Author's Note: This is the chapter I've struggled with writing the most. This is about the fourth version of this chapter. The first one was somewhat harsher, but not really like this chapter. I went the wrong way and made it even harsher. I tried to tone it down a bit in the rewrite, but the harshness was just different, not less, and Edward just wasn't right. The final version, here, is I hope, the right tone. I am going to post two other versions of this chapter as outtakes if you're interested in reading them. Just a warning, though, they are both rather disturbing.
This chapter, however, is still rather emotionally upsetting, but I hope that it conveys what I intended.
Chapter 16 – Restraint
Before I drifted off to sleep, Carlisle got a call from Sam. Unfortunately, the wolves were not as quick as vampires in the water, and Victoria got away. I was desperately worried about everyone I knew, wondering which one of my friends she would hurt next. I would gladly sacrifice myself to save them, but I didn't think that would work. I think that more than my death, she wanted me to suffer, and she was an expert at causing emotional pain by hurting others. I knew that we had to find her. I couldn't calm my mind down enough to sleep. Carlisle finally sedated me.
My parents' deaths hit me hard the next day, especially after Carlisle had to go to work. I curled up in a chair in my room and cried. Emmett brought me breakfast, lunch, and dinner, which I left untouched. I didn't even look at it. Edward came up and hovered in the doorway for awhile, until he got up enough courage to come inside and wandered over to where I was. Alice and Jasper made him leave just as he was beginning to pick me up to hold me.
When Carlisle finally came home from work, he was beside himself worrying about me.
"What can I do, my love?" He fretted. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I want to go home." I cried.
"I-I was…" Carlisle was pained. It looked like I had inadvertently hurt him again. "I was hoping you'd want to stay here for awhile."
"That's not what I meant." I reached up to him to relieve him of his pain, but I was thwarted by my glove. "I meant that I want to go home for awhile to sculpt."
"Of course, I'll take you there," he was relieved, "but please, try to eat something first. You've hardly had a bite to eat since you found out what happened to your parents."
"It's too late to sculpt tonight," I yawned, "and I'm exhausted from crying all day."
"But you'll eat?" He pressed hopefully.
"I'll try." I offered. "I can't promise to keep it down, though."
The next day, Alice and Jasper came with me so that I could sculpt. As soon as I got my hands in some clay, it felt right. It felt like I was supposed to be here doing this. They stayed upstairs with the understanding that I needed to work this out for myself. They were only supposed to come down to give me lunch and dinner. Otherwise, I was to be left alone to sculpt.
My hands slipped through the clay, forming and shaping what turned out to be Renee. She was cradling me in her arms. Behind her, was Charlie, he was also watching over me. The weird thing was that I was not a tiny baby. I was full grown me.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I never meant for any of this to happen! I know it isn't my fault, but I still hate this! I want you back!"
This happened almost every day for a week with various versions of sculptures until I had finally told them both about Carlisle and how he and I were in love. I looked at the sculptures I had made of them, and I felt that they could accept our relationship. I felt much more at peace about it than I had before. Yes, I know that I was in no way over their deaths, I felt like I could go back to my life while I grieved.
Carlisle was relieved when he saw me smiling again. I hadn't really smiled during the whole week. He was also happy that I my appetite had returned. Since my parents had died, I only ate to appease the others, especially Carlisle. I had only eaten just enough so that Carlisle wasn't begging me to eat. After the week of sculpting, I was actually requesting food.
I think that the intense emotions I had experienced since my parents' deaths must have somehow made my gift more difficult to control. In the days to come, I tried to absorb pain at least once a day. Carlisle was really glad that Alice had given me the gloves. I had to wear them unless I was sculpting, eating or showering.
I was compelled to heal others, so much so that the pain drew me in. It became so bad that even if I was sleeping, I could feel that someone needed to be healed. The worst was when Emmett and Jasper were wrestling outside, and Emmett sort of tore off Jasper's foot. I had just gotten finished eating when I sensed his pain, and I started running outside to find Jasper. Rosalie and Alice had to hold me back so that I wouldn't feel like I had my foot torn off for the next week or so.
