The twins were strapped in and the ship preflight check finished, but Maura still felt uneasy about this trial trip. That they were heading to Tython only added to her unease, since she felt she'd seen her mother too much already this year. They had only one week left before they went back to running missions and relying on the crew to back them up, and Maura was conflicted. She really wanted to get back into the swing of things, but hated to feel like she was putting her crew out. She'd even explored options to crosstrain to a full time admin position, but she knew she'd spend what time she wasn't dealing with the babies worrying about Aric. Besides, as Aric told her, she was the leader of Havoc squad, it was who she was, not just what she did. She blew out a breath and inspected the harness holding the baby seat with Colin inside. Everything appeared ready to go. So why don't I feel ready? Maura asked herself.
Aric had come up with the plan to not be planetside together, so that one of them was always aboard with the twins, and she'd agreed it made sense, but she also felt there were situations where that arrangement would put them at a distinct disadvantage. She'd always felt comfortable with him at her back, so an adjustment would have to be made there as well. She sighed, she loved her babies, with all that she was, and the thought of leaving them for even a few hours made her heart ache. She'd long ago decided that she'd just have to tough it out, she didn't want Aric to know how much this was killing her inside and how conflicted she felt about it all. A soldier's duty, after all, was what it was, no need to think otherwise.
Aric boarded with the container holding her new armor requisition. She was slimmer than before but needed more room in the chest plate, something she hadn't figured on. He dropped the container in the cargo hold, startling Calleigh into shocked tears. He hurried to the crew lounge, where they were strapped in, to comfort her, and of course she brightened when she saw him. Wrapped around her tiny finger, Marua thought, and he loves it. When his daughter was quiet and drifting back to sleep, Aric strode onto the bridge, giving Maura a quick kiss.
"We're ready, Major," he told her, "let's see if you've forgotten how to fly this thing. We can always call Miriah if you need help. Oww!" he said as her fist connected with his arm. Her annoyed look changed to concern as she rushed back to make sure the twins were secure. When she got back to the bridge, she started lauching, and wasn't too surprised when it was second nature. Aric sat in the copilot seat until they were out of Dantooine's orbit, then went back to check on the kids, leaving Maura on the bridge with her thoughts. Aric returned with a freshly changed Colin and a warm bottle, handing both to Maura and going back to get Calleigh. They settled in to feed the babies, Maura looking out at the stars.
Once the twins were settled in the crib in their quarters, Aric returned to the bridge to sit. He knew Maura was having difficulty with this, but thought that the best way to get through it was to just do it. She'd not said much since they took off, not even talking to the kids when they were awake, which was unlike her. Aric wondered if he was being selfish, wanting her to be back, wanting to be with her every day working, their little world right here on this ship. They were in the hyperlane to Tython, so nothing really to do but wait, but she still sat at the bridge.
"Maura," he said, "everything's going well. The kiddos are doing great with space travel, the ship upgrades have greatly increased performance. Talk to me, honey, what's wrong?"
"I'm sitting here trying to wrap my brain around the fact that we're taking our babies and going off to do missions where they might be in danger, and trying to reconcile that with the thought of leaving them behind. " She turned to look at him fully, "I've never felt so conflicted in my whole life. Not only that, but doing missions without you, I don't even know how that works. I know other military families do this, but they aren't special forces, they don't do the kind of missions we do on a daily basis." She put her head in her hands, "I know what we have to do, and I will do my duty, but today my mind is in a mess with it."
She stood and tried to walk past him, but he caught her arm and made her look at him. "I know it's a mother's instinct to put herself between her young and danger, and you are a wonderful mother, honey. You have every right and reason to be concerned, but we knew when we decided to have children that our lives would change." He growled softly and pulled her to him, "We'll figure it out, make adjustments, see how things go." She nodded into his chest, knowing he was saying the right things but still not convinced she was the same leader, the same Major Chantalle of Havoc Squad.
Her mother met the ship when it landed, anxious to see her grandchildren. Who would have thought that someone who basically abandoned her own children would dote on her grandchildren, Maura mused. It was a short walk to the house, and when they arrived both babies were wide awake and ready to play.
After dinner, when the babies were asleep, Sarai took Maura's hands in hers and looked into her eyes. "My daughter, you are very troubled. Can I help?" Maura shook her head no, then sat heavily on the footstool beside her mother's chair.
She explained her problem, Sarai listening intently. "I just don't want to make the wrong decision here, to do anything that might harm them." She stood to pace as Aric walked in, correctly reading the situation and remaining silent. They let Maura talk it out, every single doubt and fear, and when she was done, she stopped to face them both.
Sarai dropped her eyes, " I know the history as to why you feel this way, but not the same history you know. There's nothing to be gained by retelling it. What I feel is most important is to do what your heart tells you to do, Maura, it's the only way you'll ever be happy in this world. Aric, I know you're behind my daughter every step of the way, how are you feeling about this?"
"I don't want her out on missions where I can't watch her back, but I know that if anything bad happens, it would be better if one of us was with the twins," he confessed. "I don't like it at all, there just hasn't been a better plan proposed. I want to be able to see them every day, they grow so fast and change so much. I know the war is slowing down some, so I guess we need to see what kind of missions we're given before we can figure it out." He shrugged, " I just want Maura to be okay with it, and for her to know that I love her and want to do the best thing for all of us." He walked to her and hugged her against him, and she was finally able to let go of her anxiety and take from his strength. She felt her mother pat her back as she passed, heading up the stairs to bed. As she reached them, she turned back to the couple, "You have each other, which is worth more than you can ever know. Cherish it." She walked slowly up the stairs, stopping to look at the sleeping babies, reaching out to the force to ask for their protection.