Jane Foster's sleep was littered with odd dreams:
She was running down a sterile passageway, desperate for something…but she didn't know what, or why she was running.
She woke up annoyed.
She was trying to hide her diary, someone wanted it…hide it, quick! But every time she found a place to put it, the hiding place disappeared.
She woke up frantic.
She was standing outside of a room, a grand wooden door in front of her. She heard someone's voice inside, it was…oh god. It was Loki's…and a woman's voice…
She woke up pissed off.
But she honestly had no reason to be pissed off, she reminded herself.
Jane looked at the clock. Six am, and she was exhausted. She had woken up, once, twice, three times a lady….Lionel Richie crooned in her head as she ticked off every time a dream had woken her. God she hated that song. Why was it haunting her?
But then, maybe it was Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat. That was marginally better…
It wasn't haunting her, Jane reasoned. It was six am, she had had restless sleep, and there was much on her mind.
Jane swung her feet around to the floor, determined to just surrender defeat. No more sleep for you, Jane Foster…you lying, deceitful, pathetic…
Her cell phone rang out a text receipt. She went to retrieve it by the coffeemaker as she readied her morning brew, Jamaican Blue Mountain. She sometimes allowed herself some luxury.
She clicked her phone on. It was from Frigga.
Oh, Jane! Do please come for dinner this evening. It would delight us all to have you. And never you mind about Thor. He is a silly boy. Of course he would pick you, his lovely fiancee, to forget about! But Loki tells me all the time that I send much too long text messages. He says the point of a text is to be pithy, or something…something like that bird social media thing? But I don't know about that, either. Oh, hang it. Do let me know via text, if you decide not to come to hospital today. But you should do that as well! Love you, dearest, Frigga.
Jane laughed at the ridiculously long text message.
Then her eyes welled, as she saw the "Love you, dearest," bit. She loved her. And Jane loved Frigga…and Odin, though she didn't know him all that well. And Heimdall, odd as he was.
And Loki…
Jane put the phone down and poured the coffee.
None of them would love her once the truth came out. None would care how much she needed them. None of them would ever forgive her, and she couldn't blame them for it.
She dreaded the looks of disdain she would receive once the truth was revealed. The shaking of heads, the narrowing of eyes…the contempt…
Liar! Imposter! Falsifier!
The names rang out in her head, and she sat on the sofa.
Maybe…maybe she could just go to MGH before any of the Odinson's did. Talk to Thor. Make him understand. He was the only one untainted by her deceit.
Fucking Heimdall. This was all his fault.
Jane decided to do just that, and with some purpose, got up and showered.
….
She exited her apartment an hour later, refreshed and content in her decision. Maybe Thor would be so happy that he didn't have amnesia, that he was alive, that he'd just say, "Oh, don't worry about it Jane. I'll tell them all."
Fat chance. Gah! She was a coward.
She meandered through the less-than-bustling Boston streets. She supposed that it was a Sunday, right after Christmas. Perhaps people were still recovering.
She certainly was.
Jane saw the towering structure of the hospital rise before her, and she swallowed.
Loki would never forgive her after this, nor would she expect him to. She would miss him, as Frigga, and Odin…and even Heimdall. She smiled.
But Loki. With his gaze. His grace. His wit. His obvious intelligence…
She pushed the button with the "3" on it. Jane swallowed her emotion. She had done this to herself. She had, not Heimdall…and her father would be so disappointed.
Jane made her way to 307 to find the blonde mammoth sitting up in bed, drinking coffee, laughing at something on tv.
"Hi Thor," Jane said, with a tone of unwarranted familiarity.
"Jane! Ah…Foster, was it?" his face lit up as he watched her enter, and switched off the television. No, she wasn't his normal taste, per se. But there was something about her, something intrinsically lovely to her, as though she was from another time or place…something even magical about her presence.
He must not be feeling well at all. He looks as though he might be ready to vomit. "I can come back, you know…later…maybe when you're feeling better?"
"Nonsense! I feel fine!" his voice was a thunder.
Not like Loki's silken tones…Stop it Jane. "Well, alright…" she swallowed. "So, um…" she fiddled with her scarf. Why did she wear a scarf? It was one of those scarves to suit fashion only, nothing practical in it. And Jane was practical…
And this was not. "Yeah, so, there was something I needed to tell you…" her back straightened in her resolve to come clean.
"Please Jane, allow me to apologize. I am so sorry…Frigga tells me that we are engaged. This, this most important of things! I have somehow forgotten it."
"Well, you hit your head pretty hard," she smiled at him.
"I did, yes," he returned her smile. "But I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to have forgotten your lovely face."
