Chapter 17: Heads, Hearts, and Diamonds

Saturday evening: Adrian

The early morning sunlight streamed in through a break in the curtains, bringing out the gold highlights in Sydney's blonde hair. She lay diagonally on the bed, her back to me. It was mid-afternoon for us, and she wanted to rest. Despite lying next to her for nearly an hour, I couldn't fall asleep. Taking care not to disturb her, I rolled out of bed, grabbed my coat, and slipped out the door.

Outside, I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, slowly, purposefully. I wasn't sneaking around, per se. Sydney never really said I couldn't smoke. She was a lot more compassionate than was Rose, and she didn't set ultimatums. Besides, Sydney had her own share of demons, and unlike Rose, she was willing to acknowledge them. No, Sydney did not judge me for smoking. But I tried to avoid it around her anyway.

In stark contrast to my reputation as a party boy, I've always preferred smoking and drinking alone. Alone, you can let your mind drift. It can be nice to set a buzzed brain afloat. When I give up the magic of spirit, I enter a world that is magical in its own way. In the fresh air, I could smell the traces of an incoming snowfall. Not everyone can smell a storm coming, but I can't imagine it any other way. The smell is heady, earthy, metallic. Around me, it swirled with the scent of cloves, and I breathed it all in hungrily and greedily.

"Having fun?"

I turned around to see Sydney smiling at me from the doorway.

"Sorry, sweetheart," I said, about to put out my cigarette.

"No, no, it's fine," she assured me. "But could we… could we maybe go swimming? It's just that I'd like to see the pools, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad for me to own a swimsuit, you know, just in case I'd ever need one. I don't see why I would, but it's good to be prepared. Or we could do something else. It was just an idea."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You'll do it?" I asked excitedly. "If I buy you a swimsuit, you'll actually wear it and we can go swimming?"

"That's the idea."

We hurried to the store before she could change her mind. I wanted to buy her every single bikini in that place. After only a minor anxiety attack and plenty of reassurance from me that dressing room mirrors make everyone look weird, Sydney chose an emerald green bikini with turquoise sequins lining the seams.

She looked stunning in the store, and in the ambient light of the cave that housed the pools, she took my breath away. I hopped into one of the smaller pools, a round one with a lavender-colored tiled floor that made the water appear otherworldly. I reached up and put both hands on Sydney just above her waist, hoping I wasn't hurting her ribs just by touching her. She leaned into me and allowed me to lift her and lower her into the water, wincing a little when it got chilly.

"Nice, isn't it?" I asked.

She looked so peaceful, propelling herself slowly through the water. She stopped and fixed her golden eyes on mine. "I feel weightless again," she said dreamily.

I didn't know how to feel about that. I loved to see her happy and relaxed, but I didn't want to put her in any situation that might trigger her eating disorder. When she slipped into it, I no longer understood her or knew how to reach her. Is that what it's like to watch a spirit user like me when we drift into our own little realities? Whatever it was, it was scary.

I was grateful when a waitress showed up to take our drink orders. Sipping a mojito in the cool water watching my beautiful girl swim was a perfect way to spend an afternoon. While we were there, my phone buzzed twice. I had texts from both Rose and Lissa, each saying that she had plans with her boyfriend and the rest of us were on our own for dinner. I suppose that left Sydney and I with no plans, which suited us just fine.

"God, you are gorgeous," I said heatedly. "I don't know how I'm keeping my hands off you right now." It was true. Her eyes were as sparkly as her swimsuit.

She smiled. "I don't know why you are." She swam up to me, and we sat side-by-side on the steps. I held a mojito in one hand and Sydney in the other. We had been just relaxing all day, and I could tell by her aura that she was ready to do something more. I was ready too, and I found myself trying to suppress all kinds of thoughts. If I started getting too excited about all the possibilities for later, she—and anyone else who looked at me—would know right away. Girls are lucky like that. They can think whatever sexy thoughts they want and no one has to know…

Sydney leaned over, her voice low in my ear. "I never thought I'd say this, but can you drink that a little faster? There are some things I'd like to do back in the room."

"Oh yeah? What things?"

She smiled. "You'll just have to wait and find out, won't you?"

I downed my drink.

