Author's Note: This chapter has a little bit about the dress. Thanks for all of the suggestions. I ended up finding one on the internet that I liked quite a bit. This chapter is quite long. There was a lot of stuff that kept needing to be said, and I had to add it. I hope that it doesn't feel like I've just completely stuffed this chapter. It is a little more episodic than most of them, but still I like it. Especially because Bella and Carlisle can be a little silly together at times.
Chapter 19 – Friends
After Carlisle and I came to an agreement with Alice as to what she was allowed and not allowed to do regarding our wedding and packing for our honeymoon, she left us in a rush. The biggest concession that she had to make was that I wanted to pick out my own dress. Slightly more acceptable to her was the fact that we wanted to write our own vows.
As Alice danced away, I looked at my hand and admired my ring. Carlisle bent his neck down and rested his forehead on mine. We stayed like that, basking in the joy that came with being engaged until Carlisle interrupted our silence.
"I'd like to line up our honeymoon with our move, my darling." Carlisle told me hopefully. "That way we can come back and move into our new house together as husband and wife."
"Did you find a job in New Haven?" I wondered, thinking that he was still looking though I had no problem with moving immediately after our honeymoon.
"Yes, I will start on the first of September at the Alfred G. Gilman Hospital. The head of the emergency department has taken a job in a more prestigious hospital. This will be the first time in a very long time that I will be the head of a department." I could hear the excitement in his voice and wondered why.
"I thought you liked being where the action is, not administration." I worried that he was being forced to settle. He was brilliant enough that he should never have to settle for something he didn't love doing. "If it's because of me…"
"Listen, my darling," he chuckled at my worrying, "I have been assured that since this hospital is relatively small, this position is a mixture of administration and practice. The bonus is that I will be the one who sets the schedules of the doctors, and I should be able to work around your class schedules so that I can spend time with you."
"And they're alright with you taking off unexpectedly from time to time?" I asked.
"Yes, well, they think I have a chronic, congenital condition that sometimes incapacitates me, but Alice will help me schedule around having to use that excuse much." He explained.
"That sounds pretty good." I finally caught on to his excitement. "I guess that means I should register for classes… if Alice hasn't already taken care of that for me."
My phone beeped with an incoming text. What? And have you bite my head off for making decisions for you?
Carlisle and I laughed at her. I texted back. You concentrate on the wedding. Glenna can register my classes for me. I need to look for a dress and make a ring for Carlisle.
Yes, I see that Glenna will take care of that for you. Alice responded.
Remembering Glenna brought her big scare back to the forefront of my mind. "Should we go back and check on Glenna?"
"I'll check with Esme." He pulled out his phone to text her and waited for her reply. "Glenna is as well as can be expected. She wants to be alone with Esme right now."
"If she wants to talk to a normal human about all of this, I'll let her know if I find any that know about vampires." I joked.
"I'll keep an eye out as well." He laughed with me. "But in all seriousness, I am eternally grateful that you are not a normal human."
"And I'm very happy that you aren't a normal vampire or even a normal vegetarian vampire… if there is such a thing." I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on the lips, which he returned eagerly.
Of course, we once again got caught up in passion, and I was soon gasping for breath.
"Two more weeks," I mumbled to myself. "I can make it."
"I can as well, my darling," he sighed reluctantly, "but mostly because I will be spending the next two weeks working, and you'll be very busy as well if you're going to make my ring."
I didn't know he had read the text from Alice.
"Cheater." I teased him as I playfully smacked him in the chest, not quite hard enough to hurt my hand.
"Are you sure you're not taking on too much, choosing a dress, making my ring, and working on your fears with Jasper?" He worried.
"I know it sounds like a lot, but it will be worth it." I promised him, nodding. "And I know you didn't expect me to, but I want to make your ring since you made mine. I think it's appropriate."
"I swear you're a mind reader as well, my love." He picked me up playfully and tickled my sides before swinging me into his arms bridal style. "I was just going to say all those things. It will be worth it, and you don't need to make my ring.
"Well, I want to." I pouted playfully at him, overdoing it quite a lot.
"Like I could say no to you." He rolled his eyes at me as he broke out into a run toward our house.
"Hmm…" I thought out loud.
"What is it my love?" He asked me.
I hadn't meant to say anything. I disliked making comparisons between Carlisle and Edward because the two relationships seemed like they were in different lifetimes.
"I was just considering why you always carry me this way, and Edward used to give me piggyback rides." I told him embarrassedly. "I don't know why I thought of that. I don't want you to think that I sit around thinking about all the ways the two of you are different."
"I know you don't." He assured me, chuckling. "These things come up from time to time. It can't be helped, and I do the same thing."
"I don't know why Edward carried you that way, but I can tell you why I prefer carrying you this way." He continued. "When you were dating Edward, I noticed that you blanched every time he slung you unceremoniously onto his back. You obviously didn't like it."
"No, I didn't," I admitted, "but I was afraid to tell him."
"He knew." Carlisle sighed. "He admitted everything last night during our hunt even the little things."
