This War's Not Over: Chapter 11

Feelings Are A Burden

I'm so thrilled by your so positive reviews! Many thanks! ^^

I have so much free time on my hands now, so I'm making the most of it by bringing you a new chapter! :D

This chapter starts with two flashbacks, one from Ichigo, and one from Rukia.

Enjoy!

Mom is dead.

Nine-year-old Ichigo sat with his head buried in his knees, staring numbly at the fabric of his shorts under the bridge where his mother had died.

Why won't she come back?

He'd tried to tell them. He tried to tell them that there was something off about that girl he'd been trying to save. But no one would listen to him. They'd bring him into a comforting hug, then pull his cheek teasingly and ruffle his hair.

No one took Ichigo seriously.

Why won't anyone listen to me?

And then there was this…hatred. It wouldn't go away. Ichigo tried to throw it away; he didn't want it anywhere near him. Because hatred was an awful thing to have. It was something that the villains in TV shows had and tried to rule the world with. Go away.

And it hurt. The bonds he had shared with his mother. They hurt now that she was gone. Ichigo's resentment turned and directed itself at his feelings. It was because of them that he was feeling so miserable—these emotions that he did not need. He wished he could throw them away too.

Ichigo had failed. Despite his decision to attend to karate class so he could defend and protect everyone, he had failed. His mother was dead. And now, his name, 'he who protects' meant nothing. It was almost like, as soon as his mother had died, his name had ceased to exist, vanishing in a single instant.

I have…no name.

Rukia watched the sleeping Ichigo, letting his rasping breaths lull her to sleep on her chair. Rukia was tugged into her memories.

She remembered, when she had been jailed in Soul Society for breaking the law by transferring her powers to Ichigo.

She was sitting in her prison cell at the time, when she heard familiar voices. Arguing. Always arguing. It was Nii-sama and Renji.

"It's not her fault," Renji was saying. "He stole her powers."

"There is nothing even I can do against the law Renji," answered Nii-sama. "If anything, he is to blame."

Sudden anger rose inside of Rukia as she stood up and threw herself at the bars of her prison. "Ichigo is not to blame for my actions!"

"Quiet Rukia," Nii-sama's voice was so cold. "You are nothing more than ice that shatters when it is stepped on."

She immediately recoiled, retreating, wounded and humiliated to the corners of her cell. Was it hurt that she felt? Or apprehension that perhaps Nii-sama was right?

But she knew now, when Isshin told her about the pains Ichigo had endured through his childhood, how Ichigo felt. When you have no one who seems to listen to you, or denies your very existence.

But she realized now, at what point Nii-sama was wrong. For she was not ice. She was snow.

And snow does not shatter when it is stepped on.

"Kuchiki-san," Urahara was shaking Rukia awake again.

Rukia's eyes flew open, her senses returning to her. "What?"

"Ichigo is in pain," Urahara stated.

Guilt crept across Rukia's face as she saw how much Ichigo was shaking under his sheets. She hated herself for sleeping through all of it.

"It's fine Kuchiki-san, really. You haven't slept for two nights already."

As Rukia said nothing, Urahara decided to take it to the next step.

"Also…There's the wound. It doesn't seem to heal. Orihime and Tessai's healing just won't work."

Rukia's eyes narrowed in anguish as she examined the crimson splotch appearing through Ichigo's bandages. He looked so pale and drained.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" she demanded.

A smile lit Urahara's face for the first time since they had brought Ichigo in. "I was hoping you'd ask that Kuchiki-san! Because there is!"

Rukia cocked a brow, tapping her foot expectantly. "Well?"

"It seems to be a wound that physically damages the body, but in fact, it's an injury inflicted upon his soul. That's why it can't be healed from the outside."

"…So you're saying we actually have to go inside Ichigo's own soul to heal it? That's impossible!" Rukia's face paled.

Urahara flicked his fan open, a wide smile spreading across his face. "That's why I invented this!"

He placed a flat, rounded looking object into Rukia's hand. Rukia stared dumbfounded at it.

"It looks just like a pebble," Rukia muttered.

