Author's Note: I'm pleased to say that the last chapter was well received. I really liked how it turned out as well. This one, though much less fluffy, is one of my favorites. This is also where I depart more from traditional Twilight canon. I hope you enjoy my twist.
Chapter 9 – Pain
Carlisle's contact with Yale proved to be a very nice, but persistent man. His name was Steven Alcorn. He met with Charlie and me and went over everything I needed to know about Yale. He offered me a full scholarship and basically begged me to study at Yale. For some reason, he asked about my upcoming trip to the museum with Carlisle. I thought that was a little weird, but I shrugged it off for the time being.
Charlie was so proud of me. I took a bit of the wind out of his sails when I didn't commit to go to school there. Dr. Alcorn basically offered me anything I could want if I just committed to go to Yale. He even told me that he had talked with my mother and she was fully supportive of my acceptance. Charlie begged me to take the scholarship as well, but I had to think it over. The more I thought about it, the less comfortable I was that Carlisle had done this. When he had first given me the present, I was still a bit floored that he had just asked me out on a date, and I didn't really think about the fact that he had basically decided my life for me, just as Edward had done.
When we were dating, Edward didn't start out as a mean, bullying son of a bitch. He worked up to it. He started by making little decisions for me, and I didn't care as long as we were together. My tolerance of this apparently gave him permission to try more insidious forms of controlling me. Before I knew it, my whole life was revolving around his, and Bella Swan ceased to exist. I knew that I had to nip this thing with Carlisle in the bud before I turned my life completely over to someone else.
I was further incensed when Alice called to congratulate me and tell me that she and the rest of the younger Cullen's had also been accepted into Yale. Alice was going to go back for interior design. Jasper was actually going to try pre-law, this time. Emmett thought it would be funny if he took home economics. Rosalie was doing mechanical engineering again, and Edward was doing psychology because he wanted to work through some control issues. I went over this in my mind many times, and I was definitely feeling a little mistrustful toward Carlisle for orchestrating this. I planned on talking to him about this on the way to the museum in Seattle.
I wore the red sweater dress that he requested. It was long sleeved and came about two inches above my knees. I curled my hair into soft curls and put the very front of it up in a clip. Alice texted me her personal thumbs up at my work. That didn't help my mood any, though. I just got more pissed that she thought I needed her seal of approval.
My fuming anger lasted until about ten minutes before Carlisle was supposed to show up. It dissipated into worry. I was very nervous to talk about this with Carlisle. I couldn't ever imagine saying anything like this to Edward when we were dating. I paced around the living room, while I waited for Carlisle to show up.
When he picked me up promptly at eight, he didn't say anything about my obvious fretting. I think he must have assumed it was nerves.
"You look beautiful this morning, Bella." He smiled at me. I managed a weak smile in return.
"Thank you." I blushed and looked away.
Maybe I shouldn't ruin our time together by asking him about this.
Like hell, you shouldn't.
But what if he doesn't want me anymore when I tell him what I think?
Then you can find someone who isn't trying to change you into what they want.
But I really like him…
You REALLY liked Edward and look what happened with him.
My inner monologue was driving me crazy.
"I'm very excited that you agreed to come with me this morning." He sounded so happy. I hated to ruin it.
Maybe I will wait until it comes up naturally in conversation.
No, you need to know now, before you are completely and utterly under his control.
But…
No but's.
Okay, fine!
I pretty much decided to ignore what he had said to me. I tried to steer the conversation towards what I wanted.
"Are you also moving to New Haven?" I asked him as calmly as possible. I don't think that he suspected me.
"Yes, we are all planning on moving together." He smiled at me. "I know Alice told you about all of their plans, but I don't think she told you about my plans. I have accepted a professorship at the local teaching hospital. Esme is still undecided."
I tried to smile back, but instead, I looked out the window to avoid his gaze. I chickened out. I couldn't do it. He looked so happy, and I couldn't ruin that. He must have thought that I was just nervous or something because it didn't seem to faze him at all.
"Have you ever been to this museum?" He asked. "It's really very nice."
"No, I've never been." I told him, trying desperately to forget that he had planned my life for me.
"This should be a real treat for you then." He told me brightly. "I have a little surprise for you, though."
