Chapter 12: Slizzered in the Blizzard

"Little dhampir, I have a proposition."

I should have known right then that this wouldn't end well. Adrian fell in step beside me as I walked to the upperclassman campus to teach my theory class. It was late January and the days were still short. The human genes in me longed for sunshine and the guardian in me was craving adventure. "Fine. What do you propose?" I had a sinking feeling that it had something to do with Sydney. She had only gained a few pounds since she started treatment, and she had a long way to go. We suspected she was finding ways to cheat. Sydney's intelligence made self-destruction that much easier for her. It's sad, I thought, how talent can hurt people in so many ways.

"I think it's about time for us to go on a road trip."

I was not expecting that. "To where? The liquor store three miles down the road?"

"Even better. I want to go clubbing. Missoula is no Los Angeles, but it'll have to do. I can't stay here, Rose. I'm going crazy."

"You weren't crazy before? We can't do that, Adrian. We don't have a car, for one. We can't just leave."

"Why not? We can walk into town and then take the bus! I took buses all the time when I lived in Palm Springs. Come on! You're not a student anymore. As long as you don't have any security shifts for one night, it doesn't matter." He grinned. "Above the rules, Rose."

Maybe my habit of acting responsible lately was just that: an act. The Rose Hathaway I knew would never turn down the chance for a reckless adventure. "Fuck it," I said quietly. "Sign me up. When do we leave?"

Adrian beamed. "We're catching a bus at 6pm. We'll have to wake up early, I know. But once we get to Missoula, we'll have time for dinner before we go bar-hopping." We had to split up at that point, him going off to art class and me to Theory.

"This better be good!" I called to him.

"Have I ever steered you wrong?" he hollered back.

I was groggy when we walked into town later after only a few hours of sleep. I wished we could party on our typical Moroi schedule, but that didn't work so well in the human world. If we tried to go to the Missoula bars in the middle of our night, we would just look like the alcoholics that we probably are. Adrian had our schedule planned in impressive detail. We could stay out late, catch an early-morning bus, and be back on campus around dinnertime in the Moroi world. Adrian also had a schedule of bar-hopping for us, which he was all too happy to share with me on the bus ride.

"I figured we should start casual," he said. "We can sit at a sports bar and just, you know, chill out. Eat cheeseburgers. And onion rings! Do you like onion rings? I think you're more of a fries girl. I'm going to get onion rings. There's only one real club in Missoula, near the university. We should work into it, so I found another bar for us to go to first. Then we're going dancing! And then we're going to a hotel bar. We can pretend we're hotel guests and drink in the lobby until we can catch the bus in the morning. Are you pumped? I'm pumped."

"I can see that," I said wearily. "Yes, I'm pumped. But I'd be more pumped if you would let me sleep for an hour."

He reluctantly shut up. I leaned my head against the window, grateful that my guardian training had taught me to sleep whenever I could, wherever I could. It seemed like only a minute passed before I woke up to Adrian shaking my shoulder like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"We're here! In the big city!" he told me. I snapped to attention, feeling surprisingly refreshed and ready to party. I prayed he wouldn't pick a city and start belting out a song about it.

Apparently, it had begun to snow while I was sleeping. It was already dark outside again, and the wind whipped at our faces as we walked through the streets of downtown Missoula, squinting at street signs. I was grateful when we reached the first bar. It smelled like a typical dive bar, with cigarette smoke and fried food and the sticky sweet smell of spilled beer. We settled into a booth, Adrian practically drooling over the mere thought of onion rings.

Away from the Academy, everything just seemed lighter. Our loud laughter blended in perfectly with that of the bar's other patrons, and we were right at home being just who we were. He was not Adrian Ivashkov, underachieving royal Moroi. I was not Rose Hathaway, reckless and controversial guardian. We were just two young adults living the dream for one night. Adrian had me nearly in tears of laughter when he shared his stories from high school, when he was at an Academy much like St. Vladimir's.

