying to hold all of it inside himself. That made me think of how sorry he must be for taking a snap at me, and I had never gotten the chance to let him know that I forgave him for trying to kill me.
I was probably imagining things, Occam's Razor and all. The most likely answer was that the Cullen's didn't want me. It was probably true. There was still the possibility that Edward had lied to all of us, but I was afraid to hope that was the case. No matter if the Cullen's still liked me or not, I still felt the need to let Jasper know I had forgiven him. I felt guilty that I didn't think about telling him before. He probably felt awful. Edward's letter suggested that whoever tried to kill me would feel really bad. I needed to see Jasper, even if it was just to help him let go of his guilt.
I decided to go to the Cullen house on the next cloudy school day and see if I could talk to him. If he wouldn't see me, I would just leave a note.
The next two days were sunny, and I was too chicken to go to the Cullen house when there was a good probability that Edward would be there. I decided to bide my time until I believed that it was safe to go there and not get berated by Mr. Perfect.
Friday, was the first time it was finally cloudy. As soon as I was certain that Edward would be at school, I jumped into my truck and headed toward the Cullen house. I took my Cullen face sculpture with me as well as the completed bronze statue that symbolized my pain, and on a whim, I also pocketed the Dear John letter Edward had written me. I still had a sneaking suspicion that maybe Edward was lying even though I had no proof of that. As I got closer to their home, I began getting excited to see everyone again even though there was the distinct possibility that they would laugh in my face.
When I finally got there, a very confused Carlisle and Esme were cocking their heads, trying to figure out why I had come to their house. This was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have come. There was an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I now dreaded what they would say to me. Would they tease me or kick me out? I steeled myself and climbed out of the cab of my truck.
"It's quite a pleasant surprise to see you here this morning, Bella." Carlisle looked genuinely pleased that I had come to his home. I audibly sighed in relief. "What brings you by?"
"I… needed to speak with Jasper." I whispered.
"Really?" He mused then straightened up his expression. "Of course."
He and Esme led me to Jasper's room where I found him lying in a fetal position on his floor. He looked like I had felt until I started sculpting again. The hole in my chest started tingling again. I had at least partially caused this pain that he was in.
"Jasper?" I called out to him quietly. Though I knew that he did, it seemed like he hadn't heard me. I knelt down next to him and touched his shoulder, trying to comfort him. I avoided touching his skin because I wasn't sure if that was okay with him. "Jasper, it's me, Bella. I need to speak with you."
He made no response other than to whimper. It seemed like he thought that I had come by to do something terrible to him. I felt a deep need inside myself to set him free from this crippling guilt and shame that he felt over something that he had a very hard time controlling.
I sat with crossed legs right next to Jasper's face and kept my hand on him so that he knew that I was still there. I'm sure that he would have been able to smell me even if I didn't touch him, but my gesture was also meant to comfort him.
"I wanted to let you know that I forgive you." I breathed. He finally looked at me. He seemed confused. "In fact, I forgave you a long time ago. I was never upset with you. I'm very sorry it took me so long to realize that I needed to make sure you knew that you were forgiven."
"Then why?" His voice trembled with great sorrow. "Was it because you were scared? It doesn't feel like you're scared."
"I don't understand. Why what?" I was very confused as to what he was talking about. "And no, I'm not afraid."
The look on Jasper's face seemed to say, Are you really going to make me say this? I'm sorry that I had to make him say it because I didn't know what he was talking about.
"You left because of me." Jasper wailed.
"Wh-" I started to ask him what in the world he was talking about. I didn't leave anyone.
"It's my fault that Edward is heartbroken, and Alice lost her best friend, and Emmett lost a little sister that he could pick on and give as good as she got." Jasper rattled off very quickly leaving my head spinning a little bit. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He sighed and then explained. "When I attacked you, it made you realize what a danger even the good vampires were. He said that you never expected to have a reason to be afraid around us. When I lunged at you, it put everything in perspective. You broke his heart because I couldn't control myself. I am and will always be the weakest link in this family."