He looked slightly embarrassed as he started to tell me something. Oh, this would not be good.
"What?" I was really tense at this point.
"I hope you aren't offended, but the reason I wanted to bring you tonight was because Dr. Alcorn placed your statue on a traveling tour of the best new artists. It's here at the museum today." He confessed, looking a little pleased with himself.
My plan to forget what I assumed he had done was suddenly out the window. My blood was boiling, and I clenched my fists tightly as I took a big breath to let him have it. Yes, I know that it was an overreaction, but I snapped. All of the hurt that I felt for the last few days welled up inside me and came out as tears. Gone was the chicken who couldn't confront anyone. I could barely control my rage as I spoke to him. He looked slightly shocked that I would be so angry.
"When I gave you the sculpture, I thought that it was for you, that you would treasure it, but you actually shared it with someone that I didn't know, and now it's on display at the museum. That was a very personal piece, a picture of my soul. I gave it to you, not Yale or the museum in Seattle." My voice was shaking with the fury that I felt. "I trusted you with a piece of my heart and you used it to do exactly what I was afraid would happen. You planned out my whole life for me."
Carlisle pulled to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, finding no words to say.
"Aren't you going to dazzle me so that I will be happy about this?" I asked angrily, definitely pushing it further than I should. "Are you going to bully me into accepting the scholarship? Have you arranged my housing for me as well?"
Carlisle winced at that. He probably had hoped that I would live with them. I was about to lay into him again when he dry sobbed. I was shocked out of my rant.
"How could I be so stupid?" Carlisle didn't even look at me as he lowered his head to rest on the steering wheel. I wondered why in the world he would be so distraught over my reaction. "I acted just like Edward, didn't I?" He took a breath, but I didn't answer him. I was still far too angry. "I wasn't thinking, Bella. I honestly didn't realize how this would seem to you. Please forgive me."
"Why did you do this?" I asked. I know… I should have forgiven him right away, but after Edward left me, I couldn't be as trusting as I once was. I was afraid to let anyone get too close. I was tempted to get out of his car and hitchhike home. My hand twitched on the handle of my door.
Carlisle finally spoke, interrupting my escape plans, "Because I wanted to do something nice for you, and I knew that you didn't like it when Edward gave you extravagant gifts. Also because I knew that if I sent it away, Edward would be less likely to break it." His voice was raspy and full of regret. "Please, don't leave."
The ice in my heart started to melt away. I remembered that I had promised myself that I wouldn't let what happened between Edward and me, change me into an unforgiving, cold-hearted bitch. I was not that person. It was true that I had become more cautious, but I didn't want to become callused. My hand fell away from the door handle as I reached out with my other hand and touched Carlisle's hand to try to comfort him.
When our skin connected, something extraordinary happened. I felt all of the pain he was experiencing move from his body to mine. It was like I absorbed all of the hurt he had inside him. It was excruciating. Not only did it affect me emotionally, but once my heart had taken in all the hurt it could handle, the pain manifested physically. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. It felt like someone was punching a hole in my chest. Though I didn't think I had any breath in my lungs, I whimpered in pain. Soon, the whimpers became a piercing screech.
It took the scream to alert Carlisle to what was happening. He immediately broke the connection between his skin and mine, hoping to alleviate the horrible sensations I was feeling. It helped somewhat, but the pain was only gradually tapering off. Carlisle unfastened my seatbelt and cradled me in his arms, careful not to touch my skin to his.
"Breathe, Bella." He whispered, stroking my back. "Take deep breaths with me." He inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Focus on the rise and fall of my chest, and match yours with it."
It was hard work, but still he encouraged me.
"That's it." He whispered. "In and out through your mouth. Slowly, Bella, just breathe."
I concentrated on matching my breaths with his and on the sound of his voice. It helped distract me from the gripping pain. Slowly, the pain went away. Still I kept breathing deeply until I couldn't even feel a twinge.
"What was that?" I asked, bewildered.
Carlisle seemed to calm down when he heard my voice. He hadn't seemed tense before, but I could tell now that he was definitely more relaxed.
"I don't know." He answered honestly. "When you touched my hand, I slowly started feeling less pain from the guilt over hurting you."