Jane blushed. "Anyway, Thor…"
"Oh! Jane!" Frigga was bustling in, Odin and Heimdall in her wake. "Thank goodness you're here. Did you get my text?"
"You mean the multi-chapter dissertation you sent, mother? If her phone was wise, it would've immediately deleted it," Loki entered the room with a smirk.
"Can a phone do that, Loki? Randomly delete texts?" she looked horrified.
"No, dear," and he pecked her cheek. "Good morning, Jane," Loki nodded to her. "It is good to see you here."
"I…" she faltered. "Well…that is, of course I'd come." Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!
The company gathered around Thor.
Odin looked down upon him. "So, son. Feeling better?"
"I am, yes. Thank you father."
Jane began to back away a bit.
"And now that you have a lovely fiancee, and you are on the mend, I trust that when you are fully recovered, you will be joining your brother back at Asgard."
"What?" Thor and Loki simultaneously said.
"Odin…now is not the time…" Frigga appeared to be worried, and a meek smile was offered to Jane.
Jane, who now felt extremely uncomfortable. Jane…who needed to leave…
"I'm not going back to Asgard," Thor stated. "I believe I made that pretty plain."
"Yes," began Odin. "But that was before."
"Before what, exactly?" Thor demanded.
"Before…" and he gesticulated. "Before…your impending marriage to Jane!"
"I fail to see how Jane figures into this, Odin," Loki offered.
"Oh, am I Odin again?" he sardonically sneered. "Didn't take much, did it? Thor wakes up, Loki retreats to his bitter self."
"That, Odin, is unfair. And I have called you such in the past weeks. True, 'father' has escaped on occasion, but you had made it perfectly clear that I am not your son…"
"Loki," Frigga began. "That was ages ago!"
"You always say that, mother. But this man," he pointed at Odin. "Told me, 'You are no son of mine.' No amount of time passage will erase those words."
"Ah, and you revel in it, brother. You always throw it up in our faces," Thor glared at Loki.
"Wouldn't you?!" he spat. "And still…still I cleaned up your mess! And yet Odin sees fit to bring you back. Back to Asgard despite your track record and what you did to it! Well, I'll tell you something…all of you.," he looked around at his family. "If Thor fucks it up again, I'm through."
"Loki!" Frigga was aghast.
Loki's breath was heaving.
Odin was shocked.
But Thor, he was smiling. "Well done, Loki."
"Excuse me?"
"It needed saying, and you said it," he paused. "Father…I love you. But I'll not be returning to Asgard."
"But…" Odin's face was contorted in a twist of anger, confusion, and disappointment.
"No buts. Loki belongs there, I don't. I never have felt right there. But my brother here, he has a natural ability to run Asgard. I don't want to. I have nothing to offer it…and now. Now that I suppose I am engaged, I need to think about things differently," he paused and looked at Jane quaking in the corner of the room. "I need to think long-term. And I need to think about my future wife. I want to be a family again," he looked now at his parents, at his brother…"Of course, I have absolutely no memory of her, so we'll need to see to that," he concluded.
Jane was moved beyond words at Thor's wisdom. She went over to him and took his hand. He had stood up to Odin, defended Loki…and though she didn't know him at all, she surmised that it had been very difficult for him to do.
Thor accepted her hand, and squeezed it.
…and Loki watched. He was so full of conflicting emotions…gratitude toward Thor for telling Odin what he needed to hear; love for his brother, for though it was always difficult to muster, it was always there…and seething hatred pulsing his brain as he watched him hold Jane's hand.
He thought he would be sick.
Oh no…no…he was going to be sick…he backed away, his hand suddenly covering his mouth…he walked to the doorway…
"Loki?" Heimdall was there. "Are you alright?"
Loki nodded and escaped the room, running to the men's room.
"Well," interrupted Frigga. "That certainly clears the air."
Jane dropped Thor's hand and looked at Odin and Frigga. Shit. How could she tell them now?
"Jane, your presence has improved our family beyond measure," Odin said. "You have united us in a way we haven't enjoyed in some time."
"I haven't done anything…" she muttered.
"Nonsense!" Frigga exclaimed. "Oh, Jane. We are so happy you're here! Come to dinner, alright?" she hugged Jane.
"Dinner?" Thor said. "But…isn't it only about ten in the morning?"
"Of course dear…but I was speaking of later," she paused. "Or how about lunch?"
"What time is it?' Thor was confused.
"Time for a nap, I think," and Heimdall came over. "Jane, why don't you come with me?" he took her hand and led her out into the hallway. "We'll see you later!" he called over his shoulder.
And realization of what she hadn't done, what she had neglected to do, rained down upon her in a wash of pain. "Heimdall! I did it again! I mean…I didn't! Oh, fuck it all…" her face was in her hands.
