Some things in life could not be prepared for. While Kid had contemplated what the end of his relationship with Law might look like, he hadn't particularly ever imagined it going down like this.
Kid liked to think he had a healthy imagination. He was being forced to reconsider that fact in light of recent events. What it all really came down to was that he could handle being dumped; he couldn't really handle being dumped like that.
Because he'd been dumped. Kid liked to be realistic about it. There was little point in splitting hairs. Sure, he was the one who told Law to get out - but Law was the one who'd dug up his entire life's history. Even if he'd not been dumped at that point, Kid knew it wasn't a very far-flung prospect. You didn't go digging up someone's life looking for good shit.
Even with realism at his back, he still struggled to come to terms with how everything had shook out. He read all the documents that'd been dredged up - there were seventy-nine pages of dirt. Kid counted. He'd read each one at least twice, once while reeling from his own shock and disbelief, and again, several days later. The second time, he tried to approach things with the same clinical distance that came so easily to Law. Kid read things while imagining he was Law, as though things would somehow make more sense if Kid just looked at the situation from the proper angle. He wanted to somehow excuse Law's behavior, but no matter how he looked at things, it didn't make sense.
He cried a lot the first time he read through it all. He wasn't proud, but that was the truth. It hurt to read and relive everything, and there it all was in stark black and white. Everything he'd worked to put behind him, dropped at his feet like a tumble of ugly secrets, refusing to stay buried. Between that and the break-up, he'd cried so much that he no longer felt bad doing it. Crying was just another part of post-Law life.
After the doctor had split, he'd given Kid a good distance, probably waiting for him to make the first move. Honestly, if that were the case, he was gonna be waiting for a while - Kid decided to bite the bullet and call in sick to work for a week - he was missing a paycheck, but some things were worth it when you really needed to wallow in your sadness. It was less helpful than one would think. Now he was back on the job and things weren't much better, but at least he had something to distract himself.
That wasn't exactly saying much, at the end of the day. Part of him was struggling to cope with the reality of the situation; the rest was struggling to cope with the loss of Law in his life. The doctor maintained his distance and Kid did nothing to bridge the gap. He wasn't sure what he'd do when he saw Law next - probably burst into tears if his newfound emotional incontinence had anything to do with it.
By the end of two weeks, it was apparent he just wasn't moving quickly enough: unannounced, Law showed up outside the clinic building, simply waiting around until someone came over to see what he wanted. Kid wasn't yet ready to see him, but his hand was forced when one of his coworkers hustled over to get his attention. Kid made his way to where Law stood, on the opposite side of the chain-link fence that surrounded the construction site.
It had rained all week, and that day was no exception. Kid flipped his hood up over his hair to keep himself from getting too wet. Law stood beneath the shelter of his umbrella, looking for all the world like a forlorn pet, begging to be brought inside.
Or maybe Kid was just seeing what he wanted to see. It was a failing on his behalf when it came to Law.
"Hey," the doctor said, as Kid approached.
"Hey yourself."
Grey eyes flicked over Kid, settling on his hood-covered head. "Really, darling, that color goes just terribly with your hair."
Kid frowned at the familiar endearment, his expression souring further from the commentary. Law was probably trying to be cute, but Kid really wasn't in the humoring mood. "That's the first thing you got to say to me? 'You look like shit'?"
"I see you're still angry."
"And I see that your eyes are still working, but I should've figured as much after the fashion critique. Guess what? Not everybody can rock safety orange and make it look good."
"I never said you didn't look good." He shifted, his mouth a thin line. "We need to talk."
"What is there to say?"
"Well, I'd like the chance to explain myself."
Something about that request - made so rationally and just so fucking fairly - managed to slam the pedal down on Kid's rage o'meter, cranking it zero to fifty-thousand in a single second. Hey, it was better than crying. "This really ain't something you've got much chance in explaining your way out of!"
"I realize that. But I had my reasons." Law replied, his brow furrowing in welcome annoyance. Kid wasn't sure how much more of Law's calm, detached, understanding routine he could take. But as briefly as they appeared, Law's emotions were just as swiftly neutralized. Fucking typical. "I really never meant for you to get hurt."
"Yeah, from what I can gather, you probably never meant for me to know about any of that in the first place."
"I would've preferred to keep things that way," Law admitted. He shifted his umbrella between hands, eyes downcast.
As satisfying as it had initially been, Kid really didn't like seeing him like this, all sad and remorseful. Then again, that assumed he was remorseful. Kid figured the doc would try to talk his way outta things once the opportunity presented itself; that left the ball in Kid's court for a change. Part of him wanted to stick his heel in the mud and pivot right back around, leaving Law to stand there, all alone. It would be an isolation of his own making. If Kid was a stronger, harder person, he would've walked away and never looked back.
But he wasn't very strong when it came to Law. In fact, he was downright foolish. He'd never been real good at holding a grudge, especially against the one person he wanted more than anybody else. Maybe Law was counting on that being the case; he was a lot better at this sorta thing than Kid ever was.
For a moment, he felt helpless - Law had always been able to disarm him completely with just a look. "Y'know, I really can't do this right now."
"All right. When would be better?"
"I don't know."
"Please let me explain myself, Eustass. I can write a letter, if you prefer."
Kid wasn't sure if he was up to reading whatever letter Law hoped to provide. Finding those documents in the doc's bag had been like seventy-nine knives being sunk into his belly all at once. He couldn't believe Law would spy on him like that, and not just a superficial snooping either. It'd been like having his skin peeled away, every shred of his armor stripped and rendered to dust. He had no secrets that Law didn't already know.
Almost to his relief, his supervisor shouted in his direction, "Oi, Eustass! Personal talk on personal time!"
"I gotta go," Kid said, turning towards the sound. He'd never been more grateful for the distraction of work.
He made it about three steps before Law called after him, "I love you."
Kid stopped in his tracks. He glanced over his shoulder, "Hey, c'mon. Don't do this to me."
"I love you, Eustass."