"That's how you felt?" I gasped in horror. "How could you endure that much pain without crying out? I thought I was going to die from the pain."
"Hmm." Carlisle pondered it for a bit. "I think it's because vampires experience emotions more intensely than humans. You must have somehow absorbed my emotions, and your heart couldn't handle it, so it manifested as physical pain."
"That sounds about right. Have you ever heard of this happening before?" I asked. "It hasn't ever happened to me, but maybe you've heard of this in someone else."
"I don't think so." He shook his head. "Jasper can do something similar. He can feel others' emotions and change them, but it felt like you were absorbing mine, at least the hurt I was feeling."
"I felt like that too." I admitted, starting to cry. I felt awful that I had caused him to feel that way by not forgiving him immediately. "I should have forgiven you immediately. I'm sorry I let my anger…"
"No, Bella, you were right." He stopped me. "I didn't treat you with the respect you deserve. I should have consulted you before I sent your work to Dr. Alcorn. I didn't realize that he would send it on tour around the country, but that hardly matters. You entrusted me with a picture of your very soul, and I should have guarded it more closely."
"But, still, I overreacted." I insisted. "I said some very hurtful things to you that you didn't deserve."
"You did, but it's completely understandable." He assured me. "You were used to not being able to fight back. Of course, you would lash out at me, either that or fold and become something that you're not."
"You can justify my actions all you want, but I know that I was wrong." I started crying again. "Will you please forgive me?"
"Of course, I forgive you. I already have." He hugged me. "Will you forgive me for my serious error in judgment?"
"Yes." I hugged him back.
I sat in his lap silently for a few moments before I got the courage to ask more questions.
"When did you find out that Dr. Alcorn was sending my sculpture on a tour of the country?" I asked him.
"He told me the day before it was unveiled in Hartford. He didn't so much ask me if it was okay as tell me that it was happening. I think he was hoping to entice you with a bit of fame." He stopped and laughed. "He didn't know you very well, did he?"
"No, I guess not." I laughed with him.
"Apparently, I didn't know you as well as I thought either." He mumbled. He obviously hadn't forgiven himself yet.
"Don't, please." I told him. "You're forgiven."
"That doesn't change the fact that I have put you in the uncomfortable position of having your private emotions on display for the world to see. Do you want me to have him remove your statue from the tour?" Carlisle asked me. "I'm not sure Dr. Alcorn will be very happy about that, though. Your piece has been kind a big draw. But it doesn't matter. If you don't want it on tour, I will call him immediately."
"No, that's okay." I told him, shaking my head. "Just promise me that in the future, you'll let me make my own decisions."
"Yes, of course, I promise." He vowed, sounding very sincere. It was kind of hard to trust my instincts on this since they had been fooled so easily by Edward, but it was very hard not believe him. Carlisle had never been dishonest with me.
I was relieved that he wasn't trying to control me. He had simply made a mistake, and he was deeply sorry for it. And that sorrow caused me to try to comfort him and led me to touch his hand which transferred his pain to me. I had to know if that is what happened. Without warning, I reached out and touched his hand again, just to see if I could reproduce the phenomenon.
Carlisle gasped, expecting me to scream again, but nothing happened. There was no pain; nothing weird happened at all, well except for the fact that I rather enjoyed holding Carlisle's hand. To my surprise, Carlisle liked it as well. He laced his fingers between mine and pulled my hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on the back. I shuddered in response. This was a very pleasant feeling.
Soon, our moment was interrupted by my phone. I recognized the ringtone Every Step You Take by the Police as the one I had given Alice. Carlisle laughed.
"Hello Alice." I giggled.
"I saw what happened earlier. The whole family is a little concerned about it." She told me.
I didn't know that they would have a problem with the affection Carlisle was showing me. I tried to slide off of Carlisle's lap. He stopped me, holding me firmly in place.
"We're not upset about that, Bella!" She laughed. "We're concerned about what happened the first time you touched him."
"We think I absorbed his pain." I told her.
"Yes, we think that as well. We have a few ideas to test that theory, if you're up for it later. But just to warn you, it will be painful for you." She informed me, then teased, "I don't want to endure the wrath of Bella like Carlisle did earlier, so it's your decision."
"Yes, well, I'm sorry about that." I blushed and started tearing up again.
