"Quiet!" whispered Zack to his crew, as Chip sailed through slowly and quietly. "We don't know what could be out there."
Behind him, the toons had white sheets over them and they were designed like ghosts.
Without looking, Zack smiled and said, "This is no time for horror parodies, guys."
"Boy, this guy is so hard to make him laugh," moaned Daffy under his breath.
"Shh!" ordered Zack. "Can you hear that?"
There was some singing in the background.
"What's that singing?" asked Lola.
"I don't know, but i-i-it's p-pr-pr – beautiful," said a calm Porky.
"Sirens," whispered Zack. "Boys, to the kitchen! Girls, stay on deck and run the ship for me!"
"What?" shouted the girls.
"You girls are in command of the ship and I'll let you pick who want to be captain this time," said Zack.
The male cartoons went into the kitchen. Zack was about to close the doors behind him, when he had just had one last command to give. "Girls, one last thing," said Zack. "Give Chip's face some make-up."
"What?" Before the girls could ask Zack what he meant, he and the males had vanished.
"Well, what do we do now?" asked Melissa.
"Like, we need to vote for a captain," said Shirley.
"And here's your contestant," said Babs in a female pirate-like voice. She wore a pirate's hat, patch eye, coat, boats and skirt. "Well, don't just stand there! Get to work, you sea monsters!"
"Like, who voted for you?" asked Shirley.
"Me," replied Babs.
"I have been helmsduck since we left the cruise," Melissa pointed out. "I was hoping someone else would take over."
While most of the girls were arguing, Lola noticed that Fifi was not with them. "Girls!" she shouted. "Anyone seen Fifi?"
"Oh, la, la!" cried the voice of Fifi. Everyone turned to the bow and saw the purple skunk. "Mon petite skunk hunk!"
There everyone saw there was another skunk. He was blue, strong and… CGI!
"Girls, give Chip's face some make-up now!" ordered Lola. They quickly obeyed.
"Hold me!" cried Fifi, as she charged for the male skunk. Then she tried to catch him, but he vanished into thin air and she fell over the side. Lola managed to catch her just in time.
"Where did he go?" asked Fifi.
"He's a siren!" Lola told her, as she put her back down.
A whistle came and Fifi saw the skunk sitting on the side. He patted on the empty space next to him.
"Wait for me!" cried the purple skunk.
Lola tried to catch her but she saw that the girls had been seduced by male sirens. Shirley was looking at a male blonde white bird wearing a blue jumper. Babs had her eyes on a rabbit that was an orange version of Buster and he wore a yellow jumper. A white version of Daffy was luring Melissa to him.
Lola realised she was the only one left. She quickly ran to the kitchen. Then she bumped into someone – a purple male rabbit that looked a lot of Bugs.
"You lost, doll?" said the rabbit siren.
Lola's eyes lit up with flames as she stood up, trying to not look at the siren. "Don't call me…" But she couldn't take her eyes off the siren. "…doll," she finished, speaking like a zombie.
The siren was about to touch her, but then another "woman" got in her way.
"Don't choose her!" said a black cat, dressed in a yellow dress and putting on a female voice. "Take me!"
Lola saw a black and white tail from under the dress. Sylvester? she mouthed.
"No, take me!" squeaked a very high female voice. Lola looked up to Sylvester's head and saw Tweety painted in purple and wearing a green ribbon.
The siren rabbit turned Sylvester around and saw Tweety. "I'm sorry, conjoined twins, but I just can't choose between you two."
Meanwhile, all the sirens were attracted to the new "girls" walking on deck. The real girls could tell that the boys had dressed up like women. Daffy wore a white dress and a blonde wig.
"Wow! Marilyn Monroe!" cried the duck siren. He pushed Melissa away and charged for Daffy. "I thought you were dead, Marilyn!" he exclaimed happily, as he grabbed Daffy. "Are you going to be in any more movies?"
Daffy turned aside. "Not if I get kissed by him cause I'd be too embarrassed to show my face again," he moaned to the audience quietly.
Porky wore a duchess's pink dress and ginger wig. He was greeted by a male pig siren wearing upper-class clothes. He was holding a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. "Hey, madam, you are just my type of girl," he said in a posh voice, grabbing Porky. "Would you like to spend more time with me?"