Emotion struck him so swiftly that Kid had to fight to breathe. He clenched his fists repeatedly, his skin hot and tight. What was he gonna say if his supervisor saw him crying? Law had the superhuman ability to ruin him with just a few choice words and it scared the crap out of him. At least it was raining; if he showed up with wet eyes and streaks on his face, it wouldn't look that strange.
But who was Kid fooling? He'd never been able to cry with any sort of grace. And he'd had lots of practice at it lately. "That's not fair. D'you how long I've been waiting to hear you say that?"
He knew it wasn't the first time Law had ever said it but Kid still wasn't used to hearing it. Especially now, when it seemed like a joke.
"I should've told you awhile ago."
"It's not fair," Kid repeated. "It took me ages to realize that normal people could say that, and it wasn't just another way to get outta all the shitty stuff they'd done. My dad said he loved me a lot, too."
It was gratifying to see Law flinch. "I suppose I deserve that. But It's the truth."
"The truth?" Kid gave a short, hopeless laugh. "Is that supposed to mean something? I've been telling you the truth since the start and look where it's gotten me."
"I'm sorry. I should have trusted you, and - " Law winced, biting his lip. "It's hard to explain. I don't expect you to just forgive everything." He gave a wan smile, one without humor. "I'm not as normal as you seem to think I am."
Law rubbed at his eyes, looking suddenly weary. The perpetual dark circles looked heavier than usual - as if the doctor could sleep any worse than he already did. He sighed, sounding defeated. "I only want you to understand, if that's possible. You don't have to forgive me. I only want to make things right between us."
Kid swallowed around a lump in his throat. It was still way too early for him to be able to think about all of this without it blowing up in his face. The wound was still tender, like a neglected gunshot that was starting to fester. It felt like Law had shown up just so he could poke things with a stick and it left Kid furious. As though any of this would ever make things better.
But still, part of Kid longed to go to him, to reach through the gaps in that chain link fence. He could feel his muscles screaming with the desire to move though his feet remained rooted in place. The muddy ground made for a poor foundation.
"Okay," he said at length. It felt like a resignation, a betrayal of himself. "I'll hear you explain. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna like whatever it is you gotta say."
Law nearly sagged with relief, gripping the fence with delicate fingers. He was so beautiful that it made Kid's heart ache. "Thank you."
"I'll send you a text one of these days." Kid left things vague, because he wasn't sure how long it'd take until he felt able to face Law without freaking out.
His supervisor shouted his name and this time Kid really did go on his way, not turning to say goodbye as he jogged back. Now he felt all stirred up inside, as though Law had jammed an icepick into him and twisted it around until everything was scrambled. The doctor was having that effect on him lately.
It was a feeling that didn't abate for the remainder of the week. He didn't text Law, and according to Bonney, he never should - and when he and Bonney were for some reason in agreement, it was warning enough that Kid should step back and re-evaluate matters. Hell, she might even be right, but she was also a total pro at holding stupid grudges. There were people Bonney still hated over shit that'd happened in middle school, and that sort of petty vindictive refusal to move on had never sat well with him.
She might not like his quick temper, but he felt the same towards her long, extended campaigns of hate. He oughta know - he'd been on the receiving end of one for most of his life.
So he gave it another week. He did some fun shit with Killer and Wire, who both insisted on buying him drinks whenever they went out. It was kinda hard to complain about that, likewise for the weed brownies Heat cooked up. They got baked and played Mario Kart until the room started to spin and Kid had to go lie down. Sometimes getting your heart broken wasn't the worst thing in the world; he couldn't remember the last time so many people were this nice to him all at once.
Maybe they just appreciated the gravity of the situation. Over the past few months, Law had become a regular fixture around the house. Heat and Wire missed his company, and if Killer had anything to say, he kept it to himself. Kid appreciated their efforts to cheer him up, and that none of them were real keen to go digging for what really happened. Bonney had tried, and Kid shut the topic down so quick he figured the rest of them took notice. His failed relationship wasn't exactly something he wanted to talk about, especially not the reasons for its swift demise.
Most of his friends already knew all the secrets Law had dug up, and just thinking of it in those terms made anger jump red hot in his veins. It came accompanied by a flush of embarrassment; why did Law even want to see him again after having read all of that? Kid was used to rumors; when he was growing up, his old man's temper was legendary. Basically everybody knew what caused Kid to show up late some mornings, with fresh bruises popping up all over his face. Kid hadn't appreciated people's nosey curiosity then, and he sure as hell didn't appreciate Law's now - especially when it was coming from someone who kept banging on about how damn much he loved Kid.
That was the salt rubbed into his wounds. Kid would've been able to cut his losses and never look back if Law hadn't said that. If Law didn't continue to say that.
Even if he was mad, at the same time, Kid loved him. It was why everything hurt more than it had any right to. It was just some old papers from his life, some ugly truths. Kid had shared most of them with Law already. Why couldn't he have just left things well enough alone?
Pondering the doctor's motivations was never a very fruitful pastime. Kid had been doing plenty of it lately - probably more than was strictly advisable. If anyone had a reason to go nosing into another person's life, he figured Law deserved it way more than he ever had.
It was the real reason he ended up texting the doctor. Maybe Law really would explain things. He definitely owed Kid that much. If Law were to be believed, his family was even more screwed up than Kid's was, and that was a pretty high bar to clear.
They arranged to meet at a coffee shop near the hospital. Kid had only been there once or twice. It was the sort of neutral territory where neither of them had any sort of advantage - as though advantages could be conferred by a venue in the first place.
Law was waiting for him in a secluded booth at the back of the shop, a foamy latte to one side and a tan folder on the other. Kid gave him a nod before waiting in line like all the rest, ordering a mocha though he already felt like he was gonna puke. He was a little hungry but everything in the pastry case looked as appetizing as sawdust.
He ambled over once his coffee was finished. He'd brought along the folder of personal dirt Law had dug up on him, placing it to one side as he sat down. Kid wanted that proof visible between them, because he was already too quick to forgive people when they fucked up and he didn't want to forget how mad he was at Law.