"Alice, we've both apologized, and we've forgiven each other." Carlisle rubbed my back as he told Alice over the phone. Even though he didn't speak loudly and his mouth was nowhere near the phone, I knew that she would hear him.
"By the way, are you two ever going to make it to the museum, or do you plan on cuddling for the rest of the day?" She teased him and hung up.
Actually, cuddling all day sounded pretty good to me, but then I wouldn't get to see my work of art.
"Museum?" He questioned, laughing.
"Museum." I consented, sighing.
It was a wrench sliding back into my own seat so that we could finish the drive to Seattle, but I finally managed to do it. Carlisle was a bit more composed than I, but he still wouldn't let go of my hand until I mentioned that I couldn't fasten the seatbelt with only one hand. He let it go just long enough to make sure I was safe, and then once again claimed it.
He was so shy, so unsure. I was astonished when I looked into his eyes and saw fear. Fear of what?
"Is this okay with you?" He spoke barely loud enough for me to hear. "I don't want you to feel pressured."
I thought he was still talking about the museum and my work being on display, and I wasn't sure if I was okay with that. At my hesitation, he dropped my hand like I had stung him.
"If you just give me a little time…" I started.
"No," he shook his head trying to control his emotions, "if you don't feel for me as I fell for you, I will never force you."
That's what Carlisle was talking about? How could he not know how I felt about him?
"What? No, Carlisle," I grabbed for his hand, but he kept it out of my reach, "I wasn't rejecting you. In fact, I'm really glad you're interested in me. I thought you were talking about the museum and my statue."
He looked torn, like he wanted to believe me but was afraid to. He still refused to let me have his hand.
"You are the kindest, most compassionate man I know. Why would I not want to get to know you better? I've wanted you to ask me out for some time now." I tried to reason with him, starting once again to cry. "Please tell me that I haven't ruined this."
"Really?" His face lit up. "Of course you haven't ruined this. I was desperately afraid that I had ruined it. I would like to be more than friends." He was suddenly nervous. "I have romantic feelings for you."
"I feel the same way about you." I smiled at him and reached for his hand again. This time he allowed me to take it into mine. "I'd like to… be with you, but can we please take it slowly?"
"As slowly as you want." He assured me.
The rest of the drive to the museum was nice but quiet. We had both had our fill of drama for the day, and we just wanted to enjoy one another's company.
Carlisle was a perfect gentleman, of course, as he guided me with his hand on my lower back, through the museum. As he had told me earlier, my piece was actually the highlight of the tour. On top of that, pieces that I had made for my mother were also included. The name on the display was Elsabet Marali. I was kind of glad that Dr. Alcorn had decided to protect my anonymity. Carlisle chuckled at the name. He claimed that the names had the same meaning as mine.
"Why did he change my name?" I asked, rather surprised.
"I guess I have another confession." Carlisle told me sheepishly. "When Dr. Alcorn told me what he was planning on doing, I asked him to give you an alias. He didn't understand, but he agreed even though he had to make some last minute changes. I think that he was a little glad to keep you anonymous because he wanted to keep discovering you all to himself. I had no idea what names he had picked, but I kind of like it."
"I'm glad you did it, Carlisle." I assured him, squeezing his hand.
"Did you do these other pieces?" He asked slightly in awe. "I thought he had only the one piece. I'm not even sure where he got these other ones."
"My mom," I sighed, "I left these at her house in Phoenix. Dr. Alcorn told me that he had been in contact with her. I didn't know that she sent him some of my earlier works. Some of these are five or six years old." I told him, pointing at the other sculptures. "Renee and Charlie want me to go to Yale as well."
The area around my exhibit was surrounded by many different people. Most of them were talking about how amazing my work was. Many were artists themselves. I could tell which were experienced by the observations they made.
As I stood there and listened to them, I realized that I really wanted to expand my skill set, and I thought that maybe Yale would be a good experience for me. I think that Carlisle noticed my reluctance to move on. For about ten minutes, he gave me space, and didn't ask me any questions. It was nice to not have him constantly asking what I was thinking.
"I was just thinking," I took a deep breath, and Carlisle turned toward me, slipping his arm around my waist, "that maybe I wanted to go to Yale after all."
