Everyday we wake
If it takes too long
I'll tell you something new
Forget about the sunshine when it's gone
.::.
Romano woke up later than he would have planned. By the way that the sunlight washes the room, he assumes that it was already 10 o'clock. Oh shit, has Veneziano come already to fetch him? And Spain... Can he still sneak out without the Spaniard knowing?
He threw the covers away and almost stumbled as he stood up too quickly. He managed to grab onto the green curtains that he swears were white just the night before.
Odd.
He glanced back to his bed, expecting Spain to be still be drooling over his tomato pillow. Instead, white linens met his eyes and no sign of tan brunettes anywhere. The bed also looked way too smaller than where he slept last night.
Odd.
He scanned the room. It looks queerly familiar, as if it was from a dream that he has long forgotten. His feet brought him to the door on the right. It shocked him how the place behind the door was exactly what he has expected: a bathroom. And a tad nice one at that, well at least, the way how everything in there seems to suit his meticulous Italian taste. From the style of the mirror to the pristine whiteness of the bathtub...
It seems as if it was designed especially for him.
He stared at his reflection. A 23 year old man stared back at him. Is that him?
When had he grown so old?
"Fratello~"
Suddenly, Veneziano's ever obnoxious voice rang in Romano's ears. Seconds later, he heard the bathroom door open and a huge Italian something threw himself in the confused other Italian's arms.
"Ve... Ve... Ve..." the younger ranted uselessly.
Even his brother is no longer some gender-neutral pubescent that he was when they first unified. He looks like 20 or something. And he probably smells like potatoes now.
Unified.
Oh yeah. They were unified already. More than a century ago. This was their house. Not the Spanish empire where he had grown up in.
Romano smacked his annoying brother.
"Shut your trap you idiota brother."
"Ve! But I'll miss you fratello~"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"But aren't you going to big brother Spain's house today? If only Germany would let me skip training, I would love to come with you. I really miss eating the churros he makes."
Romano had already stopped listening at the mere mention of Spain. He remembered. He received a letter from the Spaniard the day before, casually asking about his whereabouts. They had been this way for a long time, exchanging letters and visiting each other every once in a while. It was one of the many things that Romano can't help but have mixed feelings about. Up until now, it still feels a bit awkward for him. Though he supposed that if Spain stops being a thick-head, the Spaniard would also share the discomfort.
The first time he ever got to visit Spain was during his former boss's civil war.
It has been decades since that time. Before, Veneziano noticed his brother's alone times in their home after the unification. He then delicately asked his brother when will he ever visit big brother Spain again (the younger Italian brother had always been seeing his former boss Austria, being allies in the WWII). Of course, Romano was taken aback. He was silently hoping that perhaps, things will be as solemn as what they are in that time: a simple kind of solitude. But since Veneziano had mentioned the unspoken, the issue he had been trying to avoid for years, he was faced with the fact that he was being a coward.
So coward, that he chose to suffer alone rather than give in to the feelings he wishes to (but couldn't) crush down. Just like how the two of them decided to sleep together the very last minute that time. Pain was just so inevitable all along.
And he never seemed to have learned.
So he went to visit Spain that time, especially after hearing from his brother how Spain seems to be getting insane already for having to make 500 paper roses every day.
"Say, Veneziano," Romano began. "H-How did you greet Austria after the unification?"
"Ve?" Feliciano paused for a moment. Seeing his brother's thoughtful expression and feeling warmth on his cheeks, Romano quickly tried to brush it off.
"Never mind..."
"He was angry."
Romano glanced at his brother.
"He was really scary, just like when he first took me in the Holy Roman Empire's house," Veneziano said, reminscing, his voice getting smaller as he went on. "I can't blame him though, it was as if I'm his child and I runaway from home, leaving him on his own. After Miss Hungary also left... I'm kind of happy that at least, he's living with Germany now."
Both brothers were uncharacteristically quiet after that, both absorbed in their own thoughts about their pasts.