The doctor's face looked drawn, a tightness around his eyes that Kid didn't remember seeing before. Maybe he really was sorry - maybe he missed Kid after all. It was a comforting thought.
"Hello," Law said, his fingers laced before him on the table. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."
"No sweat." Kid nodded and kept his face impassive. Jesus. He had no idea what to say to that. It sounded more like he was showing up for a job interview than anything else.
"You're looking well, Eustass."
Kid spread his hands, a gesture of disbelief. Or surrender; he honestly wasn't sure which. "I try." He sucked at his coffee and tried not to fidgit. "So what'd you wanna talk about, huh?"
Law nodded towards the folder containing Kid's life's history. "I see you brought that. Have you read it?"
"Yeah. Cover to cover. Real engrossing stuff. How 'bout you, find what you were looking for?"
"I actually haven't had the chance to go through it myself. I would have," he admitted. At least he had the decency to look guilty about it. "But I'd only just received it. I read the summary, that's all."
"How the hell did you get your hands on all of this?" Kid was dying to know. It was real distressing to learn that your life wasn't nearly as private as you'd always believed it to be. Some of the records Law had were sealed - Kid was certain they'd been. They were sealed and meant to be forgotten, that was the whole damn point.
"I hired a private investigation team. They've also been shadowing you for the last month."
Kid nearly flew out of his seat, practically dropping his coffee in the process. "Are you fucking joking?"
"Sadly, no."
"Sadly?"
"Look, I know I owe you an apology. It was wrong of me to...commission that report."
While Kid had been waiting for an apology for a while, the one Law delivered felt rehearsed. Then again, what was he expecting? Law was always so controlled; it pissed him off. "Well, mark me down as surprised to hear you actually owning any of this to begin with."
"Did you think I would attempt to lie my way out of it?" Law's eyes narrowed, as though he'd expected a different response. What did he want, for Kid to fall all over his feet now that he said he was sorry? "Perhaps I can explain myself. I don't assume that anything I say will change your mind, just...please keep it open."
An open mind would've been a lot easier to keep about a month ago, when Kid still respected the doctor enough to believe he'd never do anything this shady. But Kid kept his thoughts to himself, easing back into his seat and giving a jerky nod. For some reason, it was really hard to meet Law's eyes; they were all grey and sad, like the depression Kid had been immersed in for the last three weeks.
"Do you remember when I told you I had cancer as a child?" Law began. Of course Kid remembered; it was one of the very few times Law had ever talked about himself. "It was leukemia, brought on by exposure to the mine pits in Flevance, where I grew up. My entire family died of it, as did everyone else living there - the site was condemned by the government over a decade ago."
Kid had never really been outside Grand Line City; he'd visited the Salt Coast in the South one year to see family but that was it. Of course, that visit had gone pretty terribly, but most trips with his dad followed that pattern. They'd gone to visit the only family they were still on speaking terms with - Kid's uncle and some cousins he'd never met. Predictably, by the end of the trip, everyone's combined short tempers ensured that none of them would ever speak to each other again.
It wasn't much of a loss. In contrast, Law spoke simply about the death of his family like it was a practical matter, a tragedy whose years of distance had lessened the pain until it was a simple fact. Kid kinda wondered if that weren't for the best. Sometimes having living relations was worse than knowing they were dead. At least they couldn't bug you from the grave.
Even if Kid wasn't a world traveler, he'd still heard about the Flevance tragedy. It'd been big news at the time: an accident that flooded the local environment with radioactive ore from the mines. Because the city was still condemned, it remained a hot topic for people interested in conspiracies, cover-ups, and the lingering urban decay that'd slunk over the government-erected walls that held the city hostage. He'd seen some photo documentaries made by people who'd snuck in. The government maintained that there was still an exposure risk, but a lotta people thought that was crap, just another attempt to shirk responsibility for the accident. After all, it was the government who'd been operating those mines - and operating them poorly.
Despite the outcry at the time, nothing much was ever done about the situation. There was some talk about compensating relatives for their loss, but Kid didn't know if that went anywhere. Probably got tied up indefinitely in the courts. With all the people directly affected by the disaster long dead, it was hard to galvanize people into action. Like many things the government was responsible for, Flevance was swept beneath a rug of forgetful silence.
Or it would've been left forgotten, if Law weren't telling him of it now. A while ago, had the doctor mentioned all this shit, Kid would've eaten it up with a spoon. It probably would've messed him up too, imagining Law as a child so sick that everyone had given up on him. A hopeless case who was destined to die. "I thought that disease was incurable," Kid said.
"It was." Law gave a clipped laugh. "To be honest, I don't think the government really tried to address the problem. It was easier to see the city die out - if there were survivors, the lawsuit for negligence might've seen some justice. It doesn't really matter anymore."
He sounded weary, as though recalling a story he'd rather not remember. "But as you can clearly see, there was a cure. I would be dead otherwise. For most of my adolescence, I assumed that I would die - I wasn't a very enjoyable person to be around for a number of reasons.
"Because all of my family had already passed, the government placed me and several other children in foster-type homes. We were the only survivors, though it was temporary at best. We were all afflicted by the disease, and over time, the rest of them succumbed. I would get letters alerting me each time one of my old schoolmates passed.
"To avoid any more bad press, the government went out of their way to ensure we lived the remainder of our short lives in luxury. They assigned us each to wealthy families, who could easily provide for our every need as we slowly faded away. There was a generous government stipend as well, for medical care, though it was mainly palliative.
"I was no different, and it was how I came to live in Grand Line City when I was twelve. By that point, the disease had not progressed very far but my death was a certainty. Nobody lived for more than a year once their leukemia metastasized." He reached for the folder he'd brought, flipping it open to select a glossy photo on the top of the stack. He slid the picture to Kid. "This is my family, the one I was placed into."
