I'm sorry. I really am. I'll attempt to explain myself and my prolonged absence after you readers (if you still exist) have gotten your fix.

I had searched around Central's city streets for hours. Ed was nowhere to be found.

What the hell has this boy gotten himself into…?

I sure hope he's still alive.

If there is a god up there – please. Let him be alive.

I don't know what I would do if I found out he…

I can't even think the words. It's too much. Maybe I'm acting like a baby right now but he's like a son to me – it would destroy me if he was gone.

I even looked down by the river. I don't know how long I was outside for.

All I remember is waking up on Hawkeye's couch the next morning, still in my sweatpants and t-shirt from last night.

I sat bolt upright, remembering why I was so panicked.

"Riza?" I called out into the morning light of her apartment.

"Yes?" She asked as she made her way to the living room, leaning against the doorframe.

She seemed worried. I guess it made sense though.

"Have…have you seen him?"

A look of confusion crossed her face.

"Ed. Have you seen him?" I clarified.

The confusion remained.

"Look, Roy… I don't know what you're talking about. But all I know is that you came to my apartment door around 3:30 a.m., and you were basically having a panic attack. I couldn't understand a word you were saying. I made you some tea, and once you calmed down, you just passed out. Obviously something happened."

I took a deep breath.

"Last night… After I left work, I went after Ed. He was still in a mood, and… and he almost got himself killed. He ran out into the traffic, and refused to come back to the sidewalk. He just… he just stood there. In the middle of the road. I had to run out and grab him from the middle of the street, otherwise he would have been inevitably killed. I was pissed, and… maybe I was too hard on him… but I… I threw him into the car and slammed the door in his face. I don't think I've ever seen the boy look so frightened of… of me. After we got home, I went upstairs to get changed as he read on the library floor. When I came back downstairs, he was gone."

My voice broke as I said the word 'gone'.

I let my head fall into my hands.

I could feel my head pounding underneath the stress.

"And you didn't find him…"

"Of course I didn't." I snapped.

I didn't mean to snap at her, I was just stressed. And scared.

"I should go back home now. Who knows… maybe he went back…"

I could hear the sarcasm in my own voice.

When I got home, there was a message on the phone.

"Hey, it's Al. I was just calling because I wanted to talk to brother about something. Could you please call me back?"

That was at 10:45 p.m.

I had already left to search for Ed…

Thinking that maybe Ed had gone to see Al, I decided to try calling him.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Al. It's Mustang."

"Oh, is everything okay?"

I sighed.

"Not exactly… You haven't happened to talk to Ed today, have you?"

"Nope. I called your house last night to talk to him, but he never called back. Why?"

"Oh.. It's…nothing. You don't need to worry about it."

I was about to hang up the phone when Al's voice stopped me.

"Wait! Did something happen?"

He deserved to know. I just didn't know how to tell him that his older brother has gone missing and could possibly be dead, for all I knew.

"Um… Ed left the house last night and didn't come back. I looked for him, but so far I haven't found him."

"WHAT?"

The younger Elric sounded extremely panicked.

It sounded as if he had dropped the phone, because moments later Winry's voice came through the receiver.

"Colonel? What's going on?"

She also sounded worried.

"It's okay. Everything's under control, you two don't need to worry. I'll call you back later today, alright? Tell Alphonse that for me please."

I hung up the phone. I shouldn't waste my time trying to console these kids with my words. They needed to know Ed was okay.

I looked in every room of my house, and after concluding that Ed still hadn't come back I returned to the streets.

Asking everyone I encountered if they had seen the blonde boy, each replied with a 'no'.

It was almost 3 in the afternoon.

What was I supposed to do?

I stopped.

If I were Edward Elric and pissed off at the world and quite possibly suicidal, where would I go?

….

I'd get my ass on the next train as fast as possible and get the hell away from everyone.

Yeah. That sounds about right.

I went to the train station and asked the workers there.

They said that they last saw a boy meeting my description getting on last night's train for East City.

Okay. I guess I'm going out East.

But… I should probably tell someone where I'm going.

Wait. I'm a grown man. There isn't any time or need for that.

And with that, I bought a train ticket and boarded the 3:45 p.m. train bound for East City.