"Jane Foster, listen to me," he took her hands away from her face. "Listen to me now."
She was distraught. "What?! What could you possibly say to make me feel better?" She took his forearms in her hands, holding onto them with some desperation, but also in an effort to keep her from collapsing on the floor.
"Are you in love with Loki?"
That wasn't what she had been expecting. Her grip slackened. Her face fell. "I…"
His hands were on her elbows, his face searching hers, and he knew…
"Well, am I interrupting?" Loki looked on the two.
Heimdall smiled and dropped his hands. "Of course not."
What a vixen. "No? You two appeared to be rather…frantic."
"Stop pretending to see things, Loki. You aren't good at it," Heimdall said, and walked toward him. "You seem to be rather peaked. Perhaps you and Jane should share a cab back to your parents' house."
Loki swallowed and narrowed his eyes. "I'm fine," he stammered.
"Oh, yes. Because you always stammer out your words…you're never the picture of grace and…"
"I'm not. It must be a convincing cover, you know, since you see all."
Heimdall smirked. "Do take care of our Loki, Jane. I'll see you both in a bit."
That left them alone…
"I don't require a babysitter, Jane," he said, looking at the floor, and shoving his hands into his pockets.
"I know you don't," but she went over to him, and took his arm, slipping her own arm through his.
And he soared…electricity ran through him like lightening…
"…but I am your friend, and it'd be great to share a cab."
Friend. "Of course," he allowed her to steer him toward the elevator. He felt her warmth press against him, he felt her body move with her stride, felt her breath, though subtle; he fancied that he could feel every atom of her being in that short walk to the elevator.
The elevator's doors opened, and he went in with her…
If this were a cheesy romance story, the elevator would break down, leaving us stranded and we would talk and laugh and before long I'd have her pinned to the wall, caressing every inch of her…
But it wasn't, and she had back fixed to the wall, staring at the floor numbers light up, and he was not against her.
He was not…and he looked at the numbers in turn.
"That was brave of Thor," she offered.
His eyes narrowed. "I suppose it was."
"Loki?"
His heart sped at her uttering his name. Dammit. If only he could train his heart and mind to behave…"Yes?"
"What happened that Odin disowned you?"
Ah.
And the doors opened and the two left the elevator.
He pulled his jacket close as Jane hailed a cab. She climbed in, Loki following. He gave the address, and then looked at Jane, who was giving him a very deliberate gaze. "What did I do?"
She nodded.
"Well, in simple terms, I was born."
"Oh come on…"
"I am serious. My parents' marriage was falling apart after Thor was born, and Frigga thought that having another baby would be the right medicine to stop the fissure. He had been unfaithful, he had been cold…and Frigga, not knowing the full extent of his…indiscretions, got pregnant with me. He resented it, and I think that he was going to suggest a divorce."
"Oh my god."
"Just so," he paused and looked out of the window. "But, he was guilted into staying, but I always felt his disdain acutely. I never understood it…and I acted out accordingly. I was defiant, I was mischievous, I was…well," he cleared his throat. "By the time I matriculated from Cambridge, I decided that I hated my family. I'd never be Thor…and I was disappointed in Frigga for allowing herself to be so blinded by Odin. I had gotten myself into a fix with this fellow…Thanos."
"Thanos?"
"Yeah…bit of a bully. Brother to this woman I had loved at Cambridge…anyway. I asked Odin for money. The great Thanos needed paying…and when I went to him, he was so violently upset, he disowned me. From that point on, I loathed my surname."
"But…everything worked out…?" Jane was a bit confused. They had made amends.
"Well," he chuckled. "Frigga was very upset. And would invite me to dinner and such. Thor seldom showed up, but was invited, and Odin was always disappointed at his absence. I did it for her…I love her so," his voice fell a touch. "Things eventually found a routine, until Thor caused Asgard to go nearly bankrupt. I took over…and though things were never mended completely, they were better," he paused and looked at her. "Until now."
"Now?" she swallowed.
"You, Jane. You have behaved like a balm to this family. I have never seen it thus."
She smiled and shrugged.
The cab stopped, and Loki went to pay, but she closed her hand around his, so tiny compared to his own…he nearly choked at her touch…and she reached into her bag and paid the driver. Loki opened the door to let her out and she walked up to the door. "Do you have a key?" she asked him as he approached the house.
"A key?" he laughed. "Do you think that Odin would entrust me with…"
And the door opened. "Here son, I had this made for you," Odin was handing him a key.
"…what…?" Loki was dumbfounded, but looked at Jane, who was giggling.
The two walked in.
"Oh! There two you are!" Frigga took their coats.