Saturday evening: Christian

You're all set for tonight, the text read. Door will be unlocked. Good luck! –Fr. Artur. Getting a text from a priest felt a bit odd, but I was really grateful for Father Artur's help. I still couldn't believe I was going to go through with this. In my heart, I knew it was the right decision, but the heart can be wrong.

"I'm ready!" Lissa called from upstairs. Sweet, beautiful Lissa. She descended the stairs like the queen she is, wrapped in a spring green silk dress. Her long, blonde hair flowed to her narrow waist, bangs clipped back with green pins. The woman seems to have a never-ending supply of dresses, and I see her in them every day, but she is even more beautiful when she's relaxed, when she doesn't have to be the Dragomir queen of the Moroi world, just the love of my life sitting down to a nice dinner with me.

I kissed her cheek when she reached the bottom of the stairs and linked her arm through mine. The resort had several restaurants, and we had both agreed on Italian for the night. It was the fanciest, and I think we both would have been okay with something more casual, but good food was worth throwing on a dress and a suit again.

"Queen Vasilisa," the host nodded to us. "Lord Ozera. Right this way, please." He led us to a private room at the back of the restaurant. Cool. Every Moroi in the place looked up when we passed through the dining room, and Lissa graciously waved. I smiled too. I still felt awkward getting attention, but if all went well tonight, I would really have to get used to it.

Relax, I told myself sternly. Lissa could pick up on nervousness or tension from anyone around her, and I didn't want to worry her, especially because I couldn't tell her why I was so nervous. I rarely thought about the fact that my girlfriend was the queen, but all of a sudden, everything was becoming so real.

Sure enough, she picked up on it. "What's wrong?" she asked, as we studied the menu.

"Nothing at all," I said. It was true. Everything was right. I just had to trust myself.

Saturday evening: Dimitri

There are many great and terrible things about dating an adventurous, reckless woman. You never know quite what they're going to do. Out on the slopes of the ski resort, I was reminded of everything I love about Rose's spirit. She was excited to get out there, and downright ecstatic when I told her that Lissa had pulled some strings and we could have the slopes all to ourselves after they normally closed for the night. That meant we would be skiing in real sunlight.

"I'm gonna kick your ass," Rose announced on the ski lift, trying to look fierce. Really, she just looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Oh yeah?" I smiled. "We'll see about that." I started dreaming up challenges that would test us without getting us killed, or so I hoped. Her brown eyes gleamed behind her ski goggles. She always had so much energy to burn, and I knew that any tiredness from the long night of skiing would evaporate when I unveiled my grand plan later.

But Rose is, as I said, unpredictable. A free spirit. When I met her, I called her "wild and disrespectful." She still is, and I've learned to love that about her. But the challenges that faced us and our relationship when we met are as real as ever. Between our shared sense of duty and her inability to stay still, I couldn't be certain about our future. I thought I knew in my heart what she would say and do, but the heart can be wrong.

Snow began falling softly while we were on the slopes. Our goggles easily protected us from it, and it gave a nice ambience to the whole area. When the snow began to fall harder, she agreed to take a break and go inside the lodge for a bit. We sat by the fire and I brought her a cup of hot chocolate. She held it in her lap, staring down at it without drinking it, biting her lower lip.

"Roza?" I asked gently, my heart plummeting. "What's wrong?"

She looked up at me. There were tears hiding behind those eyes, I could tell. She was physically struggling to hold them back. "It's just… I wanted to make it different. It is different. To make new memories, memories with you… you're the only one I wanted anyway, but he didn't know that. He thought… he thought he had a chance, and I thought he did too… it's what I always do—did, before you and I could really be together… and he died."

My head spun as I tried to piece together what she was saying. Rose wasn't known for being rational, but I could always follow her logic. Her vacant expression scared me a little.

"Are you… are you talking about Mason?" I guessed. It all clicked together. She was. "You were here with him before he died. At the resort. Skiing on these slopes." I suddenly felt horrible for putting her through this. I hadn't known. We avoided each other during that first trip.

She nodded, biting her lip so hard I thought it would split. I wanted her to just give in and cry. Finally, she did. I held out my arms to her and she sat on the arm of my chair, leaning into me. I held her close to me.

"We were challenging each other to stunts out there. I took his challenge, and made it. He sprained his ankle pretty badly. I should have taken it as a sign of what was to come." She was sobbing, mascara running down her cheeks.