"Really?" I asked hopefully. "He's making progress then?"
"I think so." He nodded. "I don't think he would have submitted to further punishment if he wasn't making progress."
"You spanked him again?" I was shocked.
"The guilt was eating away at him, and he asked me to help him forgive himself. He actually suggested being spanked again." He explained. "I'm not sure he's out of the woods completely, but he is trying."
"Good to know." I snuggled into him.
"And I know that it's selfish, but I enjoy carrying you this way." He reminded me of our conversation. "My undead heart swells when you snuggle into me, and I couldn't possibly bring myself to carry you another way unless you asked me."
"I wouldn't worry about that, sweetheart. When I'm in your arms like this, I feel…" I debated about how to end that sentence because I wasn't sure there was a single word to sum up my feelings. "…cherished."
"You are, my love. You are precious to me." He assured me. "Even though it is slightly safer and more convenient to have you on my back, I want you to know how much I adore you."
"Why is it safer?" I asked. "Wouldn't it be harder to rip me out of your arms than to rip you out of mine?"
"Yes, but if we were attacked, I couldn't defend you very well if you were in my arms." He explained.
"I didn't think about that." I admitted. "If we're attacked, you have my permission to put me on your back."
"It was going to happen either way, my love." He laughed at me. "I assumed that you wouldn't be opposed to being a little nauseated if your life was in danger."
Carlisle slowed down, and I noticed that we were at the property line. He shifted me so that he could pull out his phone.
"Just texting to make sure Edward is leaving." He explained as he received his almost immediate reply. "He heard my thoughts and was on his way out."
He ran toward the house as he shifted me back into his favorite position. We were greeted at the door by Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper who were dying to hear the details of our upcoming nuptials.
"Who's your maid of honor?" Rosalie asked at the same time Emmett asked, "Who's your best man?" and Jasper asked, "Who's going to walk you down the aisle?"
"Umm…" we both hedged. We hadn't talked about those things yet.
"We're just messing with you." Emmett clapped Carlisle on the back hard enough to jostle me. "Alice told us that you hadn't decided that yet."
"I haven't talked to Carlisle about it yet, but I was hoping that Emmett would be my flower girl." I told them as casually as I could manage, causing all of them to burst into laughter.
"That would be the best wedding I ever went to!" Jasper shook with laughter.
"Seriously, though, I'm not sure if we're going to have people up front with us since besides us, there will be a grand total of eleven people there." I told them.
"That makes sense to me." Carlisle agreed. "Although, if I can talk you into letting Emmett wear a dress…"
"If Emmett is agreeable…" I played along.
"Emmett isn't agreeable." He growled at us causing the rest of us to once again burst into laughter.
The next morning, Carlisle woke me by kissing me.
"I'm afraid I have to leave for work, my darling." He whispered in my ear.
"Miss you. Love you." I mumbled before going back to sleep. I may have heard him tell me he loved me as well, but I might have dreamed it. Either way, I had no doubt it was true.
Sadly, Carlisle had to work a lot of hours for the next two weeks so that they could begin the process of replacing him, as if that was possible.
According to Alice, the most important thing I needed to do was find my dress. Luckily, I didn't have to go anywhere to find one. Alice had filled the basement with different special occasion clothes she had saved from over the years, including several wedding gowns that hadn't even been worn, and a few vintage pieces that she had bought from auctions or estates sales.
I had just planned on picking something simple, but (and I know that it's hard to imagine) Alice didn't have anything simple. I was overwhelmed with the sheer number of dresses she had. I closed my eyes and sighed, knowing that I wasn't getting out of this and on to what I really wanted to be doing, designing Carlisle's ring.
When I had finally steeled myself for this necessary, but unpleasant task, I saw a piece of fabric that took my breath away. It was a bolt of ivory lace in the corner of the basement. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching it. As soon as I felt the fabric in my fingers, I envisioned the wedding dress I wanted. The top had an empire waist and short sleeves, made out of this lace. The bottom was ivory satin with a short train. I also imagined a gorgeous veil made from this lace with a beaded edge. It might have been considered old fashioned for the groom to raise the veil to claim his bride, but knowing that Carlisle had waited for over three hundred years for this moment, I really wanted to do it this way.
On a naughtier note, I also saw a matching night gown with straps instead of sleeves, and a lower cut, long, but not quite reaching the ground.
"Rosalie!" Alice shouted, more out of excitement than necessity. She literally looked like a hummingbird as she bounced in place, quivering from the vision she had just gotten.
She grabbed a pencil and paper and scribbled something down on it and handed it to Rosalie as she ran down the stairs.
"Go to Seattle, and get me as much of these two fabrics as you can carry in your car." Alice's eyes went blank for a minute before she returned back to her hyperactivity. "Better yet, take Emmett's jeep. It can hold more."
"You could have texted me, you psychotic pixie, or you know, you could have waited half an hour." Rosalie rolled her eyes at Alice. "Em and I were kind of in the middle of something. I know you could hear what we were doing." She winked at me, letting me know that she was not entirely serious as she huffed at Alice who didn't seem to hear a word she said.
