Chapter Four
"And it leans on me like a rootless tree."
Henry fidgeted in his seat while he pushed his scrambled eggs around the white plate distractedly, his dark brows furrowing as he stared across the table to his mother. The boy had been thrust into a state of utter confusion ever since he had found Emma and the mayor beneath the apple tree; their fingers laced together. Although that sight not only made Henry fear for the blonde's safety as she was so close to evil incarnate, but it also weaved a strange turn of events that the boy just couldn't seem to understand. As he continued to pick at his eggs, Henry's thoughts turned to his mother—the Evil Queen—and how after Emma had left their house she began to act funny; she seemed distant and hurt. At first he merely shrugged it off, assuming she was plotting some devious plan and had regressed into her own mind, but when the boy had heard her crying through the thin walls of her bedroom he realized that something was clearly wrong with the woman. And, as he gazed at his mother—face resting on her palm, her eyes glazed and vacant—Henry saw the pain warring inside of her, and he bit his lip as a thought crossed him: perhaps she wasn't so evil and heartless after all.
Distracted fingers twirled a spoon around a cup of untouched coffee absently as dark eyes stared blankly into thin air. Regina couldn't seem to get a grasp on herself; no matter how hard she fought to stay in the present her brain kept forcing her attention back to the previous night's events; her mind verbally lashing her with painful blows at the very thought of her actions. She had kissed Emma, but the worst part of it all was that beneath her drunken inhibitions the brunette had thoroughly enjoyed it. Not only enjoyed it, but even then, as she sat in Granny's with her son, she felt herself longing to feel the blonde's body pressed against her, her lips caressing her skin. It was all so absurd and unfathomable that Regina had resorted to closing herself off completely; lost in the dreary dregs of her emotions and thoughts, unable to resurface as the notion of her feelings for Emma crashed around her. The brunette simply did not want to think about—didn't want to acknowledge what her heart seemed to scream at her. Love was out of the question. As the disconcerting four letter word hammered inside her chest, Regina felt herself roughly pushed back into reality as the sound of the door to Granny's swung open. Stiffening visibly, the brunette squeezed the spoon within her palm tightly, the metal biting into the tender flesh, as the fear of who had arrived raced down her spine.
Emma had opted to walk to Granny's instead of driving; she felt that the cool morning air would help to settle the ache within her chest, and aide in realizing that Mary Margaret's words were merely that: just words. As she walked the short distance from the station to the small diner, the blonde nearly laughed at herself; how could she possibly believe for a second that she was in love with Regina? Because she's intelligent, strong, powerful, quick witted, beautiful, a phenomenal kisser…Before she could catch herself, the sheriff found her brain reciting off all of the admirable and attractive qualities of the mayor. The very thought that her mind was reeling with reasons why she could have fallen in love with Regina seemed to make her head spin. Shaking the dizziness from her view, Emma wrapped her jacket more tightly around her and peered up at the sky, it was an unusually chilly day, and the clouds hung thick and gray in the air: it was going to rain. Picking up her pace, the blonde jogged across the street towards Granny's, pulled open the door and stalked inside.
Without missing a beat, Emma crossed the diner to the front counter, leaning against it firmly as she scrubbed her cold hands against her face. After a few moments, Ruby sashayed over to the blonde and leaned forward, smiling brightly at the stricken woman. Peering over at the brunette, Emma gave her a small smirk as she stood and placed her and Mary Margaret's order. As she watched Ruby turn and rush back toward the kitchen the blonde felt the hair on the back of her neck rise, the air within Granny's changing completely: someone was watching her. Turning around quickly, Emma's gaze immediately fell into heated, dark eyes and she felt as though her body burst into flames at the mere sight of Regina. Everything within her seemed to shift as a wave of thoughts cascaded within her mind: the way her body trembled when she had laced her finger's around the brunette's; how her heart had pounded in unison with her center as the older woman kissed her forcefully; but the last thought on her mind was Mary Margaret's words from moments ago: …maybe it isn't hatred…that you feel for Regina? And while the emotions beat down upon her, green eyes widened as the realization hit her; no matter how much she wanted to deny it, over the past couple of months Emma had quickly and recklessly began to fall in love with the mayor.
Black eyes glared across Granny's as Regina took in the sight of the blonde who was destroying everything for her: her life, her family, her heart…With the last thought ringing through her ears, the brunette snapped her eyes away from Emma and stood quickly; her chair toppling to the floor with the pressure. Everyone within the diner turned to look in the direction of the noise, and gasped in unison as they witnessed the expression of unadulterated anger press against Regina's face. Shooting daggers at everyone who dared to stare at her, the brunette rounded the table and grabbed Henry by the hand, forcefully pulling him away from his untouched breakfast. Confused, the boy followed his mother's gaze as her eyes flickered back to Emma, and he winced as he realized the blonde was the reason for the mayor's destructive state.