"N-n-n-n-…" spluttered Porky, trying to talk his way out of it.
"Oh, come on, don't be shy," said the siren pig.
Then out from the kitchen came Buster wearing a giant red dress and wearing black wing in the shape of a butterfly, Plucky wearing a woman's black tank top and a blonde wig shaped like two daggers on each side of his head and Hamton wearing a brown hair wig and a purple bikini top and sarong.
Last but not least, Zack came out wearing a long black hair wig and a woman's yellow tank top and a woman's blue jeans. He went to Chip's face. "I see you haven't had no make-up," he said in a female voice. He got a make-up kit and made Chip look more girly.
"What are you doing?" asked Zack.
"Sirens are creatures that lure men to their deaths," Zack told him in his girly voice. "So I figured if we have to dress up and act like woman, we could avoid them. If these guys don't ruin it."
"Hey, you don't want her!" said Buster in a female seductive voice, passing Babs and walking to the orange rabbit siren. "You want me!"
"What are you doing?" snapped Babs to Buster under her breath. "You haven't turned – "
"Shh!" Buster snapped back under his breath. "I'm trying to save your life from this!"
"What, with those clothes that don't match and that feeble fake voice? Come on, Buster! Is that the best you can – "
"Buster?" the rabbit siren gasped. "You're a male?"
All the sirens stopped what they were doing and looked at the bunnies.
"Way to go, Barbara Ann Bunny!" Buster scoffed.
Babs growled. "Call me that one time and I'll – "
Then more sirens came onboard. The female love interests of the male sirens, this time! They searched around the crew, but because they were all wearing female clothes make-up, no one could tell who was what. And the toons themselves were not seduced by them anymore. It seemed Zack's plan had worked.
"Well, guys," said Zack in his normal voice. "You've been searching my ship for about two hours now and you've found nothing. Why don't you go and find some other ship?"
"Okay," said the white duck siren. He began to walk away, but the white rabbit siren grabbed him and stopped him.
"Oh, we've just got one last thing to do," the purple rabbit siren said.
"Oh, yeah! And just what is that?" asked Daffy.
The sirens' eyes glowed red and their faces grew meaner and uglier.
"You had to ask," moaned Melissa.
The sirens chased Zack and his crew around Chip.
The toons had their few tricks up their sleeves.
Melissa threw a bucket of oil behind her. The sirens chasing her slipped on the oil and got stuck on it.
A squad of male sirens saw Lola standing on the next to the mast. She stood like a model and it looked like she was willing to turn herself in. The sirens laughed and walked quickly to her. Then – CRACK! – they fell down into the cells of the ship.
"I made that hole myself," Lola said to the audience. Then she turned to Chip. "You ever catch any prisoners before you were jarred up, Chip?"
"No, I was the ugly duckling of the English fleet in the 16th Century," Chip told her. "When Ireland was ruled by the British."
The Tiny Toons were cornered on the starboard side by the "tiny sirens".
"Like, what are we going to do?" yelled Shirley.
Buster saw the orange rabbit siren walked on the wooden floor and he saw the cracks of the planks. When he got on the end of the plank next to Buster, the blue bunny got out a hammer and hit the other end. That sent the siren bunny up and down and back.
"Grab a hammer each and let's get hammering," ordered Buster.
The Tiny Toons got out a hammer and hit their ends of the planks, sending the tiny sirens away from them.
Sylvester and Tweety built a model of a female white cat for the ginger male cat siren, as there was no female cat siren on Chip. He walked to the model and kissed it. Then he saw its "skin" fell off to reveal the cat was a model of bombs and dynamites! BOOM!
"Where did all these props come from?" moaned the cat siren.
"Well, Warner Bros. can afford all of this stuff in their movies," said the pig siren.
"No, I meant how they get all this stuff from an old ship," said the cat siren.
"Maybe it's just a hole in the plot," thought the pig siren. "These toons do it all the time."
As time went on, the toons were running out of tricks and they and Zack were trapped in front of Chip's face.
"You should know that you can never outsmart us sirens," said the purple rabbit siren.