"Erin Badica was already on probation when security busted that party. She was supposed to get kicked out of school if she got caught doing something stupid one more time. But she had already knocked back ten tequila shots at this point, so when security opened the door, so she dove under a desk to hide. Strike one for Erin. She was wearing a t-shirt with the Academy's name on it and still decided to tell security that she went to a different school. I guess she forgot. Tequila will do that. Then she told them that she didn't have her ID—anything to keep them from writing down her name. She made a run for it, and we ended up hiding her in a stall in the boys' bathroom for awhile, then in Miles Tarus's room, because security was waiting outside her dorm room. She would not shut up until someone lent her a biology textbook so she could study."

He sipped his beer and shook his head. "That girl was the smartest teenage alcoholic I've ever met. She was also a little crazy. Mentioned something about how life wasn't worth it if she got kicked out of school, then locked herself in her room and wouldn't let anyone in for an hour. We were worried, but we shouldn't have been. As far as Erin Badica nights went, that was pretty typical."

"Did she get kicked out?"

"Nah, she talked her way out of it as usual. Smart, smart girl."

I knew that look in his eyes. "You hooked up with her, didn't you?"

He laughed. "Twice. She turned out to be a lesbian, but we were friends and I like to think she had a good time. Yes, Hathaway, I'm that good. Not that you would know."

After an awkward pause, he cleared his throat. "Well then. Shall we continue? We've got another bar to hit up before the club."

I nodded. "I'm in."

The snowfall was heavier now. My boots were not very practical for snow, and I kept sliding around the sidewalk. The bar was still packed with college students who were used to the bitter Montana winter and didn't let it stop them from having a good time. As a spirit user, Adrian has that natural charisma that just draws people in. Before long, we were taking shots with a group of sophomores, both guys and girls, from the University of Montana. I hadn't had so much fun since before Lissa and I left St. Vladimir's. It was like reliving my high school days in the best possible way.

On the way to the club, we were definitely tipsy. My arm was around Adrian's shoulder and his was gripping my waist. We slid down the street on the newly formed sheet of ice.

"Look at this!" he yelled, taking a running start and sliding into a tree. He hit it with a thud and scrambled to avoid a fall. I practically fell over too, I was laughing so hard. It suddenly struck me that I was outside after dark with a Moroi—a royal Moroi at that—and I didn't have a care in the world. I trusted that we would be safe, at least from Strigoi. Besides, I didn't have that nauseous feeling I get when Strigoi are nearby, which was impressive considering how much many shots I took at the bar.

The club reminded me of the ones I had visited in Russia when I was looking for Dimitri. I tried to shake off the memories. Adrian bought us more drinks at the bar.

"Now what?" I asked, sipping my rum and coke.

"Now we dance!" he yelled, pulling me onto the dance floor and twirling me around. It felt right. I caught myself wondering briefly what our relationship would have been like if I had managed to stay in one place long enough to make it work. If we could have touched each other in real life instead of just in spirit dreams. I pushed the thoughts out of mind. I'm in love with Dimitri. My hypothetical relationship with Adrian doesn't matter.

Dancing with him was really fun. He took to calling me Rosé, pronouncing my name like the wine instead of the flower. That was a new one. When we got tired of dancing, we sat at the bar, where Adrian ordered me a Blowjob shot and told me to pick up the shot glass with my mouth and swallow it. It was surprisingly tasty, and of course we found the whole thing hilarious. We stayed until last call, drinking and dancing.

At 3:00 am, we stumbled out the door, arm in arm. "My snow princess!" Adrian exclaimed, shoving a fistful of snow in my face.

"Asshole!' I retaliated, pushing him down on the sidewalk. Several feet of snow had fallen at that point, and the only (hopefully) sober people outside were the snowplow drivers. I flopped down next to him. "Let's make snow angels!" I said the same thing to Dimitri a long time ago. It feels like forever ago, anyway. It was right after Mason's death, and we were on "official guardian business" in Idaho. They let me go with him because they felt bad for me, not because it would actually be a learning experience. We made snow angels and we stared at the sky and he told me that the same things can look very different as we change and grow.

