I'm back. For now, at least.

Thank you guys so much for the supportive reviews and PM's that you sent after reading my Author's Note. I would love to reply to each individual one, like you all deserve, but I'm still not recovered and it's a miracle I even wrote this chapter (as short as it is.)

I'm sorry it took me like, 4 months, to update. But, I seem to be in a place where writing isn't so much of a chore as it felt to be a couple months ago, so hopefully I can finish this story. For real this time. :D

Seriously though, over the past couple months if I ever felt really alone or upset, I would go and read the reviews you guys left that supported not only my writing but my well-being and telling me to just keep pushing through everything, and above all offering me your support and care. Unfortunately I'm the type of person who doesn't like talking about their problems in straight up conversations, I'm a lot more subtle in that it shows through my writing, so really - you all have already listened to me rant about some things in my life without even realizing it. Thank you all.

(Although obviously a lot of things in this story are dramatized and changed since it's not only fiction, but also involves characters that are not my own. But the very obvious key elements and themes found in my writing are more often than not found in my own life as well.)

I seriously love you guys. Even though I wasn't writing, I would always feel at least a bit better from reading your encouraging words and advice. Thank you.

Enough rambling, here's the (short) chapter - but I'm already working on the next and hopefully it will be up later today if not by tomorrow.

Thanks for putting up with me guys, you're all brilliant.

After watching Havoc's retreating figure and taking a moment to collect myself, I made my way back inside the office. Everyone looked up as I entered, probably mentally noting Jean's absence. Edward especially. Well actually more verbally rather than mentally. ''Where's Jean?" The young blonde asked in a hushed tone.

"He has the day off." I replied in a distant tone. Ed was silent for a moment. ''Why?''

"Because I felt he could use it. Now get back to your work, Fullmetal." And with that, I strode into my office and shut the door. I wasn't disturbed until after lunch. There was a knock. "Come in." I said in a loud, yet tired voice. Lieutenant Hawkeye appeared, and made herself comfortable on my office couches. And by comfortable I mean she was perched on the edge of the cushions, sitting up straight, eyes alert.

"Come sit-Tell me what's bothering you." Her voice was full of warmth. I sighed. "Don't you have work, Lieutenant? You're not one to shirk your duties." "And you're not one to send Havoc away because you 'thought he could use it'. Now talk to me." I slowly stood up and made my way over to her, seating myself across from her. I looked up, meeting her alert, watchful yet patient and caring gaze. I was blunt. "Jean's been giving Ed cigarettes."

Riza looked taken aback, but quickly recollected herself. ''Oh. I see, Sir. Yes, well I can see why you'd be angry."

A brief silence ensued.

"I just want Ed to start to make healthier choices with his life. I don't want him to pick up smoking. I'm afraid he's started simply because it's something that can be used as a way to indirectly take your own life. He obviously knows the risks. And... I'm afraid the risks are what motivates him to keep smoking."

Hawkeye watched me carefully as I said all this. She was silent after, appearing to be deep in thought.

"Maybe that's why he does it. But... Maybe he's using it as a way to de-stress. It's possible he could be using it to try and satiate his need to self-destruct."

I stared at her, considering her words.

"It's just a thought, sir." And with that, she stood and saluted me before taking her leave.

I was left to consider how much truth could be in her words.

The drive home from work was quiet.

I was tired.

Ed was tired.

We both didn't say a word.

As I pulled up to the house and parked the car, Ed spoke in a barely audible voice.

"You know, don't you?"

I looked at him.

He was staring at me, eyes full of guilt and fear.

I thought about how to reply for a moment.

"About the cigarettes? … Yeah. Yeah I do."

Ed nodded slightly and looked away, allowing his head to hang.

He seemed ashamed.

We both sat in the silent atmosphere for a minute before I sighed and got out of the car.

Ed didn't follow suit until I had already unlocked the front door and was inside.

He went straight upstairs to his room.

There was a voice inside my head screaming at me that I shouldn't let him be up there, by himself, given everything's that happened. I knew I shouldn't let him be. I knew I shouldn't trust him to not hurt himself more than he already has.

But I ignored all the warnings go off.

I couldn't go up there.

I was afraid at what I might find.

I was afraid of the conversation that would have to happen.

I was afraid of the emotional power Edward held over me.

...The power he didn't realize he even had.