"Although they have more success than others before," said the white duck siren. "I'd say they deserve some credit."
The purple rabbit siren slapped him on the beak. Then he turned to our heroes. "Well, any last words?"
"Don't look behind you," said Zack in his confident voice.
The sirens looked behind them and back to them. "There's nothing behind us! What kind of last words are – "
Then they stopped, gasped and looked back again. There stood a live-action dark creature. Its bottom half was a big fish tail, while the top half was a black jumper and gloves with a black mask covering up a human head. Next to it was a tiny grey cartoon dolphin. The dolphin wore a purple dress and pink ribbon on her head. The Tiny Toons thought there was something familiar about her.
"Well, well, well," said the white rabbit siren. "If it's isn't the Sirenbusters! How are you doing, fish babe?"
"You know what happens when you call me that." The covered-up creature's voice was female and English.
"Bring it on!" said the pig siren.
"As you wish," said the figure. She got out a laser thing that was linked to something behind her back, like the Ghostbusters' proton packs. She turned it on.
"You're just trying to scare us," the white duck siren chuckled.
"Yeah, you can't fool us with that Ghostbusters toy," laughed the purple rabbit siren.
The figure fired her thing and out came a wooden net that landed on the sirens and trapped them.
"Ghostbusters toy, my… fins!" shouted the figure. "I created this myself, didn't I, Nell?"
The dolphin, which was called Nell, looked at the figure and nodded.
Zack and the toons were unsure about what was going on. They were glad the sirens were taken care of, but they didn't seem to trust the dark figure and her dolphin.
The figure picked up the net and she spun the sirens around and around, like Yosemite Sam spins his lasso around. Then they were sent up high in the sky.
"So long!" cried the figure. "That's what your flight is going to be – so long!"
The Captain drew out his sword and walked to the dark figure. "Listen!" he ordered. "Take that thing off your back and swim away."
"My invention!" snapped the dark figure. "I do what I like with it! Also I have put patent pending on it."
"Right! You were warned!" shouted Zack, as he drew his sword to strike, but he was stopped by another sword held by the dark figure.
"Nell, take the helm!" the figure shouted to the dolphin.
Nell nodded as she hopped over the helm.
"Get away from there, little girl!" warned Chip. "You don't know what you are doing!" But Nell was busy operating the helm.
The toons had been watching everything, but didn't know what they could do. Then Daffy saw Nell at the helm.
"Come on, guys!" he cried. "Let's get that dolphin away!"
Then they all ran for Nell and shouting her to get away from the helm. But, without looking, the dolphin got out a device with a blue button on it. She pressed it and a see-through blue shield appeared around her and the helm.
Now matter how strong the sledgehammers or how powerful the drills or how deadly the dynamite were, the toons were doing more damage to themselves rather than the shield.
Meanwhile, Zack had been chasing the dark figure with his sword through the entire ship. When the figure took a few moments to catch her breath, he finally managed to catch and hold her at the mast.
"Let's see who's behind the mask," said Zack. He took the cover off and it was the last person he'd expected it to be, but the first person he wanted to see. The figure's face was white and pale and had blue eyes and ginger hair.
"Diamond?" said Zack.
"Zack?" said the mermaid.
This made them remember the last time they were together…
Fifteen years ago, it was the tenth day since Jack tied Dia and Zack together on the mast and sent them away so they don't interfere with their schemes and help Eric in any kind of way. It was raining heavily too. They were starving and had just survived by drinking the rain water, not the sea water.
"You can go on without me, Dia," said Zack. "I'll find my own way somehow."
"Don't be silly," said Dia. "I know the seas and everything in it."
"Because you live in it," moaned Zack.
Then a giant wave flipped the raft they were on over and they were upside down. Another tidal wave flipped the raft back and Zack coughed. He saw that he was on his own.
"Dia? Dia!" he cried, but he was alone and he never saw his girlfriend ever again…
…until today.
"Wow! Fifteen years!" they exclaimed together.
The ship rocked. "Hey, Captain, am I interrupting something?" cried Chip.
"Do you still trust me?" Dia asked Zack.
"I guess," replied Zack.
"Get our heroes away from the shield," Dia ordered.
