Author's Note: I have heard that this site is planning on cracking down on lemons. I do not wish for my story to be deleted because of a lemon, which I had planned for this chapter. I edited (big time) this chapter to make it less explicit, and hopefully be able to survive any censoring by the site. I am posting the unedited version on The Writer's Coffee Shop and non – canon – lovers . ning . com (take out the spaces). I am unsure if I will continue this story here or only on the other sites because my future chapters are rather lemony.
Chapter 20 – From Pain to Pleasure
The only thing that made sense to me was that I was changing. That's how much pain I was in all over my body. I have no idea how long I screamed before I heard Carlisle's voice.
"I'm going to give you something to take away the pain, my love." He told me.
He probably injected me with something at that point, but the pain I was in was so intense that I didn't notice a needle. It seemed like an eternity, but eventually, I lost consciousness. I had no concept of time while I was asleep, and it seemed like I had just gone under when I heard Edward speaking harshly with Carlisle.
"It's been a week, Carlisle. I hardly think she'll wake up screaming." Edward snarled. "And I've told you a thousand times, if there was any other way, I would have chosen that. I didn't want her to be in pain."
Carlisle was angry with Edward for my pain? Why? It wasn't his fault.
"My idea." I mumbled.
"Oh, thank God." Carlisle bent down and kissed my forehead.
"Don't be mad at him." I scolded Carlisle. "He saved us."
"I think you may be delusional, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead once more. "You are the one who saved you both."
I was the delusional one? How could I have possibly saved both of us?
"You gave Edward time for the rest of us to arrive." Carlisle explained. "I can't believe you would willingly put yourself in that much pain, my darling."
"I didn't think I was going to make it, but I thought that I could give Edward a chance." I cried. "If I was going to die anyway, I wanted my death to mean something."
"I just can't help but think that there had to be another way!" Carlisle looked at Edward, exasperated.
Edward threw his hands up in the air and groaned in frustration.
"Stop it, Carlisle!" I admonished him. "If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. It was, as I said, my idea, and for once, Edward didn't decide for me."
"He's not really mad at me, Bella." Edward smiled at me. "He's just tense because you're in pain."
"Yes, and I hate the thought of you being in a situation that the only two options are you dying or being in extreme pain." Carlisle kissed me once again.
"There was a third option…" I started crying. I wondered why he didn't change me. All of the old insecurities came flooding back into my mind.
"We had never discussed when you wanted to be changed, my love." He kissed my cheek this time. "I didn't want to make that decision for you if you weren't actually dying. Once it happens, you can't take it back."
"But rest assured, I will change you, my love." He continued. "I've waited nearly three hundred and fifty years to find someone who loves me the way you do, who I can't imagine existing without. I won't settle for less than eternity with you. If you die, I die as well." Carlisle wiped the tears from my face.
"I want forever as well." I struggled to reach up and kiss him, but my body was so weak, I could barely move.
Carlisle accommodated me and bent his lips down to mine. He pressed against them so gently. I assumed that he didn't want to hurt me. The kiss was brief, but still, I was out of breath.
"Wait!" I suddenly yelled, pitifully. "Did you say it's been a week since the attack?"
"No, darling." He looked at me sadly. "It's been close to two. It's been a week since Alice told me that you would be out of writhing agony. I merely waited to wake you in order to lessen your pain more."
"I missed our wedding?" I started crying again. "I'm so sorry."
"We've merely postponed it for a little while." He smoothed my hair away from my face. "I can hardly be upset with you for being attacked by two sadistic vampires bent on killing you."
This had to be upsetting him more than he was letting on. It must seem like a cruel twist of fate that I would be incapacitated and nearly killed right before our wedding.
"My darling, I am exceedingly relieved that you are alright." He assured me. "It would be petty of me to focus on my own physical desires for you when you were almost…"
"How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I interrupted him, hoping to assure him that I was still more than ready to marry him.
"Alice sees you regaining your strength quickly since there is no real illness." Edward told us. "So you can probably be able to pop Carlisle's cherry in a week at the most."
