Author's Note: I know it took me longer than normal to get this chapter out. I've had a bit of a rethink regarding a some future chapters, and though this rethink didn't completely change the whole story from there on out, I've been a bit depressed regarding how much rewriting I would have to do if I decided to change it. I probably am going to rewrite those chapters, but I will post the original as outtakes because I can't bear to delete them completely.
Chapter 13 – Void
Over the next three weeks, before Alice's pre-shopping shopping trip (I know it confused me as well!), Edward started making a great effort to find ways to be alone with me, and I became increasingly worried about it. Besides that, things just happened to come up that monopolized most of the time that I had to spend with Carlisle. First, Edward wanted to spend a weekend with his father, and of course, Carlisle obliged because he wanted to speak with Edward, father to son. In addition, somehow, Carlisle's schedule got messed up, and he had to spend extra time at work so that he could take spring break off. This just happened to be discovered after Carlisle got back from his weekend with Edward. To top it all off, in English, we mysteriously got assigned a project in which we were pair up. Guess who my partner was. That's right, Edward.
Suspicious isn't a strong enough word to convey how I felt about Edward and all of this mess. I was almost certain that Edward had orchestrated all of this. He was not at all happy about Carlisle showing me any kind of affection, even chastely. It seemed that he had perfectly organized ways for Carlisle to be away from me without getting his hands dirty. This was exactly the sort of thing at which he excelled. Everyone suspected Edward, but we couldn't prove that he had done anything.
The Saturday before we left, even though our English project was finished, Edward came to my house to keep me company. Notice how my eyes roll when I say this. I was sculpting until he came over, enjoying a few Edward-free moments until he showed up. I tried to continue as he talked with me, but he kept making little comments about how long I was taking and how he'd rather we did something other than this. Finally, I could take no more of it. He was seriously hampering my creativity with all of his negativity.
"Did you need something?" I asked him politely, but hopefully he would ask, and then leave.
"Yes, the symphony is playing tonight. I got tickets for Christmas, remember?" He asked. "I was wondering…"
"No." I interrupted him, not willing to let him even get the question out.
"But… I don't have anyone to go with." He pouted at me.
"I'm sorry, Edward," I sounded not very apologetic, "but we aren't dating, remember?"
"I know that, silly, but I still want to do things with you." He chuckled condescendingly. "We're friends, right?"
"Yes, but going to the symphony sounds like a date to me." I pointed out to him.
"Only if you think of it as a date." He rolled his eyes at me. "If you think Carlisle will be jealous, I understand."
I shook my head and sighed at him. "I'm tired of this, Edward." I gave up pretending that I didn't know what was going on with him. He wanted me back, and he was desperate to drive a wedge between Carlisle and me.
"Please, Bella, let me show you how much I've changed." He begged me.
"Really, Edward?" I asked doubtfully. "It doesn't seem to me like you've changed that much. You've just reverted back to more subtle manipulation instead of the overtly sadistic things I used to let you get away with."
"I just want to spend time with you, Bella." Edward looked like he was about to cry though I seriously doubt he was actually remorseful.
I was about to decline him as politely as possible when my phone rang with Alice's ringtone.
After wiping off my hands, I answered it.
"Hello, Alice." I welcomed the distraction from the whole… Edward… situation.
"I'm on my way over to play kidnap you so that we could play Bella Barbie!" She sounded like a thirteen year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.
If Edward hadn't crashed my sculpting session, I would have politely told Alice to please let me work, but he had, and I was itching to get away from him.
"Great!" I told her enthusiastically. "I can't wait. What's the occasion?"
Alice said nothing, but the look on Edward's face said volumes. My intuition flickered.
"Carlisle's planning on surprising me with a date tonight. Isn't he?" I asked eying Edward.
"Yes?" Alice answered, though it sounded more like a question. "How did you…"
"Edward." I growled. "Why else would he be so insistent that I go with him tonight?"
"I just want a chance, Bella." He begged me.
"Stop." I closed my eyes and shook my head in frustration.
"Please, Bella I can give you…" He started to tell me but was abruptly cut off by Alice's sudden appearance.