The toons were still hysterically trying to break the shield.
"Crew! Step away from the shield!" Zack ordered.
The toons turned around and began to protest.
"That's an order!" he shouted.
With that, the toons walked away.
"All right, Nell!" shouted Dia. "Let's go them home!"
Through the shield, Nell heard her and pressed the red button on her device.
Everyone heard rumbling. They turned to see a little cave in the middle of the sea. In the middle, a rock was opening like a crocodile's mouth.
"Where are we going?" asked Sylvester.
"Trust us," said Zack. "She's a big fan of you guys as much as I am and she wouldn't lead us to anywhere dangerous."
"Can we at least panic?" asked Daffy. "Just to make us feel better."
"Fine," sighed Zack. Then everyone panicked and screamed.
Even a fine old military ship like Chip was scared. He was about to enter the cave. He shut his eyes. He saw nothing and heard nothing but screaming. Then the screaming stopped.
"Are we dead?" asked Chip. He opened his eyes and saw that he was inside the crystal-light lit-up hand-drawn animated cave. And that his crew was alive and well. He parked next to the dock. Nell hopped off to tie the ship.
"Wow! That was amazing, Dia," smiled Zack.
"Not as amazing as you," said Dia, wrapping her tail around his body. She kissed him!
The toons were watching them and were so confused by this event. Porky even fainted.
"Zis zory zis getting very zrange, no?" thought Fifi.
"Oh, of course," said Dia. "You'll want a tour of Dolphin Grotto. Just a minute."
She let go of Zack, took her black jumper off, revealing that she was wearing an orange bikini top, and jumped in a pair of strange large blue mechanical jeans. She then put on her glasses which were shaped like shells.
"Are those techno jeans?" asked Zack.
"Yep," replied Dia. "I've even got Julian Knott's techno trousers theme."
She pressed the blue button and the music played. Then she pressed the red button and the techno jeans moved like Wallace and Gromit's techno trousers.
"Well, don't just stand there, guys," said Zack, preparing to leave Chip. "Let's follow the tour guide."
The toons just didn't know what to do. They have been through many crazy adventures, but this kicks the butt out of all of them.
"What do we do now?" asked Melissa.
"The best thing to do is just follow the live-action captain and his live-action girlfriend," said Lola. "Come on."
They walked off Chip.
"Don't worry, Chip," said Zack, as he got off. "If I see anything you might like, I'll get it for you."
"Well, I suppose it's better than being stuck up in a jar for half a millennium," Chip told himself.
Two hours later, he muttered, "I might as well be in that jar again. I'm so bored! There's no one around or going to come!"
Then a large cartoon white marine boat arrived. Out of it came a dolphin wearing a black jacket, white shirt and blue tie. He was a paper-cut animated dolphin, animated just like South Park, and he was on the phone.
"Well, that's not good enough, you moron!" the dolphin shouted on the phone. "Just tell the employees to accept the time changes wherever they're happy or not!" He turned his phone off.
Two more white marine boats came up and out of each one came out a paper-cut animated dolphin. One was female wearing a purple dress, while the young one was male with spiky hair and was wearing a red shirt saying, 'Look Up To Me! I'm Your Best Role Model!'
The dolphins jumped off their boats and hopped away.
"What's your problem?" asked the father rudely.
"I have just stood still for that Dolp magazine about fourteen hours today," moaned the mother.
"And I have sung twenty of my songs at the Reef Stadium," said the son.
"So what are you complaining about?" snapped the father. "You're the most successful singer in the whole Coral Sea…"
Luckily, during their arguing and shouting at each other, they didn't notice Chip. The ship wanted to help his crew, but what could he do to help? He was an old ship. He had no phone, no radio signal or anything to warn them. The only thing he could do was say, "God help them!"
The dolphins silently and coldly hopped to the elevator. It went up about three floors and they hopped through the corridors of their home. The lit-up shells help them see and hop their way through sandy floors. Above them were the shell-framed portraits of their ancestors if they ever cared to look up at them.
"Diamond!" they cried. They opened a coral-made door and hopped through the sunken wooden room, where only Diamond and Nell were sitting on their pillar-coral made beds.