"Edward." Carlisle scolded him tersely. "There's no need for language like that in front of a lady."
Carlisle obviously said more with his mind to Edward because immediately, Edward looked ashamed and properly reprimanded.
"That's alright, sweetheart. I like that you're as inexperienced as I am. It makes me feel special, like you waited just for me." I told him.
"You are special, my darling." Carlisle kissed my forehead. "And I would wait another three hundred years for you."
"Hopefully, it won't be that long." I teased.
"I'm sorry, dad." Edward apologized. I didn't miss the dad part. He must have been promised a spanking if he continued being crass with me. "I'm just upset with myself for not saving myself for someone as wonderful as Bella."
For the first time in a long time, I felt that Edward might be getting over me. He said someone as wonderful as me, not me. I was so happy for him. I hoped that he would move on. This made me smile.
Being proud of Edward made me wonder if he had confessed to Carlisle that he had been lying to him.
"Did you tell him about…" I started to ask.
"Yes, he told me, my love." Carlisle laughed at me. "And I've forgiven him."
"I knew you would." I smiled at him.
"I also told Esme what you thought about her super power." Edward smiled as well.
"She, of course, thinks you're biased and dismissed the idea." Carlisle interjected.
"She's just modest." Edward rolled his eyes. "The rest of us think you're right."
It took me nearly all of the week to regain my strength. Carlisle offered to put the wedding off for two more weeks just to be sure I was strong enough to be physical with him, but I told him ten days was my limit, after that, I was going to do everything in my power to seduce him. He was still thinking about holding out until Alice told him that not only was I dead serious, and he was in big trouble, but that ten days would be more than enough time to heal.
After that first week of healing, I began to notice how Carlisle had started restraining himself around me. At first, I thought it was because of Edward, but it seemed to be happening when Edward wasn't anywhere near us. I began to suspect that he was protecting himself the only way he knew how. He was distancing himself from me emotionally so that if I disappointed him, it wouldn't hurt so badly.
I thought about asking him about it, but I wasn't sure that he even realized he was doing it. I tried to imagine a way to figure out if I was right, and the solution I found was talking privately to Edward and Jasper, and then if I was right, I would have to speak with Alice and Rosalie.
I wrote two notes and snuck them both to Jasper and Edward. I need to speak with you both privately.
They both agreed and took me out of the house for a walk.
"Is this about Carlisle's behavior?" Jasper guessed.
"Yes," I nodded. "I'm worried about him. I think that postponing our wedding hurt him more than he is letting on, and he may not even realize it."
"He's definitely isn't thinking it." Edward told me. "He isn't deliberately pulling back from you."
"No, his fear is kicking in." Jasper agreed with Edward's assessment. "It will probably get worse before it gets better."
I already knew what I was going to have to do. There was just no way I could tell Jasper, or especially Edward.
"Can you take Carlisle for a hunt?" I asked them both. "I need a girl day with Alice and Rosalie."
"First, I need to ask you about something else, Bella." Edward spoke up nervously.
"Okaaaaay." I drawled, nervous about what he wanted.
"Alone." He hinted pointedly at Jasper.
"No." I shook my head at him and inched closer to Jasper. I didn't like the vibe I was getting from him right now, and it made me a bit scared.
"Are you kidding me?" Edward huffed at me, and I stepped more deliberately towards Jasper who wrapped his arms around me protectively.
"You spoke with me alone a few weeks ago!" He argued. "Or do you actually blame me for Victoria's attack?"
Of course, I didn't blame him. I was nervous about his demeanor, but I didn't think he had anything to do with the attack. Before I could form an intelligent response to his accusation, I heard Jasper punching in numbers on his phone.
"Esme, meet us in the forest. Edward's gone off the rails again." He said simply before he hung up.
"Damn it, Jasper!" Edward shouted. "I just wanted privacy so that I could ask her if I could give her away at the wedding! You didn't have to tattle to mommy!"
