The following day came and Rumplestiltskin dreaded the hour of Regina and Henry's arrival. Gold and Belle stayed home from work for obvious reasons, but throughout the day it seemed as though he was distancing himself from her. With the horrific thoughts and atrocities from his past that were surfacing in his mind he was ashamed of how beastly he was and wanted to hide that beast from her. He was at war with himself. As much as he knew of the reasons for why he was voluntarily making himself vulnerable, the beast side was coming out and it was rearing its ugly head. The Beast was fighting back and making one last ditch effort to protect itself by casting doubts on his decision to follow through with tonight. He could tell Belle about children born of True Love. He could get her hopes up, but then he would risk the possibility that their child wasn't and his dream would come into fruition. Belle's life was in his hands; just like the dream showed him. And despite whatever doubts that plagued his mind, it was his love for his family that he valued more and he knew that inevitably he would be confessing tonight.
Gold spoke very little to Belle and the majority of their interaction was handled in silence. He was too consumed in his own thoughts and burdened by the things he would talk about. Where would he begin? How will it end? How will he know when the burden had been lifted? He feared the worst of tonight's outcome and it only exacerbated his doubts.
Gold walked aimlessly throughout their home pensive and anxious. Every time he entered the same room as Belle, she would catch him pacing and his mind clearly somewhere else. Belle tried to be supportive. Every so often in passing she would approach him to ask, "Is there anything I can do to help? Can I get you anything? Do you need anything from me?" and upon each reply he would answer almost coldly, "No, thank you."
She felt helpless watching her husband silently torture himself, and as each hour passed it made her even more anxious for the evening to begin. At different moments throughout the day she'd catch him spinning at his wheel, appearing at peace with his thoughts; but then as soon as she'd make her presence known he'd quickly get up and disappear. As to where he would disappear to, Belle was never able to question him about. She only hoped and assumed that he had gone off to his shop; most likely to tinker with items to keep his hands busy and his mind occupied. It was obvious to Belle that he wanted to be alone, at least for the time being. After all, he was going to share his thoughts with her later, so she practiced patience and waited for the evening to come.
Gold barely ate anything. He was much too disturbed by the maelstrom swirling within his brain. He knew what he had to do. The answer was all too clear; he would sacrifice his past for his family's future.
The evening had arrived. Regina and Henry pulled up into the driveway and slowly got out of the car. The mother and son walked hesitantly up the steps and were slightly relieved to be greeted by Belle at the door.
"Thank you for coming," said Belle as she opened the door into their home. Regina and Henry were both too distracted by what they were seeing to respond to Belle's greeting. They had never stepped inside Gold's house before. Never before did Belle think that she would one day be stepping face to face with the Evil Queen granting her access inside her home, their sanctuary. But there they were, inside their home, at the entrance way. It was a far cry from how Belle felt about Regina four years ago… even two months ago!
Belle guided the two, leading them into the living room area where Gold was waiting for them. As they continued walking down the hall Belle asked, "Can I… uh, get… get you both something to drink?"
"No, we had something to eat and drink before coming," Regina replied marveling over the interior of Gold's house. Gold looked up from where he was sitting on the couch and watched as Henry and Regina entered the living room. There were two chairs waiting for Regina and Henry in front of the couch Gold was sitting in and both mother and son went ahead and took their respective seats. Seeing that their guests were ready to get the evening started, Belle went ahead and sat down next to her husband on the couch.
"Thank you for coming," Gold said finally speaking. He looked almost ill. Belle reached for Gold's hand to which he seemed reluctant to take it.
"Well… let's just get this over with," replied Regina anxiously, getting straight to the point.
"So… how do we start?" Henry asked innocently. Henry, Regina and even Belle looked over at Gold.
"I'm afraid, Henry, that this is something that I must do alone. All I ask… is for you all to listen."
They all waited with bated breath for Gold's next words…
"Once upon a time… there was this boy. His mother abandoned him and was left to grow up with his father. This man was a gambler and selfishly thought of only himself. That man's name… was Malcolm; my father. Whenever my father would go off to gamble away our livelihood he would leave me behind with spinsters. My first stint in magic was the magical bean those spinsters gave me. They told me to go and use the bean to find a better life without my father, but I didn't. I should have heeded their suggestion.
"The bean whisked my father and I away to Neverland and it was there that my father abandoned me. I was taken back home by my father's magical shadow and from then on I was against magic. At the time, I swore to be good by doing good things and by working hard to get them. Obviously, it's been a long time since I made that oath and a lot has happened since then.