"Let's go, Bella." She smiled at me and threw him a dirty look. "We need to start getting you ready."
She took me to the house and gave me her usual makeover. This time she had me wearing a pale green camisole with a hunter green cardigan over it with a comfortable pair of jeans. She did my hair in a messy bun that had a few tendrils coming off of the sides and back.
When Carlisle arrived, I was anxious to see him. When he met me in my room, I flew into his arms and hungrily attacked his lips with mine.
"Edward is here, my darling." He told me. "He arrived shortly before I did."
"Of course he is," I rolled my eyes.
"He isn't living up to his promise. Is he?" He sighed, mirroring my mistrustful attitude towards Edward.
"Not so much, no." I shook my head at him.
"Let's get out of here, then." He smiled wickedly at me.
Though I didn't want to keep up my end of the bargain to not flaunt our relationship in front of Edward, I did nonetheless. I merely placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me downstairs.
Edward was watching television when we walked through. He got up to walk with us out the door. Though this pissed me off, I managed to put on a sweet expression when I turned to face him.
"You're more than welcome to come on our date with us, Edward." I told him, and Carlisle gasped in surprise. I turned to look Carlisle straight in the eyes as I finished. "I wouldn't do it, though. I have no problem putting on one hell of a show for you." I warned him, and Carlisle chuckled, actually looking pretty excited about that idea.
"I agree that we have been exceptionally tolerant of the fact that you haven't held up your end of the promise you made to give us space. Don't think that we both aren't well aware that you changed my work schedule to keep us separate. This ends now." He gave a pointed look at Edward who stared Carlisle down defiantly.
I sighed and shook my head at Edward's childishness but refused to let it ruin my alone time with Carlisle.
"Let me know when we're out of Edward's hearing range." I told him as we walked to his Mercedes. "I've missed you, especially our alone time."
"As have I, my dear." He said as he kissed my cheek and opened the door to his car.
After we had driven about a mile, he pulled over, got out and opened my door. Once I had gotten out, he leaned in and ran his nose over the shell of my ear.
"We should be out of range." He whispered, kissing my earlobe as he spoke.
"Good." I told him hungrily as I attacked his mouth with mine as I clung to his body.
It seems his need was as great as mine because as soon as our lips met, he ravished my mouth with his tongue. I grabbed his back and pulled myself closer to him wanting to touch all of him, as much as I could. His hands descended down my back and rested just below my waistline. My heart sped up at the thought of him grabbing my butt. I had never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted Carlisle right now, but I didn't want to lose my virginity on the side of a public road. Besides that, I didn't want to make love until we had actually said love to one another. I still wasn't comfortable using the L word with Carlisle just yet, even though I knew that both he and I felt that way. It just didn't seem right to say it yet.
"We have to stop." I gasped when he finally let me breathe. "I don't want to, but we need to."
"Of course, my darling." His breath was also ragged. "Let's not wait this long again to reconnect physically."
"We do have a week-long separation coming up." I reminded him.
"We'll have to have some more alone time before you leave." He nodded sadly. "Otherwise, I may attack you when you return."
I laughed at him and climbed back into his car.
"So, where are we going?" I asked him once he finally sat next to me.
"It's a surprise." He smiled at me.
"Please tell me." I felt the panic rising up inside me. "I don't like surprises."
"It's a good surprise. I promise." He tried to assure me, but it didn't keep my pulse from racing.
"What if I don't like it?" My voice shook as tears fell from my eyes. Although I was sure that Carlisle would never force me to do something that I didn't want to do, I still panicked a bit, remembering how Edward behaved when I didn't want to do whatever he had planned for us.
He must have heard how desperate I was becoming because instantly, he was stroking my face.
"We're going to watch the meteor shower, my darling." He looked hopefully at me. "If you don't like it, we can do something else."
"How dark will it be?" I asked him.
"I brought a flashlight, just in case, and we also both have our cell phones, but I don't think it will be unbearably dark where we are going." He gestured to the back of the car as he tried to soothe my frazzled nerves.
