While Wesley was gone, Taurik sat on the floor and meditated. Or tried to, anyway. He was trembling and groaning in the effort to sit still and clear his mind. But he was able to calm down just enough to make some effort at introspection.
He didn't bother trying to deny it. He'd done that already. He knew what this was, but when he realized it could be nothing else, he broke into fitful sobs. He felt like this was the worst thing that could happen right now, and despised himself for suffering it so much. He didn't take into account that this was his very first Pon Farr, and therefore should have forgiven himself just a tad.
They were too far from Vulcan to make it there, deal with this...problem, and come back in time for their scheduled mooring at the Star Base. Not only was there the test, but there were people, entire families, that were waiting for this stop. Some waiting to come aboard, some waiting to depart. He couldn't bear disrupting any of these plans just to accommodate himself. He'd never forgive himself for that, and was sure no one else would, either.
And when he thought of telling anyone about this, he sobbed even harder, and it was hard to stop. How could he bear it? There was no one on the ship that could understand; he'd have to explain every painfully private detail, probably many different times, to humans who could never understand, who would poke and prod with their insensitive, demanding questions. He was mortified just thinking about it.
But what could he do? His parents had warned him that the blood fever would kill him if not resolved, and soon. He had to go home...
But he did not want to! His hormones were amping up his body and making him want to return, but his rational mind (what was left of it right now) bucked against his fate.
There was a deeper, more shameful motivation behind Taurik's dread of going home. His hormones, and the mental bond with his betrothed T'Preem, made him yearn to return to her, but when he thought about facing her, he felt violently ill. It was nothing against her, as he hardly knew her. It was what would be expected of him that terrified him.
He so desperately did not want to fight another Vulcan to the death, and risk death himself. And he desperately did not want to...mate. At least not this way! So far the closest he'd gotten to that mysterious act was with Wesley, and even then it was a stressful experience. He was open to the possibility of inching closer to that conclusion with Wesley, but then again, he could just as easily withdraw. It had to be on his own terms. Everything had to be just right.
But sex with a stranger, with both his and her families judging him was not acceptable!
About ten minutes into his attempts at meditation, he had an idea. It was...unconventional, but it had to work. All he needed to do was purge the fever so he could get back to life as normal. Right now it was so intense, he'd turned the temperature way down and had peeled everything off. He'd thrown up several times already, weakening his body even more. It took immense effort to resist breaking down completely.
He could hear his heart pounding; every pulse painful and rough. He was sweating and couldn't sit up straight. If this went on much longer, a few days at the most, his heart would fail. So there was no time to waste. He rushed into the bathroom, his body overtaxed, but with adrenaline fueling him, he crept into the tub.
Two things could purge the fever. Actually three, but he doubted his meditation skills right now. Fighting the rival mate or sex. He didn't consider himself bonded to T'Preem, because the joining wasn't his idea or desire, so he figured tending to his own needs should suffice.
He'd never done this before, but he pushed the fear down and made himself focus. The initial pain made him stop, but as he kept going, it got easier. No less intense, however, and the stress never seemed to leave him.
Later, he struggled out and crept back into the bedroom. He fell more than sat on the floor to meditate. He needed to push aside the nagging feeling that what he'd done wasn't enough. Within minutes, the rages of the fever were coming back, causing him to panic.
He cursed his fate, uncaring that the more he gave in to his distress, the worse it would get. He had half a mind to just let himself die.
And then Wesley returned. Since Taurik hadn't locked the door, Wesley entered and came right over to him. Seeing his friend rush to his side like that snapped Taurik out of the worst of his self pity.
He turned green, tear stained eyes to the human, uncaring that the was still naked. Wesley only took that as a sign that his friend was still dangerously ill.
He knelt beside him and took his shoulder in his hands. "Taurik, we have to go to Sick Bay!"
"No! Please, Wesley, no!"
"Why not?" Wesley demanded. He wiped a rivulet of sweat from Taurik's brow before it could trickle into his eyes.
"Then they'll know!" He jerked forward, startling Wesley.
Wesley's grip was biting, but Taurik didn't care. Wesley said, "Know what? Tell me!"
Taurik grit his teeth and grimaced. This was probably the most personal thing he could possibly reveal; this wasn't even discussed in detail within families. Only between the Vulcan and mate...
The mate!
Taurik's eyes widened as he stared just past Wesley's head, thinking frantically. He looked back at Wesley, giving him an intense stare that scared him. His mind was racing, trying to sort out the ethics of what he realized was the logical thing to do. But he was too desperate to wait and properly reason this out. He turned around to face him fully and put his hands gently on Wesley's arms.
"Wesley," he began, trying to be as formal as possible, but his voice came out as a whimper. "I declare koon-ut so'lik." He swallowed. "Will you please be my mate?"
Wesley gasped and pulled back. "What?"
"Please, Wesley! I only need you to consent for a bond, and then it will be all over! A psychic bond, that's all!"
Wesley looked away, distressed.
"Wesley, please! I'm dying! You can save me!"
Wesley's face drained of color as he slowly looked back at Taurik. "You're...you're going through..."
"Yes!" Taurik snapped. "We cannot go to Vulcan. It's too far and we're scheduled to reach the Star Base. I don't know how long I have left."
Wesley eyes brimmed with tears. "Why didn't you just tell me in the beginning?"
"I'm begging you," Taurik whispered, ignoring the question. He lowered his head. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
Wesley cupped Taurik's chin. "Of course I'll help you." When Taurik looked up, eyes wide and glistening, Wesley continued, "I'll be your mate."
Taurik whispered gravely, "Thank you." Without wasting any more time, he jabbed his fingers onto Wesley's skull and leaned in close. He had never seen this done, only read vague reports. But he acted on instinct. "Touch me," he said.