And of course, it turned out that Alice was right. It was only my hand and lower arm that could absorb pain. The gloves worked like a charm, except for the fact that I longed to touch Carlisle with my actual hands. It was a very frustrating time for me.
During that time, I also made a big decision regarding school. I decided not to go back, but just to get my GED. Right now, while I was still mourning the loss of both my parents, I couldn't face the constant gossiping of the school. I knew that my relationship with Carlisle would become the newest thing to talk about. I just didn't want to deal with it.
Carlisle was very supportive. He didn't want me to go back where he couldn't protect me from Victoria as easily, and he was worried that I might not be able to control myself at school where the gloves would be considered unusual. The nice thing was that he thought that I had probably learned all that school had to offer me, but even if he hadn't, he wouldn't have constantly badgered me to see it his way.
Needless to say, Edward was not of the same opinion.
"I really think you ought to finish." This was Edward's constant mantra. Although sometimes, he changed it up a bit. "You only graduate from high school once as a human."
"I don't care, Edward." I finally snapped at him. "If I do care in fifty years, feel free to tell me that you told me so."
Carlisle snickered at this, and Edward skulked off. I hoped that he had changed enough to let it go. The old Edward would have been plotting, trying to ensure that I did it his way. True to his word to let me live my own life, Edward actually didn't bother me about graduating again. Though he was clearly still upset that I was in love with Carlisle, he seemed to be trying to not be such a control freak when it came to me. I was impressed by how well he seemed to be disciplining himself.
Two weeks after my father's funeral, Alice and Carlisle took me to Seattle to take the test to get my GED. It was completely easy. I really didn't need to study. I came back to the Cullen house a high school graduate.
Just after my GED test, I decided that I would permanently live with the Cullen's. Carlisle really wanted me to, but he remained silent while I decided. The others, including Edward, begged me to as well. I finally gave in, because, one, I already stayed there every night, and two, it would be easier on them to protect me in their house, and finally because Esme asked me if she could live at my father's house to give her some alone time with Glenna. She felt that she might love her, and was nearly ready to tell her the Cullen family secret. Now, Glenna's not stupid. She knows that something is different about the Cullen's, but she has accepted that Esme isn't quite ready to tell her exactly what is different about them.
With my newfound freedom, and lots of time on my hands, Carlisle suggested that I work on controlling my new gift so that I might be able to touch someone in pain without absorbing it. Otherwise, I was going to have to resort to wearing gloves all the time. I had only two volunteers to help me, Jasper and Edward. Rosalie thought that her pain was something that I shouldn't have to endure, while Emmett just didn't want to spend time with me while one or both of us were in pain. Jasper flat out refused to let Alice do it, and Esme was spending time with Glenna and couldn't do it. Carlisle told me that he was willing if no one else could, but he preferred staying away since he couldn't bear to see me in pain.
So it was down to Jasper and Edward. Neither one sounded like a good option. If I chose Jasper, our mutual pain could come back on us in a never-ending feedback loop. I mentioned this to Carlisle, thinking he would laugh at me, but he actually looked genuinely concerned.
"The thought has also occurred to me, my love." He kissed my nose. "I'm apprehensive about that as well."
"Would you mind if I worked with Edward?" I didn't want to pick Edward without Carlisle's… not really permission, but blessing or something like that. "I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable or mistrustful."
"I was actually hoping you would choose Edward." He smiled at me. "I know how he so wants to be part of your life in any way he can, even if it means that he helps you control your power."
"I don't know if I'd call it a power, so much as a compulsion." Edward teased, interrupting our conversation. "I mean… I think that this power is nothing more than a supernatural manifestation of a deep-seeded need to make everyone's pain your own. And let's be honest, I'll be helping you to be able to touch Carlisle more."
"I'm sorry, Edward. If this is too hard for you, I'll just try to work on it on my own." I suggested.
"No, Bella." Edward shook his head. "I'm actually hoping that this will help me as well."