"But, mom, I wanna talk to, Emma…" Henry protested as he tried to pull away from her grasp, "…please."
"Henry—" Regina warned, her eyes remaining firmly fixed on the blonde who was starting to approach their table, "we're leaving."
"Madame Mayor?" The blonde asked shakily, as she neared the dark woman and her son.
"You will go away, Ms. Swan," the brunette seethed, as she successfully pulled Henry from his seat, "if you know what's good for you."
The flash of pain that flickered within Emma's gaze at her harsh words made Regina feel as though her chest had been ripped open with a dagger. And although it hurt beyond belief, the brunette knew deep down within her soul that this was the only way; her heart was cold and tainted black by years of abuse and misuse and she inevitably always hurt the one's she loved. After everything she tried to push away, to strangle until dormant, she would not let this blonde break down her wall; she would not let Emma steal her heart. Though, somewhere safely buried inside of her, Regina knew that the blonde had already touched her in ways no one else ever dared to; ever wanted to— and it was that bittersweet thought that made her know that the delicious feelings of tenderness and love would never grasp her. For if she tried to love her, the brunette thought, in the end Emma would not make it out alive; no one ever did.
"Please, Regina…" the blonde whispered, as she begged for the mayor to listen to her words.
Regina's dark eyes softened, and she felt her free hand twitch as it ached to reach out and capture Emma's warm cheek in its palm; to run slender fingers through unruly blonde locks as a steady grip pressed Emma's face closer to the brunette's until their lips brushed. But, the hand remained still, never indulging in its hunger to touch the blonde's flesh; it would have been far too painful: tasting the forbidden fruit without ever fully being able to savor it.
Shaking herself internally, the brunette let her hard, cold mask resurface as she squeezed her son's hand tighter. Turning quickly, Regina pulled Henry behind her as she made it across the threshold and out the door of the diner. A dozen eyes watched her every move cautiously as she thrust open the door with an incredible force. Two of those eyes belonged to Emma, who watched the dark haired woman exit Granny's whilst taking her heart with her. Raising a hand absently, the blonde brushed her fingers over her chest feeling for the familiar steady rhythm of her heartbeat. It wasn't there, or if it was it had become so shallow and so worried that its beats sounded in quiet flutters that could not be found by a human hand. And while Emma stood in the middle of the diner, with everyone's gaze slowly falling onto her, she felt as though there wasn't anything she could possibly do to fix the rift between her and Regina. Nothing that would ever change the tumultuous nature of their relationship, and yet, the blonde knew that she would willingly work herself to the ground to try and salvage what was left of their hearts and their feelings for one another after the emotionally exhausting experiences they shared the evening before. Clearing her head, Emma peered back out the window and gazed at Regina's retreating form as she crossed the street gracefully: it was now or never, and the blonde knew once her legs began to move that she had decided on 'now'.
"Emma—your coffee?"
"Just…gimme a minute." Emma called over her shoulder as she jogged out of Granny's and towards the dark haired woman.
Once outside, the cool wind whipped around the blonde's body like a violent hand swatting at her, but she didn't seem to notice as she reached the curb. Looking back and forth frantically for any oncoming traffic, Emma raced across the street just as Regina was about to open her car door. Taking a couple of shaking breaths she approached the brunette, standing behind her as she waited for the woman to acknowledge her presence. Regina's body stiffened visibly as she felt the blonde run up behind her; she was so close that the brunette could subtly feel the heat from her body and the harsh spurts of air that fell from her lips.
"Madame Mayor—Madame Mayor, please…can we talk?"
"Ms. Swan—" Regina tried to warn, and yet her voice fell cracked and sullen from her throat.
Noticing the strange interaction between the two women, Henry rounded the car and stood beside Emma, looking at her in confusion; he had never seen the blonde so desperate to speak with his mother and he figured it must be important. Pressing a soft hand against Regina's arm, the boy pulled gently on her coat trying to coax her to turn around. The pleading in her son's touch made the brunette still, and her fingers gingerly fell away from the car door. Turning around slowly, both Henry and Emma's eye widened as they noticed the quick flicker of fear in the mayor's dark eyes when she had finally turned to face them. But the vulnerable gaze faltered and Regina's eyes became hard and cold once more; her impatience and internal terror warring inside of her like a cyclone.
"What?" the brunette spat viciously, as her eyes made contact with Emma's
"I…" looking down at Henry, the blonde laid a tender arm around the boy's shoulders as she addressed him, "Kid, I need to talk to you mom for a minute…alone, alright?"