Carlisle was so thoughtful. He brought a flashlight so that I wouldn't be afraid. I couldn't tell you how much this meant to me. It showed me just how much he was willing to do to make me comfortable. And… he told me about his plans even though it ruined his surprise. I was overjoyed that he would be so considerate of my feelings, though, honestly, I should have realized that he would do anything to put me at ease.
"It sounds fun." I smiled at him. "I just don't like surprises. Did Alice tell you about prom and the pictures?"
"Yes, and I can see why you wouldn't want to be surprised. I didn't think." He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive." I returned his gesture by kissing him on the cheek. "There is nothing wrong with you wanting to plan romantic things. I… I'm just not ready for surprises."
"Very understandable." He nodded thoughtfully. "I promise that I will always tell you where we're going and what we're doing before our dates."
"Thank you." I sighed, but I was actually thinking, I love you. "I will try to work on allowing you to surprise me."
Carlisle stared at me a bit, and I thought that he had guessed what I had meant when I told him thank you, but after a few seconds, his attention returned to the road. I wanted him to say it first, but I was beginning to think that I would have to because he was afraid of either manipulating it out of me, or he was afraid that I wouldn't say it back. I would have to either talk to Alice or just bite the bullet and say it to him. I needed to think about it, preferably while I was alone, away from his very distracting presence.
We made the drive to an open area where other people were already gathering. It was already dark enough that Carlisle didn't have to worry about sparkling. Carlisle opened my door for me before grabbing some supplies out of the trunk. He had a couple of blankets and a picnic basket. He guided me to a level spot and laid out one of the blankets.
"Let me know if this spot isn't comfortable, my darling." He motioned for me to sit.
He got the rest of the stuff out while I found a good spot to sit. I ate the wonderful sandwiches he had brought for me. For some reason, he loved to watch me eat. It made him a little frisky. He nibbled on my neck while I ate. It was very distracting.
After I finished eating, he brought the other blanket out and wrapped us both in it. Even though his body was cold, I enjoyed snuggling with him, but we were only seated side by side. I longed to be even more connected with him. I shifted so that I was sitting on his lap. The meteors began falling almost as soon as he wrapped his arms around me.
It was gorgeous, but I couldn't concentrate while Carlisle's hand was playing with the hem of my shirt, slightly moving it so that his fingers were grazing my stomach just above my pants. The things he did to me with very little effort made me want to… well, it made me want to turn around inside this blanket and rub myself up against the hard length that I currently felt poking me in the bottom.
As much fun as that sounded, I restrained myself, barely. When the meteor shower was over, I breathed a sigh of… I'm not sure, but it was somewhere between frustration and relief. I was definitely frustrated that I didn't get any release, but I was relieved that I was given a reprieve on the delicious torture Carlisle was giving me.
"You drive me crazy." I told him as he was gathering up our blankets.
"I drive you crazy?" He laughed. "Do you know how much restraint I had to exhibit when you were making those lovely little moans? I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now."
I didn't realize that I had been moaning. I blushed in embarrassment, and he chuckled.
"I liked it." He assured me, kissing my cheek. "It just made me want to do wicked things to you."
"The feeling is mutual, then." I whispered, leaning in to nip at his lips.
"Indeed." He chuckled at me, and kissed me back.
The ride back was not as sexually tense as you might imagine. I still wanted to rip the pants off of Carlisle, but I also hadn't connected with him as a friend in a few weeks, and I needed to hear about all of the boring stuff in his life, and I was surprised to discover that he was also interested in the mundane things about my life as well.
The next day, Carlisle had to work until five, so I planned to sculpt the next day until I could see him. Imagine my surprise when I came upstairs to find Edward and Charlie having a little chat. I had expected Charlie to be fishing until late, but it was three-thirty, and he was in the living room watching some basketball thing with Edward.
"Hey Bells," Charlie greeted me, smiling, "Edward wanted to watch March Madness with me. Apparently, Alice is monopolizing the television."
"Right." I rolled my eyes knowing perfectly well that Edward had his own television in his room that he could easily put on whichever channel he preferred.
I decided to forget about whatever Edward had planned with Charlie. I knew that he was up to something. He had some sort of plan to worm his way back into a romantic relationship with me, but I just didn't know what it was, and right now, I didn't care. All I wanted to think about was getting back to see Carlisle.