It was an older photo, taken when Law was still young. He was in the front row, beside a girl his own age; Law's skin was darker but besides that, they could've been blood relation. There were a few other kids of varying age, and arrayed behind them was a collection of men and women, all dressed in exceptionally classy gear, the kind that just smelled rich. Rich, and dangerous - a particularly revealing combination, one Kid had felt when he'd encountered Doflamingo and all his ostentatious wealth in person.
Despite his illness, Law didn't look all that bad in the photograph. He was a bit drawn, and more pale than normal. What stood out most clearly from the image were his surrounding family members, and Kid could tell without a doubt that this was definitely a family that came with a capital-F, a Family as proper and organized as any corporation or business. Several of the adults held weapons, either in their hands or on their person - within easy reach, the implication obvious.
There was really no questioning what it all meant, and Kid stared from the picture to Law. "What is this? You're from a fucking mafia family or some shit?"
His disbelief was favored by a small smile, "Perhaps you can see why I haven't mentioned it."
"No, seriously. I thought this was just in the movies." He scanned the people, their clothing and heavy, expensive jewelry. The overt display of armaments. "You're not just fucking with me, right? You guys look like you just dressed up for a silly photo or something." Except there were no goofy expressions, no stridently suppressed smiles. Everyone looked deadly serious.
"Oh, believe me. This style's popularity persists to this day. You ought to see the holiday cards I get every year." Law looked at the photo, his expression fond beneath a layer of melancholic nostalgia. "My brother continues to expand his family even now. I suppose it's necessary, when some adopted siblings grow up to be ungrateful little brats."
"Yeah, you said you weren't on such good terms." Kid re-examined the picture, and in the back row, towering taller than all the rest, was Law's brother, Doflamingo. Though he was obviously younger when the photo was snapped, Kid had to wonder why Law called him brother, rather than father, given that he was easily twice Law's age.
Beside Doflamingo stood another man, nearly as tall and with similar coloring - probably Doflamingo's only real sibling out of all these people. The rest of the adults were as varied in appearance as the children were.
While Kid had never run afoul of organized crime, he knew as well as anybody from GLC that the underworld just about ran the place. Some people spent their whole lives trying to break into that society, and while Kid knew one or two who'd tried, he never really saw the appeal himself. At the end of the day, you were still taking orders from somebody, still doing dirty work for the higher ups. Kid wasn't deeply committed to honest living or anything crazy like that, but he felt little attraction to that world. The mafia syndicates had everyone in their pocket, controlling street-level crime and drug dealing all the way up to the upper echelons of city-wide corruption. It all just felt a little sleazy, in his opinion.
While the photograph's subjects neither shocked nor surprised him, Law's placement in their ranks certainly did. Anybody coming from a family like that definitely would've had the world at their feet. It was probably sheer luck that Law had been adopted into a place of power, prestige, and wealth. Then again, if they were assuming he'd die, the placement and all its perks were kind of a moot point.
But he'd left it all behind - or at least Kid gathered as much. It was the estrangement Law spoke of whenever Kid got nosey. While he was obviously much more cultured in his upbringing, Law had never thrown around money like it was in endless supply. Kid had assumed the man was well-off simply based on his education, manners, and dress, but he'd spent enough time in Law's company to know it was just that - an assumption without anything to back it up. It wasn't like they got real nitty-gritty over finances in the first place, but no one coming from wealth would be sharing an apartment the way Law did.
Of course, even knowing who Law's family was didn't exactly explain their current scenario, nor Law's actions. Kid wasn't even sure why the man treated things like a dirty little secret. Most people in the city would be delighted to get accepted into a family like that, one with power and prestige, endless resources and connections. "Okay, so you come from a crime family. What of it?"
"That doesn't bother you?"
"Should it?" Kid kinda wondered if he'd have a target on his back now. He recalled the way Doflamingo had approached him with an almost perceptible distaste, as though Kid were some dog come sniffing 'round the family mansion.
Maybe Doflamingo had furnished all those documents he'd found in Law's bag. Maybe the big man himself was trying to ruin things between them, to show Law exactly whom he'd been sleeping with. If that was the case, he could - and had - unearthed a veritable treasure trove of evidence dismissing Kid's suitability when it came to dating his little brother.
"I suppose I was expecting a stronger reaction." Law favored him with a minor smile, the sort that Kid still wasn't very good at interpreting. Even so, whenever he managed to make Law smile he felt a thrill of minor victory. Usually. It felt like a pretty hollow one just now. "Then again, I typically do not need to share this information. My brother has been quite busy, and quite interfering, when it comes to my personal life. I can't remember the last time a boyfriend of mine didn't turn out to be one of Doflamingo's lackeys."
"Whoa. You just called me your boyfriend."
"I apologize. I guess that title's no longer quite accurate, is it?" Law shook his head, "Your priorities in all of this never seem to be what I would expect."
"That's not my point. You never called me your boyfriend, even though we'd been dating for months."
To his credit, Law looked a little sheepish about it. "It's a silly thing to get worked up about, isn't it? And it sounds so juvenile, like we're still in high school."
"So? It still means something, even if it does sound stupid." Kid swallowed the last of his mocha, which had since grown cold. This was exactly what irritated him about Law, how he never took anything between them seriously, not even the little shit. Not even the stupid shit.
"Well, I've never heard you call me your boyfriend."
"Well, maybe I tell other people and just not you," Kid countered in reply. "Kinda already figured what your attitude about it'd be."
"Really, the title by which I call you has been the least of my concerns." Law bristled; he looked annoyed, like Kid was missing the point and latching onto something entirely unrelated.
"Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but I don't like being treated like just some dirty little secret. I've had relationships like that already and it gets real old before long."
"I'm willing to admit to many things that I've done wrong, but I can assure you that I never considered you or our relationship a joke. It was never something I made any effort to hide."
"Yeah, well you could've fooled me."
"You are being deliberately difficult - "
"Oh, well, sorry." If you asked Kid, he figured Law had earned this response. "I guess having everything about me dug up for all to see kinda put me on the defensive. I'll get right to work on that."
