The brobot turned his gaze toward Dirk. "So, why did you build me then? Besides the fact that I'm the chillest thing since slushies?"
AR: Last I checked, which is basically a trillion times a microsecond, 'chill' did not include thrashing a dude's house in a sociopathic rage.
TT: Shh.
"I had some questions that required answers that only my bro, or a close approximation of his consciousness, could answer. You were the result." Dirk replied coolly, folding his arms.
The brobot laughed, a strange metallic sound. "So I'm just all your guinea pig then, fuckin' experiment to satiate your hunger for knowledge?"
"In a way, though I have my doubts about how close an approximation you are to my bro. He was not historically known for tantrums that resulted in damage to public or personal property."
"Man, I all kinds of am this guy. It is so a thing that I am. You still pissed about me breaking a few things?"
Dirk said nothing, continuing to stare at the brobot.
"Man, do you even get it? Rose and I..." The brobot began, stopping suddenly. With a heavy sigh, he continued. "Rose and I gave everything we had to prevent this future. We spent the majority of our lives trying to get people to see what was happening to the world. We defeated the Condesce's puppets, but it all amounted to nothing. In the end, we fought her even knowing there was no hope for victory, giving the only thing we had left to give. All to prevent..." He turned, motioning out the window. "This. Whatever the fuck this even is. We knew that the future would lie with you and Roxy, that's why we prepared these houses for you."
Dirk turned the story in his head. Yes it was emotional, and true, but much of it was common sense. "Alright, so what? I just believe you? I programmed most of that knowledge into you myself. That does nothing to prove I've got your mindset down."
The brobot raised a mechanical eyebrow. "Ok? And just how do I prove something like that? Perform some kind of weird time shit and get me from the past, hashrap with myself to a stalemate then bunp it on down the timeline as he gets time travelled back in time to get stabbed by his own sword?"
Dirk sighed, turning away from the brobot.
AR: He makes a valid point. Neither of us knows anything more than we've read about your bro. And that's easy to recite, any new information it gives us would be essentially unprovable.
Dirk had a thought as the auto-responder pestered him. He turned back to the brobot. "Tell me then, how did you know I'd be here four hundred years after your death? Who told you about the genetic amalgamation that produced Roxy and I?"
The brobot hopped out of the window. "Now that's a strange question. What makes you think I'll answer? I'm not just gonna spill my secrets because you built me or whatever."
"The threat of disassembly? Also, perhaps because I built you specifically to ask?"
"Nah, I ain't gonna bite. But how bout we make a deal?"
"What deal is that?"
"I can end your nightmares bro."
Dirk made no outward reaction, but nevertheless he was stunned. He hadn't told anyone about his dreams. "And who says I had nightmares? My dreams are peaceful as a meadow in spring."
"That why you hug that creepy ass puppet so tight and whimper while you're all sleepin' like a baby?"
Dirk's eyes narrowed behind his shades. "Alright, I've heard enough. I think it's about time I shut you down." He said, katana appearing in his hand. "The hard way."
The brobot smirked, putting its arms out in front of it. "Whoa dude, I'm all quaking in my roboboots over here. It's literally going to register on the Richter scale. Besides, remember what happened last time we strifed?"
"You took me by surprise, it won't happen twice. Get ready for a beatdown." Dirk replied, and launched himself toward the brobot.
The brobot shifted to one side, grabbing Dirk by the foot with ease and tossing him across the room. Dirk landed on his feet, flashstepping behind the brobot, poised to decapitate it. The machine turned around, jabbing him in the face with its elbow. Dirk went spinning across the room, but before he could regain his footing the brobot appeared behind him and delivered a bone jarring kick. Dirk flew wildly, smashing through one of the windows of his room and sailing out over the ocean far below.
TT: Call the board.
As he messaged the auto-responder, his rocketboard came flying out of the window, coming to a rest under his feet.
AR: Done and done.
Dirk leveled out on the board, turning his eye back toward the apartment window. His jaw dropped at the sight. The brobot came gliding out nonchalantly, only he wasn't using the jets in his feet. He flew out the window riding upon Unreal Air, with the Sord... dangling loosely in his right hand. He hovered in place and stared down at Dirk, the sun glinting off his aviators. "Bro, round two."