"No, Roza, no," I soothed, wiping away a tear with my thumb. "It was a coincidence, that's all. It was his idea to try the course. It was his idea to go to Spokane. And to go back into that house for you. He couldn't help how he felt about you, just like you couldn't help how you felt about me. You did the best you could. You both did the best you could. You're trying to make sense out of something senseless."

"It just hurts," she sobbed. "It still hurts."

"And it probably always will," I murmured. It wasn't positive, but she didn't want positive. She wanted truth. It was what we had always given to each other. We had been through so much together. Sometimes, truth was all we had.

In fact, I felt closest to her during emotional times like this. Our entire relationship had been full of turmoil from the start. It was forbidden; it was powerful; it was sexy. Dangerous. Downright dangerous. When things settled down, I knew she'd have a hard time adjusting. I knew we would have a hard time adjusting. When we were apart, and all I had to hold onto was small talk each night, it was hard. It was even harder to know that she was drunk, that she was in pain, and that she was hiding it all from me. I had never felt so helpless.

But we were going to make it. I knew we were. I had to believe in us, or I would never be able to do what I planned to do that night. This moment would pass for Rose. Until then, the best I could do was hold her and assure her that I would always be there. In my heart, I knew it to be true.

Saturday evening: Adrian

I began to fill the giant whirlpool tub in our bathroom the moment we returned so that we could have our own private pool of sorts. "Hey, Sage, come look at these bubbles! They're purple!" I yelled. Where was she, anyway? She had followed me back into our suite, then I lost her. I hoped she was planning some sort of sexy surprise.

Sydney appeared in the doorway wearing my sweatshirt over the green bikini. More clothes? That wasn't really what I had in mind. But I was distracted by the vacant stare on her face. Her eyes were glazed over.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

She just shook her head. I held out my arms and she came over to sit on the side of the bathtub with me. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I was hoping that whatever this was, it would pass quickly. Wasn't she turned on just five minutes ago? I don't get the same spirit-induced darkness that Lissa does, but when I can't indulge in any of my vices, my anxiety does spike. At that moment, if I couldn't have sex, I at least needed a drink or a cigarette. Preferably a few of each. With a side of sex. And maybe some onion rings.

"I just walked past a mirror. Adrian, I can't do this. I can't be with you," she said, eyes still blank. "I'm too fat."

If she were crying, I honestly might have had more sympathy. The way she was staring, it was like something else had taken over her entirely. It scared me, and I lost it. I threw my hands in the air. "What do you want me to say, Sydney? That you're not fat? You already know I think you're way too thin. But I know I'm not supposed to say that. I'm not supposed to say anything about your weight at all. But then what am I supposed to say when you throw shit like this at me? I can't say anything, but I can't say nothing, and dammit, Sage, it isn't fair!"

"Then leave!" she hollered back. "I know you want to! Just leave me! Go find a Moroi girl. Someone simple. Someone you can just screw and then let go. Someone who doesn't want anything more than that."

"You know," I said in a low voice, dead serious. "That I don't want to leave you. I love you, and it hurts. You know what Rose did to me. It hurts me to open myself up to you, to trust you, but I do it, because that is what you do when you love someone. I know that's a foreign concept for you, Sydney, but not everything in life fits into neat little boxes."

"Well, maybe you should try to go back to Rose," she said. Alright, Sydney really was crazy. "Because you want someone who is strong and confident and spontaneous. I'm none of those things."

I studied her. She may be crazy, but she was my crazy girl. "I don't want Rose. I want you, and you want me, and why do you have to make this impossible?"

"I'm leaving," she announced, striding purposefully toward the door. I wanted to spring up and run after her, but something told me to stay put.

"Alright," I said coolly. "But you might want to put on some pants first. It's cold outside."

"You want me to leave?" she asked incredulously. I could feel the ice inside her thawing out. I had confused her, and it momentarily brought her back to herself, mind spinning so that she could try to figure out what I was doing.

"That's not what I want at all," I said. "But if you want to go, I have no right to stop you. I love you and I want you, but I don't own you. This is your decision. I only ask that you think about it carefully before you make it."

I could see the internal struggle as she tried to break the spell. Slowly, she made her way to the bathroom, where I still sat on the side of the tub. Wordlessly, she took off the sweatshirt and slid into the hot, bubbly water. I took off my own shirt and joined her. We were quiet for what seemed like forever.