"I stayed close to the village where the spinsters raised me, but I was depressed. I left the spinsters to pursue my own career in spinning, but I was still very much alone. I was at a point where I didn't believe in anything anymore and had thoughts of ending my life, but a strange wind from the east came in… and I met a young woman named Milah. Her family was weary and destitute and had traveled from a very far away kingdom. So I took it upon myself to help her out and welcome her family to our village. Over time, we had many interactions which led to us falling in love. Or, so I thought we were in love… Milah and I later got married. I taught her how to spin at the wheel, and while she did the spinning I went out and did the selling. Then the draft for the Ogre Wars came and I snatched up that flyer seeing it as an opportunity to redeem myself from my father's cowardice.
"So I was called to the front lines. While the other troops and I waited to be called into battle I came across a Seer, who told me that I would be a father, and that my actions on the battlefield would leave my son fatherless. I was conflicted… and my desire to be a father overshadowed my wanting to save my reputation. As soon as I found out that I was going to be a father, I knew right then and there that I wanted to be the kind of father whose son knew nothing of abandonment; like I did. So I injured myself on the battlefield and became the village coward and I hobbled all the way home to be with my son. When I came home Milah was disgusted. She didn't share the same views as I did about family. She thought I should have died rather than come home in disgrace. But… in the end, I didn't care about how others thought of me, not even Milah. I only wanted to be the father my father wasn't. And as a result, I got the privilege to see my boy grow up. But as the years went by, Milah grew more irritable and even more bitter and it was in her shame in me that she became dissatisfied with her current life.
"There were times where she would disappear for days. She'd shrug off her parental and work responsibilities and I'd have to stop selling to go out and find her. And then one day, I found her gallivanting with a pirate named Killian Jones. She eventually abandoned us for the pirate. I tried to go after her and was led to that pirate's ship. He wanted me to fight for her. I was too afraid and too crippled to defend anybody, let alone myself. He even had me by the throat with his sword and said to me, 'A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.' So I ran home, like the coward I was… to tell my boy that his mother had run off with a pirate. I should have manned-up and told him the truth, but instead I lied to my son. I lied to Baelfire and said that his mother died. It was a lot easier to lie because I was too ashamed of myself to tell Bae the truth. But I figured that Baelfire still had one parent… me. And I was determined to never abandon him.
"Time had passed since then… and the Ogre wars were at our front steps. A draft was enforced by the king forcing all capable bodies to the front lines, including children fourteen years of age or older. Bae was turning fourteen and I was not about to allow my only son to be slaughtered. We had tried to run away, but were soon caught by the king's soldiers. One of the soldiers debased me in front of my son and in order to escape with our lives, I had to show him fealty… he wanted me to kiss his boot. The choice was… kiss his boot and live, or be tried for treason for running away. I kissed his boot. So Bae and I returned home and along the way, a beggar man came to help. For his kindness in helping Bae and me home, he ate with us and stayed the night. And that night, he told me of the magic behind the king's power… The Dark One. He told me where to find it, how to get it and what to do with it once I had the dagger.
"With all good intentions, I had only wanted the power to save my son and the rest of the children from the Ogre's war. So with all acts of desperation I got the dagger and killed The Dark One. The power was then transferred to me, but my first act as the Dark One wasn't to end the Ogre's war… it was to take vengeance and kill the soldiers who had embarrassed me in front of my son. So I did just that. They didn't recognize me at first. Even Bae didn't recognize me as they were taking him away. I said to the soldiers, Don't you remember me? I had to help jog their memory for a bit, but they soon came around. Once they knew I was the new Dark one, I had the soldiers groveling before me… begging me for their lives. The power felt good. No… more than good… insatiable. I wanted more! I slaughtered them all using the Dark One dagger… in front of my son. And ever since that day, my life had changed forever… and my relationship with my son was never the same.
"I grew excited and became enamored by my sudden surge in power. And for a desperate man who had nothing, but suddenly had everything… I easily gave into the power of the curse. And Bae saw, first hand, the creature I was becoming. Over time, I was beginning to see the beast through his eyes. In Bae´s eyes I saw unhappiness. With my new powers I tried to give him everything I never had. I had given him so much that it would have made the richest man in the Enchanted Forest blush. But he wanted none of it.