"But it isn't! This 'pebble' as you say is what will give you access to Ichigo soul," Urahara said cheerfully.

Rukia stared at Urahara as if he'd just grown another head. "Eh? Me? What, you're not going to send in Orihime or Tessai, you know, the ones who can actually heal?"

Urahara flicked his fan shut, waving his hands in the air in his defense.

"Orihime called in terribly sick. There's no telling when she will recover. So I couldn't just wait—since it is a rather…pressing matter," he replied, designated with his fan Ichigo's rasping body.

"And Tessai?" Rukia asked.

"I thought we should send in someone who knew Ichigo—since…there might be some…unwelcoming figures that are unknown to Tessai," Urahara said haltingly.

"You. Want. Me. To. Go. Inside. Ichigo's. Soul."

"Yes!" Urahara beamed, fanning himself as he did so.

It only earned him an elbow in the face.

"I had a feeling you two were alike…" Urahara said, holding his bleeding nose.

Rukia stared at him evilly. "Sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you with your mouth behind your hand."

Ichigo stared at what he believed was his inner world. But he didn't recognize it at all. For one, what had led him to even think of it as similar to his inner world was because he could see the windowed ground through the ice. Ice.

Ichigo shivered, his breath fogging up the crisp cold air. Yes. It was exactly like his inner world, except the buildings he had grown so familiar with had been covered by a thick layer of ice.

The teen started to wonder—maybe this really was his inner world. Ichigo hated thinking about it. The more the idea seemed to grow on him, the more he resented it.

No. This could not be his inner world.

He didn't dare stand up. He was worried he'd slip forwards flat on his face. He stiffened. He knew why he had come here. It was…to apologize. For not listening to his hollow when it could have saved them both.

"Hollow?" Ichigo called awkwardly. "Hollow!"

Ichigo shivered once more, because the answer never came. There was nothing. Only a cold and angry silence that greeted him like the ice beneath him that burned his skin.

"Why do I have a feeling that you know more than you're telling me?" Rukia asked suspiciously.

Urahara ignored her comment, his beam still attached to his face. "I'm sure your healing kido will be enough to heal whatever wound has been inflicted on a part of his soul."

"A part of his soul?" Rukia repeated quizzically.

"Yes. I'm pretty sure it's not all of his soul, otherwise Ichigo would be dead. You'll have to look for whatever part is injured."

Rukia wondered if it was right for entering Ichigo's soul like this. It just seemed so unnatural to enter someone's inner world where you didn't exactly belong.

She picked up the stone off the floor.

"Just press it against his chest. You should remain in a comatose state until you return."

After a slight pause of hesitation, Rukia nervously pressed the cold rock against Ichigo's chest, and for a moment, she could almost hear Ichigo's voice screaming to her: "Rukia don't! He'll tear you to pieces! He'll—

She never got to hear the last of what he had to say as she felt herself being sucked into Ichigo's inner world.

When Rukia opened her eyes again, she found herself standing in the middle of a frozen wasteland of buildings. How odd.

She hesitantly placed her feet over the ice, but found that the appearance of it was unusually decisive. It was not slippery at all. She took a more confident step forwards, looking around, eager to find the injured part of Ichigo's soul.

Would she find here Ichigo's zanpakuto spirit, Zangetsu?

She was mistaken. She was only greeted by a thick white blade, which she just barely managed to block with her own sword.

She flew several meters back, her eyes wide. What was that?

As her eyes came across a crouching white figure, she took a step back.

"I…Ichigo?"

She then shook herself thoroughly. No. Of course that wasn't Ichigo.

But the spiky hair and the scowl on the creature's face was definitely something that it had inherited from Ichigo. The grin wasn't.

However, the reiatsu emanating from it was unmistakable.

"A hollow?" she murmured to herself.

When he laughed, it made her freeze and shiver.

It seemed to be a distorted version of Ichigo's own voice, warbled and mocking.

"Kuchiki Rukia."

Rukia's eyes narrowed, readying her blade. "How do you know my name?"

But she had already lost the pale figure from her sight. The voice came from behind her when it spoke to her. "I know it because King does. Isn't it obvious?"

