I lay on my back arm thrown over my face, sun beating down on me as I wear my black spaghetti strap tank top and a simple pair of blue jean shorts. The cool breeze rippling through my valley from time to time, adding the perfect touch to this almost perfect day. I sigh to myself as I curse myself for thinking about it yet again.
It's been three months now since I had last saw Hiei and every day I can't help but think about him. Every day I beat myself up about how that day could have been better, how I could have prevented everything that happened, and how at this very moment I could have been with Hiei if everything went as plan. Right now I could be with Hiei enjoying this fresh mountain, forest wood air as we lay in our silence or I could be with him on a mission right now. If everything had just gone according to my plans I could have Hiei right now.
Biting back the pain that washed over me my hand goes up to my mate mark. In the beginning I had made sure to always cover it up though it was spring because I didn't want to be reminded of what I had lost, but now I use it as to remind myself of what Hiei brought me. The feelings of joy and happiness, the simple bliss of simply being in his presence, the feelings of comfort he brought with him, and the feelings of what could turn into love. I tormented myself by still having this mark, but I remind myself what I wish to find and hold again; Hiei.
"Desera," I hear a familiar voice that cause me to chuckle as I think of how much I longed to hear that voice. It wasn't until I sensed the presence of the person I wished was here that I realized it really had been his voice.
"Hiei," I say flipping on to my stomach unable to keep the shock, excitement, and over welling joy out of my voice as I see his face.
His face was a hard mask as always with a solid frown and furrowed brow. He held himself stern and at a distance from everyone. It was just as I remembered him, so much so that I had to block off my emotions to keep myself from becoming over whelmed with the tightening pain I felt in my chest as I ached for him. I wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me, the feel of his chest as I ran my fingers along it or laid my head on it. I wanted to feel his warmth and his touch just once. That's all I wanted now and forever. Yet, more than ever I wanted his forgiveness and understand what had really happened that day three months ago when he found me at Stephen. I'd sacrifice ever seeing him again, feeling his touch, and the chance at any happiness if he just forgave me and knew the truth of that day. I'd give up everything, if just for that chance.
"Hiei," I choke unable to get rid of the lump forming in my throat. In a stronger voice I begin again with a commanding, calm voice. "That day when I ran, Stephen had planted the scene to look that way. I had never betrayed you." With the truth out I kept my face nil of emotions and waited for Hiei's response.
"What are you talking about?" I could sense it on him he wasn't lying to me; he honestly had no clue what I was talking about.
"All of eternity wasn't harsh enough," I growl to myself as my wolf ears press against the back of my skull.
"Sis what's going on?" Karen calls from inside the house as she begins to open the door.
"Just stay inside Karen," I call back to her as I sense a slight shift in the air. It was the warning signs that I knew too well. Out of my feelings of despair I had kept Karen here at Home for too long and with all of the demons gathered here today it was far too dangerous to stay here. The king had found where we had stayed.
"Time to pack up again Karen," I tell her as I turn my back on Hiei and the Urameshi and hop off of the roof into the back yard part of forest.
"Darkness Twin, under the order of the Enki the King of the Demon World you are here by arrested. Come quietly and we will not harm your sister the Light Twin," the man in front of them threatens me.
"You honestly believe threatening me will work," I ask allowing my anger to show as I bare my fangs at them and summon my sword into my hands.
"Men, prepare yourselves." The same man orders, obviously the leader of this group.
Without a moment of hesitation I rush into the army of about thirty-thousand upper class demons with speed unable to be tacked by most demons. I unsheathe my sword and seeming to dance in-between the men as I weave my way through their ranks I kill them off with fatal precise cuts. I watch as the men fall all around me as I spill their blood and the ground grasps at the corps with blood covered claws drinking the blood greedily. Watching this I smirk to myself and allow the darkness shadows the freedom to join the Earth in its feast. Once finished killing off all but the leader I turn to look at him with a smirk on my lips and head tilted to the side.
"Did you really think it was wise to threaten me? Or were you doing it to kill off all of your men? Had the leaders I sent back with their heads cut off saying never threaten my sister not tell your kind anything." Slowly I make my way over to where he stood. Making every step with intent and while my body said friendly my tone and words said otherwise. I wasn't in any mood to deal with him and his kind right now and their mere presence as put me in a foul mood, but delighted me with their blood. This was my inner demon showing.