"I found a new profession, Magic, but I thirsted for more and I sought out every opportunity to exercise it. At first I had used magic to support my family. I´d conjure glorious meals that Bae took no part of. He claimed that the food tasted off and would intentionally starve himself. He forced my hand and I reluctantly hired a maid to cook and clean for us. One night I caught her eavesdropping on my conversation with Bae about the Dark One dagger. And although she was mute, I killed her anyways to ensure her continued silence.
"Ever since my killing spree of the guards in front of my son, I had handled all the rest of my transactions, deals and threats outside the house and always away from his eyes. Somehow though, Baelfire always knew. Whether it was a bloodied boot or a stained jacket, he always knew what happened when deals with me went sour. And it was why Bae resented me for my magic. Not only did it make him unhappy, but my dealings left him friendless. Despite my constant support and love for him he was still very much alone.
"Bae expressed interest in leaving. At first, I thought he was finally warming up to the idea of living in a castle like we had talked about, instead of living in the same old hovel like we had been for years. But then he proposed a deal to me. He asked, 'If I could find a place for us to be together, would I go with him?' to which I hastily and reluctantly agreed. I thought he was referring to live somewhere different… in this land. Only, my son did find a place for us… in a land without magic. He was given a magic bean from the Blue Fairy and that's what set everything into motion.
"It was all happening so quickly and I didn´t want to renege on our deal, so I went with him like I promised. Only… I didn´t follow through on the deal. It was the only deal I ever broke. I can see it now… He tossed the bean and the portal expanded. I hesitated. I loved magic and I didn´t want to part with it. Time was running out. My son or magic. I didn´t want to go back to being the helpless and powerless like the man I once was. How could I protect my son being powerless? How could I live with myself going back to the man I once was… a loser? A coward? No. At that point, I didn´t want power… I needed power. And in that split-second, I held my son´s hand over the portal. And in that one moment I had everything… magic and my son. And then I made my decision, and I caved-in to my power… and I let him go… alone.
"When he was gone, I finally realized that my son was my only reason for magic. My only reason for living. I lost him and with him my purpose and myself. His absence had left a void in my heart and I wasn´t the same. And the void was quickly filled by the only thing I had left… magic. I had regretted letting him go. And I was determined, more so than ever, to do whatever it would take to get him back. Anything.
"But I needed direction, I needed a path. I hunted for the Seer; the same Seer who had sent me on this wretched path to begin with. I eventually found her and it was in my original intention to have her tell me how to get back to my son, but I ended up taking her power of foresight and the transference of power killed her. Before she died, she told me about the curse that would lead me back to my son. She told me that a boy would lead me to him and that he would be my undoing. She also warned me that this boy was more than what he appeared to be. At the time, I was determined to get rid of whoever it was as long as it got to my son, even if that meant killing him… I didn´t know that this boy would be my own grandson… "
Gold shook his head in shame then looked over at Henry and apologized, "Henry… I am so incredibly sorry. Will you ever forgive me?"
Henry nodded understandably, "You were desperate. You loved your son." Henry looked up and looked at Gold more seriously, "I only have one question for you… Do you still want to kill me?"
Gold answered, shaking his head timidly, "No."
"Good," replied Henry casually, shrugging his shoulders, "Then we´re past it. All is forgiven."
"Thank you again, Henry, for understanding." Gold took a few deep breaths before continuing his story, "A short time after that I was approached by a prince who wanted me to get rid of a Queen… Elsa. He said that this Queen had unique abilities that would interest me… whether it would be to learn her abilities or use her to help me find my son. I met Elsa at her newly created Ice Castle. I was still trying to understand my new powers of foresight and I felt drawn to meet her… like meeting her would bring me closer to my son. Well I soon discovered that she was the one that was going to need help from me. She had emotional issues which affected her magic. Her powers were erratic and unpredictable and I didn´t know what to do with her. So I tricked her by trapping her inside an urn. I did it so that she couldn´t harm herself or anybody else. When she left, she left behind an incredible castle, which I took and made as my own transforming it into the Dark Castle.
"What I didn´t anticipate was the Queen´s sister, Anna, to come after her. Suddenly she was at my doorstep demanding to see her sister. She was annoying and I was going to turn her and her companion, Kristoff, into newts, but the princess said something that changed my mind. So I made a deal with her to reunite her with her sister… and I froze her heart. So with Elsa and Anna out of the picture I scared Kristoff away and never heard from him again… until recently.
"Some time had passed and I happened across the same captain that stole Milah away. Only, he didn't steal her, she ran away to be with him… because they were in love. I was so enraged and disgusted when I found out. She abandoned her son for the pirate. I couldn't believe it! I was livid. Driven to the point that when I came face to face with Milah again, I ripped her heart out… and crushed it.