Law's eyes circled in their sockets. Come to think of it, Kid couldn't remember the first or last time they'd ever had a fight - a real fight, over important shit. It was an inevitable storm, and with things the way they were right now, Kid didn't feel a lot of hope that they'd make it through this in one piece.
Across the table, Law was contemplating his coffee, lips set in a thin line. He tapped a couple fingers against the table, "Allow me to start over. I didn't come here to argue with you - "
"Well, hey. Don't mind me. Whatever's most convenient for you." Sure, Kid knew he was being deliberately nasty. But he was angry and didn't care. So far, Law hadn't done an exactly stellar job of making his case sympathetic.
"It's challenging to know where to begin with all of this. I typically do not make the attempt, because I've honestly never had to. Any partner I've had since I returned to the city was already fully aware of my family and their business." He sighed, his annoyance reducing to weariness. "I admit, all this time I felt certain that you already knew all of this."
"How the hell would I know any of this? You never talk about your damn family!"
"For reasons which I would hope are obvious, now that you know who they are!"
"See, this right here? That's the difference between you and me. You never talked about your folks, so I figured you had good reasons not to. I thought you'd tell me about it when you were ready." Kid gestured to the thick folder, all of his history that it contained. "Obviously, you got your own way of going about things, huh? Trust me, it probably would've been a lot easier to just ask."
"And much less expensive as well, I'm sure."
"Seriously? You paid someone to do this? Once you said who your family was, I figured you got them to do it."
"You misunderstand me, Eustass. I did not commission that report looking for flaws in your character. I was looking for my brother."
"Oh, well. Uhh." Kid scrunched his face, feeling befuddled. All of his outrage felt stopped in its tracks, like he'd just smacked up against a brick wall he wasn't expecting. Sometimes it was not only difficult to tell what Law was thinking, but impossible. "You're gonna have to explain that one."
"I would be happy to, provided that you stop interrupting me."
Kid grumbled into his empty cup, "No promises."
But Law hardly paused, reaching towards the photo. He tapped Doflamingo's image, "You've already met Doflamingo. He's the leader of our family." His finger moved to indicate the man standing at his side, the one who looked so similar. "This is his brother, Corazon. When I was adopted, he was the one person who advocated for me and worked to have my illness addressed. Everyone else…" Law gave a flip of his fingers, shrugging. "Like I said before. My fate was a certainty. It was pointless to become invested in a child doomed to die before long, so no one else really bothered. Doflamingo certainly liked me - he often remarked that I reminded him of himself - but there was a limited obligation to his concern.
"The adoption was mainly for political purposes. When the orphans of Flevance were hot topics in the news, it was very politically advantageous to take us in. The obligation was understood to be temporary." He gave a wry smile, remembering. "As you can imagine, with a family like Doflamingo's and the business they did, it was often necessary to invest in charitable gestures. It kept their bad behavior out of the news. Doflamingo adopted a number of children like me, though none of their cases were quite as infamous."
Kid wondered what the rest of the young children in that photo had grown up to be like. Maybe they stayed in Doflamingo's family as full members. If they were orphans, that family was probably the only one they'd ever known. Their loyalty would be certain and absolute.
"So what happened?" Kid asked. Law's mafia connections were only part of the story; the rest all boiled down to the man himself. "I mean, obviously you got better."
For a moment, he wondered if he ought to put things in more diplomatic terms. It was a sad story that he took no pleasure in. Even if Law was royally pissing him off in the present, he hadn't deserved to live through that as a child. But Kid knew that if he let Law in just a little bit, he wouldn't be able to maintain whatever tough facade he was currently wearing. Law had an uncanny ability to focus in on the chinks in Kid's armor, sliding beneath his defenses like they weren't even there.
He wanted to stay mad at Law, but it was really hard. It was part of what scared him with all of this. He'd never been very good at holding others accountable when they fucked up. He'd spent most of his childhood making excuses for his old man under the stupid hopes that things would somehow get better if he just believed hard enough. It was a real wake-up call to eventually realize that that would never happen. Kid was afraid of falling back into that cycle of hope and disappointment with somebody he genuinely did care about. When it came to Law, Kid wanted to forgive him, no matter what he'd done.
"Yes. I was lucky," Law said, continuing with his story. "Within the family, Corazon wielded nearly as much power as Doflamingo, both brothers having inherited the family business after their father passed away - in quite mysterious fashion - when they were nothing more than children.
"Their mother had died of an illness several years prior to their father's passing. While his death was thought to be an assassination from a rival organization, Doflamingo suffered years of rumors that he himself was responsible. Clearly, the accusations did not stick; he took up the family mantle and has been running things ever since. While Corazon ostensibly held an equal share, he was never as ruthless as his brother and assumed a secondary role to maintain the peace. I am certain that, after losing their remaining parent, Cora had little interest in warring with Doflamingo over what remained.
"Before Doflamingo took control, his family was but one of many fighting for their share of the city. Now they are the dominating force amongst the underworld, having neutralized or eliminated any weaker organizations. No one stands in the way of something Doflamingo wants. He's made a legacy of crushing anyone who crosses him, his family, or their business."
"You sound scared," Kid observed. It wasn't a terrified sort of scared, more like a cautious, wary awareness, the sort that made one grow hushed as they tip-toed around a sleeping dragon.
"I am. He has endless power, resources, and people at his command. If he really wanted me to return, I would be unable to stop him."
"So why doesn't he? Just force you to go back to them, I mean."
Law gave a half-smile, "It's probably because he likes me. And he wants me to like him. He also knows that if I were forced, I would resent him until I died."
Whoa, Kid thought, but said nothing. Apparently Bonney wasn't the only person who could hold a grudge. There was something about the way Law said it, something in his tone that made Kid sure he was deadly serious. Law already resented his brother deeply, though the reasons for that spite remained unclear. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."
"Well, you'd have to work rather hard to earn the same level of contempt."
"Oh yeah? So how'd Doflamingo manage to piss you off so bad?"