I showered and got dressed in a black and red short sleeved sweater and black jeans. I brushed my hair as straight as I could and left it down.
As I started to walk down the stairs, I overheard Charlie answering a question that Edward must have asked.
"I'm not sure she'll want to go, Edward." Charlie sounded sympathetic to Edward. "She was pretty clear that she just wants to be friends with you."
I'm sure that Edward knew that I was getting closer because he spoke softly enough that I couldn't catch what he said in response to Charlie.
"She wasn't happy about going last year, Edward, and that's when you were dating. What makes you think that she would want to go this year?" Charlie asked rhetorically.
Son of a bitch! Edward must have been trying to get Charlie's permission to take me to the prom this year. As if I would go! I can't believe that he would even think such a thing. I paused on the stairs. Neither Edward or Charlie could see me from their positions, but I was relatively certain that Edward knew where I was.
Again, Edward asked Charlie something that I couldn't hear.
"You're right. I can see that you've changed. I'll see what I can do." Charlie answered him.
"Well, I have to be going." Edward announced more loudly this time. Five seconds later, I heard the front door open and shut.
I went into the living room where Charlie was, determined to set the record straight about how much Edward had changed.
"I had a nice chat with Edward." Charlie mentioned, attempting casualness.
"Really?" I asked feigning interest.
"I think you ought to give that boy another chance, Bells. He really has changed." Charlie dove right in.
"No, dad." I shook my head. "He hasn't changed as much as you think."
"Now wait a minute, Bella." Charlie started his argument. "Before, when you were dating, he seemed angry all the time, and he never encouraged your sculpting. But now, he seems happy to be here with you. I know that he's been sitting with you while you sculpt, and he takes you to museums, and he got you that nice book about sculpting…"
"What?" I interrupted, angrilly. "I wish he wouldn't sit with me while I sculpt. He does nothing but complain about how long I'm taking. He has never once taken me to a museum, and Jasper got me the book about sculpting."
"He… what?" Charlie tried to continue his argument, but changed his mind once he realized what I had told him. Maybe he thought that I was making things up because he still defended Edward. "He says that he's really sorry about the way he left you, and he just wants another chance."
Had aliens kidnapped my dad and left this imposter in his place? That was the only explanation for Charlie's behavior… unless Edward had dazzled him into believing that he had changed.
"That's out of the question." Angry tears were forming in my eyes. "I don't want to give him another chance."
"Just let him take you to prom." Charlie continued his intercession for Edward's cause. "He just wants you to be happy."
"By making me go to prom, again?" I asked incredulously. "He tricked me into going last year, and I hated it. I refuse to let him weasel his way back into a position where he could hurt me again."
"Are you seeing someone else?" Charlie asked me unexpectedly. "Is that why you don't want to give Edward another chance?"
So that was Edward's plan, not to trick me into going to the prom again, but to force me to out my relationship with Carlisle, to make me choose between a relationship with my dad, and one with the man I cared very deeply about. He wasn't trying to take me to the prom at all, he just wanted me to think that he was trying to, that way my guard was down, and I didn't see this part coming. He probably hinted that he thought I might be seeing someone else.
"Yes I am." I told him as bravely as I could manage. "And Edward knows it. He's just using you to try to make it more difficult for me, but that's not why I'm not giving Edward another chance. I can't give him another chance because he still has a very hard time allowing me to do things my way. He's manipulative and petulant, and I would lose myself again if I dated him."
"So who is this boy you're seeing?" Charlie went all dad on me, grilling me about my relationship, ignoring what I had said about Edward. I nearly laughed when he said boy, but I barely managed to contain myself. Charlie narrowed his eyes at me. "I want to meet him."
"We're not ready for that yet." I told him honestly. "We've both been hurt before, and we're taking it slowly."
"Do you think I'll disapprove? Is that it?" Charlie began to get worked up.
"Somewhat." I conceded. "Not that I think that you'll dislike him, I just think that you might not be thrilled with the idea of us dating."
"He's older." Charlie guessed, surprising me by smiling. "Actually, I think you need an older, more mature boyfriend. Edward never seemed mature enough for you. If he really has a hard time compromising, you don't want to be in a relationship with him."