"I only have two weeks to get this perfect for Bella and Carlisle, and now, on top of everything else, I have to make a dress and two night gowns. And don't even get me started on why I know she needs two of them." She spoke faster than I had ever heard anyone speak and still be understandable.
I blushed wondering exactly what Alice had seen. She shook in disgust. Rosalie laughed.
"You don't have to make me anything, Alice." I told her. "I haven't even looked at the ones you have on the rack yet."
"No way, Bella." Alice told me sternly. "I'd rather not get my head torn off. If I made you choose something I already had, Carlisle would literally rip me a new one for not giving you the wedding dress of your dreams. And believe me, he would find out."
"But I could explain to him that…" I started to tell her how he would understand when I told him that I insisted I choose something that was already sewn, but she interrupted.
"No, Bella. Carlisle wants you to have this." She motioned to the material. "He would know that if you chose something else, you would be settling."
"But Alice…" I started to argue again, but this time Rosalie cut me off.
"Just shut up and let us do this for you." She laughed at me. "A small wedding is fine, if that's what you want, but please indulge, splurge, and let us spoil you. You don't want to have any regrets about the happiest day of your life."
"Okay." I groused playfully. "If you must go overboard, you might as well take a flying leap."
"That's the spirit." Alice cheered once again bouncing, looking like she was stuck inside a paint mixer. "Now get your ass out to the workshop and begin designing Carlisle's ring. It needs to be finished soon if we're going to have it cast in gold."
"Since you put it that way, what am I still doing here?" I hurried up the stairs, as they both laughed at me.
Once I got there, I began visualizing a ring that I could design and then cast into a wedding ring for Carlisle. I had never done such a small sculpture, or one in wax, but I could tell that it going to be both my most difficult, and favorite piece ever.
I stared into space for about half an hour before Alice brought me what turned out to be my inspiration, and also (but separately) my lunch. She brought a sketch of my dress and a sample of the lace. I grinned as I ran my fingers over my future wedding dress once more.
"Do you think he would like it if I made his ring match my dress? I mean would it be too girly?" I asked her nervously. "The sketch is perfect, by the way."
"He will love it." Alice assured me. "I think it's an inspired idea. It's not like the lace is flowery or anything."
With that I set to work on Carlisle's ring. It took me all day, and I thought that I was going to go blind from the detail work. I put the wax version of Carlisle's ring in my secret area to cast the next day, and started to make my way back to the house when I decided that I was much too tired to get there. I curled up on the floor and fell asleep.
I had only just closed my eyes when I felt my body being lifted. I opened my eyes to see Carlisle gently but effortlessly cradling me close to his body.
"My love, please don't wear yourself out like this. We can push the wedding back if you need more time." He kissed my hair as he spoke.
"I just get caught up in my work." I mumbled sleepily. "I don't like to quit until I'm finished, and this is the most important piece I ever made."
"If you can't make it back to the house, call one of the others. None of them will mind taking you to our room." He suggested, not so subtly hinting that he didn't like the idea of me sleeping on the floor in the workshop.
"Alice might mind." I teased him groggily. "She's so stressed out over getting our wedding perfect, that tomorrow, she's probably going to wear mismatched clothes."
"I don't think she's physically capable of such a thing." He laughed, and I yawned.
"Let's get you to bed." He told me as he reached the door to the house.
"My clothes are never anything less than perfect." Alice protested loudly from the other room.
"But isn't mismatched the thing now?" I asked her as mockingly, as Carlisle proceeded up the stairs. I knew that she could hear me even though I didn't say it very loud. I was tired and didn't have it in me to speak loudly.
"I believe they call Alice's style matchy matchy, my darling." Carlisle joined in the gentle ribbing.
"You did not just insult my fashion sense, Carlisle." She shouted angrily, still from somewhere else in the house. "And Bella, don't even get me started on your fashion impairment."
"Dude." Emmett whispered as he met us on the steps trying very hard to stop laughing. "I can't believe you said that. That was some funny shit."
Carlisle winked as we walked past him, and I once again yawned, reminding Carlisle that I was exhausted.
I don't even remember making it to the bed, but apparently, Carlisle not only helped me to bed, he brushed my teeth for me. I only know this because I didn't wake up with the expected layer of film covering my teeth.
My stomach protested loudly as soon as I woke up because I had neglected dinner the night before.
As I stretched, I saw that Carlisle or Alice had left me some very serious protective gear for casting the ring. This gear was ridiculous. I didn't know how I was going to be able to move around in it. My stomach had other ideas, though, so I made my way downstairs. I found Jasper in the kitchen making me breakfast.
"Morning, li'l sister." He greeted me while putting bacon on a plate next to some delicious looking French toast.
"Thanks, big brother." I smiled at him as he put the wonderful looking breakfast down in front of me.