I tilted my head in confusion, and he explained, "I want to be able to look at you without my first thought being that you're mine. My head knows that you are with Carlisle, but my heart still feels that we belong together."
I guessed that's why he still tries to control me from time to time, and probably why he was so upset that I had gotten over him. He believed that even though he broke up with me, in his mind, it was just a means to achieve his ultimate goal, and we were actually still together. I looked up and saw all of the hurt in his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Edward." I repeated, reaching out to take his pain, but of course nothing happened because I was wearing the gloves. Carlisle and Edward both chuckled at me.
"I don't mind you practicing with Edward, my dear, but I would prefer if I didn't have to see it. It would only cause me pain." Carlisle told me taking my hand away from Edward's face and lacing his fingers through mine.
"None of us want to see it." Rosalie shouted from down the stairs.
"You got that right." Emmett agreed.
"That's why we will all be outside, patrolling the grounds tomorrow while you and Edward practice." Carlisle said a little louder than necessary.
The next day, the others had already been out patrolling for a couple of hours when I got up for breakfast. Edward explained that Carlisle and Alice had gone one way while Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie went the other way.
I decided to shower before I practiced. That ended up being a mistake.
For the first time in a long time, I had asked Alice to let me pick out my own clothes. I thought while I was working on my gift, I could also work on my fears, and walking into my own closet was the first step to facing my fear of the dark.
My undergarments were in a dresser in the room, so I didn't have to go in the closet to get them. I chose a pair that I thought were fairly pretty. I knew that Carlisle wouldn't be seeing them, but they made me feel a little prettier knowing that they were on under my clothes. I had just got my chocolate brown bra and panties on when my door swung open. Edward stood in the door frame looking over my nearly naked form.
"What are you doing?" I half screamed and attempted to cover myself. "Don't you know how to knock?"
I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth before Edward was standing in front of me, ripping my bra and panties from my body. I futilely clutched the tattered remains of my undergarments to myself. They were barely scraps, but still I tried to keep myself covered.
"You know how hard I'm trying to resist you, and yet you parade around the house nearly naked?" He asked me as his eyes roamed over my naked body. "If you aren't going to be more discreet, I am done trying."
"Please, Edward, don't do this!" I uselessly attempted to get away from him.
Edward moved quickly as he caught me and grabbed my upper arms. After I was in his iron clutches, he slowly started moving me backwards.
"Say that you want me." He commanded me.
"No, Edward." I shook my head at him as he continued to guide me backwards.
"Be a good girl and tell me that you want me." He said more forcefully, and it finally occurred to me where he was taking me. He was backing me into the closet.
"No, I won't say it." I whimpered, tears streaming down my face. "Please don't."
"Say it." He growled menacingly.
We were now standing in the middle of the closet and his hands were gripping my upper arms painfully. He thrust his pelvis into my hip, and I could feel his erection against my body. I was beyond terrified. He was going to leave me in this closet if I didn't tell him that I wanted him, but if I did tell him that, he was going to take it as permission to have his way with me.
"I w…" I started to tell him what he wanted to hear, that I wanted him, when I stopped myself. I had never been able to do that before, but Carlisle's face flashed into my mind and I knew that I could never say those words to Edward ever again. I would rather die in this closet than betray Carlisle like that. Although my fear of the dark had momentarily won, I eventually beat it and screamed out, "I won't say it!"
"You won't say it?" He bellowed.
"No." I shook as I spoke. "Please, Edward, don't do this. I'm begging you."
Edward's eyes changed when I said this. I could see the struggle in them as he held me tightly against himself.
"Please let me go, Edward." I continued to plead with him.
"I'm trying, Bella." His voice sounded strained. "You're so beautiful…"
"Please, Edward… please don't." I trembled.
"I'm trying to stop myself, but it's so hard." He fought with himself, gripping me more tightly around my arms. I couldn't help whimper in pain.
"You're hurting me!" I cried out.