The train ride was incredibly boring and extremely uneventful.

Once I reached East City, I began asking around the station to see if Ed had gotten on yet another train. The workers replied with a 'no', saying that they last saw the boy head in the general direction of the hotel.

Inside the hotel lobby, I made my way over to the front desk.

"Good evening. I was wondering if you could tell me if there's a Edward Elric staying here, and if so, which room he's in?"

The girl behind the counter looked a little flustered.

"Um... Could you please describe the person? I'm sorry, but I don't see any Elric's on the list... But maybe I would recognize a description?"

She clearly was a new employee.

"He's 16 years old but he looks about 12, he's incredibly short with blonde hair that was probably braided back. He would've been wearing a red overcoat and black pants with boots. Sound familiar?"

"Oh! The boy with the pretty eyes! Yes - oh, but... he specifically asked that we don't allow any visitors. I'm sorry."

I sighed in frustration.

"Look, I don't think you understand. I need to see him."

My voice had gained an edge to it, much less polite than it had started.

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's against our policy if a customer has requested specifically not to give out his room number."

I was fed up with this girl right now. I was too worried.

"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, and up there is State Alchemist Edward Elric. I'm his commanding officer. He up and fled last night and is mentally unstable. I command you to tell me where he is. Right. Now."

Okay, so I overdid it. A lot.

The poor girl didn't deserve all that anger, but too late. It already happened.

With widened eyes, she said,

"Oh... I-I'm so sorry...Sir... 203. He...He's in 203."

"Thank you."

With that, I stalked off and up the staircase to the second floor. Reaching room 203, I knocked on the door.

I knew that if I spoke, alerting Edward of who was on the other side of his door, there was no way in hell he would open the door.

But no one came to the door.

I noticed the "do not disturb" hanging on the door handle.

Remembering the last time he had been on the other side of a locked door, I began to panic. Chances are that if my suspicions were correct, he would be in an even worse state than he had been on the bathroom floor.

I took a deep breath. I hadn't even tried the door yet. For all I know, it was unlocked, and he could be sleeping.

I slowly tried the doorknob, and to not much surprise, it was locked.

Running back down to the front desk, I looked at the keys hanging on the wall, and looking for 203, I took the staff key for the room and raced back up, ignoring the protests from the girl working.

Sliding the key into lock, I swiftly unlocked the door and opened it.

I was met with the sight of...

Nothing.

The bedroom was empty and a pristine type of clean. The bed was made, and looked as if no one had so much as sat on it.

Looking around the room, I noticed that the bathroom door was open but the light was off. There was no sign of anyone being in there, either.

I scanned the room. No one was in sight.

Doing another scan, I noticed a closet on the other end by the window.

Slowly approaching the closet, I felt myself stop breathing.

The room door slammed shut, and I jumped. I guess since I had left it's side, it began to swing back to shut.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Edward...?" I called out tentatively.

I opened the closet door, and was met with pitch black.

As my eyes adjusted, I could barely make out the shape of a body lying on the floor, curled in towards itself. Shallow, shaky breaths were heard.

"Edward..."

I fell to my knees, and reached out a hand towards the younger alchemist. As my hand rested on his shoulder, I had a feeling something wasn't right.

I carefully turned the boy over, so I could see his face.

His eyes were closed. His lips were dry and cracked. His face was drained of colour.

The only thing that gave me hope was the sound of his shallow breathing.

I gently pulled the boy out of the closet and out into the open to examine him for any injuries.

As I pulled him towards me, the smell of blood hit my nose in a powerful wave.

I checked his wrist.

And...

It was clean. No new cuts. No blood. No nothing. Just scars.

Yet, clutched in his right hand was what appeared to be a knife, the handle engraved with the hotels name.

I took the knife from out of his small hand.

And then I saw it.

It was barely visible, but still there.

On his black shirt, there was a notable darker spot.

I carefully pulled off his jacket, followed by his black tank top, to reveal several incisions on his own stomach. The amount of blood... it was horrifying.

The cuts... They were incredibly deep.

I was surprised he hadn't bled to death sooner.

Who knew how much longer he had.

Taking another deep breath, I scooped the boy up in my arms, along with the discarded clothes, and quickly made my way out of the hotel. The girl at the front desk stared at us with fear in her eyes, but I didn't stop to console her.