Dirk regained his composure in a heartbeat. "How?" He asked.
The brobot regarded him offhandedly. "What? These?" He asked, motioning toward the artifacts. "They heed the call of their master, or some shit. Basically, I'm kind of a big deal."
Without warning, the brobot shifted his feet, dropping toward Dirk like a bullet. Dirk twisted the rocketboard, flipping it upside down and dodging the sudden attack. As the brobot was about to speed past it stopped abruptly, doing a kickflip with the Unreal Air while simultaneously slashing at Dirk with the Sord... Dirk was unable to defend himself while hanging on to the board, and the Sord... sliced into his chest.
It then passed through the other side of him, leaving no trace on him beyond a shortage of breath. "So unbelievably shitty. Gog damn!" He said casually, lashing out with his katana. The brobot backed off, ascending a few feet. It slung the Sord... over its shoulder, calling out to Dirk. "The big man hass the kill!"
TT: Roof now?
AR: Roof now.
"Not yet... Final round." Dirk replied, speeding off.
"Ahahaha! The fight doesn't stop from going continueways?" It laughed, pursuing him.
Dirk absconded toward the roof, but the brobot was closing fast. For such an unspeakably shitty skateboard, it flew pretty fast... At the last minute, just as he was passing over the roof, Dirk launched himself at the brobot leaving the rocketboard behind. The brobot hesitated momentarily and Dirk sliced clean through the Unreal Air.
Or he would have, if the damn thing was able to be sliced through. The artifact provided no resistance and Dirk started to spin through the air due to his overcompensated swing. Complete bulbshit... The rocketboard caught him as he fell, but the brobot flashstepped off its mount and appeared next to Dirk. Dirk brought his katana up to defend himself, but the brobot instead aimed the Sord... at his rocketboard.
Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly as he was beginning to think, the Sord... cut the rocketboard in two leaving Dirk to plummet toward the roof. Dirk positioned himself to land on his feet, but the brobot blurred into sight and sent him hurtling with a roundhouse kick. He tumbled unceremoniously across the roof for a second before managing to catch himself and regain his footing.
The brobot glided down to the roof, having settled back onto Unreal Air. Upon touching the roof, it popped the board off the ground and caught it. "We done?" It asked.
AR: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
TT: Is that rhetorical, seeing as we are of one mind or whatever bullshit?
AR: Bring Cal...
"Not just yet. Stay here, I'll be right back." Dirk said, backflipping off the roof and slipping through the broken window.
The brobot cocked its head. "What? Man, lame..." It groaned.
Dirk grabbed Cal, feeling the sense of extreme calm that always came over him when he was near his wicked awesome guardian. After giving the puppet a fist bump Dirk hoisted him onto his shoulder and carried him back to the window, launching himself from the sill toward the roof.
The brobot smirked as the puppet landed on the roof, standing seemingly on its own. He could see Dirk flashing around, keeping it in position. "Cute, but how's that gonna help?" It asked, absently trying to tuck its left hand into a pocket it didn't have. "Damnit, build pockets into this bitch. Dude can't get his chill on with his hands all flapping in the wind..." It said, though Dirk couldn't tell if it was talking to him or not.
Dirk focused intently, speeding up to his absolute limit. The brobot leapt toward Cal, bringing the Sord... down on Dirk as he sped around.
AR: And there he goes...
The Sord... sliced straight through the afterimage Dirk was leaving in his wake. "What...?" The brobot turned in confusion, just in time to see Dirk cut through its right arm, grabbing it and jumping to the center of the roof with Cal.
"The big man hass his arm..." He said, shaking the Sord... loose and tossing the arm back to the brobot.
The brobot caught the appendage, reattaching it. "Not bad. You held back earlier then?"
"Essentially. Can only go full out when I got my man watching my back." Dirk replied, nodding to Cal, whose arm was slung over his neck.
The brobot grimaced at the puppet. "Oh god, that puppet... That is just wrong. You know that?"
Dirk cocked an eyebrow at the comment. "Nah man, Lil' Cal is the shit."
The brobot dismissed the topic with a wave of his arm. "Alright, come here. I've got one last thing to take care of." He said, pulling a ball of yarn out of a compartment in his side.