"Really?" He smiled, absolutely shocked.
"I think I want to check out other art programs first, but I have to admit, this alias thing that the two of you came up with is perfect for me. I love to create, but I don't want the whole world to know me." I whispered trying to keep our conversation from the other people in the room.
Carlisle's eyes lit up as he thought of something. He leaned in closer and whispered back to me. It felt very intimate. "Would you mind if I get you an agent?"
"I don't understand why." I was confused.
"Your agent could further protect your anonymity. We could negotiate privacy as part of your acceptance to whichever school you choose." H explained, moving even closer to me and continuing whispering.
"You can set up some interviews, but I would like to choose for myself." I agreed.
"Of course." He nodded.
I really enjoyed the rest of the exhibits as well. The whole time we were there, either my hand was in Carlisle's or he had his arm around my waist. It didn't feel possessive. It felt affectionate. I liked having a physical connection with him.
On the way back to his house, still holding his hand, I decided to get to know this wonderful person better, and perhaps have a better drive back than we had out here.
"Tell me something about you that I don't know." I begged him.
"Well, let's see…" He thought for a moment. It looked like he was trying to come up with something good. "How about the time that I almost got married in Maryland?"
"Okay…" I was nervous about where this story was heading, but I also was glad that he was so willing to share personal history with me.
"It was 1874, and I worked at a small hospital in Maryland. The head of the hospital, Dr. Emerson Stafford had a fifteen year old daughter who liked to come around and flirt with all of the male doctors. I was her favorite target, but of course, I didn't reciprocate. Some of the other doctors did. In fact, she was bedding at least three of them inside the hospital, and two others elsewhere.
"It was no surprise to me when she turned up pregnant. Her father went ballistic when he found out. He demanded that she tell him who the father of her child was." He sighed at the memory.
"She said that you were the father?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes, apparently she also screamed my name during sex sometimes, though I had never touched her. When her father came bursting into my office and threatened to kill me, I told the truth. He didn't believe me since all of the men who were possible candidates for the father of her child, eager to cast the blame on someone else, had told him that they had seen us together in compromising situations.
"The man actually brought his daughter and a minster to my house the next day to force us into a wedding. I felt really badly for the girl, but not enough to actually go through with the farce of a wedding. I again denied any intimate knowledge of the girl and refused to say the vows. She cried a bit and begged me not to shame her any further.
"I knew that I would have to leave town to get away from this scandal, but I couldn't let my good name be damaged any further, so I dazzled her into telling the truth." He took a deep breath and gauged my reaction. I was fine with this since he was in an impossible situation, and it wasn't like they were in an actual relationship where she could expect to be treated as his equal. There didn't seem to be any way that he could have gotten out of it without either a wife and a child, or the whole town believing he was an abandoner.
"I really dislike taking away someone's will, and that was one of only a handful of times I have ever had to resort to dazzling." He admitted. "But I just didn't see any way around it."
"It doesn't look like she gave you much of an option, Carlisle." I told him, squeezing his hand more tightly.
"No, she didn't." He sighed still regretting the need to charm her. "It didn't take much dazzling before Wilma finally admitted that she and I had never been intimate and gave a list of possible fathers for her child."
"Did they ever find out who the father was?" I wondered.
"No, sadly, Wilma died when her father tried to perform a highly dangerous abortion." Carlisle shook his head sorrowfully.
I had forgotten that we were still holding hands when I wished I could ease some of the sadness he was feeling, and again slowly but surely, emotional pain crept into my body. This time, the physical pain was not nearly as severe, but it was still there. I gasped at the sensation, and began to tear up. I cried softly, but he heard me anyway and pulled his hand out of mine.
This time, Carlisle didn't pull the car over to comfort me. He just sped faster toward his house. I hunched forward gripping my chest while he rubbed my back and urged me to breathe. We were about fifteen minutes from his house when the pain subsided.
"I'm better now." I told him, grabbing for his hand. He tentatively took mine and watched my face for any sign that I might be in pain. Eventually, he relaxed and focused on the road.
I started thinking about what his family would say about our hand holding, and that got me to thinking about Esme.