Gold glimpsed at his wife, gauging her reaction. He half-expected a violent reaction, but instead she remained silent and still. He continued, "I had made more deals to pass the time, to analyze my vision more thoroughly. I knew I needed certain particular variables for the curse. I knew I couldn´t cast it. I needed someone else to cast it. One day, I had this vision of a miller´s daughter… Cora. I knew from my vision that she wouldn´t cast the curse, but that her daughter would. When I discovered Cora she was in dire-straights. She had placed herself in quite the precarious yet fortunate position. She snuck into an engagement party for Prince Henry. She got caught by the king and instead of showing modesty she showed insolence by talking back to the king. The king had sentenced her to death for her impertinence, but she claimed that she could provide the king what he needed… gold. She claimed that she could spin straw into gold and that she needed time to gather her thoughts to perform such a feat. So the king sent her to the highest tower to do just that; and if on the next day she didn´t demonstrate like she said, she would be sentenced to death. I suppose fate was working in my favor, so I offered her a deal to save her life.
"Cora," Rumple began reflecting back on how he knew her, "before any of you knew her, was one of the most curious and unique people I had met at the time. When I approached her, she wasn´t afraid of me or my magic and embraced us both. She was so enamored by it that she had me alter the deal by teaching her magic to save herself, instead of me saving her life for her. For teaching her magic, I only wanted her first born in exchange."
"Cora," Rumple paused, remembering her, "was sassy, bold and unafraid to get what she wanted… and I loved that about her. Our magical affair… it wasn´t true love. It took Cora ripping her own heart out and tricking me out of our own deal for me to realize this. I should have known that Cora was more interested in power. She was more in love with the power I wielded than me.
"I may be the master of deals and words, but she was the master manipulator. She was the only student I ever feared and loved at the same time. So we parted ways… but I was certain from my visions that her daughter would be the one to cast the curse. So I kept a careful distance from her; waiting ever so patiently for my star pupil to come along. I thought it was you, Regina," Rumple said looking over at her staring back at him stone-faced.
He continued, "Everything from my visions were saying so; even when you were just a baby and I held you in my arms… everything felt right and I was almost certain. Until one day, in the midst of your training with me I happened upon Zelena in your bedroom, performing the same vanishing spell that had taken you weeks to learn.
"I thought it was you, but was surprised when she introduced herself as Cora´s other daughter. After confirming that she was in fact Cora´s daughter, I grew doubtful over who would cast my curse. By then, the rest of the Dark Curse had formulated in my head and what I didn´t anticipate was having two possible candidates for the position. So I worked with Zelena and trained her. For the most part, I thought that she was one that would cast the curse. She was certainly powerful enough to cast it, but she was growing too close to me. I knew for certain, that the key component to casting the Dark Curse was sacrificing the heart of the thing you loved most, and for Zelena´s case, that was me.
"I had to stop my training with Zelena, for my own sake. Zelena found out that I was still teaching you, Regina, and she grew jealous. She was always jealous of you and it showed through her skin… and that was what terminated my education with her," Rumple hesitated, carefully choosing his next choice of words and continued, "Never in my visions or in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine seeing her again. And I thought she disappeared taking her bitterness with her, but instead she viciously held on to that grudge… thinking that if she were to go back to the past to change it, I would choose her instead of Regina to cast the curse. But she needed me… more specifically, my brains, to cast her time portal spell. But I was dead. And she knew of the only two people willing to bring me back…"
Rumple looked over at Belle and continued, "Belle and Neal were present at my resurrection… It was incredibly strange… the last thing I remembered before my death was stabbing my father… and then, what felt only moments later, I woke up seeing my son die in Belle's arms. I had woken up to a nightmare. We," Rumple said looking at his wife in the eyes, "all know that it was Neal who sacrificed himself to tell us about Zelena, but it was also his life that made my resurrection possible. Zelena tricked my son into bringing me back… and without fully explaining the price…"
He paused briefly looking down. Anger was swelling within him.
"I had spent… so long… centuries to find him. I watched generations of families and kingdoms rise and fall from power. I manipulated and hurt people. I even created a curse to get to him… just so I could apologize… and hold him, and tell him that I loved him. And to have that all…culminate to his death… all because of Zelena's jealousy… I killed her. I killed her for killing my son."
