Some of you maybe wondering why I go by Rain instead of ellie, but this is actually intended for my Warriors account Rain of the Rogues. Bear with me please(;
Hollyleaf and Rain are playing Tic-Tac-Toe. Brokenstar is taking pictures for Instapaw. Yellowfang is looking at an album full of pictures of Brokenstar will he was still a kit, and Darkstripe is ogling over the ladies on Hot!Hot!Hot!Cats! magazine.
The crew of What Would You Do? are merrily passing time before it's time to start filming.
Hollyleaf glances up at the clock and immediately punches the Tic-Tac-Toe board, but her paw is badly aimed and it whacks Rain on the nose. "Ow," the camera cat grumbles.
Hollyleaf leaps up, not caring to apologize. "WE NEED TO START FILMING!" she yowls. With that, the black she-cat leaps onto the directors' chair and pulls out a megaphone. "ATTENTION! YELLOWFANG! BROKENSTAR! ON SET NOW!"
Brokenstar stuffs his phone into the pocket of his tux, then jumps and lands on his plush chair. He salutes towards Hollyleaf. "Ready."
Yellowfang grabs her hot pink sparkly microphone and gives Rain a thumbs-up. Darkstripe dashes towards the whiteboard, going as fast as he can while still drooling over pictures of Willowpelt.
The lights beam into place and confetti pours out from above. Brokenstar sighs in relief. At least the decorations are working today.
He presses a button on the control panel of his plus chair, and immediately, the cups on the contestants' booth start to fill up with Seedkit's Xtra Caffeinated Soft Drinks for the Hyper and Excited. Brokenstar pours himself some of Tigerstar's Xtra Evil Red-Like-Blood Wine. Tigerstar just brews the best alcohol.
Rain gives a hiss. Hollyleaf whispers: "YELLOWFANG! TAKE ONE, EPISODE 2!"
The camera starts rolling and Yellowfang struts onto stage, music booming loudly. "Welcome, ladies and gentlecats! Welcome the SECOND! –Yes, SECOND! Yippee, I can COUNT! – episode of What Would You Do? Hosted by the one and only … BROKENKINS!"
Brokenstar resists the temptation to launch himself at his mother and knock her lights out.
Yellowfang looks down at her note-card. "Please welcome … Lillykit, Sorreltail, and Seedkit!"
Brokenstar's lip curls. "TWO kits?" he spits. "Where are the good cats? Where's Mapleshade? Where's Thistleclaw? Where's Hawkfrost? Where's-"
"Hush now, baby." Yellowfang cooes. Brokenstar's lunch hurtles out of his mouth.
Lillykit, Seedkit, and Sorrelkit pad onto stage, fur well groomed and flashing bright smiles at the camera cats in the crowd. They each pick a seat – Seedkit on the furthest right, Sorreltail right next to him, and Lillykit on the far left.
Seedkit peers into his glass. "Cool!" he squeaks. "I'm drinking my own product!" he glances at Brokenstar. "OMG I'VE NEVER EVEN TASTED IT BEFORE!" Sorreltail prods him sharply. "No drinking before you pray!" Seedkit straightens and bows his head. Lillykit clasps her paws together. "Amen," murmurs Sorreltail. "Amen," echoes Lillykit and Seedkit.
Brokenstar is confused.
He glances at his own cup of Tigerstar's Xtra Evil Red-Like-Blood Wine and folds his paws together. "Amen," he says.
Sorreltail straightens brightly. "It's a ritual we go through before we eat," she meows smartly. "We go to church too. I see that Brokenstar could try the same. It would be good for him."
Brokenstar takes that as an insult and launches a Twoleg stiletto at her face.
"LET THE GAME SHOW BEGIN!" he booms. Lillykit beams and places her paws on the red button, ready to push. Sorreltail lets out a hiss. "Come to mama, baby." She mutters, eyes fixed on Yellowfang, anticipating the prize. Seedkit takes it literally and jumps into her arms.
Yellowfang glances at her notecard again. "Today you all are playing for a chance to visit Princess's Collection of Cloudtail-Slobbered-On Toys, brought to you by PrincessPrincessPrincessPrincessPrincessPrincessXOXOXOXOXOXO co.