"Yes, he's older and more mellow that Edward. His personality matches my own much better." I reluctantly shared with him.
"Just tell me that he isn't hurting you or forcing you into anything." Charlie was very concerned.
"He's a perfect gentleman, dad." I smiled at him, but actually anxiously anticipating the day that Carlisle didn't behave so gentlemanly with me.
I felt guilty that I couldn't tell my dad about Carlisle. I honestly hoped that I would never have to tell him that I was dating my ex-boyfriend's father. On top of that, I doubted that he would be so calm about it once he discovered exactly what I meant by older. Obviously I couldn't tell him Carlisle's real age, but his fake age was old enough that it might cause my father to have an aneurysm. I'm pretty sure that more than a decade older would permanently turn Charlie's face into a lovely shade of purple.
Though it took a bit of planning, Alice surprised Esme by arranging for Glenna to go with on our Paris trip with us. Esme, Rosalie, and Alice had to be careful, though because Glenna didn't know that they were vampires. Esme really liked her, but she wasn't quite ready to tell her the truth.
Alice also surprised me with an overnight layover in Miami where my mom met us and we all stayed in a hotel and had a girls' night. Though later, I yelled at Alice a bit about surprising me, I was extremely glad to have some time with my mom. On the other hand, I missed Carlisle terribly. I was addicted Carlisle, and I was completely fine with it. I knew that he would never hurt me the way Edward had.
I went out to eat alone with my mom to give us some private time together.
"So, who is he?" Renee asked, insightfully as always.
"What do you mean?" I tried to brush her off.
"The man you're in love with…" She wagged her eyebrows at me suggestively.
"Umm…" I hedged, not wanting to let her know.
"Fine, keep your secrets." She laughed. "But I know there's a guy. I can tell that you're in love."
I didn't deny it this time. Instead, I smiled and winked at her.
"Very soon, I am going to want details." She giggled. "You better be prepared to dish or I will fly up to Forks and figure it out for myself."
I was going to have to come up with something good for her because she absolutely would come to Forks and figure out that I was dating Carlisle. She had very good intuition regarding these things, and I was sort of afraid that she would be able to figure it out.
My mom walked us to the gate for our early morning flight. She kept fishing for hints about my love life, but I refused to divulge anything.
"Goodbye mom." I kissed her on the cheek as I gave the attendant my ticket.
"Goodbye, Bella, have fun, and don't forget what I said about details." She smiled knowingly at me. I didn't really want to tell my mom that I was dating a much older man. She would probably flip out and force me to move back with her. Honestly, she couldn't force me since I was eighteen, but she could make my life exceedingly difficult. It would be easier if we just did as Carlisle suggested and waited until graduation to spring this bit of news on my parents. We were a bit afraid that it would strain my relationship with Charlie, and I only had until graduation before I moved across the country. Even then, it would still be hard to tell them. I wondered how I was going to do it.
The five of us had a great time the second day in Paris. The first day, she and Rosalie went out while Glenna and I slept off our jetlag. Once we were rested, Alice took us to some very exclusive boutiques, including a few bridal shops. I thought that she was there for me, but actually, Rosalie was planning another wedding with Emmett. During our shopping time, I tried to focus on how much I liked spending time with these women, and not on the psychotic pixie that dragged me to more boutiques than I could count.
On our third day, Esme and Glenna decided to spend an intimate day together while Alice took Rosalie and I to more and more stores, including a few lingerie shops. I picked out a few tasteful nightgowns. While I wanted to further my physical relation with Carlisle, some of those things were just too scary to think about.
I looked wistfully at all of the art and culture we were passing by at lightning speed. Alice couldn't spare a second glance at these things, and since this was her Christmas present, I didn't push her to look at the things that I wanted to do. I made a mental note to ask Carlisle if someday we could come here and really explore the city, maybe go to the Louvre. That would be amazing to me.
Around one o'clock, Alice slowed down just enough that I could eat lunch. Since she didn't want to stray too far from her preplanned path, I settled for a quick hamburger. I had just finished eating when Alice went into a trance.