"What?! How?!" exploded Regina, looking at Belle. Belle knew about the switching of the daggers, but this… Zelena´s death was a new revelation. When Belle had his dagger she never gave Rumple the consent to kill Zelena… Unless she didn't have it. He must have had it the entire time.
Belle continued looking at her husband seriously, "Was there any point in time I actually had the dagger before you switched them?"
Belle thought of his proposal. Did she even have it then? Regina did a double-take between Rumple and Belle then angrily looked back at Belle.
"Wait a minute," Regina said looking at Rumple, "You switched the dagger?" Then she looked back at Belle, "You knew he killed Zelena?! You knew about him switching the daggers?!" Regina exclaimed angrily.
"Yes," interrupted Rumple, drawing the focus of attention upon himself, "Yes, I killed Zelena. And yes, I switched the daggers." Rumple turned to Belle placing a hand on her leg, "I know what you´re thinking. I switched the daggers after I proposed to you."
"Well isn´t that convenient?" Regina replied incredulously.
"For once," Belle added, "My sentiments match yours, Regina." Belle was doing her best to keep her emotions in check, but she couldn´t help but express the anger and disappointment that was exhibiting on her face. So she resolved to keeping her comments to herself until everything was explained. Until he was finished with his story; his confession.
"The whole point of you all being here is to witness my confession, so that the charms protecting my heart break. It would be pointless to be lying now," Rumple reasoned.
"I suppose you do have a point, but now I can´t help but wonder where the real Dark One dagger is," Regina said looking at Rumple and Belle, practically demanding an answer.
"It´s safe," Belle answered for Rumple, hoping that her saying 'it was safe' was sufficient enough to ease Regina´s concerns, yet not reveal the actual location of the dagger. Belle explained, "I actually discovered the switching of the daggers when Elsa came into town and kidnapped me. It was when I had tried to summon him using the dagger that I discovered he switched them… but it didn´t work. I eventually confronted him about it later, we talked and together we hid the real dagger. So, for now… the dagger is safe. At least, that much I knew. But I didn´t know about Zelena. That´s… that´s new to me."
Regina was dissatisfied with the answer Belle had given her and threw up her hands in helpless disgust. Regina was running out of blood relatives. But as she thought about it some more… she couldn´t justify the actions of her mother or her sister. They both raised hell on Storybrooke, causing chaos to the curse that was supposed to be her happy ending. Regina found herself at a stalemate. What could she have done? Seek justice for Cora and Zelena and take it out on Rumple? She knew that there was no controlling or setting boundaries to the most powerful man in all the realms. So she reluctantly settled to not forgetting that it was Rumplestiltskin who inevitably caused both of her mother and sister's deaths. She did kill her own father. So how could she judge when her crimes were just as bad as his? But her head wasn't on the chopping block to confess today… his was. She knew of her homicidal past, like Rumplestiltskin, she knew her past would inevitably catch up to her. She knew she would one day pay retribution for her crimes, but not today. Today, she was here to listen. To listen to the story from the man that had set her life in motion. So she leaned back in her chair bitterly and did the only thing she could do… listen.
"There´s more… Belle," Rumple continued, "before the curse in Storybrooke broke the first time, I had gone after your father. When Regina lied to me back in our land, about your death… I mourned you for so long. I… I had nearly killed him, injuring him severely when I confronted him about you. I went after him even when I knew he didn´t have his memories back. I was angry… I was emotional and cruel and I am sorry. If it wasn´t for Emma… intervening that night I confronted your father, I would have certainly have killed him for what I thought he did to you."
"And for that… Belle, I am still sorry for," interrupted Regina, apologizing to Belle.
"Well, he and I are both alive. I´m may not be as forgiving as Henry, but for now, I´m willing to let that go because… Henry´s right, it´s in the past. So let´s move on," Belle replied seriously. She knew that she would be hearing things she wouldn´t like. He did warn her after all. So the only way to be done with this was to move on and to let him finish.
Rumple looked down guiltily and sighed before continuing. He looked back up at Belle, which only meant that there was more that affected her. She looked at him, doing her best to listen and not criticize. "I also know you´ve been looking for Gaston. He didn´t disappear. Back in our land, when you were still in the castle with me, he had arrived at my doorstep unexpectedly… and I got rid of him by turning him into the first non-threatening thing that I could think of… a flower. I´m… I´m sorry if he meant anything to you."
Silence filled the room and Rumple waited expectantly for Belle´s response. Belle replied simply, "Gaston was betrothed to me, yes, but… I didn´t have any feelings for him, only my royal obligations to him and my kingdom."