"I'M GONNA WIN!" howls Seedkit. Lillykit's eyes narrow in concentration.
"First question!" Brokenstar yowls. "What would you do if you were far away from the Clan and you are about to give birth?"
Sorreltail pounds her button. "RELY ON DOVEWING'S SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES TO SAVE ME!"
Lillykit dings! next. "Eat some cheese I have in my pocket!" she motions towards the small pocket on the jacket she's wearing.
Seedkit presses his button last. "I cannot answer that question for I am a tom. Anatomically speaking-"
"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Brokenstar shrieks. Seedkit raises an eyebrow. "No."
The buzzer beeps. Brokenstar lets out a garbled laugh. "YOU SPIN THE WHEEL OF DOOM!" he shrieks. Seedkit sighs. Sorreltail looks at her kit fearfully.
Seedkit jumps off his seat and pads towards the rainbow with hearts glittery wheel, stretching as high as he can go to spin. While the colors blur, Brokenstar lets loose a series of DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUN!'s.
The wheel stops and Seedkit snags Yellowfang. He scampers on top of her and squints. "Twerk … to … your … mother."
He turns and sees Sorreltail look panic-stricken. "What-up, mom?" Seedkit says brightly. He crouches and waves his booty in the air. Brokenstar can literally see steam coming out of Sorreltail's ears …
"THAT'S IT YOUNG TOM!" she shrieks, leaping up and chasing after Seedkit. "COME BACK HERE YOU!" Seedkit, trying to twerk and run at the same time, runs into a pole and earns a big spanking from his mother. Once they're finished, Sorreltail wipes her paws and struts moodily back to her chair. Seedkit skips after her.
"Well then …" Brokenstar nods at Darkstripe. "I like Lillykit's the best. Cheese is the cure for all pain." Lillykit beams. "Dovewing is another Mary-Sue. So Sorreltail and Seedkit get no points."
Sorreltail's jaw drops open. "EXCUSE ME Brokenstar!" she shrieks. "Only the REAL CAT WHO'S BEEN THROUGH ALL OF THIS SITTING RIGHT HERE!"
The digital panels in front of the boots flash to NORMAL, TOTALLY-NOT-INSANE, AND LAME. Lillykit is sitting above the NORMAL panel. Seedkit and Sorrelkit glance down at their own, and let loose hisses. Brokenstar shrugs. "The panel speak for themselves," he says simply.
"Lillykit has three points and Sorreltail and Seedkit have NONE!" laughs Darkstripe gleefully. He doodles grinning devil heads on Sorreltail and Seedkit's areas.
"NEXT QUESTION!" announces Brokenstar. "What would you do if you had to go out with me?"
Lillykit answers first. "GLADLY OBLIGE!" she shrieks happily.
Sorreltail punches her button. "Knock some sense into you!" she howls. Brokenstar glares at her and chucks a rubber ducky at her.
Seedkit answers last (again). "Again, I cannot answer that question, for I am a tom. Anatomically speaking-"
"Oh, screw it." Brokenstar stalks towards him and starts hitting him with a sledgehammer. "PLEASE! No violence!" shrieks Sorreltail, hauling Brokenstar and Seedkit apart. "Violence is not the answer. Jesus decrees this. We must all say our prayers now." Seedkit and Sorreltail put their paws together again and start to mutter 'amen'. Brokenstar hisses and stalks back to his booth.
Rain face-paws. Brokenstar hopes it's because of Seedkit and not him.
Brokenstar turns to Darkstripe. "Three points for Lillykit again because that's actually the right answer. Sorreltail and Seedkit get none – AGAIN." Darkstripe nods and marks the tally points with his hot pink Expo marker.
"LAST QUESTION!" Brokenstar booms. Seedkit and Sorreltail start murmuring. Darkstripe leans forward. Hollyleaf starts reading her encyclopedia.
"What would you do if you realized Brackenfur was not the real father of these kits?" Brokenstar gestures towards Seedkit and Lillykit.