"After you cast Carlisle's ring today, we can start working on overcoming your fears, that is, if my fashion goddess wife doesn't need you for a fitting." He rolled his eyes when he said fashion goddess, letting me know that he had heard us teasing her last night.
"Do you think she'll make me offer a fashion sacrifice to her before she'll measure me for my dress?" I asked him with as straight of a face as I could manage. "Or will bowing and worshiping be necessary?"
"What's gotten into you lately?" Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway, smiling. "You seem so different."
"She's happy." Jasper told her. "Her meltdown, and Carlisle's proposal must have all helped her let go of the pain inside her."
"Maybe a little, but really, I think that it was realizing that you all really are here to support me, and love me. I believed it before, but seeing it in action made it much more real. You have all surrounded me with love, and I can hardly contain my happiness. That, and the fact that in two weeks, Carlisle and I will…" I blushed as I trailed off.
Alice giggled, and Jasper grimaced as he tried to fight off the sudden wave of lust I must have just sent him.
"Sorry." I mumbled to Jasper.
"Perfectly understandable, sis." He smirked at me.
"Hey, Bells!" Emmett called as he came through the door. "I was hoping to be able to help in some way since Alice and Rosalie are helping with the dress and decorations, and Jasper is helping with your fears, and Esme is helping keep Edward away from you."
"Could you cast the ring in gold for me?" I asked. "I guess it's more dangerous than bronze."
"Did you find the protective wear Carlisle had shipped overnight?" Alice giggled. "He told me, and I quote, 'I would love to see her visit me at the hospital, but not because she got a severe burn.'"
"That sounds like him." I giggled. "I assumed he didn't want me to get hurt, but I don't know how I can move wearing that stuff. It looked like it would weigh five hundred pounds." I shook my head trying to visualize putting all of that stuff on. Suddenly, I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I became very frightened.
"What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper was at my side in an instant.
"The suit." I cried. "I can't wear it. Please don't make me."
"Make the ring for her, Em." Alice whispered, and Jasper nodded. Emmett left to get started on the ring.
"No one's going to make you wear that suit." Jasper assured me. "I am going to help you, though."
"Okay." I sighed, collapsing my head to the table. Luckily, someone had grabbed the plate out from in front of me just in time, so that I didn't have syrup all over my face.
After all the others cleared out, Jasper and I sat down in the living room. For hours, we talked about why my fears are understandable but still something I need to work past. After I ate lunch, we talked some more.
During our after lunch session, I heard Alice scream at Emmett.
"Get the fuck out of here you Neanderthal!" She wailed and something smashed against the wall, shattering to pieces.
"But I know how to sew, Alice, and I want to help!" He argued with her, whining.
Jasper growled, feeling that Alice was being threatened. I heard a very loud sound like fingers on a chalkboard before I felt the need to help. Someone up there was hurting, and I jumped up to go help them.
"We're okay, Jasper, grab her." Alice called from upstairs.
"Emmett's hurt!" I shouted frantically and ran towards the stairs.
Of course, there was no chance I could outrun Jasper. He easily caught me.
"Fight it, Bella." He told me sternly. "You don't need to heal him."
I sighed. He was right. Emmett could deal with the pain better than I could. I calmed down and allowed Jasper to take me back to the couch.
"What's wrong with me?" I asked Jasper. "Why can I stop myself around Carlisle's pain, but when someone else is in pain, I am completely out of control?"
"I think it has to do with the fact that you know it will hurt him more to see you in pain." Jasper guessed. "I think the last time you absorbed his pain, things got out of hand in a major way, and you are extremely adverse to doing that again."
"You mean after Charlie's funeral and all of the misunderstandings?" I tried to clarify.
"Yes, that was a real turning point in your relationship." Jasper told me.
"But I tried to absorb his pain after that." I argued.
"Until Edward threatened you, and you realized how much hurting Carlisle hurt you," he explained.
"Do you think I could somehow channel that aversion to hurting Carlisle into stopping myself from absorbing pain from other people?" I wondered out loud, not really asking him.
"Yes! Alice called from wherever she was. "It will be harder, though."
I nodded and considered what she was telling me. I had to find a way to start thinking before I react. Right now, I was behaving purely on instinct, and my instinct told me to do everything I could to not hurt Carlisle. While he was there, it was easy, but when he wasn't… my mind obviously didn't make that same connection. I needed to find a way to make it do so.
It was nearly bed time, and I knew I needed to do something, today.
"Can I try something, knowing you'll be right there if I get too frightened?" I asked him nervously.
"You want to go in the closet?" He guessed.
"Want is the wrong word." I giggled uneasily.
"I suppose it is." He chuckled at me. "Shall we?"
We made our way up to my old bedroom. Jasper was surprised I stopped there.
"I don't want to make bad memories in our room." I explained.
"That makes sense." He agreed
I took a deep breath. Jasper will be right outside. Jasper will be right outside. Jasper will be right outside.
I walked shakily to the closet. My heart was hammering in my chest.
"Take deep breaths, Bella." Jasper told me calmly.
I took his advice and breathed in and out very slowly as I stepped inside.