"I'm sorry," she said after awhile.

"I know."

"I don't know what I was thinking."

"You weren't thinking."

Silence.

"Adrian, I'm sorry I'm not really in the mood… anymore…"

"I understand." I sighed, looking at the clock on the bathroom wall. "And it's time for dinner anyway."

She turned to look at me. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

And for reasons unbeknownst to us, we burst out laughing.

Saturday night: Christian

"And then Rose just wound up and punched her!" Lissa exclaimed. We were reminiscing about our school days, draining our bottle of wine and laughing hysterically. "I mean, I had to disapprove, but really she kinda deserved it. At the time, that is."

"Oh, I remember." I grinned and leaned back in my chair. "Want to go for a walk after dinner?"

She made a face. "It's cold outside."

"We're not going outside, silly girl," I promised.

"Oh, you have somewhere in mind?"

I smiled mischievously. "Maybe."

That caught her attention. "Well, alright then."

After we paid the bill, I took her hand and led her in the direction of the chapel. The resort was huge, but most of the buildings were connected. The chapel wasn't quite there, but it was only about a hundred yards away from the rest of the complex.

Lissa frowned as we approached the doors. "You said we weren't going outside! I can't walk through the snow in these shoes!"

"We'll be outside for maybe 30 seconds," I promised. "I'll even carry you if you want." The sun was just starting to rise, and the windows on the doors were tinted. We couldn't see the chapel until we opened the doors and stepped outside.

All of her protests stopped the moment she laid eyes on the chapel. It was small, but gorgeous and stately with stained glass windows and a bell tower. "Oh, Christian," she breathed. "I didn't even know this was here!"

I took her hand. "Let's get out of the cold, shall we?" I knew she'd love this place. It was warm inside, with an elaborate crucifix hanging above the altar. It was much fancier than the chapel at St. Vladimir's. I still would have preferred to take her to that one, but this would have to do.

I led her to the door that Father Artur had left unlocked for me. It opened to a set of creaky, wooden stairs. I had been there earlier in the day to set up, and I couldn't wait for her to see it. Lissa gasped when we reached the top of the stairs. Candles lined the little loft, and I used my magic to light them all at once. I had been practicing that one for awhile. There were floor pillows in rich shades of red and purple in one corner of the room, but I had cleared the center. I led her to the middle of the room and took her hands in mine. I drew in a deep breath.

"My sweet, gentle, elegant, beautiful, radiant girl," I began. "Who gave me a chance when no one else would. I never would have dreamed that the Dragomir princess would notice me, but you did. It was your kindness that led me to see myself as something other than an outcast from a disgraced family, a weird kid who couldn't quite fit into a group. I will never know what drew us both to an attic just like this one. I think it was fate, and I am so unbelievably happy that it did. You have brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. And I've noticed a change in you, too. I like to think I brought out the little sarcastic side in you that even Rose couldn't." She smiled at that. "Still, I may never be worthy of your love, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying. I know we're young, and you've grown up so fast this year. But someday…" I got down on one knee. Her green eyes widened as they met my blue ones, and chills ran down my spine. I pulled a box out of my pocket and opened it, revealing a diamond ring. "…someday, Queen Vasilisa Sabina Rhea Dragomir… will, you, Lissa, marry me?"

"Yes!" she said breathlessly and immediately. I could have cried right then and there. "Yes, yes, a million times over, yes."

I slid the ring on her finger and leapt up, embracing her and kissing her. I could have stayed there forever, her warm hands on my cheeks and mine wrapped around her waist. Eventually, we broke apart, and she examined the ring for the first time. "It's beautiful. All of this is beautiful." She kissed me again. "We're beautiful."

Saturday night: Dimitri

I was right about Rose. Her tears dried quickly and she was ready to return to the slopes. I took it as a sign of her trust in me that she didn't even appear embarrassed. I knew how much Rose hated to cry in front of anyone. Maybe I was an exception. I liked the thought of that.

It was winter and the days were still short, so the sun was just starting to rise as we rode the ski lift. The slopes were now closed to everyone but us. "Beautiful, isn't it?" I asked.