"Ok? What, you gonna knit me a sweater now?"
The brobot nodded. "Hells yes. All kinds of the best Christmas sweater you've ever seen. Just gonna be all sorts of fuckin' merry. Just get over here."
Dirk sighed, sitting Cal down and walking toward the brobot. After a few steps the brobot fixed its gaze pointedly on him. "It's time to awaken, dreamer." It said flatly.
"What...?" Dirk began, when the brobot whipped the yarn ball at him. He froze, more out of confusion than anything else. Just before the yarn ball hit him, the brobot blurred out of view, reappearing in Dirk's face with his hand raised. The ball bonked him in the head as the brobot simultaneously slapped him across the face.
Dirk fell to the ground, jumping back to his feet and staring at the city below. Wait... What? He removed his shades, pupils dilated from the purple hue that washed over everything. It took him a moment to realize he was floating, and yet he could still feel his feet on the ground. Focusing on the feeling his vision shifted violently back to the brobot, who was standing next to him staring out over the ocean below. He walked up to the brobot, one hand held to his head. His perception of the world kept switching from the sprawling purple metropolis to the ruined apartment he'd grown up in.
"What... What did you do?" Dirk muttered as he stumbled toward the brobot, catching himself on the edge of the building.
"Gave you an edge you'll need." It replied, folding its arms across its chest.
"Where... What even is this?"
"I'm not really sure. You'll find out soon enough. My mysterious contact should be in touch."
Dirk stumbled suddenly, nearly fainting. He had learned how to float with his other self, and had hovered off the edge of the tower he was on top of. He was overcome with vertigo when he realized how high up he was and fell a short distance, managing to steady himself near a window. He glided into the window and was surprised to see a room that had a strong resemblance to his own, albeit hued in red. He was even more surprised, and extremely confused, to see Cal sitting on the bed dressed in identical pajamas to his own.
"What do I do now?" Dirk asked the brobot, focusing on the real world once more.
The brobot turned to look at him. "What you've always done. Make a plan, gather up sage knowledge like a fuckin' monk leader or somethin'."
"What about you? What will you do?" Dirk asked, replacing his shades as a headache began pounding in his head, a result of him trying to split his vision between both worlds.
The brobot dropped Unreal Air, hopping on top and floating up a few inches. It looked up into the sky. "Fly away up to the sun? I dunno... just basically stick around I guess. I don't have a real purpose here anymore."
Dirk nodded, unsure of what to say. The brobot waved at him, gliding up into the sky toward the sun. Dirk watched until he became a distant speck, then smirked as the Unreal Air came floating back down. He grabbed it as it came into reach, though it was almost impossible to keep a grip on the tremendous piece of shit.
A message had been left in glowing red ink on it. The random jumble of scribbles, never the same twice, that his bro had used as an autograph back in his time.
AR: I'm getting a message from an untraceable source. You want me to put it through?
TT: What's the chathandle?
AR: uranianUmbra, apparently.
TT: Sure, whatever.
uranianUmbra(UU) began pestering timaeusTestified(TT) at 15:14
UU: ^u^ yoU answered! i was hoping yoU woUld!
TT: Ok.
UU: i'm sorry, it's jUst so exciting to talk yoU! i am a hUge fan!
TT: While I cannot find a reason I shouldn't have fans, the question remains as to just how the hell you know who I am.
UU: oh! i am sUre yoUr initial thoUghts woUld Understandably be that i mUst share a connection with the Condesce, bUt i assUre yoU i am here to help yoU, love!
TT: Oh? Well, now that you mention it, your word is pretty much 100% fucking confirmation of truth. My fears are immediately sated and you have earned my unflinching trust.
UU: u_u
UU: i'm sorry. i've strUctUred my thoUghts rather poorly, haven't i? how woUld yoU like an explanation of Derse, the planet yoU've just awakened to?
TT: I'm assuming that I should simply overlook the fact that you have access to knowledge I haven't made public in any way? Simply nod and listen intently as you explain to me the mysteries of the universe and I ascend from this mortal coil to the realm of the golden gods themselves.
UU: :u
UU: closer than yoU may think, Uncannily so in fact...
TT: You may as well start explaining then.
UU: well...