His sword came crashing down towards her, barely missing her by a few inches as she just barely managed to get away from his reach by resulting to flash step.

"King, huh?" Rukia frowned in confusion.

Those eyes seemed so familiar to her. They were the eyes that she hated so much. They had made Ichigo suffer for a long time.

"You're Ichigo's inner hollow," Rukia murmured.

They stared at each other, hostility thick in the air.

"Why are you here?" Ichigo's hollow asked, his grin fading and his lips pulling back into a snarl.

Rukia tensed, ready in case the hollow tried anything. "I'm here to—"

She stopped abruptly, gasping. How had she not noticed it before?

There was a scarlet stain that was slowly spreading its way through the pure white hollow's shihakusho.

"…Heal me, huh?" his lips twisted downwards.

Rukia flinched, her attention returning to the hollow's face. "You're…you're the injured part of Ichigo's soul?"

"It doesn't matter. What does is that you don't belong here. Get out," the counterpart hissed.

He sonidoed to smash his blade against hers, Rukia grunting as he did so. He's so strong even though he's injured!

The scarlet only seemed to grow.

"Stop! We don't have to fight. I'll heal you and leave," Rukia promised, her teeth gritted as she pushed back against his blade.

"You're only saying that because you're worried that King's wound will get worse," the hollow said with a laugh.

"You're probably right," Rukia countered. "Just remember that if he dies, you die with him."

She sprung away as his strength overpowered her own, his blade crashing down where she had been moments before as her blade gave way.

But it was strange. Guilt had crossed Rukia's feelings at the thought of just being there to save Ichigo. Because she hated the hollow right? It didn't matter if the hollow died, as long as she could save Ichigo. It seemed cruel, but the hollow was just…a hollow. Just the thought of Ichigo's soul being slowly merged to the thing he hated was simply…

"It's too late Rukia. The dose is already doing its job as we speak. Hell, it might even kill us."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Rukia tried. "I can heal you, and you can work together and—"

"Work together?" the hollow practically spat the words out. "It's because of King that we're in this shit in the first place."

Rukia's eyes narrowed as his eyes grew distantly cold.

"I tried to tell him. But King never listens. He always tries to deny my very existence."

Rukia took a step back, caught off guard. She never expected him to have emotions.

"Ichigo is no different than the very soul reapers who betrayed him. I see that now."

Rukia took a step forward, anger showing clearly on her face. "He may have some sort of hero complex, but he isn't perfect!"

"Try saying those things when all he does is suppress you and deny you."

The hollow seemed to freeze, hissing with a disgusted look on his face.

"Even now, since our souls are merging together, Kingy's stupid feelings are interfering with me."

Rukia's eyes narrowed. "What are they saying?"

And for a moment, Rukia was almost convinced that she saw a flash of Ichigo in his gaze. "They're telling me not to kill you."

Rukia was caught off guard once more, but she recomposed herself.

"Maybe you should just listen to me and let me heal you…because you know more than anybody how it feels like not to be listened to, right?" Rukia tried again.

She was surprised when confusion crossed his glare, as if there was a certain turmoil or battle that was waging itself inside of him. He returned to a crouching position, holding his hands over his ears. Was he losing to these feelings that slowly seemed to be appearing in him?

She hesitated before making a tentative step towards him, but her hopes were immediately destroyed as the hollow raised his reiatsu in warning not to approach him.

Rukia planted her sword into the icy ground to sustain her balance. She watched as he seemed to regain his senses.

"I was right. These feelings that King has are only a burden."

As he sprang to launch another attack on her, she was ready for him this time.

"Dance, Sodeno Shirayuki!"

She let her snow-white blade make its appearance before commanding it again: "Tsugi No Mai, Hakuren!"

Her snow shot out to meet with the hollow's attack, covering him from view. She held her zanpakuto in both hands now, ready for her opponent's next attack.

When the frosted fog dispelled, she flinched when the alter ego came out unscathed.

"Is it really that surprising that I know your attacks?" his usual grin was plastered on his face. "King and I are one."