Belle looked away for a moment. She seemed to be handling the news well, but it was only because there was so much to take in. There was so much from his life that she didn't know, that she would spend her life trying to know, but there was also so much from her life that he didn't know. Belle scooted closer to her husband on the couch. She gripped Rumple´s hands with her own as she looked into his eyes. He somehow found the courage to confess things from his past and yet… she felt guilty. Guilty… because she wasn't perfect; she had kept things from him as well.
It was Regina all those years ago that suggested she was in love with Rumplestiltskin. When Regina captured her, it only cemented her love for him. She would never stop fighting for him, even now. And it was Regina who, not too long ago, introduced the idea of children. For the past few days, she had been so consumed with worry over the price of having a child with the Dark One that she completely overlooked and disregarded her own feelings on children and spent all day yesterday mulling over the thought. And now that they were doing something about her mortal concerns, she was finally able to collect her thoughts.
Belle had thought of her own mother; how perfect and enigmatic she was. Belle only had a few memories of her mother. All of them wonderful until one day she disappeared. Her father´s advisers told her and insisted that she passed away. And although Belle was only seven when it happened, she knew in her heart that her death wasn´t the truth.
Ever since her mother´s disappearance she had felt a maternal void; an inexplicable abandonment. Sure, she had female caretakers within the royal staffing, but none whom she´d give the honor of calling, 'Mother'. It just didn´t feel right. So Belle isolated herself with the library her mother gave her. Her first library; filled with children´s books her mother would read to her every night and when the stories weren´t enough, her mother would enchant her with song to lull her to sleep. Belle´s mother was practically perfect in every way, and those few experiences with her mother and motherhood in general set the bar so high that it made her incredibly anxious.
While most girls played with dolls and socialized, Belle kept to herself. She would open one of the many books from her library and live vicariously through the characters. Belle feared what she didn´t know, and why she always made a point to find out about everything she could by reading everything. Motherhood was never explained in the books that she read, only what the authors felt mothers should be.
Rumple was overjoyed with the news of their expectancy and she was happy to see him happy, but if she wanted to be honest with herself, she was afraid. She didn´t want to have any children. But seeing the bravery of her husband, confessing the horrors of his past, gave her courage and inspired her to do the same. If she could forgive him of his past actions, surely he could forgive her for her honesty? She knew nothing of parenting, but he did. She knew when she married Rumplestiltskin that there would be hurdles to jump over and that the best part of that marriage was that they would be facing these hurdles together.
"So… what now?" asked Henry innocently, noticing the awkward silence and stillness of the room. "Did it work?"
"I suppose there´s only one way to find out…" said Rumple letting go of Belle´s hand to reach for his heart. Belle reached for his hand to stop him.
"Before you do this," Belle said to Rumple. He was confused by what she was doing, "I have something to confess."
"You don´t have to confess anything," Rumple said, still baffled.
"But I do," Belle insisted. She had to get this off her chest. This was the moment. If he had the courage to confess, so could she. "Ever since I discovered I was pregnant I´ve… I've had something weigh on my heart."
"Sweetheart, what could you possibly confess?" Everyone´s ears in the room perked with interest.
"I… I am not ready to be a mother," confessed Belle.
"Child, every parent feels that way for the first time," Regina said dryly. As if Belle´s confession was something trivial.
"No," Belle disagreed, "that´s not what I mean." Belle paused for a moment looking at her husband. She felt horrible about what she was about to say next, "I never wanted to be a mother."
"Belle…" Rumple said, shocked over what Belle said, "Why do you think that? What are you so afraid of?"
He cut straight to the heart of Belle´s issue. As if he knew that she feared what she didn´t know.
"All my life, I had known my purpose as a princess. Get married and have children for the prosperity of my father´s kingdom. Having children sealed my fate and my role in life… and ever since I knew that I dreaded it. I feared not having control over my own fate. I wanted so much more than that provincial life. I knew very little of my own mother, but what I do remember of her… she was perfect. She... I… I can´t do this!"
Tears began falling from Belle´s eyes. She knew how much this news was crushing his heart. She started to hyperventilate. Rumple saw the fear from Belle and tried to calm her.
"Darling! Darling…" Rumple said, soothing her by rubbing and patting her arm gently. He paused for a moment and then brought her close for a hug. She was clearly upset by this and he kissed her head. "You´re wrong. You can do this and you won´t be alone."