That was enlightening. Why would Edward lie to all of us that way?
"I didn't break up with Edward." I told him, saying Edward's name out loud for the first time since my birthday. I wasn't sure if I should tell them this. Why would they believe me over their beloved son? I swallowed my apprehension and continued. "He broke up with me."
"WHAT?" Emmett and Rosalie both shouted together as the appeared suddenly in Jasper's room.
Jasper's reaction was also anger, but instead, he got really quiet, and his eyes narrowed. Carlisle and Esme just looked at me in shock. At first, I thought that they didn't believe me like I had feared, but the next words out of Rosalie's mouth convinced me that my fear was unfounded.
"That lying sack of shit!" Rosalie snarled as she gripped her hands into fists and shook with rage. "I, of all people should have realized…"
"Edward… broke up… with… you?" Carlisle was having a hard time knowing what to believe. I could see that he wanted to believe what I was saying, but he also was reluctant to accept that Edward was lying.
"He told me…" I started crying. "Really, he didn't tell me anything. He left me this letter."
I handed Carlisle the letter that Edward had written me. I knew that I couldn't get through telling them exactly what the letter had said. I hadn't even looked at the contents of the letter since the day he left it for me other than to scan it onto my hard drive. Carlisle's voice broke a few times as he read the letter out loud. The others listened, adding their own colorful comments. Rosalie was especially vocal about it. Jasper stayed very quiet but looked more and more deadly. After Carlisle had finished, I was in tears again, having a hard time breathing just hearing the words, even though I knew that some of them weren't true.
"Why didn't I know that he was lying?" Jasper finally spoke. "I can usually tell when someone is lying, especially when they have to sustain the deception for a long period of time. They usually radiate guilt. Edward never did."
"Maybe he didn't feel guilty." I offered. "He lied, but he didn't feel bad about it."
"Like a sociopath?" Carlisle asked. "I don't think Edward's sociopathic. A true sociopath wouldn't have bothered with a non-human diet."
"I didn't say that I thought he had no conscience, Carlisle." I defended. "I think that when he believes that lying will turn out for the greater good, whatever that means to him, that he doesn't feel the slightest bit guilty about doing it."
"But how did I not know that he didn't feel heartbroken? That isn't easy to fake." Jasper wondered.
"I think that with Edward's unique gifts, he could tweak his emotions here and there to make sure you thought he was hurting." Carlisle explained. "We all know it's very easy for him to manipulate people because he knows exactly what you are thinking and can alter his actions and speech appropriately."
"But why bother?" Emmett asked. "If he didn't want to be with Bella, he didn't have to lie to her. He could have just broken up with her like a normal person. There was no reason to completely destroy her and turn us all against each other."
"That is a very good question which I intend to ask my dear brother." Rosalie spat.
"Don't you think he would just lie again?" I asked.
"Probably," Jasper answered, "and we would have no way of knowing whether or not he's being truthful."
"I think we'll just have to wait until he truly understands that what he did is wrong." Esme suggested. "He'll come around eventually."
"I think we should beat the hell out of him until he admits what a gigantic asshat he has been." Emmett piped in, flexing his muscles. I had to hold back a laugh. First of all, I thought that Edward probably deserved to be smacked upside the head. Second, I knew that Emmett was often dying to fight with his brothers. Third, by the look on Rosalie's face, it looked like Emmett wouldn't get the chance to hit Edward before Rosalie tore him to pieces.
"I don't care what the rest of you do. I'm not speaking to him again until I feel a fairly large amount of remorse from him." Jasper told us angrily. He was projecting a bit, and I was starting to get angry as well.
"Jasper, please." I snarled. "I'd rather not break my toes kicking Edward in the balls when I go to school this afternoon."
From the tone of my voice, he realized what he had done. He immediately sent me waves of calm and a little bit of humor, probably at the thought of me trying to hurt Edward in that way. Everyone else laughed.
"I think we should all abide by that plan." Carlisle interrupted. "I mean Jasper's plan, not Bella's plan to cripple herself." He added with another chuckle.