"Oh, no!" She gasped. "Oh, no, no, no!"
Alice looked right at me with a look that clearly told me that something truly horrible had happened. She whispered something to Rosalie, and they got me back to the hotel as quickly as possible. Rosalie drove while Alice whispered furiously into her phone. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but I could see that whatever was going on was devastating in some way.
As soon as we got back into my hotel room, Alice and Rosalie sat me down.
"I'm so sorry, Bella!" Alice sobbed. "I didn't see it! I wasn't watching as closely as I should have been!"
This was so bad. I couldn't even begin to prepare myself for the horribleness. I knew that Alice would never react this way for normal bad things, so this must be the worst thing that ever happened. The first thought I had was something had happened to Carlisle. I started panicking.
"What happened?" I asked breathing very heavily.
"Charlie and Renee." Alice breathed. "They're both dead."
I didn't scream or cry. I simply sat in the hotel room and stared blankly at Alice, numb to the world.
"How?" I finally managed to make myself speak.
"Victoria and Laurent killed them and Phil as well." Alice told me shakily.
I didn't answer her. I just zoned out, barely aware that Carlisle's ring tone was playing on my phone. He called it several times before he finally gave up and called Alice instead.
"I think she's in shock." I heard Alice say. "Our flight is in four hours. We'll be there in eight."
"Yes, we'll watch her very closely." Alice agreed with something.
I was vaguely aware that Rosalie was packing our clothes. Esme and Glenna must have come in at some point because soon they were both in the room with me, upset and apologetic.
I floated through the motions of going to the airport and getting on the plane. I couldn't tell you one single thing that happened between the time we left the hotel and take off. I was there, but only in body. My mind had almost completely shut off.
The flight was similar; I neither ate nor slept. I was a zombie. Esme and Glenna fretted over me constantly, but I couldn't answer them or respond in any way. I think that Alice and Rosalie were on the airplane phones talking to other members of the family, but I wasn't really sure.
After all of the other passengers had gotten off of the plane, Esme and Glenna finally managed to rouse me enough to help me down the jet way and through the concourse. They bade me goodbye before they found made their way to a connecting flight to Seattle. They were going to finalize the funeral arrangements for Charlie.
Alice and Rosalie helped me the rest of the way. I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me before I could even register that he was there. I was unresponsive to his embrace.
"Jasper?" I heard Carlisle ask worried once he had buckled me in the back seat of a fifteen passenger van.
"It's like she's not even there." Jasper answered him.
"She's blocking you?" Rosalie asked.
"I don't think so." He answered. "No, she's actually void of emotions right now."
"Can you pump some into her?" Edward sounded frightened.
"I would prefer to wait and see if she naturally starts feeling again." Jasper told him, and probably all of them.
"But she needs to feel!" Edward protested and continued a long string of profanities that I ignored.
"Enough." Carlisle commanded. "Jasper is the expert on this. We need to defer to his judgment."
"No! Damn it!" Edward pounded his fist on the dashboard. "I am the expert on this!"
It got very quiet for a few seconds before Edward spoke again, "Sorry. I thought that would work. I thought she would snap out of it and yell at me for being such an arrogant asshole."
"I was wondering why your emotions seemed to be a bit off." Jasper breathed a sigh of relief
The rest of the ride was silent. Sometime during the ride, I realized that we weren't in Seattle. Yes, I knew that Glenna and Esme went to Seattle, but my brain wasn't working very well. We were in Jacksonville. Renee and Phil's funeral must have been before Charlie's.
Carlisle had rented out an entire floor of a very nice hotel. They put me in the nicest room, but I didn't care. I didn't think that I would be able to sleep anyway. Carlisle eventually sedated me so that I could rest.
I woke up Thursday morning, the day of Renee's funeral, and Alice helped get me ready. Carlisle and Jasper drove me to the funeral, but had to stay in the car because it was sunny. The minister said some words, but honestly, they weren't a comfort. I couldn't even tell you what was said. There were also some songs, and Phil's coach said something nice about him.