"You'll let me out if I get too scared?" I checked to make sure.
"I promise to let you out if you can't get the door open yourself, Bella, but you need to try to let yourself out. That's the difference here. You are in control. You decide when you want to come out." He reminded me.
I took a very large breath to steady myself and shut the door. It's so dark in here. There isn't even any light coming from the bottom of the door. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I have about had it when I hear a knock on the door.
"My love, are you alright?" Carlisle's voice came from the other side of the door, and immediately, I relaxed slightly knowing that he is here.
"I-I can let myself out anytime I want." I told him as bravely as I could, though I was still very afraid to be in here.
"That's right, Bella." Jasper agreed with me. "The choice is yours. You can come out whenever you want."
"Can you tell me when it's been ten minutes?" I asked, not knowing but desperately hoping it had been close to that long.
"It's only been two, Bella. Are you sure you want to be in there for eight more?" Jasper sounded unsure if I could make it that long.
Could I make it eight more minutes? Probably not. Though I had calmed down marginally since Carlisle had come home, I was in no shape to last another eight minutes. Maybe I would shoot for five minutes instead.
"You don't have to overcome this fear in a day, my darling." Carlisle was practically begging me to come out and calm down.
"Okay." I whimpered, glad for an excuse to get out of here.
"No, Carlisle." Jasper scolded him. "She needs to let herself out."
Apparently Carlisle had tried to let me out of the closet, and Jasper wouldn't let him. I had a brief panic that Jasper was keeping me in here, but then I realized that he wasn't refusing to let me out. He was merely trying to get me to let myself out.
I fumbled for the handle and found it after a few seconds. I started panicking a bit over the fact that I couldn't immediately find the knob, but eventually, I succeeded. I ran out and collapsed into Carlisle's waiting arms, sobbing.
The next day, I decided to try the closet out on my own, thinking that I didn't want to worry Carlisle, but that was an unmitigated disaster. As soon as I got out of bed, I went to my old room to try to last longer than two minutes. The moment I got in the closet, I realized that no one was on the other side of the door to let me out if I panicked, and that of course caused me to panic. Then while I was fumbling, disoriented, to find a way out, I imagined Edward on the other side, holding me in, and I went into full blown terror mode. My mind was reeling over the horror of having to do anything Edward wanted to get out. I was nauseated, and I was close to hyperventilating. Though I did barely manage to refrain from promising to be a good girl, I apologized unintelligibly over and over again until a very distressed Carlisle let me out of the closet.
I had assumed he was at work, but apparently, I was wrong. He carried me back to our room and comforted me, though I could tell he was quite upset. I assumed that it was because I had put myself in such a horrible situation.
"I should have waited for Jasper." I told him as a way of apologizing.
"No, my love, I know why you did it. I could see it in your eyes last night that you were troubled that you worried me. I assumed you would try to practice when I wasn't at home." He told me, looking rather distressed still. "I knew where you were going when I heard you get up. You must have assumed that I had gone to work. I didn't tell you because Jasper told me to let you be in control of this. I should have stopped it sooner, but I wanted to let you try."
I should have known. Carlisle wouldn't be upset with me for trying to overcome my fears and failing, but he would be upset with himself for what he perceived as hurting me. He was wrong. He hadn't hurt me.
"You didn't do anything wrong." I tried to tell him. "I overestimated my ability to cope with this. I'll be more careful next time."
He nodded, and I leaned in to kiss him. He captured my lips and kissed me chastely.
"I'm so proud of you for trying to overcome your fears." He told me after we broke apart.
I snuggled into him and fell back asleep from exhaustion over just having a panic attack.
Over the course of the week, I worked with Jasper on my fear of the dark. I slowly became comfortable with being in a closet by myself to the point that I could shut myself in when no one was standing outside in case of emergency.
With one week to go to the wedding, it occurred to me that I didn't have any idea where Carlisle was taking me on our honeymoon.
"Do you mind letting me know where we're going next week?" I asked him, thinking that telling me had just slipped his mind.
"I suppose you don't want to be surprised?" He asked, though I was sure he already knew the answer.
Since I was working on my fears, I tried not to panic that he wanted it to be a secret. I tried to tell myself that Carlisle had never forced anything on me, and that his secrets would be good secrets. Rationally, I knew that he wasn't keeping it from me to spring something sadistic on me at the last minute, but I couldn't get my emotions to feel the same way. It's like there was a disconnect between my brain and my heart. I wished I could get my heart on the same page as my mind, but I just couldn't.
"We're going to the French Alps." He assured me, seeing the distress I was putting myself through. "I have bought us a little place up there where we can have some privacy. It's not so far from Paris that we can't go see the Louvre on an overcast day."
"Really!" I squealed, jumping up and down. "Oh, thank you!"
I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him all over his face.
"If this is the thanks I get for buying a house, I may have to purchase a whole country." He teased, caressing my behind as he leaned in to capture my lips.
I wish we could have made out a little more, but Alice interrupted.