We all agreed, and when I say we, I mean that they actually valued my opinion. Anyway… Edward wouldn't be kicked out of the family, but no one would speak to him or purposely think at him until he can convince us that he is sorry that he played with all of our emotions for whatever reason he had. Rosalie still wanted to rip his arms off and beat him with them, but she reluctantly agreed to restrain herself. The best part of this plan was that I was going to get to break the news to Edward at school however I wanted to.
Before I left for school, I insisted on Jasper making himself more presentable for Alice because she must be terribly worried about him. The first order of business was his thirst. Since he hadn't been regularly taking care of himself, Jasper went hunting with Emmett. They would probably be gone for at least the rest of the day to really sate Jasper's thirst. Esme and Carlisle walked me back down the stairs.
"What made you think to come by today?" Carlisle asked.
I didn't know how to explain other than to show him, so I led them to my truck. I took the Cullen face clay sculpture and showed it to both Carlisle and Esme. They both gasped and turned it over in their hands again and again.
"I saw Jasper's face and felt guilty that I hadn't let him know that I had forgiven him." I explained. "I had no one I could talk to. I threw myself back into sculpting to sort of work through all of my hurt."
I suddenly felt two sets of ice cold arms wrap around me and pull me into an embrace. The hug was very pleasant and welcome. I had missed this. Charlie wasn't a hugger, so he never thought to hold me during this hard time of my life. Esme was almost more of a mother than my own, and of course she hugged me often, that is… when Edward let me see her. For some reason, Carlisle didn't feel like a second father to me. He was… I don't know. This was the second hug Carlisle had ever given me, and the first one probably didn't count since I initiated it. I really liked being in his arms for some reason. I broke the hug before I humiliated myself in front of his wife.
"What is that one?" Carlisle pointed at my other sculpture, the one of my pain.
I took the bronze statue out of my truck and handed it to him.
"This is exquisite." He breathed.
Esme couldn't help touch it, and it looked like if she could have cried, she would have been.
"This is you?" He asked. I nodded. "I think Jasper felt close to this way himself."
"That's what I thought when I saw him on the ground." I agreed.
"He felt everything we were feeling, all of our sadness, as well as Edward's fake broken heart. That coupled with the severe guilt he was feeling, was just too much for him. He's been like that since your birthday. We've managed to get him to hunt a few times, but mostly, he just remained on the ground, whimpering." Esme explained.
That revelation made me feel awful. I should have ended Jasper's guilt trip as soon as I had thought of it, but I didn't. I was too selfish.
"I'm so sorry." I cried. "I honestly didn't think about Jasper until a few days ago. I should have come then, but I didn't want to see Edward."
"Shh." Esme whispered, once again pulling me into a hug. "Jasper isn't upset with you. He's more than happy that you forgave him today."
I nodded against her. It felt so nice to be loved again. It wasn't what I thought that Edward and I had, but it was still a very necessary part of my life. I had learned that physical affection was something that I craved. Edward had taken that away from me. Great. Now I felt like kicking him again, and I didn't have Jasper to calm me down.
"I was wondering…" Carlisle broke me out of my angry inner monologue. "May I have this?"
Could I let the statue of my pain go? That was almost like asking me to hand over my diary, which incidentally, I didn't have. Sculpting has been like my journal. All of my thoughts and feelings are poured into my work. I had never given something so personal away before, but Carlisle really seemed interested in this for some reason.
"My only concern is that Edward might do something to it." He confessed. "I'd like to keep it in my office at work if you would give it to me."
The only time I had ever let someone inside like this was with Edward, and that was a big mistake. I had let down my walls and told him my thoughts, feelings, and fears, but he never cared. He just cast them away like garbage. Could I really open myself up to such a terrible pain so soon after Edward had nearly destroyed me?
The sheer awe on Carlisle's face told me that he truly appreciated my work like Edward never had. I decided to take a giant leap of faith and let him in.
"Okay." I agreed nervously.