"Umm…" I hesitated. "Are you going to get a divorce? I mean, I know that you and Esme are only married for show, but I'm a bit worried about what people will think of you if they see us together and you are still married."
"The family actually has a contingency plan for that already. We knew that it was a real possibility that either Esme or I would eventually want to date someone. Though we tell people that we are married, there are actually no legal documents stating that we are. There is no marriage certificate, and it's not on her driver's license. She isn't even on my medical insurance." I giggled a bit at this. Why in the world would they need medical insurance? "In fact, as far as the law is concerned, we are in-laws. Her legal name is actually Esme Platt. She is my dead wife's sister. She moved in to help me with my children. We only tell people that we are married because neither one of us were interested in a relationship." He explained.
"Do you think we should be open with our relationship?" I wondered.
"I would like to, but I am worried about how you will be treated. Maybe we should wait until you are in college to announce it." He suggested. "Maybe your parents will be more accepting, then."
"I was thinking that as well, except about the impact on you, not me." I nodded. "I want everyone to know that we're together, but I do understand that anonymity-wise, it might not be the best idea to tell everyone right now. It would definitely bring unwanted attention to your family."
We were greeted by Alice as we pulled into the drive. She was bouncing up and down and grinning wildly. I couldn't say that I was nervous about her reaction, but the others, I feared wouldn't take the news so well. Jasper might not be so bad. He seemed to roll with the punches. Emmett would probably tease me relentlessly, and Rosalie would probably go back to hating me. Esme might be a little weird because of her fake relationship with Carlisle. I knew that she didn't love him that way, but I still couldn't help feeling a little strange thinking about how to interact with her. And then there was Edward. How would he take my change in relationship with Carlisle? My mind was quickly going over the possibilities, and none of them were good. Well, there probably were good ones, but I couldn't think of any.
Carlisle rushed over to my door to open it as soon as he had the key out of the ignition. He grabbed my hand once again and laced my fingers through his.
"You two are so cute." Alice smiled at us and grabbed my other hand. "But it's our turn with Bella. You can come too if you want."
Alice dragged towards her living room. Carlisle followed never letting go of my hand.
"I set up interviews with five highly respected art agents. I didn't even look to see which one you would choose." Alice announced. "Jasper, Edward, and Esme all want to go with you."
"I think Jasper and Esme will be okay." I told her. "I'm not sure that I trust Edward enough to keep his opinions to himself."
"I told him that you would probably feel that way, but you can still expect him to try to make his case later." She sighed.
"Where is everyone?" I asked her.
"They went for a quick hunt so we could test your new ability." Alice told me. "They'll be back in…"
"Now." Emmett announced as he rushed into the room and grabbed me into a bear hug.
"Let her breathe." Edward and Carlisle said at the same time.
Emmett let me down with a laugh. I worried about Edward. Did he want me to be with him? Is he jealous of Carlisle? Would the redefinition of the relationship between Carlisle and me cause Edward to relapse?
"How are we going to do this?" I asked, looking around the room. Carlisle shrugged but looked a little upset. Emmett smiled. Rosalie looked a little worried. Esme looked a lot worried. Jasper didn't look like he was looking forward to this. Alice looked unsure. Edward glared at all of them.
"Does someone have to volunteer to hurt themselves? I'm not sure I like this idea." I confessed.
Alice opened her mouth to tell me her idea, and Edward growled at her. What was his problem?
"Edward, don't you think it's better to let her figure out her gift when a doctor is around instead of by accident when the circumstances aren't as controllable?" Alice narrowed her eyes and retorted verbally to whatever he had been planning on saying.
Ah! I was going to be in pain. That's why Edward wasn't thrilled about their plan. It made sense now.
"I want to try it," I said quietly, "if it's not too much trouble to you all."
"No." Edward growled at me through his teeth. "I won't…"
"You won't what, Edward?" I stood up and shouted. "You won't allow me to do this? Is that what you were going to say?"
Edward took a deep breath and looked very ashamed of himself. "Forgive me." He sighed very remorsefully. "Old habits die hard."
Before I could say anything, Jasper spoke up. "He's hurting, Bella, touch his hand."