He pulled apart from her to look her confidently in the eyes. He kissed her again on the forehead and continued, "You´re not the only one becoming a parent. You forget… this is our child and we're going to become parents. And as far as making mistakes as parents and not being perfect, that´s inevitable. It's not just inevitable, that's normal. And as much as you try, you can´t be perfect. No one can be, not even me. Though, on a side note, I think you´re perfect just as you are. But as long as we try our best and continue loving our child as we love each other, then I think we´ll do alright. Please," he said picking up her hand and kissing it, "Allow me to help ease your fears. Let me help you not feel so alone on this path to parenthood. We can do this… together. But first, I need you to do something for me…"
Rumple waved his hand over Belle´s and enchanted it. Belle looked at him quizzically, unsure of what he was asking her to do. He continued, "I need you to take my heart because it´s yours. It has always been yours."
"Rumple… I… I can´t!" Belle insisted retracting her hand from his. Rumple gently reached again for her withdrawn hand and protectively cradled it between his own two hands.
"Yes, you can because I believe in you. And you must because you are the final barrier. Belle… only my true love can take it… and that´s you."
He waved his hand over his chest and prepared it for the reception of Belle´s hand. Belle timidly raised her hand and paused over his chest. "Will it hurt?"
"Only temporarily."
It didn´t give Belle any confidence, but she knew what she had to do. She gulped and inhaled slowly. She concentrated with all her might for her action to be as painless as possible. And like pushing a hand into a pillow, she gently plunged her hand into his chest. She felt the hardened muscle give out a pulse, letting her hand know that she had found his heart. She grabbed it and held on to it dearly as she delicately pulled it out from his chest. Rumple winced with pain and his mouth fell agape. He held his chest and began massaging the void. She could feel his heart continue pulsing in her hand. The pulse quickened its beat. The whole sensation made her nervous and she asked nervously, "Are you ok?"
Rumple nodded, "For now."
Belle nodded to reassure him, but mostly to reassure herself. She took in a nervous breath and said back to him, "Alright, now it´s my turn."
Rumple nodded again. He had plucked many hearts in his past, but this was the first time he found himself incredibly nervous; he would be plucking the heart of his True Love. Belle saw his hand tremor nervously over Belle´s chest. She took his nervous hand and kissed it. "It´s ok Rumple. I´m ready. I trust you."
As soon as she let go of his hand he swiftly pushed his hand through her chest. Unlike his previous heartless victims where he violently ripped their hearts out, he plucked hers out like plucking an apple from the branch of a tree. Belle groaned in pain, mimicking Rumple´s reaction to her missing heart.
"I´m sorry! I´m sorry!" he said frightened over any additional pain he may have caused. He took his other available hand and placed it on her shoulder, "Are you ok?"
"Yeah," said Belle putting on a brave face. She still held on to Rumple´s heart. She nodded and looked down at his heart. "So… what now?" she said lifting his heart.
"Hand it over to Regina," Rumple directed, "I need to see how she broke Snow´s heart using my own first."
Belle did as her husband asked and handed his heart over to her. Regina held Rumplestiltskin´s heart as she had held so many other hearts in her past. Regina stared at Rumple´s darkened heart. Her silent contemplation made everyone in the room uncomfortable. Henry looked at his mother with alarm, "Mom… what are you doing? What are you waiting for?"
"A long time ago, Henry, when your grandfather was teaching me magic… I held my first heart just like this. One of the major lessons I had to perform for him was pulling out a heart and crushing it."
Her comment made everyone begin to panic and it was evident through the rapid beatings of Rumple and Belle´s exposed hearts. Regina continued, "And for the longest time, I had dreamt of this moment… where I would be doing it to his."
She broke her trance from Rumple´s heart and looked at Henry´s scared eyes. Regina´s face melted from revenge to sad reflection, "After what he did to my mother and sister, I have every right to crush it, but… I´ve changed since then, since you Henry."
She looked back at Rumple´s heart with focused determination, "Here´s hoping I don´t regret doing this."
Regina took a breath and placed both hands carefully over Rumple´s vulnerable heart. Rumple looked on at Regina studiously as she strategically placed her thumbs at his heart´s center crevice. In one swift movement, Regina twisted slightly and pulled, successfully severing Rumple´s heart in two. Rumple flinched and the separation, but only for a moment. Only a couple of tears fell from the corner of his eyes. Belle looked at him observantly, expecting a more dramatic reaction. She placed a concerned hand on his knee, "Rumple… Rumple, are you ok?"