The minister was obviously new to funerals because he decided mid-service to ask me to say a few words about my mom. It took me a good three minutes to realize he was talking to me. I still didn't move. He had never met me before in his life and decided to put me on the spot and ask me to speak in front of a room full of people. He was actually lucky that I was in shock because I probably would have reacted worse if I hadn't been.
It was a closed casket ceremony, but I didn't know why. If one of the Cullen's had said, I must have not heard.
Afterwards, we went to the graveside. Again, I couldn't tell you what went on. I was basically there as a decoration. There was a late lunch at Renee and Phil's house. I sat on the couch and waited for everyone to leave. The minister seemed to think that I needed to talk to him about something. He was there until dark when Carlisle showed up and told him that we needed to get to the airport.
This flight wasn't as long, and we arrived at night. I was once again sedated so that I could sleep. I woke up on Friday and started getting ready for Charlie's funeral only to find out that it wasn't until Saturday. Carlisle reluctantly left me to take care of some paperwork regarding Charlie's death. I was left alone with Rosalie, Edward, and Emmett. Alice and Jasper went to speak with the minister so that there so that there wasn't an awkward repeat of what happened in Jacksonville. Since it was overcast in Jacksonville, Esme and Glenna went back to pack up my mom's things and get the house ready to be put on the market.
Emmett and Edward were playing video games while I sat by Edward on the couch. Edward had decided that I needed to be next to him, and I was too out of it to fight him.
Rosalie floated into the room wearing her new wedding dress.
"How do you like this for our next wedding?" Rosalie asked Emmett.
"Of course Alice and Bella will be the bridesmaids." She started to explain, not waiting for Emmett's answer. "I assume Edward and Jasper will be your groomsmen. Carlisle will walk me down the aisle…"
She may have continued after that, but all I could focus on was Carlisle walking Rosalie proudly down the aisle. That image changed to Charlie walking me down the aisle to marry Carlisle, and while we hadn't even talked about marriage, I was hoping to one day marry Carlisle. I knew that Carlisle was the one I wanted forever. I had wanted Charlie to give me away whenever that time came, but now he would never get to. I gasped, knowing that I was a horrible person to dread telling my parents about my relationship with Carlisle. I had wished that I would never have to tell them. Maybe I was being punished for my dishonesty. I now wished that they could be here so that I could tell them. I would confess everything if they could just somehow be here again.
Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie froze at my reaction.
At first, my lip quivered, and then tears gathered in my eyes. This was just the quiet before the storm. I managed to hold it together all of ten seconds before I started bawling. Jasper and Alice came running into the room a few minutes after I began crying.
"Oh, thank God." Jasper breathed. "I'd thought we'd lost her."
"What happened?" Alice asked.
"I don't know." Edward and Rosalie said at the same time.
"What was going on at the time?" Jasper wondered.
"I was showing Emmett my new wedding dress and talking about her being a bridesmaid…" Rosalie inhaled sharply. "Do you think she didn't want to be a bridesmaid?" She was so upset by that. I reached out to take away her pain, but Edward grabbed my hand and jerked it away from Rosalie's face.
"No, it was after that when you started talking about Carlisle walking you down the aisle." Emmett reminded them.
That brought on a whole new wave of wailing. Edward held me tightly. "It probably made her realize that Charlie would never be able to give her away."
I nodded, still sobbing hysterically. Edward pulled me into his lap and kissed the top of my head. I should have stopped it then, but I was much too distraught to think about what had just happened. I finally snapped out of it when I felt Edward's erection growing down below me. He wasn't supposed to be the one holding and comforting me, and it was making me very uncomfortable that he was aroused at my proximity. I was feeling somewhat better from the comfort he gave me, but when I realized that this comfort was a little too intimate from the wrong person, I felt worse because I shouldn't want Edward to comfort me in this way. I struggled to free myself from his grip, but he held me firmly. I panicked.
"Edward!" Jasper scolded him sharply. "She doesn't want you. Let her go."
"Her emotions are all over the place." Edward pointed out to him. "I'm not sure that she wants me to let go."
"Not you!" I gasped. "I shouldn't have let you! I'm a horrible person! I'm… a cheater!"
"Oh, sweetie," Rosalie pulled me out of Edward's grip and into hers, and Edward allowed it, "Carlisle isn't going to think you were cheating on him with Edward because you let him hug you."