Eyeing Emma suspiciously, Henry merely shrugged as he pulled away from her loose hold and walked back to the passenger seat, entering the car smoothly. Green eyes followed his every move until the blonde watched the boy pick up his video game and slowly immerse himself into surrealism. Slowly, her gaze shifted back to the woman in front of her and Emma felt her breath hitch as she was caught up in Regina's dark stare once more. Shivering slightly, the blonde realized she had no idea what she was planning to say and as her mind remained blank she lamely thrust her hands into her pockets as if she could find words buried within her jeans.
"Spit it out, Ms. Swan, I don't have all day."
"Can we talk about last night?"
"And what exactly about last night are you referring to, dear?" Regina said sweetly, but underneath the fake smile laid a pit of malice, and Emma felt herself grimace.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about—"
"—I'm afraid I don't" the brunette interrupted pointedly as she placed her hands on her hips.
Of course, after the blonde's question had rattled throughout her brain, Regina knew exactly what Emma was referring to: the kiss, the feelings, the connection—but she didn't want to talk about it; and she certainly didn't even want to think about it. And yet, over the past twelve hours, it seemed like those thoughts were the only ones that the brunette could think about. Everything inside her was screaming and sobbing with confused realization and Emma bringing up these forbidden feelings was only making her inner turmoil spin even more viciously; Regina couldn't take it anymore. As she kept her eyes focused on the blonde's, the mayor knew that Emma was going through the exact same pain and aching that she was, but simultaneously, Regina knew that the blonde wouldn't be giving up as much as much as her if they were to follow the beating whispers of their hearts. And it was with this heavy notion that aided in keeping Regina's mind from cracking and going insane; she already knew what it felt like to snap, to become an altogether different person, and she didn't have the courage to go through that again—she didn't have the courage to be put in the situation of losing someone she loved.
"Jesus Christ, Regina," Emma wailed, stepping even closer to the woman; both bodies were shuddering from the closeness; "you kissed me!"
"How dare you!" Regina bellowed, her eyes flashing violently as she looked around frantically, hoping that no one had heard the blonde's loud confession, "you have no right to bring that up!"
"Of course, my apologies, Madame Mayor," the blonde mocked as she took a step back, her arms crossing against her chest instinctively, and "my apologies for forgetting that you couldn't possibly have feelings for someone."
"My feelings for you are none of your—"
The last remaining word or Regina's sentence lodged itself in her throat as the realization of what she had just uttered dawned on her. Dark eyes widened, and a hand flew to her mouth but it was too late to muffle her confession, as it had already filtered from her lips. In her stricken state, the brunette had done the one thing that she had promised herself that she would never do: admit to romantic feelings for anyone, ever again—it only ended badly for her, and the person she loved. As the memories of a "past life" fluttered behind her eyes Regina felt tears rise in her view; blurring Emma's face into a mess of colors. All this time she had done so well; so well to keep her feelings for the irritating blonde a secret—even to herself at times—and now after a few hours of pain and angst she had stated the truth out loud.
Emma's arms disentangled and fell to her sides as her mouth parted, her jaw dropping in shock. She couldn't have possibly heard the brunette's words correctly, could she have? As the blonde let the sentence flutter through her skull over and over again she realized that she hadn't misheard, and that Regina had acknowledged that she possessed feelings for Emma. The very idea shook the blonde to the core, and she felt as though she couldn't breathe properly; her heart was hammering far too quickly within her chest. Taking a hesitant step toward the crumbling woman, Emma reached out a hand and laced their fingers together the exact same way she had when they were standing beneath the apple tree. Regina gasped softly as her watery gaze flickered down to where their hands were intertwined; it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen, or felt and all she wanted to do was collapse against the blonde and have the woman hold her for the rest of eternity. But, just before she fully leaned into the touch, the dark, disgruntled voice in the back of her brain reared its ugly head and she nearly whimpered from the mental pain it caused. She didn't want to lose the feelings that were coursing through her, and yet there was a strange power that the voice had over her—a darkness that could resettle itself back into her soul whenever she became too soft. And as she pleaded with her heart to win the battle, Regina's body already began to straighten, and become rigid; the evil within her winning once more.
"You—you have feelings for me…?" Emma questioned quietly, her fingers caressing the soft hand within her grasp.
"Of course, dear," Regina smirked, and she wrapped her fingers around the blonde's hand, within seconds the smile fell from her lips "feelings of annoyance, distaste, dislike…" the brunette emphasized every word by tightening her grip, "…but most importantly hatred."