"Give me away at the wedding?" I asked incredulously. "Are you serious?" My intuition flickered. "No, you wanted to ask me privately because you knew that it was a ridiculous request that everyone would see right through. It sounds an awful lot like you owned me, and now you are giving me to Carlisle. Let's get one thing straight, Edward. You. Do. Not. Own. Me." I spoke through clenched teeth.
"I didn't mean it like that, Bella." He mumbled unconvincingly.
"Then how did you mean it?" I asked rhetorically. "Was it more of a take care of my girl for me until she snaps out of it and comes back to me? Or was it perhaps, that you finally give your blessing over our marriage?"
"Perhaps it wasn't the most well thought out gesture." He conceded. "I wanted to let you know that you have my blessing. Though I can see now, it isn't necessary."
"Definitely not." I calmed down at his admission. "But that's not the most upsetting thing, Edward. You tried to play on my emotions, again."
I sighed in relief just as Carlisle and Esme came into the clearing.
"I apologize for manipulating you, Bella." Edward hung his head remorsefully. "I should have never suggested that you blamed me for Victoria's attack."
"In the interest of disclosure, why did you want to be alone with me to ask me to let you give me away at the wedding?" I asked.
"I thought that Jasper would point out the obvious flaws in my suggestion." He looked ashamed to admit that.
"You need to stop treating Bella like she's an idiot." Carlisle growled at him as he took Jasper's place protecting me. "You thought she wouldn't be able to see through your plan."
"Yes, dad." Edward told him respectfully.
"In my book, that is deliberate deceit in order to get your way. Is it not?" Carlisle most definitely displeased with Edward's treatment of me today.
"It is, dad, and I'm sorry." Edward had submitted fully to the punishment that he was about to receive.
"We'll leave you and Esme to it then?" Carlisle asked.
"Actually, sweetheart, I need to have a girl day with Alice, Rosalie and Esme." I told him, stroking his face to assure him that I didn't want to be away from him. "Would you take care of Edward's discipline, please?"
"Of course, my love." He smiled at me.
"I would appreciate if Edward came to our wedding, but I don't want him to have any part in the ceremony." I told Carlisle.
"I was thinking the same thing." He kissed me chastely before I walked off with Esme.
Jasper ran home ahead of us to get Emmett to go for a hunt while Esme and I walked at a more leisurely pace.
"I was actually hoping that you and Rosalie could walk me down to Carlisle at the wedding." I mentioned sheepishly as we neared the house. "While I don't care at all if we have Edward's blessing, I would like to have yours and Rosalie's."
"Of course you have our blessing, dearest." She hugged me. "We couldn't have asked for a better wife for him. We are both thrilled that you have made him so happy. I'm sure Rosalie agrees."
"I agree." Rosalie smiled at me as we entered the house. "We'll be glad to walk you to Carlisle."
I sighed, steeling myself for the talk I was about to have when Alice interrupted my inner monologue.
"I saw what you're going to ask us." Alice giggled. "And I nearly fell off the couch when I got the vision. Believe me. I never thought you'd ask something like that."
"Like what?" Rosalie was curious.
"Um…" I hesitated nervously. "I was hoping that you could teach me how to… to give a blowjob."
"Ho – ly shit!" Rosalie shouted. "That was unexpected."
"Well, I'm out." Esme giggled. "This isn't really my area of expertise."
"So can you?" I looked back and forth at Alice and Rosalie nervously. "I think Carlisle may need a little honeymoon encouragement."
"He will." Alice nodded solemnly. "I've already seen that you're going to have to… initiate."
"Poor Carlisle." Esme sighed, beating herself up with guilt.
"Not if I can help it." I told them. "We are going to have a beautiful honeymoon."
Alice ran off to the kitchen and brought back a zucchini, some carrots, and a bunch of bananas.
The night before the wedding, Alice and I had a rather heated argument about whether or not Carlisle would be able to see me before the ceremony.