Both had their eyes closed as Wesley seemed to follow an instinct of his own. He reached up to slip his hands at the sides of Taurik's face and felt himself relax. For nearly five minutes, all Taurik did was build up a connection between their minds, like a slow, gradual mind meld. Taurik drifted through Wesley's mind till he found memories of them together. Though they were colored by Wesley's unique perceptions and feelings, Taurik could recall them, through Wesley, as clearly as if they were his own. Together they focused on those memories and with Taurik's effort, deconstructed them to focus on the essence of their friendship, the very basics of their feelings for each other.
After a while they both felt insubstantial, no longer aware of their bodies or the concept of being separate people. All that was real was the feeling of closeness, of love.
Since Wesley was willing and receptive, it was pretty straightforward to guide them both into a deeper bond, almost like merging their selves into one non-corporeal concept. Deeper, deeper, so far that if Taurik were not the product of years of Vulcan mental training, they both would have been lost, perhaps forever. Taurik very nearly lost himself a few times, while Wesley didn't make any effort either way, as he was relying completely on Taurik. His digging fingers at Taurik's temples helped ground the Vulcan.
They remained like that, suspended for a while, then Taurik began the slow process of disentangling himself from Wesley's mind. He felt Wesley clinging, and gently eased him off. He wouldn't have been able to handle anything less himself.
They were completely drained when the link was finally broken, and collapsed against each other. Taurik weakly wrapped his arms around Wesley's body and pulled him close.
"Better?" Wesley whispered.
"I don't know," Taurik said. "I hope so. I think so."
Wesley moved apart to kiss him. Their kiss was slow and weak but no less passionate. "So we're mates now?" he asked when they pulled away.
"My parents will not approve," Taurik groaned.
Wesley laughed and stroked Taurik's hair.
They gazed at each other, and it wouldn't take a empath to sense the love emanating strongly between them.
"Let's take a nap," Wesley said. He held Taurik by the torso and helped him up. Leaning against each other they slipped into Taurik's bed and cuddled up facing each other. They were sound asleep in minutes.
###
"You can't tell anyone," Taurik said sternly. They had slept a few hours and were now getting ready to get back to work.
Wesley was silent. He didn't much like that, but he didn't argue. "What about the mates thing?"
"Not even that, because that will lead back to...that."
"It doesn't have to," Wesley suggested.
"Explain," Taurik said with a slight frown.
"Well, it wouldn't be that much of a surprise," Wesley said. "I mean, we've been living together for a month now-"
"Twenty-three days."
Wesley sighed, "Yes, twenty-three days. Well, considering that, and the fact that we're together so much, I doubt anyone would really be surprised to find out that you...proposed to me. I mean, if not for your Pon Farr-"
Taurik winced to hear the human say it like that.
Wesley saw his discomfort, but he kept talking. He had noticed that Taurik could be incredibly sensitive about certain things, but it didn't do any good to tip-toe around them. "If not for that, don't you think we would have done this anyway?" He went over to the bed, where Taurik was sitting and sat down. "If you had a choice, I mean?"
Taurik glanced at his lap. "You do understand that I was already betrothed, right?"
"Yeah, to another Vulcan at home. But, obviously you can take another mate? How does it work?"
Taurik's face tightened in a subtle way. By now Wesley could clearly perceive his exasperation. He leaned closer and put an arm around Taurik's shoulders. The Vulcan tensed at first, but then relaxed. "I know it's personal..."
"It's very personal," Taurik interrupted. "I would not discuss this even with another Vulcan."
"Well, I'm not Vulcan. I'm your best friend, and apparently your mate. And as much as I respect your feelings and everything, you have to tell me what's going on. You know I won't tell anyone about this. This is between us."
Taurik's shoulders sagged. He knew Wesley was right, and apparently the only rational person in the room right now. It was anathema for him to allow emotions to hinder his reason, and right now his embarrassment was doing just that. He glanced at Wesley, and was calmed to see a kind expression looking back at him, waiting.
"I'm not sure, to be honest. You see, T'Preem and I were betrothed when we were children, but the union was more a promise than fact. We were mentally bonded, but as we've found, I was able to resist my bond with her and instead form a stronger bond with you. Since I have not felt any symptoms since then, I am cautiously assuming the fever has passed." He glanced away and chewed the inside of his cheek. "In seven years, I will probably seek you out again."
"Well, seven years is a long time, for a human, at least. But if I can help it, Taurik, I'll be wherever you are."
Taurik turned to look at him, amazed that his friend would promise such commitment. Although Taurik himself was not sure what the future would hold for them in such a span of time. There wasn't even any promise for tomorrow. He held out his fingers, and not only did Wesley press his own to them, he leaned in to kiss him.
Wesley pulled back and stood up, flustered but happy. "We are both really, really late," he said with a laugh. "And we're going to have to explain the past few days. What are we going to tell them?"
Taurik looked down. He considered inventing some Vulcan-only disease, but hated the idea of lying.
Wesley suggested, "Let's tell my mom. Everything. She won't tell anyone else, because of doctor-patient confidentiality. But at least someone will know, and if anyone has a problem, she can tell them you were cleared from duty on convalescence. She doesn't have to say exactly what happened. OK?"
The idea was frightening to Taurik, but he knew it was the smartest way to go. It just involved trusting two humans with a very significant aspect of his life. But he was already trusting the rest of the crew to do their jobs on the ship every second of the day. Trust was something he had to learn to give much more freely than he normally would.
He got up and went to the mirror to adjust his hair and uniform. And to quell the chaos of his mind. "I accept your decision," he said. He turned to Wesley and settled into a more Vulcan-like countenance. He was finding it easier than he expected to surrender to the boy's directive. "Let's go."