"He had Cora assassinated. His own brother, and for helping me. As I said, everyone else had given up, but Cora was unfailingly resilient in the face of my diagnosis. Its terminal nature did not deter him. He did everything in his power to find a cure." Law's gaze grew distant, remembering. "He wasn't killed because of that directly. But his efforts attracted the attention of certain members of our family who had a vested interest in seeing him done away with.
"In particular, Doflamingo's closest lieutenant could never tolerate that the brothers shared power. Even if Cora remained in a subordinate role, if he'd wanted more control over things, he could've rightfully challenge Doflamingo. Some of his lackeys were always looking to bring Cora down - he was a liability to the family's long-term stability. Doflamingo himself likely wanted his brother eliminated, but after suffering years of rumors in the wake of their father's death, he didn't dare make a move."
"He needed an excuse," Kid supplied.
"Precisely. For a number of years after they were orphaned, Cora left the family and pursued his own education with the goal of an independent life. Obviously, that didn't work out entirely, and while he returned, it was with an outsider's perspective. Many in the family were deeply suspicious of his motivations and loyalties, but Doflamingo was determined to keep the family together, particularly when it came to his first and only blood brother."
Law gave a fond smile of remembrance, "Cora saw a little bit of himself in me, I think, and was always encouraging my interests. Unlike everyone else, he didn't treat me like a hopeless cause...I was very grateful for that. I don't think people realize how dehumanizing it is to be seen as only an illness, a walking corpse. Cora was the person who inspired me to be a doctor. I wanted the medical establishment to change after the way I was treated."
"It was pretty bad, then?"
He shrugged with one shoulder, a gesture of futility, "Doctors are only people. They can be kind or cruel, but in my experience, they are far more concerned with treating a disease, rather than a patient. When it came to Flevance's leukemia, there was little to be done - it was seen as incurable, and once the source of the contamination was dealt with, it was unlikely to recur. There was no point in developing treatments for an abstract and obsolete cancer."
"Was Cora a doctor or something?" Kid was trying to make sense of Law's close bond with the man, though he knew what it was like to finally find an advocate after being abandoned or mistreated by everyone else. That'd been Janet for him, and Kid was pretty sure he would've either turned out dead or like his old man if he hadn't had her.
"No. In fact, he was a cop. All those years separated from the family had opened his eyes to how life was outside the family. He found out the truth of his father's death - that Doflamingo had personally killed him to seize control - and wanted to bring his brother to account."
"So all those people who wouldn't trust him had good reason for it."
"Well, they had their own assumptions of what Cora was up to, but I'm sure they all simply assumed he'd come back to usurp power. In reality, he was working undercover, doing little more than reporting on the family's activity. With the evidence he was collecting, the government would've been able to dismantle the family and bring justice for all the people Doflamingo had hurt."
"Something tells me it didn't all go that smoothly."
"Obviously not. It is hard for me to be objective, because if Cora had stuck to his assignment, I would've died. But he got involved with me, very personally...he used all of his connections to see that I was enrolled in several experimental trials run by the national health service. The combined treatment finally put my leukemia into a lasting remission that continues to this day." Law sighed; whatever joy he took from that fateful turn of events was clearly tarnished by how things had ended. "If Cora had not done all of that, he never would've been caught...I made him vulnerable, and Doflamingo's lieutenants were able to trace his contacts back to the police and government."
"And that's how helping you got him killed." Kid was starting to feel awfully shitty, not just for how small and damaged Law's recollections made him seem. Even if Kid was pissed, it gave him no pleasure to hear about Law's sad history. In fact, it made him want to forgive everything all the more, to pass things off as just some big mistake, the direct product of Law's fucked-up childhood and family. An invasive investigation conducted because he'd learned the hard way that people couldn't be trusted.
But Kid had had a pretty bad life, too. It had never made him think about digging into Law's past just to satisfy his own curiosity. He was only learning about half of this shit because Law was effectively guilted into being truthful for a change. Besides, Law still hadn't explained why he'd been suspicious of Kid in the first place.
Even if Law's story was a sad one, Kid could manage to be pissed and sympathetic at the same time. It was just a lot harder than being one or the other all at once, and he was annoyed that Law had forced him into this position in the first place. "You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to him. He knew what he was doing and obviously you were important enough that he was willing to risk it."
"Thank you. That's what I tell myself, after all." Law gave a bleak laugh, as though he'd been purposefully deluding himself with those same hopeful sentiments all his life. "Doing away with Cora was a more delicate operation than when Doflamingo killed his father, and he made things look like a car accident. Several other vehicles were involved, with two additional deaths from the wreck. I suppose he wanted it to be convincing; Cora could not be singled out as the sole victim of this tragedy. With his ties to the police it would automatically look suspect - but the police themselves could do nothing without revealing their hand.
"And so Cora died, so conveniently and so accidentally; he has never had justice of his own. I even believed that story for years after it happened. With a cure, it seemed like I finally had a life ahead of me. Though without Cora to share it with...things seemed pointless. I had few friends beyond him. It was a very hard time in my life, almost worse than when I was sick and dying. Sometimes a cure is worse than the disease itself. I still don't remember very much from when I underwent treatment. The chemotherapy basically made me a zombie."
Kid would believe that. He'd never been that sick, but he'd known a couple guys from his job who'd left because of one incurable illness or another. They'd cross paths months after and it'd be like meeting a stranger: previously healthy, fit guys reduced to walking skeletons as their cancer got worse, or as chemo treatments exacted their payment. It never seemed fair, and Law's story doubly so. There was nothing fair about suffering through that as a kid. Especially in a family where you couldn't trust anybody for fear of getting yourself or others killed.
Kid bet that Law had been blaming himself for his brother's death ever since he found out the truth. "So you did figure it out in the end, though, right?"
"Yes, an accidental finding. By the time I could really process what had happened, my cancer was in remission and I was as healthy as all my other adoptive siblings. Doflamingo even took a greater interest in me, as though I would be a substitute for Corazon. I even might have...but then I discovered that he was responsible, and left the family entirely." Law didn't elaborate on how he'd made that discovery, nor how difficult a process it'd been to leave Doflamingo's organization. "He's been trying to lure me back in ever since. I used to worry that he would have me assassinated as well - I'm certainly a liability. If his lieutenants had their way, I'm sure that would be the case.