Adrian was already waving his arms and legs. "Rosé, what are you waiting for?" We flailed around, getting weird stares even from the other drunk partiers. When we had exhausted ourselves, we stared up at the sky, with thick flakes of snow landing on our eyelashes.

"Should we find the hotel?" I asked at last. "I'm sure we already look like hot messes. If we look too homeless, they might not let us in at all." It was sad but true. We clambered to our feet and set off in search of the Holiday Inn. According to Adrian, it was near the bus station and it had a bar. Even after drinking at the previous three bars, I was ready for round four. We settled into comfortable chairs in the lobby. I sipped my Grey Goose screwdriver, compliments of Adrian. Going out with a wealthy, royal party boy is really nice sometimes.

"So how was your night, my fair lady?" Adrian asked, casually sliding into a chair. "Did your wildest dreams come true?"

"It was the most fun I've had in a long time," I admitted.

He grinned. "Me too. I like rebellious little Hathaway. I haven't seen much of her lately."

"Hey, seeing the great Lord Ivashkov hold down a job has been a little weird too. Do you think Sydney noticed that we're gone yet? Doesn't she usually come looking for you to eat with her and sign off on her meal plan?"

His face darkened. "No. She mostly goes to the clinic. It was putting too much strain on our relationship, all of the fighting about food. But for all I know, she's just forging my signature." We met each other's eyes, figuring out the truth at the same time. "Shit," he muttered, sounding more defeated than angry. "That's exactly what she's been doing."

He drained the rest of his martini. "I'll be right back." I watched him stroll back to the bar for a refill. He didn't even seem drunk. It made me sadder than if I had seen him passed out on the lobby floor, because at least that would mean that his body and mind still responded to poison. At this point, Adrian's tolerance is so high that his body and mind seem to have just given up on feeling anything at all. I resolved to find some self-control and sipped my screwdriver slower.

Half an hour later, we walked to the bus stop. We were exhausted and we kept getting stuck in the snow. Snowplows couldn't keep up the roads, and nobody had bothered to shovel the sidewalks yet. There was no point in doing so. The snow was coming down harder than ever. When we got to the bus station, we looked up at the board. Every single route was lit up in red: CANCELLED.

"The fuck?" Adrian exclaimed, storming up to the ticket window. "When's the next bus out of here?" he demanded.

The lady looked exhausted. "Whenever we can safely send one out. The roads are too bad right now."

"But we need a bus!" I said stupidly.

"You and everyone else, honey," she said. I looked around the station. Sure enough, it was packed.

"Let's just go back to the hotel," Adrian decided. "We'll get a room and stay overnight. I don't like it either, but it's that or we sit in this shithole all night."

Avoiding the smell of the bus station was reason enough for me. It was just a hotel room. We didn't even have to sleep. It was no different than sitting in the lobby, really. Once again, I was grateful that money was a non-issue for Adrian.

In the room, I sat down on one of the beds, kicking off my shoes. "So. What now?"

He didn't answer, just paced back and forth, pausing to stare out the window. He clutched his fresh gin and tonic tightly, as if it held the key to discovering the meaning of life.

"Want to play truth or dare?"

No answer.

"Should we talk about Sydney?"

He spun around. "No, goddammit! I don't want to talk about Sydney!" His eyes were stormy, reminding me of the way the sky turns green before a tornado strikes. "I love Sydney. I love her so much that it hurts. But I can't be responsible for her all the time! I can't make her eat, I can't make her stop exercising, and I sure as hell can't make her care about herself!" He lowered his voice. "In my dreams, I lose her. Not in my spirit dreams, where I can occasionally reach her and hold her close, but in my normal dreams. Sometimes she's running away. Sometimes she's floating. Sometimes I just can't find her, no matter where I run or how loudly I call her name. And once? Once, she was dead."