Green eyes began to water from the intense pain coursing up her arm, and Emma tried to pull away but the hold on her hand was far too tight. A whimper fell from the blonde's lips when Regina finally released her grasp, and as Emma cradled her pulsing hand to her chest, her eyes met the brunette's and they stared at each other for a long moment before Regina sneered and turned around. Unlocking the driver's side, the brunette swung open the door and was about to let herself fall into the comfortable upholstery when she felt a cautious hand reach out and grasp her arm, stopping Regina dead in her tracks. The gentle touch made her soul sob; Emma was trying desperately to make the brunette stay, to talk to her, but Regina knew that if she stayed any longer she would inevitably say more things that she meant—and her heart's confessions would not survive out in the world.
"Regina, please…" Emma begged, and it sounded as if she would break into tears at any given moment, "…don't push me away."
"Ms. Swan, if you do not release me right now, you will regret it."
"Regina—"
Before the blonde could finish her plea, Regina spun around so quickly that Emma gasped from the surprise. Dark eyes were on fire, and the blonde tried to edge away from the anger that was so quickly consuming the woman, but just as she was about to step away she felt two hands dig into her shoulders. The brunette had absolutely no control over her body; the darkness within her had invaded every orifice inside of her until the pent up rage and destruction was on the verge of exploding. Everything good within her screamed at her brain to cease its actions, but it was to no avail, and Regina internally wailed as she watched herself push Emma so roughly away from her that the blonde tripped and toppled into the street. Emma's back crashed against the cement and she took a sharp intake of breath as the pain welled up inside of her.
Henry raced around the car to his mother, yelling accusations at her as everyone from Granny's milled out onto the sidewalk across from the commotion. Regina's mind was whirling in a frenzied haze and she felt herself become dizzy and light headed. The anger and rage had invaded her so quickly that once it had left her system she felt completely empty and weak. Swaying gently, the brunette felt herself fall backward, but the closeness of her car stopped her from getting hurt, or falling onto the ground. The impact of her body hitting against the car made her view fall downward, and when her gaze finally fell back onto the street she felt her eyes swell with tears; how could she have forgotten in her blind rage that she had so blatantly attacked the blonde?
Holding her breath, Regina realized that Emma hadn't moved since she crashed against the road, and the thought of her being seriously injured because of her own actions nearly made Regina sick. With tears falling against her cheeks, the brunette pushed herself away from the car and slowly began to walk into the street. After she had taken one step, she saw Emma stir, and she smiled thankfully to herself as she watched the blonde pull herself into a sitting position. Their eyes met, and Regina felt as though Emma's green eyes were gazing into her very soul; seeing every inch of her that was hidden beneath all of her layers. And as she cautiously began walking towards the blonde again, the brunette stopped quickly as she heard the screeching of tires very close by.
Everyone's head snapped to the side as they watched a large, red tow-truck barrel down the street towards Emma. The blonde was frozen to her spot, her eyes wide and frightened as she watched the vehicle grow closer and closer in distance to her immobile body. Regina's lungs burned as her heart thundered in her chest, this was all her fault, everything terrible that happened was always her fault and the brunette seemed to fully acknowledge it at that moment. Regardless of how much her mind tried to fight it, Emma was in love with her, and deep down she knew that she reciprocated those feelings in full. There was no way that she was going to let this slip away; the blonde was her chance at happiness, and it had taken that terrifying moment of impending loss that made Regina jump into action.
Before she was fully aware of what she was doing, the brunette was racing into the middle of the street towards the blonde; towards the truck that was racing towards Emma. As her heart nearly beat out of her chest, Regina could hear it flutter I love her, I love her, I love her…over and over again, and it made her will to fight all the more strong. As she stepped into the street she turned towards the red vehicle, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to quell the fear that roared inside her veins. Shaking her head, she reached down frantically, her fingers wiggling in anticipation for the blonde to grasp onto her offered palm. Emma's eyes quickly met the brunette's, and Regina let the tears roll down her cheeks as she saw the blonde shaking and whimpering in fear. When Emma finally placed her hand in the brunette's, Regina and the blonde quickly looked beside them and noticed that the truck was directly in front of them; there couldn't possibly be enough time for both of them to make it out unscathed, and they panicked.
"Emma!" Regina whimpered before everything went black.
A/N: This chapter was actually the very first idea that made me write this story in the first place-it was the first, and only, scene I had entirely planned out, and it didn't seem to come out the way I wanted it to. Though, regardless, I do hope that all of you reader's enjoy this update; this chapter took me a LONG time to write because I wanted to get it perfect. I fear I may have pushed things a long too far, but, when I post the next chapter things seem to get pushed back once again. Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter and REVIEW tons; because they make me so inexplicably happy. So, as always, review if you'd like ;)