Luckily, the hospital was just across the street.

I ran into the emergency room doors, and upon seeing the boy in my arms, the nurse secretary ran over to us.

"Oh my god..." she muttered as she took in the sight of the small boy in my arms.

She told me to follow her, and she immediately led me through the doors and into a hospital room.

"Lay him here. I'll go get Doctor Flynn."

I nodded and did as I was told.

After draping Ed's jackets and shirt over the back of a chair, the doctor came rushing in.

He examined Ed for a moment before asking,

"What happened?"

"I...I'm not entirely sure. I just found him, in an empty hotel room with a knife clutched in his hand, unconscious and bleeding to his own death."

The doctor's eyebrows creased with concern.

He muttered something to the nurse, and soon I was rushed out and forced to wait until they called me back in.

In the waiting room, I remembered I had promised to call Al.

Dialing the number into the payphone, I waited.

"Hello?"

It was Winry who answered. She sounded out of breath, as if she had just run to the phone.

"Hello, Winry. It's Mustang."

Before I could continue speaking, she cut me off.

"Have you found Ed?!"

"Yes. He... We're now in East City. He had taken a train last night. Everything's under control right now."

"Where are you calling from?"

"The... the hospital."

Winry went silent.

"Oh god..."

"Yeah... Look, I'll give you guys a call as soon as I can, but right now I'm waiting to hear from the doctors on his condition."

"Is it bad?"

"...Yes."

There was no use lying to her at this point.

The girl broke down into tears on the other line.

"I trust you'll talk to Al... I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone.

After hours of waiting, finally the doctor came out.

"He's lost too much blood. Currently, he's on life support. We don't know if he will fully recover. He caused severe damage to his abdomen. After we stitched up the incisions, and were making a report, he woke up. You're free to go see him. However, I would like to have a word with you or him fairly soon."

I nodded.

I opened the door to the hospital room to find Ed staring out the window at the crimson sunset.

"Hey..." I said tentatively as I made my way over to him and sat in the chair beside the bed.

He didn't say anything. I didn't expect him to.

The sun set. The stars came out. The hospital went quiet.

"Colonel...?"

The boy's voice was weak, and he slowly turned towards me. I've never seen him look so sick and... deathly.

"Yeah?" I whispered back to him.

"What's the point?"

"What's the point in what, Edward?"

"What's so good about picking up the pieces?"

He let that question hang in the air before asking another one.

"What if I don't even want to?"

"What...what are you saying?"

"I... I don't see the point in fixing me. Especially because I don't want to be fixed. Why couldn't you have just left me to die?"

A tear fell from the golden eyes staring into mine.

"Don't talk like that..."

I stared at him.

"I'm never going to let you give up that easily, Edward. I know you have so much more than this to live for. Think about Al, and Winry, and your Aunt Pinako... and everyone at work... I don't think you realize how much you mean to all of us. We would be crushed if you killed yourself."

Ed didn't reply, but I knew he heard what I had said.

Soon, Ed fell asleep, and so did I.

I woke up at about 3:30 a.m.

Ed was already awake, and was quietly singing to himself.

"Hold me close... Don't let go... Watch me... In this hospital for souls..."

He was singing that to himself, over and over again. I didn't recognize the song.

Alright, so if any of you are curious, the song that Ed was ... singing lol was Hospital For Souls by Bring Me the Horizon. If you've never heard it, I strongly suggest you give it a listen. It's a beautiful, powerful song... and an amazing band. Anywhoooos,

I didn't update for so long because... well, life got in the way. I don't think I'm sick, but... I'm not exactly healthy either, but don't worry readers. I'm perfectly fine to write, because writing is an escape for me. So, hopefully the next update won't take a month. Also, I got super behind on schoolwork, and considering I used to be a straight A student, my parents flipped shit and my teachers got worried. Whatever. That's done.

Lastly, I'm going to New York in a couple days and so I won't update for probably another 2 weeks.

Thanks to all those who reviewed, favourited, followed, and took the time to read my story. c:

- HazelEyes8D

(Also, if any of you caught the other lyric reference in here... You are beautiful and should marry me, kay? If not, then ignore this little part. ;P)