Edward relaxed his grip and pushed me a little away from himself. I thought his better side was winning when suddenly Edward's eyes went wide in shock, and he gripped me even more firmly and pulled me back harshly against his chest. He was scared about something, and I didn't have to wait long to find out what was the matter with him.
"Let her go, Edward!" Carlisle thundered loudly from my doorway.
"Please." I begged him one more time.
Finally, an instantly, he released me and jumped out my window. My arms hurt even more as the blood rushed back to where he held them.
Immediately, I ran to Carlisle and wrapped my arms around him.
"I didn't say it!" I promised him, clinging to him. "I promise, I didn't say it!"
"Didn't say what, my love?" He asked.
"He said he would lock me in the closet…" I explained, sobbing, but I couldn't continue.
Carlisle moved us until he was sitting on my bed. I clutched his body as tightly as I could, wrapping my legs around him. He hesitantly stroked my hair.
"I didn't say it!" I cried into his neck, trying to elaborate on what I was trying to say earlier. "I didn't tell him that I would…"
"Sssshh." He whispered. "I know you didn't say it, and I'm so proud of you, my love."
"I should have locked the door!" I wailed. "I'm so sorry!"
"This isn't your fault, my darling." He assured me. "Edward shouldn't have come in here without your permission."
"But he said that it was my fault…" I told him.
"He lied, my love." Carlisle's voice held nothing but honesty. "I'm so sorry that I left you alone with him. I should have helped you with your gift myself."
"This isn't your fault either, Carlisle." I assured him, snuggling into him.
Edward had hurt me again, and I was torn about what I should do. While I was willing to forgive him, I was not willing to live in the same house with him if he wasn't at least going to have consequences for his atrocious behavior. I hated to give Carlisle this ultimatum, but either Edward needed to be spanked for what he had done to me or one of the two of us were going to have to leave. I felt awful for making Carlisle have to choose. I wanted to marry this man, but I couldn't live in a house where Edward was allowed to behave so terribly. I actually wasn't afraid that Carlisle would choose Edward over me. He had made it perfectly clear that he would choose me. I was afraid that he would be upset with me for forcing him to choose between us.
I was brought out of my dilemma by Carlisle sobbing. "Please don't make me destroy him!"
What?
"I never even considered it, Carlisle." I assured him. "I just feel awful about the choice I want you to make."
"You want me to make him leave?" He guessed. "I will, my love, if that's what you want."
"I don't want that." I admitted. "I want him to submit to punishment. If he doesn't, then either he or I will have to leave because I can't stay here if…"
"If he doesn't submit, then he will leave. I will never send you away, my darling." Carlisle vowed.
"Are you going to spank him?" I wondered aloud.
Carlisle sighed in resignation, "I suppose he's left me no choice. I have one condition, though. I need you to be there when I do it."
"I'm not sure…" I mumbled.
"Please, my love. I need you to see that I am not abusing him." He begged me. "I need you to know that I'm not a monster."
I could feel the pain radiating off of him. I started to reach out and touch him to absorb it, but I caught myself and kept my hands over the top of his shirt. It was a struggle, but I did manage to do it.
"It's okay, baby." I rubbed his back to comfort him, still clutching him, unable to pry myself away from him. "If that's what you need, of course, I'll be there."
I briefly wondered if he would allow me to take some of the pain from him if it became unbearable, but I didn't think that he would. I was beginning to believe that he, like me, tried to bear the entire burden of pain and hardship for the whole family. When he tells me that he can't stand to see me writhing in agony, he means that he feels it is his duty or responsibility to bear pain, and not mine.
"I'm so sorry that I didn't get here sooner." He clung to me.
"It's not your fault." I assured him.
"I promised you." He whimpered. "I told you that I would never let him put you in the closet."
"He was coming to his senses." I tried to tell him, shaking and crying as I continued to cling to him. "He was wrong, obviously, but he was about to let me go."
"But I feel like I failed you, my love." He cried into my hair. "I encouraged you to trust him."
"Edward failed, Carlisle." I choked back a sob. "This was all him."