"It's tradition, Bella!" She shouted at me. "You just have to make him wait until you walk down the aisle!"
"No, I don't Alice." I argued. "It's a stupid tradition."
"So is waiting until you're married to make love." She countered.
"But that's what he wants, Alice, and I've made that concession because I love him. If he wanted to follow this tradition as well, it would be a different story, but he doesn't." I told her insistently. "So, I'm telling you as politely as possible, butt out."
"But it's bad luck!" She pouted.
"Alice," Edward poked his head into my room. I would have expected Carlisle to rescue me from Alice's meddling if he was home, but he had gone for a quick hunt. I never would have thought that Edward would be the one defending my right to buck tradition. "Bella has asked you repeatedly to let it go."
"But she's making a mistake!" Alice stomped her foot.
"It's her mistake to make, not yours." He insisted, ushering her out of my room. "Like she told me; if she regrets this in fifty years, you can tell her that you told her so."
"Fine, be cursed for all eternity." She huffed at me playfully. "But we're still doing your nails in twenty minutes."
"And waxing your legs!" Rosalie shouted from downstairs.
After Alice got my finger and toe-nails just the way she wanted, and Rosalie tortured me with the leg wax, they finally let me go to bed. Carlisle and I spent the night cuddling, but Carlisle wouldn't progress beyond chaste kissing. It's almost over, sweetheart. I told him silently. I will show you how much I want you.
The next day, the Denali's, Eleazar, Carmen, Tanya, Irina, and Kate, arrived at seven in the morning. Those ladies were gorgeous. I could now see why Carlisle had left when they flirted. I still trusted him, but I could see why he would be nervous that I wouldn't.
"This is my lovely fiancé, Bella." Carlisle introduced me to them.
"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Bella." Tanya stepped forward and greeted me. "You must be very special. Carlisle would choose nothing less as his wife."
"Thank you." I told her timidly.
After I hugged them all, Alice ushered me off to get me dressed.
She had made my dress perfectly. It was just as I had envisioned it. The simple, short-sleeved lace top was cut to show just a bit of cleavage, and the skirt was just the right length, a simple two foot train. I took a quick shower and let her start on my hair. Rosalie put on my makeup while Alice worked on giving me a cute updo.
Esme came in a few moments later and gave me a pearl necklace that went well with my dress. Soon, it was time to fasten the veil on my hair.
When the piano started playing, Esme grabbed my hand. She and Rosalie embraced me. I really appreciated their support in this. I knew how much they both loved Carlisle, and knowing that they approved of me made me very happy.
Instead of holding their elbows as they led me down the stairs to where Carlisle was standing, we held hands, interlacing our fingers and walked down the stairs as equals.
I squeezed both of their hands and smiled at them each as we approached Carlisle, who for some reason was standing alone in a gazebo, awaiting me.
They didn't place my hands into his as would have been the custom. Instead they both kissed me on the cheek through my veil, first Esme, and then Rosalie. When they were finished, they stepped around me to the place where the officiant would have stood. They surprised me by greeting our guests and family. They were the ministers.
I smiled at them and then turned to Carlisle. When I looked through my veil into his eyes, I was lost. No, that wasn't right. I was found. I didn't hear a single thing Esme or Rosalie said. Carlisle's eyes were swimming with emotion. I could feel all the love he had for me.
"For over three hundred years, love had eluded me." Carlisle had apparently started saying his vows. "And I can't that our love was love at first sight because it wasn't. No, we actually took a very long time to realize our feelings for one another. Through trying times, our love was tested, and we came out with a stronger love than I ever thought possible. You bring joy to my life just by breathing. I will spend eternity loving and cherishing you."
As he finished, he squeezed my hands and smiled.
"I used to believe in soul mates," I nervously began my vows, "the mystical aligning of planets that meant there was one person meant for me. But what we have is so much more special than that. We started out two separate souls traveling through life, but on our journey, we found one another. And as we grew closer, our souls merged. And though I don't believe we were destined to be together from the beginning of time, we have something better, something we had to work for, and that is what I believe in. You aren't my soul mate, Carlisle. You are my very soul, my beloved."