And Jane did fancy that it seemed as though she and Loki were a couple, arriving at his parents' house for lunch, and they would all eat and laugh together, and then would leave, walking instead now, and head back to their apartment, where they would read together, maybe do some laundry…
Why on earth would laundry of all things make an appearance into her daydream?!
Because it was everyday. Because it was simple and easy…and that was what she desired.
They went to the sitting room.
"Well," Frigga began. "I suppose it is a bit early in the day for this, but what does everyone say to a drink? It's already been a day."
"I'd love one…" Loki began.
"Shouldn't you be watching it, Loki? You still appear to be rather pale," Heimdall entered, carrying a Bloody Mary, and handed it to Jane.
"…make it a double. Jameson's please, mother," he glared at him.
Heimdall smirked. "I'll get it, Frigga."
"No water!" Loki called after him.
"Oh, Loki," Frigga sat between he and Jane. "Isn't it wonderful! Everything is going to be beautiful! And Odin finally gave you a key!" she playfully slapped his thigh.
Everything except the fact that I am desperately in love with my future sister-in-law. "It is very fine, mother."
Heimdall handed Loki his double and sat on the recliner.
"Did you make this Bloody Mary, Heimdall?"
"I did. Do you like it?"
"It's very good," and she sipped.
"Heimdall is well versed in all things liquid," Frigga declared.
"That is one of the oddest proclamations I've ever heard," Loki observed.
"But a very convenient gift," Heimdall defended.
And Jane sat back, sipping her drink, enjoying the banter of the party.
They were all sitting around the dining room table. Frigga had made sandwiches and soup…put some fruit out, and they were all tipsy from the alcohol, drinking Heimdall's coffee in an effort to sober up a bit.
Frigga yawned. "This isn't up to your usual standard, Heimdall."
Heimdall shrugged. "Perhaps it is the coffee which is lacking."
"Humph," and Frigga began to clear things up.
"I'll do it, Frigga," Jane said, standing.
"I'll help," and Loki rose as well. He was a glutton for punishment.
The two gathered up some dishes…both still feeling the effects of the alcohol…and went into the kitchen.
Loki began to put things into the sink, Jane handing them to him.
"Loki?"
He swallowed. "Yes?"
"What would you say…what would you say if someone was lying…and it was a pretty terrible lie, but during the process of the lying, good things were happening?"
He looked at her. "I don't…"
"I mean…" she sniggered. "Um…I guess what I'm asking is, is it ever ok to lie?"
Her finger brushed his hand as she lowered a dish into the sink…she was dangerously close to him…he could feel her breath, her face raised toward his own, waiting for a response to her ethical query.
"Is it ever ok to lie?" he repeated. I'm lying to myself every time I speak with you…every time I look at you…
"Yeah," she leaned away from him.
"Well, I've been known to engage in such nefarious things," he turned back to the dishes.
"No," and with some urgency, she took his arm and made him face her. "No. I need your answer. I need to know what you think," she was searching his eyes…she was desperate…she was pale, swallowing…her hand clamped solidly around his forearm…
His eyes fell to her mouth. "I…" and back up to her eyes. "I think…" and his body turned to fully face her. "I think that truth is a slippery thing, Jane…"
Everything about her frame fell, including her hand from his arm.
He lamented its absence.
"No. Not in all cases. Sometimes…sometimes there is a very clear truth," like whether or not I am engaged to your brother…she looked at him.
"But occasionally, there is a deeper truth at play…something not immediately apparent. And though it is obscured by a lie, it is softened by its own existence."
Jane smiled. How much she loved this man! His speech, so eloquent, and made her unease ebb ever so slightly. She loved him, and that was the truth undeniable which would ultimately save her from this mess she was in. "Thank you," she whispered.
He nodded. Her eyes held a sparkle now…her face longing…was she longing for him…? "Jane?"
"Yeah?"
He swallowed.
"Loki? Are you coming back to MGH?" Fridge was entering the kitchen. "Oh!"
The pair fumbled away from one another.
"Um…" Frigga was stammering a bit. "I…"
"Yes," Loki supplied. He took off his sweater. It was rather warm. "Yes. I'm going to MGH…I need to speak with Thor."
Jane turned and began to head out.
"Oh, Jane dear…"
"Yeah?"
Frigga went to her and gave her a hug. "Thank you…"
"For?"
"For saving our family," she looked at Jane with intent.
Jane swallowed. "I haven't." And you just walked in on an awkward moment between me and Loki and you probably think that I'm cheating on Thor with him just like Odin cheated on you…and I should just tell you the truth…
She left the kitchen, left the house without saying another word to anyone.
She was gonna go home and curl into a ball and cry…
And that was exactly what she did.