"Diamond! Nell!" shouted the mother. "Where have you been?"
"We three work so hard all day whereas you just sit and lie around all today and you can't even prepare a meal for us?" shouted the boy.
"If the dining room has no food in about five minutes..." the father warned. Then he slammed the door behind him.
"Okay, guys, the coast is clear!" Dia shouted.
Apart from the two beds, there was only two little ship windows and a lamp like a pillar reef. Zack and the toons came out from under the beds. The boys were out of their girly make-up and clothes and back into their normal clothes. Zack had his jacket off and was wearing his yellow sleeveless shirt.
"That's your stepfamily?" asked Zack.
"And Nell's, too," added Dia.
"What kind of family adopts and gives you a lot of trash, while they have the best for themselves?" moaned Daffy.
"Who says they have the best?" asked Dia. She pulled a level down. Out of the walls turned cream white and the glass shell lights in the whole grotto appeared. Out of the now-tiled floor came a glass table and with glass chairs. And a soft white mat appeared up too. Finally, but not least, came a bookcase, a giant TV and a cabinet of drinks, including milkshakes and soda pops for the Tiny Toons. They were standing in the best room of the whole grotto.
"Did you d-d-d-d make all this b-b-b-b on your own?" asked Porky.
"Well, I can't take all the credit," said Dia. "Nell helped me and these John Lewis magazines gave me the ideas."
"Where did you get all this stuff?" asked Buster.
"Well, people keep throwing stuff in the sea and damaging the marine life," Dia said. "Nell and I just find what we can, take it back here and put it to good use."
"Well, let's put them to good use ourselves," said Daffy. "Let's chill out and relax."
And all the toons walked and partied around the room.
"Follow me," Dia said to Zack.
He followed her to a glass door which she opened. They walked out onto the balcony of the paper-cut animated grotto and looked at the live-action nightfall on the Australian Sea.
"It's so beautiful," said Zack. "I have never seen a more amazing place."
"Not even in your life in America where you were friends with Yokko, Wakko and Dot and Freakazoid and all the Animaniacs?" asked Dia. "Anyone would have loved the life you had."
Zack remembered his first day in America.
The Warner Siblings were on a beach. While Yokko and Dot were sun-bathing, Wakko was fishing.
"I can taste the fish already!" he cried. Then he turned to the audience. "That's because I'm eating all the little prawns I bought from the supermarket."
He caught many things. First, he could a drowned, full-of-holes boat, then he caught a rusty kettle, then he caught a surfboard – only the top end – and then he caught a glass bottle and opened it, thinking it was a treasure map. On the paper, he read, "'A sergeant orders a soldier to give him twenty push ups and the soldiers says, "Sir, push up twenty what, sir?' What kind of joke is that? Must be when the world had no sense of humour!"
He scrunched it up and threw it away. Then he got his rod and threw it in the sea. Five seconds later, his hook went down. He tried to pull it up, but it was too strong.
"Guys, come and give me a hand!" he cried to his family.
Yokko and Dot ran to him and held him, as he tried to pull the thing up. They all fell down and saw the thing in front of them was a ten-year-old Zack.
"Hi, guys," smiled Zack. "I'm just spoofing Steven's An American Tail."
Later, he was taken to see Dr. Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse. As he had no family, he was transported to the Acme Orphanage in Washington D.C. When he was living in England, the orphanage was empty with only Eric Epic. But this orphanage had lots of cartoon human kids and kittens and puppies and other creatures. He could never be alone, despite being the only live-action person.
He went to Harry Connick High School where he became friends with Dexter Douglas and they stayed friends until they went to Harvard University. All that time he was checked on by Scratchansniff, Hello Nurse and the Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister, as they all (including the entire Animaniacs cast) were living in Washington after leaving Burbank since their show ended.
Then he went to join the Metropolitan Police Force and had become a success at such a young age and moved into a rusty ship in the docks with Rita and Runt.
"Yeah? Well, they can have it," said Zack. "Seeing their shows with you all those years ago were the best things that has ever happened to me."
"Me, too," said Dia. "And also with Eric. I miss him so just as much as I have missed you."
"Yeah, I have, too," Zack said, looking away from her, because he didn't want to see his worried face.