"Bella, you need to get a pelvic exam sometime this week." She announced, embarrassing both me and Carlisle.
Couldn't I just go in the closet for awhile or something? No. Okay, maybe I could try something else.
"Can't you do that trick like you did when you checked to see if I was a virgin?" I basically begged her to not put me through that humiliation.
"I'm not a doctor, Bella." She told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It isn't like I checked you down there when we thought Edward may have vampire roofied you. I checked to see what Carlisle would tell you."
"Can you do it?" I turned and asked Carlisle who nearly choked.
"I… don't… think… so." He looked a little turned on at the prospect of seeing me down there.
"Edward also has a medical degree." Alice told us, clearly messing with us.
"Alice, no!" I was revolted by her suggestion. Even though I knew she was just paying me back for the whole fashion teasing episode, I was appalled.
"Rosalie also could do it." Carlisle growled at her, also not appreciating her attempt at humor.
Rosalie appeared at our door, laughing at Alice. "I've already agreed to do it, Bella. Follow me."
I went with her and sat through the humiliation of my first ever pelvic exam while Carlisle stepped out to hunt.
The bad news was that our first time probably wouldn't be pleasant for me because I was small, and as Rosalie put it, Carlisle was hung like a horse. I thought about asking if I should have my hymen broken before our honeymoon, but I disliked the thought of it being done any way but the old fashion way, but if this was going to be a problem for Carlisle, I wanted to know.
"Can I speak to you about the exam?" I asked Carlisle when he returned.
"Of course, my darling." He smiled at me encouragingly.
"Rosalie said that I'm…" I blew out a breath, "small, and that you're…"
"I see." He barely managed.
"There might be a lot of blood." I continued. "I really want you to…"
"Break your hymen?" He offered.
"Yes." I sighed in relief that he wasn't too embarrassed to talk about this. "But if it's too much for you, I'll settle for a more clinical method."
"I must admit, I was hoping our first time wouldn't be too painful for you." He sounded sad.
I met his eyes and couldn't stop myself from making my way to sit on his lap.
"I know you hate causing me pain, and I love that about you," I kissed his cheek, being very careful to not to accidentally absorb his pain, "but I really don't want to do this artificially if we can help it. If I'm being too selfish about this…"
"My only concern is you, my love." He stroked my cheek. "I'm sorry in advance for the pain it will cause you. If you're sure this is what you want, then I am honored that you trust me so much."
"You are the only one I ever want inside me." I whispered in his ear.
We sat there for a moment when a new thought occurred to me, "How are we going to…?"
"You mean which position?" He chuckled nervously.
"I'd always imagined you being on top, but…" I felt my face heat up as I trailed off.
"Really?" He asked brightly. "That's how I wanted to… but I want you to be comfortable."
"I want you to be on top." I told him. "At least the first time."
After that, I didn't get many chances to speak with him about anything meaningful. He had to work almost all of the time. I had hoped to use this time to speak with Edward about my marriage, but he seemed to be avoiding me. Although I really felt we needed to talk about this, I wanted to give him time to process it before we spoke. I really hoped that he could come to terms with it and stay in our lives.
While I was waiting for Edward to be ready to speak with me, I sculpted. I wanted to give Carlisle something that showed him how I felt about him as a wedding present. I sculpted Carlisle, how I saw him, compassionate and caring. It was the moment that I realized that he still thought I was his family even though Edward had dumped me. It was when he made Edward quit stalking me. It was the first time I felt anyone had ever truly cared for me. Sure Charlie loved me, but he had his own life, and Renee did in her own way, but I always put her needs above my own and she let me. Carlisle actually chose me over his own son.
With two days left until the wedding, Edward finally approached me just as I was packing the sculpture to take to France.
"Could we speak alone, Bella?" He looked so sad. "I'd like to take you to your old house. I promise that I just want to talk."
Alice had assured me earlier that Edward would be coming by today and that if I chose to go with him, she would be watching the whole time, though she thought he wouldn't try anything.
"Of course, Edward." I tried to smile reassuringly to him.
We drove in his car slowly to my old house. On the way, I was reminded that Esme had let Edward stay with her for the last twelve days. I was grateful to her, but I missed Edward terribly, and I knew that Carlisle did as well.
It took Edward longer than usual to drive from the Cullen house to my father's old house.
"You're not speeding?" I asked surprised. "Is there a speed trap out or something?"
"No, I just know you don't really like it when I drive like a maniac." He admitted. "We don't always have to do things my way. In fact, you can drive back if you want."
"We don't always have to do things my way either, Edward." I shook my head at him. "Friendship means we both give a little."
"I guess I'm just trying to make up for forcing you to do everything my way." He told me apologetically.
"Edward," I scolded him, "you don't have to make up for it. You're forgiven." I told him as he pulled into the driveway.
"That doesn't mean that I won't spend eternity trying to be a better person." He told me.
"I'm glad to hear that, Edward." I smiled at him.
Like a gentleman, he opened my door for me and escorted me into the house. I tried to think of something to say, but in the end, I stayed silent. Edward really needed to be the one to initiate this conversation.