I took a deep breath to brace myself, then reached out and grabbed Edward's hand, but nothing happened. Why? Maybe it was something to do with the connection I felt with Carlisle. Maybe Edward was faking again, but then again, Jasper didn't seem to think so. I looked into Edward's eyes and saw just how sad he was that he had forgotten himself and slipped back into old habits, and I wanted to take away his pain. Slowly, but surely, Edward's pain started transferring to my body.
Edward's pain was soon causing me to gasp for air. It was every bit as painful as Carlisle, and soon it was becoming too much for me to handle. I vaguely recall someone telling me to let go of Edward's hand, but I absolutely couldn't. It was like a need for me to remove all of his pain once I started. Soon, I was wrenched away from Edward and cradled in Carlisle's arms where he was encouraging me to breathe deeply and evenly.
Soon, the pain had vanished and I was dreading the next round of experimentation.
"Are you sure you want to try this again right now?" Carlisle asked me. "I don't like seeing you in pain like this. You've already done this three times."
"Yes, but I did learn something this time." I told him. "I think."
"Was it that you have to want to take away the pain?" Jasper guessed. "I didn't feel the pain leaving Edward and going into your body until I felt that you wanted to ease his pain."
"I think that's it." I confirmed.
"But all we've tried is emotional pain. I wonder what would happen with physical pain." Jasper pondered aloud.
"She's had a hard day already." Esme worried. "Couldn't we do it some other time?"
"I'd like to try now." I told them. "Which one of you is going to injure themselves?"
"Surprisingly," Edward commented sarcastically, "Emmett has agreed to get into a fight for your benefit."
"Yes, but no one actually agreed to punch me yet." Emmett sighed. "I guess they all think that I would pay them back if they hit me."
"That's because I know that you're planning on hitting the one who hurts you, and Alice saw you paying her back when she decided to volunteer." Edward responded.
"Maybe I should do it." Rosalie volunteered. "We all know you wouldn't dare hit me. Besides, I owe you for breaking my new bed."
Emmett looked like a child who had just had candy taken away from him. The rest of us laughed knowing that he would never be stupid enough to hit Rosalie. She casually walked over to him and ripped off his pinky.
"Son of a bitch!" Emmett yelled and held out his hand so that Rosalie would reattach it, but instead of giving it back to him, she walked back to her seat and kept it in her hand.
"Let him feel this for a minute, Bella." Rosalie stopped me. "I warned him about the damn bed."
"I still can't believe he only lasted five days." Jasper complained at the loss of the bet.
"You're one to talk, dear brother." Emmett seethed through his pain. "I know for a fact that you and Alice broke Esme's kitchen table two weeks ago."
Esme narrowed her eyes at Alice. "You said that it was Emmett fighting with Jasper."
"Busted!" Edward laughed at her.
"Whatever, Edward! You dented Rosalie's Beamer with Bella in August?" Emmett rounded on him.
I was mortified. I never went anywhere near Rosalie's car. I silently shook my head, begging Carlisle to believe that I had never done this with Edward.
"He did what?" Rosalie screamed.
"Oh, yeah, I overheard what I can only assume was her giving him some fabulous head." Emmett wouldn't let it drop. My face was becoming very red, though I was sure that I had never done what he had suggested. "Edward was moaning Bella's name…"
"I never…" I looked at Carlisle through my tears, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me.
"It wasn't Bella." Edward looked ashamed and couldn't meet my gaze. "It was…"
I was about to tell him to stop it when Carlisle intervened. "Edward, I would appreciate it if you kept the specifics of your infidelity private. Bella obviously doesn't want to know."
"But maybe I should confess…" Edward looked nervous.
"I have already forgiven you, Edward," I sobbed, "but that doesn't mean that I want to hear exactly how deeply you humiliated me."
"The humiliation is mine, Bella." Edward admitted. "Please don't feel that way."
"How can I not, Edward?" I practically screamed at him. "Not only did I let you treat me like crap, but also I find out that you were screwing around behind my back. Could I be any more pathetic?"
"You're not pathetic, Bella." Carlisle whispered in my ear. "Edward was an idiot to treat you that way."
"And I was an idiot to let him." I argued.
"I am a very good liar, Bella." Edward reminded me. "You aren't the only one I fooled, remember?"
"I'm sorry, Bella." Emmett begged me to forgive him. "I shouldn't have brought that up. I honestly thought it was you."