"Very," she said softly, gazing out over the mountains. For as much as she complained about living in Montana, I knew Rose loved this kind of terrain. It was rugged, wild, and beautiful, just like my girl. My palms began to sweat. She really was a wild one. Was it fair of me to ask her the question I planned to ask? But I knew in my heart that there was no turning back. She would either be completely overwhelmed or completely ecstatic. She would wear her heart on her sleeve. Any questions I had about her readiness would soon be answered.

We hopped off the lift at the top of the highest slope. I gently removed her ski poles from her hands, dropping my own in the process, and lifted the helmet off her head and the goggles off her face before removing my own. Her long hair streamed behind her, tangled from the wind.

"Dimitri?" she asked cautiously. "Is everything okay?"

I took both of her hands in mine. "More than okay," I smiled. "Life hasn't been perfect since the moment we met or anything like that. We've had our fair share of ups and downs. A lot more than our fair share, in fact."

"Really? I had no idea. Here I thought we've just been sitting on our asses for the past year."

Leave it to Rose to nearly ruin the moment. I just sighed and continued. "But we've overcome them. And if we can do that, we can do anything. We have literally gone to the ends of the earth for each other. To hell and back. We've been dead. And now we are more alive than ever."

Her face grew serious, starting to realize that this was no ordinary conversation. There were no quips about my "Zen life lessons" from her this time around.

"You're young, Roza. To some extent, you always will be. It's one of the things I love about you. But we've both lived a thousand lifetimes. We can wait a few more years. Take all the time you need. But Roza, I want to be with you forever." I got down on one knee. She clasped one hand over her mouth in shock, the other hand still laced with mine. "I want to wake up next to you. To fight alongside you. To fight for you and to know you'd do the same for me. I love you, Rosemarie Hathaway. Will you marry me?"

Her laughter was music to my ears. "Yes!" she exclaimed. "Yes, of course!"

I slid a ring onto her finger. It was simple, practical, nothing like the one Christian bought for Lissa, but it suited Rose perfectly. She helped me to my feet, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me passionately. When our lips drifted apart, our eyes met. "I never dreamed I'd get married," she said.

"Getting married doesn't mean settling," I assured her. "We're guardians. It's not just what we do, it's who we are. Nothing has to change that, and nothing will ever change my love for you."

"I'm starting to believe," she said softly. "That we really can have it all."

Sunday morning: Lissa

I had thought that maybe last night was a dream, I truly questioned my sanity when Rose called me early in the morning to share her news. Had spirit gotten ahold of me after all? No, this was all too beautiful and real. Surreal, but real nonetheless. Rose was engaged too.

We went for a walk, not wanting Sydney (or the boys) to have to sit through our girl talk for all of breakfast. I had never seen Rose so happy. She was positively glowing. I knew I must look the same way.

"And a royal wedding, Lissa!" she exclaimed, after she told me the story of Dimitri's proposal. I didn't think she had even taken a breath. Maybe not needing oxygen was a side effect of guardian training, or maybe it was just Rose. "I'm going to be the maid of honor in a royal wedding!" Oh, Rose. Always the center of her own little world.

"Yes, of course you are." I smiled. "Want to hear about how Christian proposed?"

"Oh my god! Of course!"

By the time we reached our hallway again, we were already late. The others were standing outside their doors, waiting for us, but they didn't seem to mind. We all had announcements to make and plans to make, but for now, it was all celebration. When the plane took off that afternoon, I leaned into Christian's shoulder. I was not just joyful—I was at peace.

Author's Note: This chapter took me forever to write! I'm not much of a romantic. Okay, I'm hardly a romantic at all. I hope I did their stories some justice. I'm pretty good at rambling speeches, anyway, so I threw a few of those in there.

So now we've heard from all of the main characters who don't usually narrate—Adrian, Christian, Dimitri, Lissa. I had the most fun with Adrian's point of view because I'm so similar to him. It came more naturally to me than Rose's or Sydney's POV!

I've already written most of the next chapter, so it should be up pretty soon. It's my take on field experience, with Rose narrating. That one has been quite enjoyable for me to write! I'm moving to a new city in three days, so I'd like to be completely done with the story before then. There will be 2 or 3 more chapters, depending on whether or not I decide to split the next one. Even though I'm almost done with the story, I would still love and appreciate any reviews you want to send my way!