He paused for air. "Sydney is supposed to be the responsible one, the one who steadfastly takes care of all of us. But she isn't. I am. Don't laugh, Rose." I was nowhere near laughing. "Nobody expects anything of me. Nobody except Sydney, and she still believes that I do nothing for anyone. But I take care of her, and I have to watch out for Jill. Everything is about them. I'm a fucking Moroi, and still they come first. The shadow-kissed Dragomir princess and the crazy ex-Alchemist who stole my heart. Well, no, she didn't steal it. I gave it to her. But that's the point, Rose—I give and give and nobody even recognizes it! I swear there is only one important person in my life who takes care of her goddamn self. You."

I had no idea how to respond to that. Thankfully, he continued.

"You're strong. You're brave in ways you don't even recognize, ways that have nothing to do with fighting Strigoi and everything to do with knowing who you are. You went back to a place that scarred you. A place where hardly anyone believed you were more than a party girl who wasted her incredible talent. I know what that's like. I know what it's like to have to claw your way to respect. The difference between us, Rose, is that you did it. You got your respect and now you answer to no one. I'd take care of you too, if you let me. Lord knows you still need it sometimes. Behind that badass guardian mask is a teenager who has been kicked down one too many times. But you can't just go around punching people anymore, so you take it out on yourself. You women, that's what you do. You internalize others' nasty words and their assumptions about who you are until you can't see anything else. I'd save you if I could, Rose, but you wouldn't allow it. You and me? We're the same. That's why we don't 'balance each other', or whatever the fuck you said when you broke up with me. We're one and the same, Rose. One and the same."

I stared at him, illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through the open curtains. The snow was falling softer now, making a soothing backdrop to the wounded animal of a man standing in front of me. I crossed the room and placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Wordlessly, I leaned into his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around me. We stayed that way for what could have been minutes or hours, me pressed up against him and him squeezing me tightly. The ice in his gin and tonic began to melt, but he made no effort to let go of me and drink it.

"We can't stay here," I murmured. We couldn't stay in the hotel. I couldn't stay in his arms. We couldn't stay in our little bubble of painful intoxication that could no longer numb anything at all. My nerves were tingling back to life. My mouth was dry and my stomach ached.

"No, we can't," he agreed. Neither of us made an effort to move for several seconds more. He pulled away first and put his hands on my shoulders, studying me. "I love Sydney," he reaffirmed. "I'm sad and I'm frustrated, but I love Sydney. You know that, right?"

"I do."

"And you love Dimitri."

"I do."

He paused. Nodded. Kissed the top of my head. Dropped his arms. "We need to get out of Missoula."

"We do."

He picked up his phone and swore. "Five missed calls. I think I'm in trouble." He pressed redial. "Hey, sweetheart. Don't worry, everything is okay. I just—how does Latte hold up in the snow?"

Three hours later, we stood in the lobby, silent and nervous. Sydney's beloved brown Subaru pulled up to the curb. Adrian's eyes met mine. We were heading into the lion's den, and we knew it.

"Hey, love," he said, trying to kiss Sydney's cheek.

She pulled away. "You two," she said firmly. "Have a lot of explaining to do."

Author's Note: Well, this chapter turned out to be a bitch to write, but I think it turned out okay. It was heavier than I expected it to be. Most of their partying will have to be up to your imagination! I will say, though, that the story about Erin Badica may or may not be true and my real name may or may not be Erin. Just hypothetically. :P The next chapter is rated M. Excited? I am. And thank you for the reviews! Keep 'em coming. You guys are great.

The chapter title was inspired by "Like a G6" by Far East Movement. The song was popular when we had several consecutive snow days in college and "getting slizzered in the blizzard" caught on during weeklong parties. I considered lyrics from a few more serious songs—"Lua" by Bright Eyes, "Happiness" by Grant Lee Buffalo (reminds me of Adrian), and "Konstantine" by Something Corporate (reminds me of Rose's and Adrian's breakup). All of the titles I chose were too long, so you get a stupid one instead.