"You're right, of course." He nodded against me, his voice still full of regret. "I just feel like it's my fault because maybe he hadn't changed as much as I had hoped he would have. I feel like maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see in him because I didn't want to admit that I had failed to be the father he had needed all these years."
"He kept that hidden from you." I knew that I couldn't stress this point strongly enough. "He read your mind and, in front of you, acted the way he knew you expected him to behave. I think he only admitted his need for discipline to me because he was hoping to convince me that he how badly he wanted to change, so that I would take him back."
"I suppose you're right, my dear." He sighed, rubbing my back. "He is a well-accomplished liar."
"He did tell me that you kept him disciplined while you were helping him learn to master his thirst." I remembered. "He told me that was the only thing he had successfully changed about himself."
"I just stayed with him. I didn't punish him." His voice shook, fearful that I might think he had hit him or something worse.
"I know." I nodded. "He told me that. But it shows how fatherly you are, and how you helped him change before. He respects you for it."
"I suppose." He acquiesced. "I love him, Bella. He's my son. Please help me be the father he needs."
"Do you need Esme?" I wondered. "I don't want to take her place as his mother. I know I'm good with weird, but it seems a little out there, even for me, to become motherly to Edward."
"No, you don't have to be his mother." He chuckled a little. "I just need you to be my refuge, my sounding board, my…" He trailed off, but I could have sworn that he was going to say wife.
"I will be whatever you need me to be." I promised. "I want to be whatever you need, even if you do need me to be Edward's… stepmother."
"I love you, Bella." He hugged me more tightly. "You are truly wonderful."
"I love you, too." Though I didn't know it was possible, I shifted so that I held him even closer to me.
After a few minutes, Carlisle shifted underneath me and choked back a sob, "I'm so very sorry, my dear."
I started to ask him why he was sorry, but suddenly I realized that there was a growing bulge between my legs, straining toward my… well… you know.
"You're sorry that you are attracted to me?" I asked amusedly until I pulled back a bit and looked at his face.
His eyes were shut tightly and his lip was quivering. What in the world was he doing? It took me a few moments to realize what the problem was. I'm an idiot. I had been sitting on his lap, completely naked for… I have no idea how long, and he was beating himself up for getting an erection.
I concentrated my hardest on not absorbing his pain, though I really wanted to, and put my hand up to his cheek to comfort him in a non-supernatural way, "Do you know how much I trust you?"
"What?" He sounded genuinely shocked by my question.
"I wondered if you knew how much I trusted you." I repeated. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit, sweetheart."
"How can you say that?" He sobbed. "You came to me for comfort, but I lusted after you just as Edward did."
"Did you, even for a second, entertain the notion of putting me in a closet to make me have sex with you?" I asked him angrily, very upset that he had compared his simple physiological response to Edward's possessive domination. "No, you were understandably turned on by your naked girlfriend sitting in your lap. Do you not see how that's different?"
"I didn't want to frighten you any more than you already were." He worried. "I couldn't bring myself to ask you to put on some clothes because I knew that you needed to be held. I tried to control my reactions, but the longer I held you, the more aware I became that your warm little body was securely wrapped around mine, and your long, slender legs were gripping me tightly. My mind wandered to how easily I could…"
"Holy crap, Carlisle." I blushed. "That is…"
"Deplorable." He hung his head in shame.
"No, it's… unexpected, interesting, and it makes me a little… you know, turned on." I turned a deeper shade of red, and even redder still when I realized that I was becoming a little wet right on Carlisle's pants.
"What?" His head snapped forward and his eyes flew open and he drew in a breath in shock. "Oh, shit." He shut them tightly again.
"I apologize that I haven't helped your situation." I looked away from him.
"Now who's being ridiculous?" He asked me, chuckling. "If it's okay for me to think of you, my beautiful, naked girlfriend, then it is most certainly okay for you to think of me the same way. Your bodily responses definitely make it more torturous for me, deliciously so."
"Delicious?" I asked breathlessly. "As in you… want to… taste me?"
