Nygma

I went with the Arkham staff wherever they asked without objection, I sat down in an office across from a desk of a doctor.

These visits happened a few times over the next couple of days. It was always the same.

He would ask me what was going on in my life and I would slip into a wounded Nygma crying over the night I got shot, and how bad the nightmares were. I would sit there and start to tremble holding myself.

I also spoke of my struggling with my sexuality. The Doctor thought that was pretty interesting, and wanted to pry into that section of my life as well, but I wasn't going to let him in.

He told me I needed to find out who I was, and to embrace it, or these episodes would happen frequently.

I took the pills they gave me, of course spitting them out once hiding them under my tongue.

I definitely wasn't about to be medicated. Yeah no.

They released me a few days after my last appointment with the Doctor. He believed me that I wasn't a threat to anyone, I was suffering with PTSD and needed to be on medication.

Heh, yeah like that was going to happen. Though I'd use it to my advantage. I dumped the actual anti-depressant pills out, and replaced them with vitamins. I shoved the bottle into my pocket, and headed out of the pharmacy.

I went to the warehouse that had come to be known as the clinic, but Oswald was not there. I had the things in my apartment to make his cast, I just needed to take him there.

I decided to go to his club, it was only the hottest place in town. I had never been there, even before his reign of it. Clubs were definitely not my venue. I hated for strangers to be so close to me and I never really drank much. I didn't like numbing down my brilliant mind.

I entered the club looking around for Oswald. There were a ton of people in there though, I suppose it was late enough to be filled up.

Oswald

I was making the rounds at the club as best as I could, considering I had a club for a foot currently. I was still in the makeshift splint Nygma made for me. I could only imagine how annoying the cast would be!

I was checking on patrons and making sure that they were never thirsty. After greeting most everyone, I handed the bottle of to another one of my staff I walked, actually more hobbled to a booth near the entrance of the club. I put my right leg up on the bench and began to rub it a bit. I felt so stiff and still ached terribly. I continued to try and gently rub out all of the pain from standing on that leg.

I knew if Nygma was here he'd be giving me one hell of a lecture about how I shouldn't be only my leg so soon. I could almost hear his voice now.

Nygma

"Why are you not resting, at home?" I asked him sitting in the booth across from him.

I had seen him from the door, no one else walked like the way he walks. I could spot him from a mile away.

"I didn't slave over you in a makeshift surgical room to have you worsening your condition."

I took a sip from the glass of water I had requested at the bar.

"Well some people have to make an honest living. Unlike you, I can't sit on my ass and wait for work to come to me." he chuckled slightly, and then grabbed his side.

"I should let you know, I rarely sit on my ass at work. I've done more sitting the last few days than I have in my entire life, thank you very much." I responded at his quip.

I swallowed seeing him grab his side. "You need to rest, Oswald, let your men run the club for a while. You need to heal or you will never truly heal."

"Thank you for your concern, dear friend, but there are few people I trust in this world. I don't trust this club to anyone but myself. I been betrayed many times by many whom I considered friends. The most recent offender, Gordon. I'm not sure I'll ever completely forgive that arrogant asshole."

If only he knew who actually had betrayed him, I thought to myself. The twinge in my gut came back. This was going to end up eating me alive.

"Then tell me what to do..I'll do it." I suggested.

I was completely out of my element, but he needed to take it easy and I needed to make my conscience stop being a dick.

Oswald

"What you run this place?! What do you know about running a club?" I laughed a large deep laugh. "Owww" I clutched my side.

"Maybe you're right, Neg...about the rest part. I'm not so sure you have the balls to run this place. Well for one you do not have the proper attire for such a fine establishment." I smiled.

"Well excuse me for offering, I'll hold my tongue next time." he responded in irritation.

He sat the glass of water down staring quietly at it.

He seemed like the type to put music on in the safety of his apartment and having a cup of hot tea where he could be alone and think type of person.

"Oh I didn't mean to offend you, dear friend." I bent my head down looking him straight in the eyes. "So what brought you to my fine establishment? Missing me perhaps?"

He looked up at me. "I wanted to let you know that I was out of Arkham and that I have the materials at my apartment to make you an actual cast since you're a stubborn mule and won't listen to me about staying off of it."

I was taken aback.

Did he say his apartment? I guess that's better than "Cobblepot Clinic." Much better...

"Oh how kind of you, Neg. Were you wanting to do that now? The club can do without me for the rest of the night."

"The club can do without you for the rest of the night but never on it's own for a couple of days." He interjected with a smirk before shaking his head.