"But I don't want anything to do with them anymore...I want my own life. If I had not come back to this city for residency, everything would've been much simpler. But it is what it is; they can do their business and I'll have mine, and somehow we'll manage to coexist without killing each other. It's really the best outcome for everybody."
"I guess Cora won't ever see real justice if you keep quiet about it."
"Perhaps. I've often considered bringing what I know to the authorities, but after seeing how they treated Flevance, I've never had much faith in them. I could mount my own campaign of revenge, but I have neither the resources nor the connections to cause much damage to the family. If I went up against Doflamingo, I'm certain to lose. Although, it is a very tempting prospect…." He gave a thin smile, one devoid of humor, "I've devoted many hours of thought to how that might go. Ultimately, I want the life Cora gave everything for me to have. I want to be a good doctor, to change things - to make patients feel less abandoned when they're tragic, hopeless cases."
Kid kind of wanted to point out that, had Law ever told him any of this, he probably would've flown over the moon. There was just something idealistic about it that Kid couldn't help but feel drawn to. With stark clarity, he realized how very little he really knew about Law, how much Law had kept from him, and not just small stuff. This was the sorta thing that motivated a person and determined what path they'd take in life. It was Relationship 101 type shit, and Law had never mentioned any of it.
Neither of them had really asked many deep questions. Any time Kid put out his feelers and tried to learn more, Law had shut him down just like that. It'd left Kid with the distinct impression that Law didn't want to share such things - or worse, that he didn't trust Kid, nor take him seriously enough to really trust with this sort of information. Maybe Kid was blowing this out of proportion, but after the crap Law had just pulled, he felt justified.
In a way, it was fortunate for him that Law had gone and fucked up in such spectacular fashion. Kid knew that he needed to be mad, and stay that way, if he was going to get any answers at all. Being pissed wasn't something he really liked in the first place, and he resented that Law had forced things this way.
For the moment, Kid kept his mouth shut. Now that Law was talking, he didn't want to bring a stop to things, at least not when there was still so much more he was dying to learn.
In the face of his silence, Law continued, "Maybe that makes me sound like a hopeless dreamer, but at least I have dreams of my own for a change. For most of my life, I never bothered to think about what the future would be like...I'd been told I didn't have one for so many years that I'd stupidly come to believe it."
"It's not stupid," Kid said. He'd spent a good portion of his own life hopefully, pointlessly dreaming about what could be. Maybe he'd never get to see half of what he imagined, but at least he'd gotten his own chance, though it only came through another person's advocacy and persistence. He used to think Janet was so nosey when he and Killer had hung out at her place as kids; she was always asking after his bruises and broken bones. That sorta concern was so obnoxious, like he couldn't handle what his old man could dish out and then some.
Back then, Kid hadn't liked people who got into his business. If everybody found out where all his injuries came from, they'd put him into the system, and there was no way he'd have been fostered into a rich family the way Law had been, even if that had turned out to be a double-edged sword. If Kid got split up from what family he had, it might improve things one way while making everything else twice as shitty. It'd probably mean leaving his neighborhood and school, and all his friends, the only people who really gave a damn about him in the first place.
So Kid had stayed quiet and kept his head down, even when things got really bad. It wasn't until he was a lot older that he realized everybody already knew what was going on, anyway. There wasn't much of a secret left to protect, so by the time he landed in the hospital and Janet went asking tough questions, Kid finally felt ready to talk. He had a feeling Law's experience with Cora was much the same. It was funny, he'd never realized how much the two of them really had in common when it really came down to it. Then again, if Law had his way, he never would've told Kid any of this shit.
Putting things back into perspective helped; it reminded Kid that no matter how sad Law's story was, he was still really pissed off by the man's behavior. "Okay. That all really sucks. And it explains a few things, so thank you for telling me. Maybe now I finally have some idea of where you're coming from."
"But I'm sure it doesn't answer all of your questions."
"Damn right," Kid affirmed. "Why the hell did you think I'd have anything to do with organized crime anyway? 'Cause I don't. I dunno if all this investigating of yours answered that question to your satisfaction."
"It did," Law said. "I really was finally convinced. The team who conducted the investigation assured me that you were an independent agent."
An independent agent, Kid repeated in his mind. Like he was some sorta spy.
Law continued, "But it was necessary, though I realize how inappropriate and invasive it all was. I only commissioned that report because...Eustass, it's been four years since I returned to the city. In all that time, I've never had a man approach me who wasn't ordered to do so by my brother."
"I find that kinda hard to believe."
"Let me assure you that it is the truth. My brother has been very invasive, in ways that I have not appreciated in the slightest - so I completely understand if you no longer trust me for doing the same to you." He shifted in his seat, practically squirming like a kid caught in a lie. Or an uncomfortable truth. "This might sound strange, but Doflamingo has an odd parental impulse, it's the only way I can explain it. It compels him to interfere with my life. The fact that I am single and unmarried is apparently a problem he must rectify. And so he has been arranging partners for me, without informing me of his actions. As with many things in that family, I have discovered the truth for myself through pure chance."
"So he's trying to hook you up with somebody nice, eh? Yeah, I get it - that's annoying." Killer and Heat had liked doing that for a while. They thought it was the best way of being supportive once Kid came out, except they had absolute shit taste in men. "But call me crazy here, I kinda doubt your brother would send somebody like me to sweep you off your feet."
"Oh believe me, I've been baffled by this ever since you first approached me on that train."
Kid smiled; that was a long time ago. He still wondered how they'd managed to actually make anything work after that disastrous first meeting. You didn't usually end up finding your soulmate by spilling coffee on them.
Even if Law was his soulmate, Kid was still ready to strangle him. "Why didn't you just shut me down if you thought I was working for him? I was always kinda surprised you gave me the time of day, to be honest."