"So of course you would know," Rukia's teeth gritted, a bead of sweat starting to form on her brow.

"You catch on quickly," the hollow smirked before disappearing into a sonido.

"Tsukishiro!" Rukia commanded as the hollow came within the range of Sodeno Shirayuki's frozen domain.

She sprang away as he was encased in the ice, but she knew it was too early for her celebrate. His white and red reiatsu blasted the ice apart, before throwing a Getsugatensho at her. She was so surprised she barely had time to block the blast.

Agony spread through her body as the blast caught her and she tried to stifle a scream. As she crashed back down on her hands in knees, her hand shakily lifted up to wipe the blood off the side of her mouth. Her body wouldn't move as the hollow walked towards her.

He stopped when he was about two meters away from her, his eyes mocking as she huffed and gasped for air.

"The problem with you, is the same as King's. Your feelings are in the way of killing me, because you can't bring yourself to wonder what would happen to Ichigo if you ever actually managed to kill me. That's why you can't defeat me, Rukia," a sardonic smile played across the counterpart's lips.

He came closer, raising his blade to finish her.

"I...didn't come here…to defeat you," Rukia said in between gasps, before tugging at the bottom of the hollow's shihakusho, raising her angered voice, "Ichigo, I came to heal you, you moron!"

The hollow froze, taking a step back before taking his white version of Zangetsu and pointing it at Rukia's throat.

"I appreciate you considering that Ichigo and I are one in the same but, don't ever call me that. Ever. Or I'll kill you where you lie," it was a furious growl that ripped its way through the inner hollow's throat.

Zangetsu's point pressed lightly against her throat, causing a trickle of blood to run down her skin.

Rukia's heart thumped against her chest. She couldn't believe she had just called this creature Ichigo. Was it because…she recognized the faint traces of Ichigo in him? Were their souls really merging in a way that Ichigo's feelings were intermingling themselves with the inner hollow's sense of instinct?

Rukia mentally slapped herself. No. That was not possible.

She tried to play along to buy her whatever time she needed to catch her breath and spring away.

"Does it really matter what I call you now that Ichigo's soul and yours are merging together?" Rukia asked quizzically, her breathing ragged.

This seemed to thoroughly perturb the hollow.

"King's feelings will never become mine. I have no feelings and I have no name. You can't call me Ichigo."

Rukia looked up at him, but her previous hatred had vanished from her eyes. I think I finally understand you now.

"Are you so sure about that? You're shaking."

The counterpart was so caught off guard; he leaped away from Rukia, anger spreading across his features. Rukia took a shaky step forwards, supporting herself with her sword.

"You and Ichigo are the same. Of course I can't kill you," her voice came out surprisingly soft.

The hollow said nothing, his eyes narrowing in fury.

"You said before that it is these feelings that are dulling my blade, and that they are nothing more than a burden," Rukia went on, before she flashed him a triumphant smile. "But now, these 'feelings' are to my advantage. They are no longer dulling my blade, but yours."

Rukia saw a glimpse of Ichigo for a moment as the hollow smirked, trying to hide his uncertainty. "We're at a stalemate then, since these 'feelings' are dulling both our blades."

Rukia restrained herself to laugh, because she would have, if it was Ichigo, but in this case, it would simply be too weird.

"Let me heal you then."

"Let me just ask you one more question," the hollow's devilish smile made Rukia fear the worst.

She wondered if this sudden softness in the hollow's demeanor was because Ichigo's feelings were finally taking its toll on the hollow. Their souls really were merging together.

"Go ahead," she said, stiffening.

"You must have heard of Ichigo's power to feel the heart of others through his blade?" this was getting more worrying by the minute.

"I have," Rukia replied tensely.

His devilish smile grew even wider. "Then why is it, when I looked into your heart earlier, that you've fallen in love us both?"

Whoah! I didn't really expect the chapter to turn out that way. So yeah, Hichiruki and Ichiruki XP

I'll be taking a vote on what to name Hollow Ichigo: Hichigo or Shiro? Cast your votes in the reviews please!

Damn, now I'm worried I made him out of character too.

Please tell me what you think and review!