Sorreltail's mouth drops open. "SEND HIM TO HELLCLAN!" she shrieks, jumping up onto her booth. "IF THAT REALLY HAPPENED I WOULD SEND BRACKENFUR TO THE DARK FOREST MYSELF!"
Seedkit's lip trembles and he presses the button. "I would look for another daddy," he says quietly. "And then I would ask to talk things out with mommy and daddy before mommy kicks daddy into HellClan."
Lillykit presses her button last. "I would come live with you!" she meows, racing forward and giving Brokenstar a hug. Brokenstar's heart melts. Sorrelkit dabs at her eyes with a pawkercheif.
"Nine points for Sorrelkit and Seedkit – three points for Lillykit. NOW YOU THREE SHALL PLAY MOSSBALL TO THE DOOM!" Brokenstar shrieks evilly. He tosses a big green mossball into the air. "Whoever wins gets to go to Princess's Collection of Cloudtail-Slobbered-On Toys! GO!"
Sorreltail, having no experience at all, stays in her seat, dumbfounded. Lillykit leaps at the mossball first and tosses it into the air. Seedkit takes it and chucks it at his mother. "YOU'RE OUT!" he howls. Sorreltail blinks. "Wha?"
The game is now down to Seedkit and Lillykit. Lillykit has the mossball. She's aiming for Seedkit, but he's quick. Her brother dances in zig-zags, making him a harder aim.
Brokenstar wants Lillykit to win, deep down inside. So he digs into the bottom of his booth and finds a jar of Mapleshade's Yummy and Sweet Peanut Butter, and throws it at Seedkit's head. But he misses. The jar hits Lillykit instead, and she faints dramatically. Seedkit picks up the mossball and time slows down. He throws, and the mossball bounces off of Lillykit's head.
"YEAHHHHHHH!" Seedkit screams.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Lillykit shrieks. But her mouth is covered with moss so it comes out like "MOOOOOO!" Brokenstar wonders briefly if there is a cow crossing into the auditorium.
Brokenstar does not want the devilish little Seedkit to win. "WAIT! BEFORE YOU GO TO PRINCESS'S COLLECTION OF CLOUDTAIL-SLOBBERED-ON TOYS, YOU MUST VISIT THE HOSPITAL!" Brokenstar shrieks. Wow, that's a mouthful. A David Bowie cut-out is thrown towards Seedkit, and Brokenstar doesn't miss! Seedkit gets one glance at Bowie's face and screams. He places a paw to his forehead and crumples to the floor dramatically.
"MWAHAHA! GOOSEFEATHER AND LIZARDSTRIPE AND SEEDKIT AND LILLYKIT NOW ALL CAN TALK TO EACHOTHER IN THE HOSPITAL!" Brokenstar yowls. He does a few jumping jacks and then an Egyptian-style dance move. "SCORE ONE FOR BROKENSTAR!" He flexes his muscles and kisses each one. The fangirls all faint and Brokenstar beams.
Hollyleaf face-paws. "Okay, so Barkface's Medication for the Insane and Not-So-Sober is not working … do you have any suggestions?"
Rain taps her chin. "What about Brightheart's Banana Smoothies for the Depressed?"
Hollyleaf raises an eyebrow. Rain shrugs. "What? I drink it!" she stops. "Wait, of COURSE I don't drink it!" she laughs warily. "Oh, that just came out wrong … you believe me, don't you?" she punches Hollyleaf on the shoulder lightly.
Hollyleaf sighs. "Maybe we could all use some of Barkface's Medication for the Insane and Not-So-Sober …"
Rain laughs. "Are you kidding me? NAW!" then she rolls of her chair and starts belting out peals of laughter, rolling around on the ground. Hollyleaf sighs and turns the camera towards her. "Thanks for watching Episode 2 of What Would You Do? Tune in next time!"
Brokenstar waves in the backgrounds. For some reason, he has a pin on his tux that says I just went to Switzerland in two seconds flat and all I got was this lame pin.
"Bye-Bye!" Darkstripe coos.
A/N: How about that for the next episode ...
Sometimes I think my brain truly is sick.:P Review?
~Rain