"Really, such modesty and even after everything. Don't you know how charming that is?" The corners of Law's mouth turned up, his first real smile, and one that wasn't in sad remembrance or rueful admission. "I almost want to kill you for it."
"You can hire your crazy brother to wax me."
Unexpectedly, Law laughed, "Don't joke about that! Sometimes I worry he might do just that. Or drive us apart some other way - I don't imagine he really approves of the two of us."
Kid wanted to counter that Law shouldn't joke about Doflamingo breaking up their relationship when he'd gone and nearly done so himself. But he didn't say anything, scuffing his foot on the floor beneath their table. It felt weird talking like this, like they were friends - like Law hadn't dredged up every one of Kid's dirty secrets just to fling them in his face. He still didn't know how to deal with that, even in light of everything else. It continued to hurt and nothing Law had said made that go away, or even lessen.
Even if Law had ordered this report with the best of intentions, it didn't make things suddenly better or somehow more noble. And Kid was pissed that somebody'd been following him around without him knowing! What the fuck was that even about? His anger caught fire as swiftly as alcohol, burning a trail through his veins before Kid could stop it. "Y'know, even with all of this, it doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at you. 'Cause I am. You just should've told me this shit and been real honest, right from the start. I feel like that's the way I've been and I still don't think you'd've told me any of this unless you had to."
"That's probably fair," Law conceded. If it was a concession he wanted to make, Kid wasn't able to tell. "I don't expect automatic forgiveness. I don't expect you to forgive me at all."
Saying it like that made Kid feel like he was weirdly obligated to forgive him. He just didn't know what to do with Law being all beaten-down and contrite - it wasn't something that lent itself easily to Kid's end goal of maintaining his outrage. Maybe that was the point. For a split second, Kid wondered if this was all some sorta manipulative mind game that Law was playing. He never would've thought that if Law hadn't done something so stupid in the first place. It felt like he'd poisoned things between them, and now they were limping along on life support.
Kid wondered if he really oughta just pull the plug. It would be easier. He'd already spent the last few weeks crying his eyes out; what were a few more days of that? And at least if they split up, he'd have some closure: the relationship definitely would be over, instead of this weird limbo purgatory it'd been in for nearly a month. Kid hated it, but he also didn't want to make any hasty decisions. If he said they were through, he knew Law would abide by it.
Part of Kid wanted Law to put up more of a stink, to really fight for things to keep working. But they were so damaged by his efforts that Kid doubted the doctor would really make an attempt. Right now, all he could really do was tell the truth and hope Kid believed him. It was a pretty unbelievable story, but if Law were lying or making shit up just to duck the consequences of his actions, this was a pretty crazy way of doing it.
Kid really didn't think that was the case. Which meant that on some level, he believed Law's story and the motivations for what he'd done. Maybe they were both more screwed up than either of them like to let on. Maybe it was why they'd gotten along so well up to this point.
"This has given me a lot to think about," he said, hesitantly. He felt like a dumbass. He'd never liked people who played games. But he'd learned a lot about the doctor, and if that continued and if Law kept being honest and above-board with him, Kid knew he wanted more of that. He didn't want to say goodbye entirely, because he did love Law. A lot, stupidly. His feelings persisted against his own best interests.
In the end, he scooted out from his seat, standing. "I need to think about this for a while. Get some perspective, y'know?"
"That is entirely reasonable."
"I'll drop you a line in a few days, okay?"
"That sounds good." Law smiled, standing as well. He looked relieved. "I'm surprised you aren't dumping me on the spot."
"Don't tempt me," Kid muttered. He turned and gave a wave, "Catch you later, right?"
"Stay frosty."
Kid almost wanted to pivot on one foot to spear Law with a glare. It was bad enough getting that sorta stupid shit from Bonney, did Law really need to pick up on all her bad habits? Kid could only imagine what she and Killer and all the rest would all have to say about this. He wondered if he really ought to tell them at all - it was Law's private life, after all. He'd trusted Kid with it, and only then after having fucked up so badly that he'd been forced into honesty.
Whatever. Kid could keep the gritty details to himself while still explaining the general state of things to those who mattered. He kinda felt like Law's peripheral involvement in organized crime had the potential to cause real trouble down the line. Or could at least bring the kind of trouble Kid would be much happier to avoid.
For the first time, he felt like the normal one in comparison to Law. And all this time he'd worried that it was his own messed-up life that'd mark him as the weirdo. It wasn't like Law's history negated his own. Maybe they were equally-matched weirdos. It was an oddly comforting thought, knowing that he wouldn't be spending the rest of their relationship together fighting the stigma of being the broken one. They could just limp along together - pathetic, but complementary.
That was assuming a pretty sunny outcome at the end of all of this. It hinged on Kid being willing to forgive Law in the first place. He probably would, an admission that was easy to make but foolish at heart. When it came to Law, Kid was all soft-underbelly and eager forgiveness, the kind that could easily be taken advantage of. Some of the guys he'd dated in the past had gotten away with way more shit than was really healthy, and Kid learned from his mistakes. But when it came to Law, all his best intentions went out the window.
It was still pretty up in the air if Law was a mistake or not. Maybe he was just a guy who made lots of mistakes. Maybe Kid had made a mistake in placing him on a pedestal in the first place, but for the longest time, it'd seemed like Law could do no wrong. It still seemed like that on a number of levels. Kid didn't like seeing his faith so clearly misplaced, but maybe only time would tell on that count. Law had forgiven him for a lot already, and Kid's immediate impulses were to do the same.
Then again, when Law was involved, Kid's impulses were all outta whack. Law made him stupid with how bad he wanted to reset everything back to what they'd once been. Things felt so messy between them, like a tornado had ripped through everything they'd built since they'd met, leaving only splinters and debris.
It would be harder to patch all of that back together than to just walk away and start anew. Kid's only problem in doing so was that he didn't want anyone else. He was pretty sure he'd never want anyone else quite the way he wanted Law, and it scared him. That sort of power in the wrong hands could ruin a person, and Kid wasn't naive enough not to realize how closely they'd already come to that.