"I never told you thank you for… well, for lots of things." Edward finally told me, very sadly.
I reached up to touch his face, but he danced out of my reach. I briefly chided myself for not remembering Carlisle. Alice was right. This was hard. I reacted before I even thought about him. Knowing that made me feel awful.
"Do you think we could attempt to get through this conversation without you being in unbearable pain?" He teased me, lightening the mood.
"If that's what you really want." I pretend pouted. "But I had my heart set on screaming my head off."
"I don't doubt that for a moment." He chuckled.
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed at me.
"Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" He asked me.
I didn't answer him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but the answer would have been, in the beginning of our relationship, he did occasionally tell me that I was special, but after the fight with James, I never heard it again. Instead, he would tell me that I was nothing special or that I was ordinary, or worst of all that I was pathetic. I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes at the memories.
"I guess I know the answer to that." He frowned at his own memory of our relationship. "But still you are willing to be my friend."
"Yes, of course, I'm your friend." I smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm happy to forgive you, especially if you want to change, but even if you don't."
"I didn't even apologize for being so stubborn that you had to sit through all of Carlisle's pain while I deliberately made it harder on him. That's what makes you amazing." He sighed. "And unfortunately for me, it's what makes you perfect for Carlisle. I do apologize for the causing you that unnecessary pain, by the way."
"You're forgiven, Edward." I tried to hug him.
"That's not a good idea, Bella." He told me sadly. "Physical contact only confuses the matter."
"I'll try to keep my distance, then." I told him solemnly.
"I know you don't believe me, but I do love you, Bella." Edward held his hand up because he anticipated my protest. "You were right before. I didn't know what love was, but through Jasper's mind, I could see that you were dead serious about allowing Carlisle to spank you like that even though you had done nothing to deserve it; I realized that you indeed love me much more than I love you. In fact, Carlisle loves me more than I love him as well. Both of you make me want to be a better person."
"I do love you, Edward." I confessed. "But I am in love with Carlisle."
"It's nice to know that you love me, and I accept that you are in love with my father." He sighed sadly. "And I think that I've come to a place where I can truly want the best for you even if it's not with me."
"Really, Edward?" I asked, smiling.
"Yes," he nodded, though he looked full of regret, "but I do regret that I waited so long to come to that conclusion. It might have spared me a painful separation from my family, and you as well."
"What?" My lip started to tremble in sadness that I hadn't prevented Edward from being asked to leave. "He promised me that you could stay if the spanking helped."
"Oh, I am staying in the family, Bella, but I will be staying with Esme and Glenna when the rest of you move to New Haven." He explained.
"I never meant for that to happen, Edward." I started crying.
"I know, Bella. I will visit you sometimes, but I really do think it's best if I didn't have to hear and see you being intimate with him." His voice shook. "You were right about that as well. Esme's had to spank me a couple of times for losing it whenever anyone thinks about you and Carlisle."
This was still very hard on him. I reached out to him again, but he laughed and pulled away from me.
"Sorry." I scowled at my inability to control myself. "Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?"
"I don't think it's supposed to be easy on me." He shook his head. "If it were easy on me, I might easily repeat my past mistakes, like I have so many times before."
That was a very mature attitude, and it gave me hope for him.
"I will miss you, Edward." I cried. "I wish there was some way you could stay close to us, even if you didn't live with us."
"Carlisle thought about getting a smaller house for just the two of you, but…" He trailed off suggesting that he didn't think that we would want him near us all of the time.
"Did you ask Carlisle?" I asked him skeptical that Carlisle would have told him to live across the country from us. "Because you certainly didn't ask me."
"Would you be willing to have me live in the same city as you?" He asked hopefully.
"You might have to call first if you don't want to get an earful or a mindful, but I would love to have you live near us." I told him.
"I will speak with Carlisle and consider it." He smiled at the thought. "As much as I love Esme, I've been with Carlisle for a very long time. He has very pleasant, calming thoughts."
"I can imagine." I smiled.
"You would probably be much the same if I could hear you." He chuckled. "Except for the constant need to be in pain."
"Smartass." I snapped at him teasingly.
"And you have more of a temper." He teased back.
"That's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black." I laughed.
"I'm sorry." He turned remorseful once again.
"No, Edward, I shouldn't have said it." I shook my head. "That was very cruel of me."
"Don't beat yourself up about it, Bella. You didn't mean anything by it." He paused for a moment. "I think we should talk about something else." He suggested.
"Yes, I don't think there's anything else to say about the past." I agreed.
"Except for the fact that I've kept a secret for a very long time, and though I confessed my crimes against you to Carlisle, I did not tell him the thing I've been keeping from him for nearly a century. I don't know if he can forgive me for it." Edward cried.
"He has a supernatural ability, doesn't he?" I guessed, shocked that Edward could even keep something this big a secret.
