Chapter Twelve: You're full of crap

3:30pm – Thursday – Reid's apartment

Reid heard a knock on the door and slowly pulled himself out of the armchair. He glanced over at Sophia who had been asleep for 20 minutes. She looked relaxed and Reid could stop his eyes from running up and down her body. He could make out her long legs underneath the sheets and her arms were tucked protectively under her head. She looked like-

Another set of knocks pulled him out of his thoughts and he quickly walked to the door.

"Oh. Morgan." Reid stumbled out, surprised to see his best friend at his door. "Come in." Reid stepped aside and closed the door quietly behind Morgan.

"I…uhm…I just wanted to check up on you. I don't have to stay if you're busy. It's fine." Morgan tripped over his over his words and turned around to leave the room.

"Morgan…don't leave."

"Oh…good. Because in all honestly I didn't want to." Morgan smiled then plopped himself down on the couch, relaxing as he looked at Reid who had seated himself in the chair across from him. He could have laughed at the fact that he, Mr. Confident, had gotten nervous over confronting Reid.

"How are you holding up?" Morgan asked.

"I'm fi-"

"Don't lie, Reid. Morgan cut him off. "You're full of crap if you say you're fine. And you know I'm not buying it."

Reid flopped his head back and let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you really want to know what I'm thinking? You guys typically tell me to shut up."

"Re-Spencer. You're my best friend. And I worry about you. Now what's bothering you?"

"What's bothering me?" Reid echoed back, a look of disbelief on his face. 'What's bothering me!? What do you think!? It's my fault! All of it. I should have protected her. I'm an FBI agent and I can't even keep my own girlfriend safe! If I can't even protect her, why would anyone trust me to save complete strangers? I knew Emmett had escaped. I should have been working to find him and-"

"Reid! You never could have known that Emmett was going to come back for her. And what were you going to do, spend every day following Sophia around with your gun? You saved her, that's all that matters. You never gave up on her and you're still there for her. You're doing all that you can."

"I know…at least, I'm trying to convince myself that I know. But I just can't get the what-ifs out of my head. Then I get angry; angry at myself. Angry at Emmett. I've never felt such…rage…towards someone. I'm not a violent person yet all I want to do is get five more minutes alone with Emmett."

Morgan let out a little laugh. "Never thought I'd see the day where the great Dr. Spencer Reid wants to voluntarily beat the shit out of someone. But no one blames you for being angry; you have every right. And you have every right to want to pummel Emmett but he'll get what he deserves."

"I know. But I still can't help myself."

"It'll get better. How's Sophia holding up?" Morgan asked quietly, glancing over at the bedroom door.

"I'm not sure. She's having nightmares and won't talk to me, which is "typical" for a victim…"

"But…" Morgan said, squinting his eyes at Reid.

"She seems…frustrated. Anytime I hesitate to touch her she forces me to. I can practically feel her whole body panicking yet she won't let me pull away. I know what she's trying to do; she trying to desensitize herself. But I just don't know why she's so set on rushing."

"She wants to be normal. She said so when Emmett first attacked her."

"Yeah but…she can't just move on physically without talking about it!"

"Have you tried talking to her about what happened?" Morgan leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He stared intently at Reid, already sensing where this conversation was going.

"Well no bu-"

"Then talk to her." Morgan urged.

"I know…it's just…it's easier when you don't know the person. It's easier to distance yourself."

"Maybe it's a good thing that you can't distance yourself. You can truly relate and honestly, I think you need to talk about what happened just as much as she does." Morgan watched Reid intently, waiting for some sort of response.

Reid stared down at his hands for a few minutes, glancing up at the bedroom door twice.

"Say something." Morgan finally said with an uncomfortable laugh.

"You're right." Reid mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"Please tell me you were hesitant because you were thinking about what to say to Sophia and not that you just didn't want to admit that I was right." Morgan laughed, winking at Reid.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. No, I just...I don't know what I would say to her. Does she really need to know everything that happened?"

Morgan thought his question over, pulling himself up from the couch. He ran his hands over his jeans, pacing back and forth behind the couch. "Well, you should tell her about the videos; don't lie to her-"

"No! I don't need her worrying about them…or me. And knowing her she'll twist it everything around and blame herself or something or start apologizing for me having to see everything."

"Sounds like someone else I know" Morgan responded with a smile, glancing over to Reid. "Come on Reid...you and I know that your strong point has always been words. I'm sure once you start talking, everything will turn out better than you're expecting. I highly doubt you'll make her feel guilty. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?"

Reid quickly stood up t o meet Morgan. "I know...I just...ugh! I've never felt so..."

"Lost? Frustrated? Unsure?"

"All of the above" Reid added quietly.

"Ignoring this whole thing will only make it worse."

"God Morgan I know! Trust me, I keep telling myself that over and over again. We tell victims all the time that they need to talk. And I know everything you're saying is right but...I'm so fucking lost!" Reid finally grunts out, throwing his hands up in the air. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks at Morgan. "When she wakes up I'll talk to her, okay?"

"Much better. It's about damn time you agreed with me. I honestly thought I'd have to sit here and lock you in your bedroom till this was resolved. Now Garcia can finally back down."

"She called you, didn't she?"

"Of course. I was kinda...hesitant to come visit. I thought you guys would want space. Though I thought you would want space so you could talk. Listen, I'll let you go because you look like the walking dead. Get some sleep, talk to Sophia, and please promise to call me later on."

"I promise. And I don't look that bad..."

"Reid. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" With a laugh Morgan walked over to the door, opening it. "If I don't hear from you in 24 hours I'm coming over again whether you like it or not."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Reid gave Morgan a shove out the door. "Bye Morgan. And thank you." He smiled widely at Morgan.

"You're welcome" Morgan answered back before making his way down the hallway.

I'll be honest, I'm not particularly happy with this chapter and I'm re-writing it. But, I say that a lot and I'm never happy with the re-write either. So, though I don't want to post this, I am and although I'd love to re-write it till I'm happy, that won't happen. So...let's be honest, this is what it's going to be. But hey, you never know. :P