"Might as well come now so I can get the cast on you."

"Yes, the club can do without me for a few hours, but I would not feel comfortable leaving it for a few days. I start to get worried that everything went to hell in a hand basket."

I stood up slowly and followed Nygma out of my club. and let him lead the way to his apartment.

I was still very slow due to my right leg, so I found it hard to keep up with Nygma's long strides

Nygma

"Okay" I nodded following him out.

We took one his cars to the apartment building and I led the way upstairs. I unlocked my apartment door and swung it open so he could walk in first.

It was the same how I had left it earlier. Clean, smelled of cleaner as I had cleaned it last time I was here.

I liked things that were orderly. Everything has a certain place.

Oswald

I looked around the apartment. the first thing I noticed was it was spotless! No speck of dust on any shelves, or counter tops. I actually expected nothing less from Nygma.

His apartment was modestly decorated. Very few pictures decorated the walls. The ones that were on the wall were framed had no people in them. All were achievements with his name on them. I started to wonder if he had any family or if he was estranged from his family. I thought better of breaching the subject at this time.

I still had a very good relationship with my own mother. She was my strength that kept me looking towards my goal of ruling Gotham's underworld when I got kicked down a tier.

His living room just had a small couch placed in front of of a TV on a small wooden TV stand. A coffee table was placed exactly halfway between the couch and TV stand.

I turned around to face Nygma. "So where do you suggest doing this at, Neg?"

Nygma

"In my spare room." I responded looking to him after closing the door.

I shrugged out of my suit jacket hanging it up on the coat rack by the door which held a couple of different colored suit jackets and several lab coats.

I took Oswald's coat from him and hung it up as well before leading him down the hallway that led off the living room.

There was two bedrooms on opposite sides of the hall with the bathroom at the end of the hall.

We passed my bedroom first. The door was open, it was just as clean inside of it as the rest of the place. The bed was neatly made, a chaise lounge sat at the end of it which held pillows and folded up blankets. A dresser sat in the corner with a full length mirror next to the closet. It had a few decorations, mostly things relating to science.

I opened the door at the end of the hall to my spare bedroom. This one was completely empty except for a table which held an autopsy dummy. I walked over and removed it leaving the table clear.

There was a metal cart that held all sorts of boxes and an extra medical bag.

I basically used this room mainly for practice on the dummy when I wasn't bothering myself with cleaning.

Oswald

" Neg, you sure have interesting hobbies. Or extremely dedicated to your work. I'm not sure which it is." I said after entering this spare room and seeing the autopsy dummy on the table. It was a bit odd, but what wasn't with Nygma. I think that is what intrigued me about him, his oddness.

When he had said "spare room", my heart skipped a beat. I had a quite different idea in mind than what actually appeared before me.

Again this was Nygma we were talking about...I sighed lightly, hopped up on the table as best as I could grimacing with every movement. The table was a bit high for someone of my height, and even worse if that someone had a broken leg.

"Neg, would you be able to give me a hand here?"

Nygma

I grimaced when he tried to get on the table by himself and I went over and helped him up on it the best I could.

"I'm very dedicated to my work." he responded. "You have no idea. This is the way I've been my entire life. Graduated top of every class I was in. My career has become my life." I explained to him as I went to the cart and was digging through one of the boxes.

I grabbed some dressings for the cast and went to get the chair that was in the corner by a table that held a microscope. I rolled the chair over and sat down taking Oswald's broken leg and placing it on the chair.

"My...parents raised me this way." he responded. "There was no way their little Eddie was going to be average."

I closed my eyes for a moment and shook off the thought before rolling up Oswald's pant leg.

"Ah, I see." he paused as if wondering if he should press the subject, " My mother wants me to succeed as well. That is why I don't just want to be a peon in this town. I want to rule it!" he said with conviction and fire in his eyes.

I looked up to him as my fingers fumbled around on the splint removing it. I didn't even have to look at I was doing sometimes.

"Are you close to her?"

Oswald

"Yes, very. If something ever happened to her, I would be quite sad." Again I paused, "I take it that you aren't very close with your parents..."

As the splint was removed, I felt a little pain, but it wasn't anything I could handle compared to what I had already endured. What caused me more pain was that it seemed like Nygma was very alone in the world. I wasn't sure if that was by personal choice or not.

Nygma

"When I got out of medical school, my father became terminally ill with cancer." I responded looking back to his leg and running my hands over it trying to see if it had gotten worse or not. When I was satisfied I started to dress it.