What about Spain? He has been alone for a very long time. Romano's visits weren't that seldom, but they were short. Sometimes just overnight or one day at most... On times of Romano's every departure... How does Spain feel behind his fixed smiles?
Is he as sad as Romano?
Is he also silently wishing to grab the Italian back, never again to let go?
Or has it just been Romano who was still to move on?
He can't move on until his questions are answered...
Romano can vividly remember the first time he met Spain again. He was nervous, and was silently contemplating if he will push the door open or run off to Italy as fast as he could. He managed to force himself to stay at Spain and was flabbergasted instantly when he saw his former boss's dreadful state. All insecurities and doubt forgotten in the midst of being concerned for the Spaniard, he approached his bed.
Even on his almost dying state, Spain still managed to force a smile for Romano - the very Romano whom he raised (with so much difficulty and love), the very Romano who promised to stay but still went away, and the very Romano who left him without even a proper goodbye.
.::.
You can say it's right
But it feels so wrong
I'll tell you something new
Forget about the sunshine when it's gone
.::.
"Awww... So you're leaving again tomorrow morning?"
"S-Si..."
The Spaniard pouted. But somehow he noticed something.
"Is there a problem, Romano? You seem so quiet."
He reached Spain's house that night, and they ate dinner together. The elder nation was happily talking about his tomatoes and the turtle he nicked from when a group of the baby reptiles invaded South Italy, but Romano's thoughts were obviously elsewhere.
Spain's concerned voice and expression. Directed to Romano. It has always been this way.
"Nothing... D-Don't mind me."
"Eeehh~ you're really starting to worry me," and the Spaniard raised from his seat to check on the Italian. However, even before he could touch Romano, the younger had slapped his hand off.
"I said NO!"
Spain's hand hit a glass of wine and the contents poured on Romano while the glass shards scattered on the floor.
They were both shocked at what happened.
"I-I'm s-sorry," Romano said shakily, refusing to look at Spain. He dropped on his knees and went to pick the pieces of the shattered glass.
"You'll hurt yourself-!"
And so he did. Romano's finger got cut and Spain panicked as the Italian broke down into tears. Dammit... Why does everything - everything! The guilt, the longing, these feeling bottled up inside - all came rushing down to him?
I'm no longer your henchman. Why do you have to still worry about me?
Weren't you angry that I left?
Weren't you lonely?
Why do you keep on smiling at me?
What do I really mean to you?
Tell me...
Please...
Tell me... You feel the same way.
"Romano... Please calm down," Spain pleaded, trapping the Italian in his embrace, drawing circles on his back.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."
Who was saying sorry?
Why is he saying sorry?
In the end... Does it change anything?
.::.
(Spain's flashback)
He was leaving again. Dawn is yet to break and he tried his best to creep out noiselessly.
"Where are you going?" Romano mumbled from behind him.
He sighed in defeat and turned around, scratching his head embarrassedly.
"To another war..."
"Again?"
Romano's voice was accusing and exasperated. Now that he thinks about it, maybe his frequent escapades were also the reason why Romano left him. But back then, he was too much of a thickhead.
"S-Si..." he glanced at the windows. The sun is already rising from the horizons. "I gotta go."
"...mmfine."
The boy turned his back at the man and went back to sleep. Or so Spain had thought. As he met with Prussia and France, his lackey was silently crying at home alone. As he was counting the days since his departure, his boy was praying for the day he will come back.
(the morning of Romano's departure)
In the end, Spain had only slept so lightly. Despite the warmth they had shared, the impending fact that Romano was leaving that very morning still haunted him. How should he react? How would Romano go? How would he say goodbye?
Will he sneak out like Spain did before? What if Spain caught him? How would the two of them act?
Moments later, he heard Romano making a racket. He decided to lay motionless. He felt cold as he heard thrown comforters and cursings and dragged suitcases. He even let himself smile a bit as Romano seems to be ready to go, not-so-quietly thanking the Gods that Spain was still asleep when he woke up. So Romano was actually planning to sneak out. He wasn't doing a good job at it.