"Unfortunately," he said wiping the few tears away from his face, "I´ve had the experience of getting my heart broken before."
He closed his eyes for only a moment. When he opened them again he looked at his wife still holding her heart. "I´m so sorry I have to do this to you, my love."
Belle nodded sympathetically, "You have to do this. This is for our child. I understand."
Rumple came forward and kissed Belle tenderly on the lips. When they broke apart from the kiss another tear fell from his eye. He looked down at Belle´s heart and kissed it sweetly before replicating what Regina did to his heart. Belle didn´t handle the breaking of her heart as gracefully as Rumple did and let out a loud moan. She tried to immediately compose herself by keeping a strong face, but she couldn´t help the pain and caved, allowing multiple tears to fall from both her eyes.
"It´ll all be over soon. I promised," he replied. With the successful division of both hearts, Rumple took one of the halves of his heart from Regina and exchanged it for one of Belle´s halves. He then took the two different halves and placed them side by side in his left hand. He waved his right hand over the pair and like a magical sewing machine the two halves connected harmoniously together like two magnets drawn to each other. Upon seeing the chimera heart give out its' first beat, he immediately placed the new heart back in her body first. Belle gasped at the sudden impact, as if her own life was being thrust back into her body. The insertion was literally breath-taking and she looked over at her husband for affirmation.
Worry riddled his face as Rumple asked curiously, "Are you alright? How do you feel?"
"I´m…" she began to say as she tried to catch her breath, "I´m ok. It worked!"
Rumple nodded and proceeded to do the same with the other two halves. He waved his hand over the other two halves like he did with hers and the two parts magically sewn themselves together. He immediately placed his new heart back into his own chest and gave a little gasp. Belle stared at him intensely, waiting for a response. "Rumple…"
She waited again for him to say something and when he didn´t say anything, Belle asked with deep concern, "Rumple… how do you feel?"
"I feel… complete."
He beamed at her and with a reciprocated smile Belle leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. After immediately kissing her back, he parted his lips from hers and they fell into each other´s embrace, rejoicing over the successful operation. Regina coughed trying to get the couple´s attention.
"Well… I´m glad that it worked," Regina said awkwardly interrupting their celebration.
"Yes," said Rumple pulling away from his hug with Belle to face Regina. "Thank you," he said earnestly.
"That's a first. You know, even after casting your curse for you, you never thanked me. So… you´re welcome."
"There´s a first for everything," said Henry, smiling at his mom then back over at his grandfather and Belle; happy that the whole procedure was successful.
"Thank you both for… well for listening," said Rumple honestly.
Regina and Henry both nodded, then Regina quipped, "For the record, this one was one the house. I mean, now that we´re supposedly family and all…"
The words came out of Regina´s mouth sarcastically. She knew of his pension for deals, debts and favors, to which Rumple smiled gratefully at her and said, "Don´t worry Regina, I´m not going to forget this."
Regina nodded amicably. It was the first time she and Rumplestiltskin had finally come to an accord. Seeing that their presence was no longer need, Regina stood up and called to her son, "Come Henry, let´s go home."
Henry nodded compliantly to his mother, standing up beside her. He then looked over at Belle and Rumple and said, "We´ll just… see ourselves out."
Rumple and Belle both nodded and Henry led the way out leaving the living room first. Regina followed after her son with a loving guiding hand on his shoulder and they left the Gold residence together. Belle beamed at her husband as they both heard Regina´s car roar into life and depart from their driveway. Rumple smiled back at his wife as he heard Regina´s car leave their premises.
"Me too," said Belle breaking the silence. Rumple furrowed his eyebrows, confused by her statement. She continued, "I feel complete too."
Rumple said nothing and began kissing her affectionately. When their lips parted, their foreheads fell naturally against each other. With his new heart unburdened and his mind and soul cleansed from his past, the renewed Rumplestiltskin replied lovingly, "I love you Belle."
"I know," responded Belle, "and I love you Rumplestiltskin."
Phew! Holy-Editing-Batman! That was a lot. Sorry it took me this long to push this out. There was a lot to read... and edit. I'm sure I missed some things, but there you have it. You made it! Go on… pat yourself on the back, you deserve it. And oh, just curious, any guesses as to who you think I'm casting as Belle's mother? I did leave some bread crumbs in this chapter, though I'm interested to hear your theories.
Thanks to OUATgirl17, Montreat11, Katelynberg and BreathingintheSun for sticking with me and reviewing! You guys are so absolutely wonderful. Stay beautiful. See you next chapter.