"I-I-I didn't know," the leader stammers backing away from me out of fear. "I was just assigned this job! Oh, mighty Darkness herself please spare me! I have a family, a mate, please I'm begging you!" I look at this babbling buffoon with disgust.
"You should have thought of that before you threatened my sister," I growl at him before raising my sword and decapitating him.
"It's safe Karen," I call to Karen where she still hid in side of the wooden cabin.
"I have-" Karen cuts herself off mid sentence and cause me to fear for the worse as I rush up to the front of the house. Had this set of an army only been a distraction? Could I have missed sensing something and now Karen has been killed? Has Karen been kidnapped by the Demon Lord himself as to get to me? Have a failed as the Darkness Twin?
"Karuma," I hear Karen squeal in delight as she drops the bags and rushes up to hug Karuma while I round the corner. From the sidelines I watch as everyone but Hiei greets her with smile and warmth equal to that of hers.
I look away from their happiness and up to where Hiei stood away from the rest of the group. All it took was just one look for my emotions to brought to near tears. He doesn't believe that I cheated on him, but I don't believe that he still feels the same way he had once about me, not after I ran away again. Unable to look at him I turn my back from the group and do what I seem to be best at; run.
Tell Karen to join and be happy, I tell Hiei through telepathy.
No Darkness Twin has ever given their twin off to another group to watch over. Ever. While I know the consequences that might get inflicted on me by not only the Darkness Goddess, but also the Light Goddess that for being all things pure and good in the world can be quiet scary, I felt that she would be better off without me. I can protect her, but I put her in more harm's way by being around her. The light twin can't be sensed because her aura is life itself, but mine was the aura of death and all things demonic. If I leave Karen with them then she can be safe and I wouldn't have to worry about her well being or happiness. I could insure the two most important things to a Darkness Twin and that's all that mattered to me.
I only ran for one day this time nonstop before I decide to rest up in a tree still in the forest of my home. I needed to rest. In almost a month now I haven't bothered to go hunting. I've hardly gone hunting in the last three months and when I do I'll drain a small female deer or something small to drain, but after killing all of those demons and running for a day at top speed nonstop I'm worn out. My body doesn't have the energy to run at a nonstop constant rate as I have when I usually run away.
"Tired now," I hear Hiei say from above me.
"Don't you have a group to go be with," I ask keeping myself at a distance and closed off from him. I can't let him see how his presence affects me. Part of why I chose to run away was so that I could escape him. I can't have him following me.
"No, I came to get you back."
"Why, you said it yourself that I do nothing but run away." I was being harsh towards him and I hated it, but I had to be if I wanted him to leave.
"Because you're still my mate." Hiei drops down in front of me and stands only a few centimeters away from my lips. I could little feel my body become crashed down under a wave of longing. Hiei was so close that I could easily just kiss him. I could easily give into the longing that I've craved for these past three months now. I could so easily just give into him and do it with no regrets. So why don't I? Why can't I let myself give into him? What holds me back?
"I," I begin but cut myself off to gain control of myself for what I'm about to say. "I have found someone else. I'm not your mate any more. I'm sorry Hiei." I hop out of my tree and turn away from where I left Hiei stunted in silence and unable to move.
I don't know what hurt worse; the day I thought I lost Hiei or having to lie to him and lose him for real. When I had thought I lost Hiei I was over whelmed with anger towards Stephen for making me lose Hiei to my understanding. To this day I harvest hate when I think back to that day along with such great despair from losing Hiei. The despair seemed to intensify as I hated myself for not only lying to Hiei, but for hurting him in such a way and for also ripping myself away from him. I deserved it, but Hiei did not.
I run for long enough to lose all feeling of Hiei's aura before I allow myself to fall to my knees and release all of my pain and anguish in one heart wrenching scream and pound my fists on the ground as I crumbled on the ground as my scream faded into sobs.
I didn't move from that spot for a day as I cried for the only time in my whole life. I must have made up for it in that one night alone and even for the years to come.
AN: I just really wanted to get write this one. I don't know why but I just really did ^^