The hijacking tortures me. Although it's much better now. I no longer see Katniss as a means of destruction but vital to my survival. I am her she is me we need each other. Greasy Sae provided lunch which Effie feigned to enjoy. The food in the Capitol is so fine, and here in twelve we make due with what we have. We took a car to the train station after lunch and boarded. Haymitch made a beeline to the bar car. Katniss and I sat in the common area upon a long sofa. I lay with my head in her lap and she plays with my hair, curling the ringlets around her fingers. She's gentle, her gray eyes kind. We sit in silence for a while and watch the scenery go by.
"At least this time we're not barrelling to our deaths." Katniss says.
I laugh in reply
"Last time we were the subject of gossip. Me sleeping with you and all."
She laughs
"And we were supposed to be getting married! It was going to happen anyway!"
"Would you?" I say wondering aloud if Katniss would marry me.
"What?" She says apprehensively.
"Marry me?"
She sits silence and I lay on her lap my foot lodged in my mouth.
"Maybe…" She says "Let's be social."
She lifts my head and walks back toward the bar car. I follow feeling idiotic. Haymitch is there with Effie and Katniss's prep team. I have foregone a new prep team, choosing to be like Haymitch and sufficing to appear clean for the audience.
"Sit have a drink!" Haymitch asks cordially.
"Wouldn't want you to drink alone" Katniss says and sits beside him
"No." I reply. I don't believe in inebriants even when embarrassed. I sit at a corner table and look out the window while the others chatter on. I feel moronic. I want Katniss to marry me. I want her to be my wife, to live in a normal way if possible. Children, a home warm with love. I should've known better than to bring it up. Katniss is healing, committing to a life with someone when the stench of death is still so fresh. The world flashes by and at dinner of seafood, pasta, greens, and luscious treats. After we've eaten Katniss takes me by the hand and leads me to her sleeping quarters. We lie down her head peacefully upon my chest, her fingers tracing my abdomen.
"I'm sorry about earlier" I tell her "I let my heart do all the talking sometime."Shh.. she says I understand. I want a life one day, but for now I want to work on healing. We can do that together".
She rolls over and looks me in the eyes smiling slightly. I lay there stoic but on the inside I vacillate wildly. Her hair down rolls down her back as a river, so soft. Her skin pale yet lively warm and soft against me. Her gray eyes smile with her lips, her pink smooth lips and I am taken. I take her by the nape of her neck and lean her down to kiss me. We kiss tongues rolling against each other fluidly. I run my fingers through her hair. With my other hand around her waist I pull her closer to me. I can't get her close enough to me. I want to crawl inside and live there, her warmth enveloping me. Protecting me from the mutts in my mind. I need to taste her, I roll her over and spread her legs. I trail kisses from her down her middle to her beautiful cunt, I part the folds covering her clit and begin to kiss it gently then I lick her all the way down needing to taste her feeding that hunger. She moans, "fuck me". But I am disinclined to appease her. I want something else to feel her in a different way, I return to her clit licking and sucking and I slip my middle and ring finger inside her and pump rhythmically. She pants sighs encouraging me pulling my hair, I quicken my pace and feel her come. I release my fingers and settle my head upon her chest. She once again plays with my ringlets while catching her breath. I must have fallen asleep because when I wake the sun has departed from the sky. Katniss is curled up her breathing suggest sleep. I leave the compartment and find Haymitch as I knew I would in the bar car. My new father figure, I choke on the remainder of my fathers death. He was kind, not like my mother who taught with the back of her hands. She hated Katniss, maybe because my father loved her mother first and maybe did still when he died.
"How are you?" Haymitch asks
"Good"
"What happened to you knuckles?" The ever observant eye of Haymitch did not miss the bandages.
"An episode I punched the wall." I say monotone. Ashamed a bit.
"Are you sure you should be so close with Katniss?"
I snap "I need her, I know she's real. Everything else is what I'm confused about! I know you chose her over me but she's chosen me! It's our business." I don't know what got into me. That was totally uncalled for. When I turn around everyone is staring. I had woke up the train. Effie was actually make-up and wigless. She was pretty without, blonde, tan. Katniss with tears in her eyes.
"You're real to me too Peeta." She says this in front of everyone. "The boy with the bread, the boy who gave me the pearl." She reaches in her pocket and reveals the pearl I gave her on the beach. I stand bewildered by my outburst.
"I...I…."
"You don't need to explain" Said Haymitch "I worry about you too, you and Katniss are all I have"
Tears are streaming down all our faces. This moment is so bizarre Haymitch's inquiry wasn't anything inappropriate. I was. I embraced Haymitch who returned my hug. Katniss placed her hand on my back and led me back to the bedroom. Where I sobbed into her arms. And she sang "Deep in the meadow under the willow…"