"He died a couple years after that, my mother disowned me. She blamed me for not being able to save his life. I tried everything in my knowledge, but cancer is well cancer. Not like it was something curable. She threw me out, and I haven't spoken to her since. I honestly don't know if she's still alive. Frankly I don't really care..." I trailed off as I worked.

"She said that they sent me to all these schools and pushed me for nothing. I couldn't even save the life of my father how could I save the life of anyone else? So I became a coroner instead and now I'm a forensic scientist for GCPD."

There was an underlying sadness in my voice. Yes, I hated my mother for what she did but she was still my mother.

"Wouldn't even let me go the funeral. She informed me of the wrong date, so when I flew back out and showed up, he had already been buried."

Oswald

I was taken aback and not sure what to say back to him in response as he had just opened up to me for the first time. I felt damn near useless in this situation. I wanted comfort this man. I even felt the urge to cry for him, because I doubted he ever shed a tear...except over Gordon, but I mentally try to forget that.

Before I could even control myself, tears did start rolling down my face. I tried wiping them away, but that only made them come faster.

I could not fathom the loneliness that Nygma had been dealing with for all of these years. No wonder he kept to himself. His mother didn't help matters any shifting the blame of his father's death to him. THAT BITCH!

I hoped that I didn't reopen old emotional wounds just now. I turned to look at Nygma and he was still busy making sure that my cast was perfect and that the leg would heal the best it could...considering this is the second time that it's been broken.

As I saw him finish up dressing my cast, I laid my head on his left shoulder and continued crying softly unable to say anything.

Nygma

I swallowed feeling Oswald's head on my shoulder and I looked sideways to him.

What? Is he...is he crying right now?

"Oswald, don't cry" I murmured. I wasn't judging him, I had cried many times over the same exact thoughts but there was nothing left for me to feel sad about now.

I gently placed my hand on the back his head.

"It's fine, I'm fine." I whispered. "I spent too much time crying over the things I can not change. Angry over the actions of people who do not care about me."

I realized this was the most I had ever spoken to this man. It was a weird feeling, but I actually felt comfortable in his presence, comfortable enough to open up a bit of my past.

Though there was more torture there than he knew, than he'd ever know. The things I did to myself to push me through school at the rate I did. To make sure my parents always stayed proud, right up until the very end.

Oswald

I still continued to sob on Nygma's for a few more minutes before I came to my senses.

I turned to look up at him a few tear still welling up in my eyes. My face probably looked like shit right now, but I did care.

I felt like I had just gotten a few steps closer to Nygma. That was an accomplishment that I would cherish.

I still sat there silently for a bit to regain my composure. "Thank you, friend, for sharing a bit of your past with me."

I felt that warmth building, that warmth that I hadn't felt since that early morning in the warehouse. I reached out for him and pulled him close. I held him for a bit. Then I gently began kissing the left side of his face, starting with the center of his forehead and working my way down tracing the edge of his jaw line. His neck was the next place I went, stopping at his collar bone as I had been able to unbutton a few buttons on his shirt to loosen it up a bit.

I turned my face upwards and my lips contacted with his. I hope that this time I wouldn't be pushed away

Nygma

I swallowed hard at his actions closing my eyes. I didn't move away from him I just allowed it. I took in a breath and felt his lips against mine.

It felt different from the first time, of course I wasn't exactly being assaulted either. I kissed him in return my hands had still been on his leg just sort of frozen there.

I let this go on for a bit, I didn't mind it. It was nice but then the warmth I was feeling inside of me turned back to guilt.

You allow the man you betrayed to fall for you. He's going to hate you when he finds out. Just like the others Nygma, just like the others...

I couldn't stop the voice it was getting louder and louder. I finally cried out and pulled back. The voice inside of my head began to laugh maniacally. I grabbed fistfuls of my hair and my face contorted with pain. Tears were starting to snake down my cheeks. I got up from where I was sitting and just went to the corner of the room putting my hands up on the wall bracing against them as the voice was screaming.

Oswald

That's a good sign, as I felt him kissing me back.

All of a sudden, he pulled away with a cry. He started grasping at his hair retreating to a corner of the room crouched facing the corner.

I was still sitting on Nygma's examination table dumbstruck as to what was happening with him. My eyes were wide unblinking and mouth gaping open. Did me telling Jim about his crush do this to him? Dear God!