But as he heard the clicking of the doorlock, his heart pounded on his chest. This is it... The very last moment. After this, Romano will no longer be his charge... No longer Spain's housemate. He's leaving. Say something Spain! Tell him those words you failed to say! Make him linger for a bit longer! Make him know you'll miss him!
He tried to part his lips...
But what's the point? It's not like it will change the fact that he is still leaving.
"Arrividerci," Romano whispered quietly, shutting the door behind him.
Spain quickly rose and stared at the closed door.
He felt his cheeks dampen and his chest hurt. He couldn't even say anything! How useless could he get?
Back then... When he was the one sneaking out... Romano... How much courage did it take him to be able to say something to Spain, knowing that it wouldn't change anything? Knowing that he couldn't stop him?
.::.
"I'm sorry, Romano.
"I couldn't show you how sad I was when you left. I realized that I shouldn't. You taught me that...
"You weren't the only one who left. The truth is, it has always been me who would go away before. You should understand that I understand you the most and that you know this feeling the most. So I was happy that you are very concerned of me...
"At first, I did got angry and hurt... But remembering how it has always been me who left, and you who was left behind, I realized that I can't be selfish. You were much much stronger than me, much much braver. You were a child and I was a grown man... I was the boss and you were the henchman. I couldn't lose to you.
"You said that the sun always comes down, it always goes away. So... Just like the sunshine, I had to forget about you while you're gone."
They were leaning on the opposite side of the door of Romano's bedroom. The Italian took refuge in his part of the house while trying to sort out his crashing emotions.
"But that doesn't mean that I don't remember. I just do things that I could do for you until your return."
Gazing at the stars, dreaming through the night, dancing in the rain and under the moonlight... These things that we can do while the sun isn't around, are the things that can make us go through the day, each day of waiting for the sun to come back. So that when it does return, you can greet it happily, and tell him the stories of meteors, of raindrops and of the moonshine.
"I try not to think about you... I try not to miss you. I try to make the best of my time making tales and keeping my door open for the time I'll see you again. And every time you come back to me, I am the happiest man in the world."
Spain fell back first as Romano opened the door he was leaning into. The Italian looked down on him.
"Let's sleep together tonight."
The man who was picking the fruits of the tomatoes that the little boy planted, centuries ago... And both of them sharing a meal with the harvested fruit - it was their story. The very same story of leaving and faithfully waiting for the next time they will meet again. Not because they promised... But because they know they will find each other as soon as they parted.
.::.
The Spaniard woke up to Romano's least quiet way of preparing for departure. Despite the things he told Romano the night before, it doesn't mean that he doesn't actually feel sad whenever the Italian leaves him. He decided to feign sleep but failed to do so when Romano tripped on something.
"A-Are you alright?" he asked sleepily.
Romano glanced embarrassedly at him. "Y-Yeah."
The young man went back to his feet and walked to the door muttering a small arrividerci. As the door shuts close, the Spaniard felt an empty kind of solitude once more.
But then the door opened.
"Bastard."
"D-Did you left something?"
Romano was blushing and refusing to look at Spain.
"Iwantspaghettifordinnertonig ht," he mumbled before closing the door again.
Spain stared blankly at the door for a moment. But then he stood up and raced to the corridor.
"Romano! What do you mean you want spaghetti tonight? Haha... Will you come back here after work?" he yelled, his mouth forming a smile he couldn't remove. His voice sounds like laughing. "Hahaha... Hahaha..."
.::.
Stupid bastard. He could at least try to hide his happiness a bit.
.::.
What is this I don't even?
The ending felt so rushed and kind of too fluffy for my liking.
This took ages to finish and all I came up with was this. I'm so sorry.
About fusosososo. I didn't make Spain laugh that way because... I thought it was a cheer-up charm, not his actual laugh, and I'm watching Hetalia in English and I think (correct me if I'm wrong) he didn't laugh that way there so sorry if it sounds so wrong to you.
And I'll stop promising about updates because everytime I do, there is a chance that the files I write get erased or corrupted.
Okay bye.