"It's feels wrong to let Edward do it even though I want to be held." I told her, sobbing. "He wants something that I'm not willing to give. It hurts so much, and I'm confused!"
"I see your point." She conceded. "Edward should probably keep his hands to himself and let one of us hug or hold you if Carlisle isn't here. I think that being so close to you confuses him as well." She was clearly talking to Edward with this last statement, not so subtly reminding him that he wasn't with me anymore.
I pulled out my phone to call Carlisle, but Rosalie stopped me. "You can talk to him when he gets home." She took my phone from me.
"I already told him that you were crying, and he's on his way." Alice knelt down beside me. "He'll be here in two minutes."
It seemed like an eternity, but Carlisle did indeed run through the front door two minutes later and scooped me into his arms. I cried for what seemed like hours before I could calm down enough to put more than two words together. Slowly, my breathing returned to normal, and I was only sobbing every once in awhile. I felt so safe and loved in Carlisle's arms. I never wanted to be anywhere else.
Finally, I remembered what had happened between Edward and me. As much as I needed this right now, Carlisle deserved my honesty.
"I let Edward…" my voice squeaked, but he interrupted me.
"Alice told me what happened." Carlisle covered my mouth with his finger. "And I don't think that you did anything wrong."
"But I shouldn't have let it go as far as I did." I countered around his finger.
"He was a friend giving you comfort, nothing more." Carlisle disagreed. "You were sad and leaning on your friend."
"That is not what he was thinking." I argued.
"You're right, Bella." Jasper answered me.
Edward was petulantly scowling at us from the corner, not saying anything. I honestly hadn't expected Edward to admit that he was wrong, but I had hoped that he would. I knew that he was still trying to win me back.
"Edward is at fault here, not you." Jasper continued. ""To you, it was a friendly, comforting gesture, but to Edward it was a chance to have some physical intimacy with you. The familiarity of the situation confused him. He does want you more than he should. He should apologize for making you feel uncomfortable."
All eyes turned to Edward as he stiffened, and finally sighed, "I'm sorry, Bella."
"I forgive you, Edward." I told him as I snuggled closer to Carlisle. He returned the gesture and held me tightly. This simple act reminded me of how much I loved Carlisle. I would be happy spending the rest of my existence with this wonderful man.
I looked around the room to see if I could tell if anyone else was as mistrustful of Edward as I was, but my inspection was cut short when I saw Rosalie, still in her wedding dress. Seeing her reminded me of why I broke down. My face suddenly got very red, realizing that Carlisle was probably going to ask what caused me to start feeling emotion again, or one of the others had already told him.
"Why are you suddenly so embarrassed, Bella?" Jasper asked.
My eyes widened in horror, and I hoped like hell that Jasper would let this drop, but sadly most of the vampires I knew were extremely curious, to the point of annoyance. I was beginning to think that Edward's incessant need to know everything was at least partially because all vampires were nosy.
"Bella?" Carlisle asked, checking on me.
"Um…" I stalled, biting my lower lip. "I was just…"
"It's about why she started crying." Alice interrupted. I could practically hear her eyes rolling, though I couldn't see it.
"Ah." Jasper chuckled. "Sorry, Bella."
"Are you going to enlighten me, my dear?" Carlisle tipped my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.
"Um… I was listening to Rosalie describe her wedding, and she said something about you… w-w-walking her down…" I again was crying uncontrollably.
Jasper was suddenly in front of me, staring into my eyes. "May I tell him?"
I nodded, still trying to get under control.
"I think that she got upset because she realized that Charlie couldn't give her away at her wedding, and she's embarrassed that you were going to find out why because you hadn't talked about getting married yet. She didn't want you to think that she expected a proposal." Jasper told Carlisle, but Carlisle's eyes were on me.
"Bella, do you want to marry me someday?" Carlisle asked hopefully though his phrasing made it clear to me that though he was curious, this wasn't an actual proposal.
"Yes." I choked out.
Carlisle smiled like an idiot but quickly fixed his face in a more content expression. "Someday." He breathed.
Okay, please don't hate me for putting Bella through this.