I was able to brush that thought aside to be dealt with later. Right now, Nygma need to know someone was there for him. I hoped that the cast had enough time to set, because I couldn't leave Nygma like this. I gently pushed myself over and off of the table. If my leg wasn't useless before, it was pretty damn useless now. Due the weight of the cast, I had to drag it along as I took a step with my good leg.

None of that mattered though. What mattered to me in that moment was Nygma. I knelt down as best as I could considering the cast. I embraced him gently from behind.

"There, there. Everything is going to be alright, Neg." I whispered softly to him "I here with you. We'll take on these shadows of yours together."

Nygma

I swallowed and wiped my tears, the screaming in my head stopped.

You might as well tell him. So you don't fall in love and he just break you like the other one did. Break you like the weak minded one you are!

I had no idea when this voice came to me. I felt like he was always there waiting for it's chance.

"You won't be for long," I whispered. I stared up at the wall because there was no way I could face him right now. I knew by keeping my back on him it left me vulnerable. If he wanted to hit me I would be defenseless.

I had to appease the voice to make it stop. Besides, how much longer could I keep it a secret? I didn't want him to find out from Gordon some time down the road. I had to be the one to do it. I placed my head in my hands and just balanced on my feet.

"I was the one who told Gordon you called Fish the night she put you in that meat locker." I choked out. I could barely form words my mouth was so dry. "I was worried about Gordon's life, I didn't realize he would drag you into it out of revenge. " I breathed. I choked for air. "this is all my fault, I am so sorry." I wheezed.

Oswald

I paused for a second or two. "Well that explains why Gordon called me out of the blue..."

I embraced Nygma even tighter, "I don't blame you for what happened that night. I understand why you told Gordon and had I been in your shoes, I'd have probably done the same. How could you have known he was an arrogant little piece of shit?"

I paused for a bit trying to keep my own demons at bay. Since Nygma just came clean with me, shouldn't I?

You made him like this! You didn't kill him but you came damn near close. You don't deserve to be happy with him. You took him as your prize easily, because of your lies and deceit. Just tell him already so that he learns to hate you like all of the rest and you can be the small miserable little fucker that you deserve to be.

If telling Nygma about talking to Gordon myself would shut up that voice, I resolved to come clean, regardless of the consequences.

"So, Neg, while we're in the business of being honest, I need to tell you something as well. I may have, no, I did tell Gordon about your crush on him."

I paused choking back tears,"I understand if you hate me, but I was jealous of that little shit. You getting shot for him was the last straw! I couldn't understand why he decided to leave you behind in my care. I mean I didn't mind it, but I seethed with rage at the fact that he was an ungrateful little prick for you pretty much saving his jealousy made me do terrible things. I regret doing them now."

The tears started falling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Was all I could say in between sobs as I laid my head on his right shoulder.

Nygma

I was quiet, the tears stopped as he was telling me what he had done. All of a sudden the memories came flooding back. Jim entering my office that night to tell me that he felt like I had feelings for him, and then how he had left me at Oswald's without a second look.

I swallowed.

I got to my feet and looked to Oswald quietly. I didn't know what to feel right then. I knew it wouldn't have mattered anyways. Had he known or not, I would have never been with him.

I silently walked over to my table and picked up a frame that had a picture in it. I threw it against the wall and it broke. I walked over and picked up the picture and brought it close to my face.

It was of me and Gordon from the paper. We had made the front page, I was shaking his hand. It was the day I had been hired on at GCPD. The very first day I had met him I helped him solve a big case.

I ran my finger down the photo and tore it in half. I put the pieces together and tore those in half. I dropped them and they fell to my feet.

"It's okay. " I murmured softly. "That man has caused me too much pain as it is. I now know who he really is."

My hand rested on my torso where I had taken the bullet from him. I sighed deeply looking to Oswald and walking over holding out my hand.

When he took it I pulled him up to his feet. "I'm sorry for everything." I whispered gently.

His bombshell took me back for a moment, but it made no difference. Gordon was very very straight as he had said. It was nothing compared to what I had done to him.

I led him back into my living room and invited him to sit on the couch. I saw how the cast was bothering him because his leg was weak, I wanted to see if I could help with that.

I got us a couple of drinks from my kitchen bringing him one and sat down next to him.

"Would you stay...here..tonight?" I asked him shyly glancing to him. I took a drink from my glass. "I...can't be alone right now." I admitted looking to the glass in my hands.

I seemed calm and collected on the outside but on the inside everything was loud and obnoxious. Emotions were hurdling through me like a herd of cattle. It had been like this since Gordon came to my office that night. He had opened the floodgates.