"More than you'll ever know." He whispered in my ear and then panicked a bit. "I mean as a man, not as a vampire."
"I knew what you meant," I giggled, "and I'd be lying if I told you that I hadn't been thinking about the same thing."
"Really, you think about that?" He asked, disbelieving.
"More than I'd like to admit." I mumbled, embarrassed. "In my dreams, you can do amazing things with your tongue."
"I don't really know what to say about that." His voice shook. "It definitely makes me happy to hear that."
"And I'm sorry about your pants." I lowered my head in shame. "I didn't mean to…"
"I don't mind at all, my love, though I may have to burn these pants to be able to continue to resist you until we are married." He chuckled back at me. "You smell simply mouthwatering, my love."
"Do you want to… look?" I asked him and gave him permission at the same time.
"Yes, of course I want to," he chuckled, "but I won't, not yet at least. I have enough images of your naked body in my head already."
"From when Edward let me go?" I asked.
"Yes," he sighed, "Alice didn't tell me that Edward had accosted you while you were naked."
"He didn't." I told him, clinging to him once again. "I had on my bra and panties. He ripped them off of me. I never wanted him to see me that way, only you."
"He ripped them off of you?" Carlisle's voice became hard.
I didn't understand the change in Carlisle's behavior. He sounded very angry, but before, he only sounded worried.
"I'm sorry, my love," he told me when he realized that his sudden anger must have frightened me, "I suddenly became enraged. I became angry that Edward very nearly raped you, my darling. I can barely contain the rage bubbling up inside me that he was not only going to rape you, but he was going to break you in the process."
"Because he knows how much I love you, and yet he tried to get me to betray you by saying that I wanted him?" I guessed.
"Yes, my love." He sobbed. "Even though I would have never held it against you, had you given in, you would have never been able to forgive yourself."
"That's why I couldn't say it." I nodded. "Even though I was afraid, I knew I couldn't live with the guilt of letting Edward… have what's yours."
"What's mine, my love?" Though he was still very upset, I could hear hope in his voice.
"I didn't know how to tell you." I spoke in barely a whisper. "I want you to have… all of me, every part."
"You do?" His voice shook, and I nodded my head. "I didn't want to be presumptuous, but I had started to think of you as… mine. I mean… I don't think of you as my personal possession, but…"
"You mean the way Edward does?" I interrupted his rambling. "I was actually wondering about his possessiveness. Is it a vampire thing or an Edward thing?"
"Both, I think." He sighed. "Vampires are for the most part, possessive creatures, especially of their partner. I believe that Edward also had a possessive personality, and he was raised in a time where men were the unquestioned head of the household. Becoming a vampire has only cemented this unflattering characteristic."
"You aren't possessive, though." I reminded him.
"That's my personality." He smiled at me. "Although I may give you endearments such as, my darling or my love, I don't actually believe that you belong to me, not in the literal sense. I believe that you are your own person, not my personal possession."
"I know that." I assured him. "I actually feel sort of… like…"
"Don't worry, my love." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm yours. I have been for awhile now."
"I love you, Carlisle." I pulled back and kissed his lips.
Carlisle pulled away from me slightly. His eyes were still closed. "Not that I don't want to return your affection, but you are too tempting, my darling. Can we continue this when you're fully clothed?"
"Sorry." I giggled and snuggled back into him. "I'm not ready to let you go yet. But if…"
"I can handle the temptation." He interrupted me. "I love that you trust me so fully."
Carlisle's phone buzzed, and he pulled it out, and briefly glanced at it, careful to keep his eyes averted from me.
"Alice says that they've found Edward, and they're bringing him back this way in an hour. She wants to talk to you in a few minutes." He informed me. "But first, I need to… I'm still very angry with him." His voice became very controlled, very even. He sounded deadly when he was like this. If he were human, he'd be facing serious prison time for what he's done." He pointed out to me.
"We can't really do that, though." I mumbled. "Of course."
"No, we can't." He shook his head. "But I need some real assurance that he is changing and will never behave like this again, and I don't know how I can get that."