Wow. He mouthed to me.
I once again stared at him, and the rest of the world slipped away until he slowly lifted my veil and brought his lips to mine for our first kiss as husband and wife.
We wasted no time on a reception that neither one of us wanted. Carlisle simply scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his car.
After two plane rides and a helicopter flight, we reached our destination, what Carlisle called la Maison Isabella. Since he thought a French villa was an appropriate wedding gift, I presented him with mine, the sculpture I had made of him. It was somewhat lackluster in comparison, but I appreciated the sentiment of having a private retreat that was just ours.
"It's when I realized I was in love with you." He breathed. "The day I restricted Edward to the house to ensure he would leave you alone."
"Yes, it's when I started hoping that we could one day be together." I admitted. "I suppose I was a little slower than you."
"My darling, you were just out of a very abusive relationship." He tipped my chin up so that I met his gaze. "I am not concerned about when you first found me attractive. I am just exceedingly glad that you caught up with me."
"I never said that was the first time I found you attractive." I kissed his lips. "That was the first time I saw you."
"It was the same for me, my love." Carlisle kissed me back, passionately. "I didn't know you felt the same for me."
"You are insanely attractive." I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself closer to him. "But I fell in love with your compassion, and understanding. I just lucked out that it happened to be wrapped in such a sexy package."
"Let me give you the grand tour." He told me in a shaky voice.
"Wait." I begged him, not really wanting to see the house right now. "I'd like to freshen up in the restroom."
"Of course, my love." He smiled at me before carrying me up to the bedroom. "Pardon my lack of sensitivity."
"Give me just a moment." I asked him.
He allowed me to climb down. Though I did want to use the facilities, I also went to the bathroom to change. Alice and Rosalie had arranged to leave a honeymoon gown in the bathroom for me. Rosalie had brought it out as soon as Alice was finished sewing it. It really did look like my wedding dress, except this had spaghetti straps and a lower cut.
After I put it on, I brushed the tangles out of my hair.
My heart started racing at the thought of what we were about to do. I wasn't scared, per se. I was just nervous. I decided to exit the bathroom before Carlisle thought that I was having second thoughts.
When I left the bathroom, I found my very handsome husband fully dressed and sitting on the bed awaiting my return. He stood up at my appearance like the real gentlemen that he was.
"You look exquisite, my darling." He smiled at me, but looking positively shocked at what I was wearing. I think he really thought I wanted a tour, but my attire made him change his mind.
"As do you, husband." I closed the ground between us and wrapped my arms around his waist.
"I like the sound of that, my love." He told me as he ran his fingers through my hair. He was so hesitant, so nervous.
He looked like he was waiting for me to freak out and run away from him. In fact, I could feel it radiating off of him. If I wasn't careful, I was going to absorb this from him and ruin this for both of us.
"I really want this, Carlisle." I whispered in his ear.
"I'm sorry I'm so insecure. It's very hard to believe that this is actually real, that you aren't going to disappear." He stroked my face. "I love you so much, my dear."
"I love you too, Carlisle." I assured him. "May I… show you how much I want you?"
He nodded.
I started out with the plan I had made with Alice and Rosalie, and Carlisle relaxed considerably after I had used my mouth on him to bring him to release. After I helped Carlisle see how much I wanted him, he felt free to reciprocate, and our first time was painful, as expected, but still incredibly wonderful.
I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to his size, but he was infinitely patient with me, as I expected. By the end of our first experience, I was screaming his name.
As I rested in Carlisle's arms, I thought about our vows, and how I had felt that our souls had merged into a single soul, but I was wrong. We had only begun to merge our souls, and now that our bodies had been joined as one, we were complete with one another. I couldn't imagine living a single minute without him.
Reminder: If you want to read the unedited version, go to one of the following: The Writer's Coffee Shop or non – canon – lovers . ning . com (take out the spaces)