"Yes." He hung his head in shame. "He makes everyone around him better, not because he's a good person. Being around him actually makes my mind-reading abilities have a longer range. Alice doesn't know it, but it makes her visions more accurate, and Jasper's empathic abilities are harder to resist as well."
Edward had deliberately kept this knowledge from him so that he would be the special one.
"And Esme's supernatural mothering ability? Did you keep that from them as well?" I asked him, kind of angrily.
"I… I honestly didn't know she had… that." His eyes begged me to believe him. "But it makes sense. Doesn't it?
"You have to tell him, Edward." I ordered him.
"I was hoping you would…" He hinted.
"No, Edward. You." I narrowed my eyes at him. "You need to confess this to him, and face the consequences."
"You're right, Bella." He nodded. "Do you think he'll forgive me?"
"Yes, and so will I." I sighed.
"Again, let's talk about something else." He repeated.
"Did you have something in mind?" I asked hoping we were finished with the hard stuff.
"How about where you're going on your honeymoon?" He asked. "The island is beautiful. You'll love it."
"Island?" I asked in confusion. He wouldn't take me to an island would he? The water! I can't be at an island! "Carlisle told me we were going to the mountains in France!"
"Calm down, Bella he never told me anything about your honeymoon plans." Edward attempted to assuage my fears. "If he told you that you were going to the mountains, then you are."
"He said he bought a secluded hideaway in the French Alps." I was slightly mollified.
"I just assumed you were going to Isle Esme." His face showed surprise at my revelation. "I haven't seen Carlisle much lately. He must have declined Esme's offer."
"Esme has an island?" I was completely shocked.
"Yes," Edward laughed, "Carlisle took her there on their honeymoon. He gave it to her as a wedding present. I heard her thinking about offering him the use of it for your honeymoon."
"Even if he didn't know that I would be scared to death of being on or even getting to an island, don't you think he might have some unpleasant memories of the island?" I asked him, feeling some of the pain that Carlisle must have endured at being rejected on that island. I knew he held no hard feelings towards Esme, but he has been very lonely for a very long time. "I probably would have picked another destination as well."
"I'm sure you're right." Edward nodded. "And his choice seems perfect for you. The beach does seem like a bad idea even though it's nice and warm."
"And I couldn't enjoy it anything that might cause him to be hurt." I argued. "It would kill me to see him that way."
"Are you kidding," Edward laughed, "you could have engaged in your favorite pastime, absorbing his pain so that you could be writhing in agony."
"I didn't think about that." I said in mock thoughtfulness. "Maybe I'll have to ask him to rip his legs off or something so that I can heal him."
"That would be your dream honeymoon." Edward clapped his hands and squealed like Alice.
At that, I started laughing so hard, I was nearly crying.
"Oh shit!" Edward swore loudly and looked very nervous.
"What?"
"Victoria and Laurent." He said nervously as my phone signaled a text.
I glanced down at my phone and saw it was from Alice. WE'RE ON THE WAY! STALL THEM!
It was in all caps, and I assumed that meant there wasn't much hope for me. Even if I had no chance of survival, a sudden thought made me wonder if I could give Edward that chance. What if I could take his pain away until help arrived? Could I give him a chance to beat Victoria and Laurent together if I could heal him as he fought?
"I don't know what to do?" Edward was nearly in a panic.
"I have an idea, but I don't think you'll like it." I whispered. "And Carlisle definitely won't like it."
"Anything, Bella." He growled.
"Take off your shirt." I ordered him. I wanted to be able to touch him easily. "Help me on your back. I need to be in constant contact with your skin."
"Not that, Bella." Edward shouted.
"Please, Edward, it's the only thing I can think of where either one of us will survive." I begged him. "Even if they kill me, you might be able to hold them off until Alice gets here."
"No, Bella." He stared me down. "I won't le…" He started to refuse me. "It's your choice, Bella." He finally conceded.
"Let's do it." I steeled myself for the upcoming pain.
He threw me on his back, and I started to feel his apprehension.
"Don't put me down until help gets here." I gripped him as hard as I could. "No matter what I say or how much I scream."
Laurent and Victoria busted through the walls a second later.
"Edward, Bella." Victoria greeted with a little girl's voice. "I'm so happy to find you here together. I had hoped to get your female and her little friend, but this is so much better."
Victoria and Laurent started circling Edward who seemed to be concentrating on their thoughts. I tried my hardest to not be a distraction for him. Though, I am sure that he could feel my erratic heartbeat, letting him know just how scared I was.
In a rather well coordinated attack, Victoria and Laurent attacked him from opposite sides. Edward fought Victoria while Laurent tried to rip off Edward's leg. Nothing happened to Edward, but suddenly, it felt as if my leg had been ripped off. I screamed as loud as I could.
The pain was so bad, that I couldn't comprehend what was going on around me. It was all I could do to keep hold of Edward.
In the middle of my screaming, my other leg felt like it was being ripped off, and I was writhing in agony. The next second, I felt like someone had gouged out both my eyes, and after that, it felt as if the pain was coming from everywhere. I thought that one of them had bit me, and I was changing.