"He was fighting with himself." I sighed. "He was trying to let me go when you got here."
"There's hope for him? You think that a punishment would work, because if this ever happens again…" He shuddered at the thought.
"I do understand what you're saying, and I feel like he somewhat… v-v-violated me." I was beginning to explain when Carlisle growled at the thought. "But – I choose to look at it like this: he is a spoiled child who didn't get what he wants, but unlike the spoiled child, he has the power to force…"
"I get that. I do." He cut across me. "But he knows. We talked about it, and he understood that he was wrong."
"He does know that it's wrong. He just has poor impulse control. He needs you to enforce the limits we've set." I told him.
Carlisle sobbed into my neck. This hadn't just hurt me. It had hurt my Carlisle as well.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart." I ran my fingernails through his hair as I concentrated on not taking his pain. "If I could, I would punish him myself. He's hurt you, terribly. I wish I could make it better."
"You are truly selfless, my darling." He seemed to regain some composure. "After what you've been through today, you still are worried about me."
"Yes, of course I am." I assured him. "Most of all, I'm worried that you're struggling to be both fair and compassionate. You want to make sure I know that you love me, but at the same time, you need me to know that you would never abuse me. I'm also sensing that you are worried that I believe that you love Edward more than you love me. You can stop worrying about that, by the way."
"Once again, you know me almost better than I know myself." He sighed in what sounded like relief. "Tell me what you need. I will give you anything to assure your safety and peace of mind."
"I don't want you to think that I'm one of those people who will just excuse all of the abuse and humiliation that Edward has caused me." I hoped that he understood where I was coming from.
"I think you made that clear at Christmas time when you made it clear that you forgave Edward, but you didn't want to be with him." He reminded me.
"If we were all humans, I would call the police." I stressed how serious I knew this was. "I wouldn't give him a chance to do this again, to me or anyone else. Since that isn't an option, we need to aim for rehabilitation. If I have to be alone with him, Alice will have to be watching very carefully, and he needs a good, old-fashioned spanking."
"If it doesn't work…" he worried.
"Then we will rethink our plan." I sighed. "But I really hope it works."
"Bella, my love, you are the most wonderful, forgiving person I know." He kissed my head. "But I wonder if he has passed the point where we could help him. What if I missed my opportunity to be his father, to affect change in him?"
"I don't believe that." I shook my head. "I have to believe that you can help him. I saw it in his eyes. He still wants to be better."
"If it doesn't work, then at the very least, he will be kicked out of the family." He told me with an air of finality. In no uncertain terms, he was telling me that I was his priority.
"I hope that it doesn't come to that, but I appreciate the sentiment." I kissed his neck.
"And you're sure that you're okay with only a spanking for his correction?" He needed reassurance that he was doing the right thing.
"Yes." I nodded. "But feel free to repeat it for as many days as you think it will take to make the lesson sink in."
Carlisle's phone sounded with Alice's ringtone. He handed it to me.
"We found Edward." She told me. "Esme and Emmett are with him right now because the rest of us want to rip his dick off. I can see that you both want him punished, and believe me, we all agree with that, but his attitude…"
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"He isn't exactly repentant." Jasper took over for her.
"I thought he was sorry…" Tears started forming in my eyes again.
Carlisle must have heard it in my voice because his eyes were still shut as he brought his hand up to my face and wiped away the tears.
"Oh, he knows that he was wrong to restrain and threaten you, but he is feeling rather proud that he didn't go too far, that he kept himself in check until Carlisle got there." Jasper informed us.
"Kept himself in check?" Carlisle nearly shouted at him. "He ripped her clothes off against her will and threatened to lock her in the closet if she didn't agree to have sex with him!"
"He. Did. What?" We both heard Rosalie's shout from the background. Apparently no one had told her exactly what had happened.
"Rose! Stop!" Alice shouted at her and I heard what sounded like one vampire tackling another. "Carlisle will deal with him."
"I hadn't told the others what exactly happened." Alice continued. No Kidding. "But they had guessed that it's bad. Jasper had a pretty good idea about what happened. Are you okay?"