"Even so, Emmett." Carlisle scolded him. "What did you hope to accomplish by humiliating her?"
"I hoped to get my damn finger back." He growled at Carlisle, reminding him that he was still in pain from the loss of his finger.
"Sorry, Emmett." I said as I hopped off of Carlisle's lap.
I took a deep breath and walked over to where Emmett was sitting. Once again bracing myself for the upcoming pain, I reached out my hand and touched Emmett, trying to ease his pain. This time, the pain wasn't gradual. It was immediate and very intense, and localized to my finger where Emmett's pain was. I let out a blood-curdling scream. The pain was comparable to what I had felt when James bit me.
I was unaware of anything but the pain I felt until I was suddenly free from the excruciating intensity, though it didn't completely go away. When I finally stopped screaming, I found myself on Carlisle's lap. Edward was sitting as close as he possibly could to us.
Everyone else was gathered around Emmett staring at his hand. I was trying hard to focus on anything but the still horrible pain in my finger. I whimpered as I cradled my hand to my chest and protected it with my other hand. Carlisle buried his face in my hair and whispered something I couldn't hear.
I finally caught Emmett's eye, and he was smiling.
"That was amazing." Emmett marveled. Rosalie had obviously given him his finger back before I was aware.
"Have you ever seen anything like that?" Esme asked Carlisle.
"Never." He seemed tense. "I assumed that she would take his pain away, but I never thought that it would reattach he finger."
"What?" I gasped, the shock of it momentarily distracting me from the pain. "I did what?"
"His finger was suddenly not in my hand anymore." Rosalie explained, still a little baffled by what had happened. "And then before I could realize, it was back on his hand."
"Really?" I sat in shock. "That's just…"
"Amazing." Carlisle finished for me. "You are amazing."
"I think I'm done for now." I told them. "That was amazing, but… that hurt, a lot. In fact, it still hurts quite a bit. Please don't make me do that again tonight."
"I'm honestly hoping that you never have to do that again." Carlisle admitted before he turned all doctor on me. "May I see your finger?"
I held out my hand and showed it to him. He inspected it carefully, touching it as gingerly as possible. I squeaked.
"Is it sensitive to touch?" His wonderful bedside manner was shining through.
"Yes." I hissed, wincing as he touched it some more.
"Can you move it?" He asked me.
I took a deep breath before I tried to move it. I only moved it a fraction of an inch when the pain hit me so bad that I couldn't hold back a gut wrenching scream.
"No!" I grunted through the pain. "It hurts too much!"
"It doesn't seem to be broken." He told me. "Other than the pain, it seems fine."
"My finger doesn't hurt at all, and it would normally hurt pretty badly for a day or two, depending on how bad the break was." Emmett interrupted.
"Maybe mine will quit hurting in a few days then," I hoped.
"Let me give you something to ease the pain." Carlisle begged. "And I want to wrap it to another finger to keep it immobile until it's better."
"Okay." I agreed.
Carlisle sent Edward to get me some medicine and a binding and made short work of bandaging it.
"That seemed to hurt more than emotional pain. Can you tell me how it was different?" Jasper wondered.
"Instead of all-over pain and gradual like when it was emotional, it was localized and very sudden." I told him.
"You mean his finger hurt, so your finger hurt?" Jasper asked.
"Yes, and very badly, like as bad as a vampire bite." I confirmed.
"That's what it sounded like." Edward told me.
"I kind of wonder if it would work on humans, and how it differs from vampires." Alice told me. Edward threw her a nasty look, and Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "Not that we can let you, I'm just wondering."
"I was wondering the same thing." I admitted. "I bet the pain would be less, and probably more bearable since, as Carlisle told me, vampires feel emotions more deeply than humans. You probably also feel physical pain more acutely as well."
"That's a fair assessment." Carlisle agreed. "But please don't go around touching humans trying to ease their pain. We don't want you gaining any unnecessary fame because of your healing powers."
"Are you kidding?" Emmett teased. "I say we take this show on the road and make some money off of the little freak."
I started to get upset at the comment even though I knew that he meant it as a joke, but Carlisle stood up for me. "She is neither a freak, nor a side-show act, Emmett. She's a miracle."