"I'm frightened and worried." I admitted. "We need to talk to Edward, an hour sounds good. I think Carlisle and I have other things we need to talk about first, though, after I get dressed."
"Carlisle, are you alright." Alice continued.
No, I thought.
"Of course I'm not alright. Edward has nearly raped my love, and now he's proud that he merely assaulted her? My patience with him has reached its limit." Carlisle sounded more like, his patience with Edward was so far beyond the limit that he didn't even remember what it felt like to have that patience. Still, he was controlled.
"I can only imagine." Jasper nearly growled. "If he'd done this with Alice, he'd already be dead. I'm sorry, I just don't have the same capacity for forgiveness as the both of you. And I'm pretty sure Emmett would be of the same opinion."
"Edward is still Carlisle's son." I reminded them, somewhat angry that Jasper seemed to be belittling Carlisle's compassion. "They've been together for nearly a hundred years. It's understandable that he isn't ready to give up on him."
"Of course," Jasper conceded, "I only meant that Carlisle is exceptionally compassionate and forgiving. I didn't mean it as an insult."
"What happens to Edward is between Bella and me." Carlisle told him with an air of finality. "I think we need to go so that we can finish talking about whatever Bella needs to talk about."
"We'll be there in an hour." Alice told us and hung up.
I walked to the dresser and put on some regular white bra and panties. They weren't ratty or anything, but I didn't find them quite as sexy as the ones Edward had destroyed. After I put them on, I looked in the direction of my closet. It was very dark, and the memories were so near that there was no way I would be able to step one foot in there. I sucked in a shaky breath, and let out a raspy whimper.
"My love, are you alright?" Carlisle called from the bed, rooted to the spot where I'd left him.
"I'm going to get dressed." I announced, pushing myself off of his lap. "I still trust you, I just need to see your eyes when we speak."
"I would also like to be able to look at you." He admitted.
"I can't…" I cried pitifully, barely able to voice my concern. "Please don't make me go… in…"
"You need me to get some clothes out for you?" He guessed.
"Y-y-yes." I sobbed. "I can't do it!"
"I'll get them, my darling." He rose from the bed with his eyes still closed and walked to the closet.
He must have opened them once he had gone in, but he never even sneaked a peak at me the whole time he was picking out my clothes. He had his eyes closed once again when he handed them to me. I was grateful that he picked out comfortable clothes, black yoga pants and a sleeveless shirt. He even held his arm out so that I could steady myself on him if I needed.
Once I had gotten dressed, I closed the gap between Carlisle and myself. He responded by opening his eyes and scooping me up into his arms.
"Can we go somewhere else?" I asked him, no longer wanting to stay in this room. "I don't really want to be in here anymore. Everything in here reminds me of what happened earlier."
"We can go to my study and talk until the others get here." He suggested as he started carrying me toward his office. "That doesn't solve the long-term problem of what to do about your sleeping arrangements."
His eyes looked hopeful that maybe I would want to share his room with him. I really did.
"Tonight, I think that you and Edward will have much to talk about, even after I need to go to sleep." I started to talk this through with him. "I think, for just tonight, I would like to sleep at Esme's house, and after that, I would like to, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable…"
The smile on his face told me that he in no way found it uncomfortable or immoral for me to sleep in his bed. Of course, since my dad's funeral, he had stayed in my bed every night that he was home and held me, but I had been afraid to ask him if I could sleep in his bed because that was more, I don't know, presumptuous, I guess. I didn't want to presume that he was ready to make that statement to his family.
"I would be honored if you would sleep in my bed." He kissed me with much fervor.
I hope that you didn't come away from this chapter feeling that there was no hope for Edward. I wanted to make him seem like he was trying to let her go, and he made a poor decision that caused him to snap.
Also, I didn't intend this chapter as a defense of domestic violence. The Cullen's are kind of outside the law. They really can't be punished in the normal human ways like prison. That's why I added the part about which said: If Edward were human, Bella would have called the police.