We roused from our nap in time to shower and prepare for the evenings fish fry. I wore a plain white v-neck t-shirt and fitted jeans with sneakers. Katniss wore black harem pants and a black and white cropped t-shirt which were given to her by Cinna. Practically everything she wears was a gift from Cinna as her chosen "talent" was fashion. We meet the others. Effie not in full Capitol regalia, but more made up than normal her lashes were false and long, her lips were red and she wore a blue jumpsuit similar to Diamonds and wedge sandals. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back. Johanna looked pretty she wore a floral mini sundress with gladiator sandals, her brown hair tousled. Haymitch and I looks practically identical.
"I can't wait to eat that fish you caught!" Haymitch said ribbing me.
"Oooh! Me too!" Effie concurred.
An attendant came to direct us to the restaurant in the center of the compound. Rather than sitting in a large dining room we were directed outside where strings of lights were hung overhead, a large firepit was lit in the middle of the courtyard. Tables were set up adorned with food, vats of boiled crawfish, oysters on the half shell, fried delicacies. On a platter rested the marlin I snagged earlier seared and delicious in appearance. A staff member approached us.
"Let me show ye how to eat the crawdad's. It's a staple round heya."
His long gray hair was braided back, directed us to a vat of crawfish and served us each a few.
"Ye pop off thur heds and suck out the innards" He proceeded to demonstrate
"Sweet!" Johanna beamed.
Effie looked horrified. Haymitch, Katniss, and I joined in. The crustaceans were delicious, part sweet and salty. Effie chose to eat hers like crab legs. The other guests appeared to be Capitol residents as well. All wearing fine clothes although not fully made up. Johanna, Haymitch, and Effie drank cherry wine, while Katniss and I stuck to sparkling water. We gorged ourselves. The ready appetites of ourselves and the other guests seemed to make our hosts happy. A woman with bronze hair and blue eyes served us the marlin.
"Thought the man of the hour should get his first choice at his catch." She said
Her accent wasn't thick like the others working here. We all gratefully took from the fish and ate until we couldn't stand.
"How old are you Effie?" Johanna asked. This wasn't necessarily polite, as manners were the cornerstone of Effie's world.
She straightened and cleared her throat.
"I'm just asking because fresh faced you look so young." Johanna added.
"I'm almost thirty." She said dryly.
The age gap between her and Haymitch is significant. She must have had a schoolgirl crush all these years hustling about. She's now living her schoolgirl fantasy I thought to myself. I don't think Haymitch has particularly strong romantic feelings for her. She fills the void of emptiness gaping within him. She adds structure to all our lives, she's good looking, and familiar. He to some extent needs her. Johanna smiled.
"Nabbed you a sugar daddy huh?" She teased.
"She got plenty of her own sugar" Haymitch added.
Effie now visibly blushed.
"Okay we'll cut it out." Johanna said. I think she feels bad that we're always teasing Effie. It must get old from her being the butt of all our jokes.
I can't help but notice Katniss has fallen silent. Fog has settled over her gray eyes as she gazes into the distance, her mind far away. I squeeze her hand.
"Want to walk of all this food?" I ask her
She nods her head. As we walk I slip an arm around her. She maintains her silence until she can no longer conceal the soft sounds of her tears.
"I really am having a good time, and I really am happy it's just… I look at all this and I think of the arena. The beach the only place where we were safe from the hourly horrors. I think about our last meal there, and I miss it strange as it may seem."
I can understand this. Once you've been in the arena you take on a mentality that won't leave you. There was some safety there in knowing you're going to die. Things are set, fighting to die for a purpose. Me for Katniss, Katniss for me. There weren't the feelings we cope with now. The anger, the lost youth, the nightmares which bring dread every evening. I begin aloud.
"That's how I like to remember Finnick. Not the Capitol sex pot, or the soldier. The man in his element, fishing as though it were just his nature. A merman. That was the night we kissed on the beach. I thought that was my last night on Earth and that I couldn't have imagined a better way to go."
Katniss nods she sniffs up her tears.
"Am I ruining the vacation by being sad?" She asks girlishly. I laugh gently.
"No. We've all been scarred by the games. We all understand. I understand" I lift her chin to look at me.
In my heart I feel aching pleading. I want to melt her into me, to remove her burden and put it on my shoulders. I gently stroke the pearl and ring necklace around her neck. I want so badly for her to only be mine. I then stroke her braid, she looked so beautiful to me in the arena, so worth dying for. She still is. I scoop her in close and kiss her. I put my forehead against hers and hold her.
"I never left that beach. I never left that cave." I whisper
"I know" She replies
"You loved me there… real or not real?"
"Real" She says.
Those memories of the cave, of the beach, the pearl aren't convoluted like the other memories are. Rather they stick in my mind with vividness. I think even when I was hijacked I struggled to reconcile those memories with the implanted reality of Katniss as a villainess.
"Do you want to go back to the party?" I ask her
"No." She replies
"Do you want me?"
"Yes."
I scoop her up and carry her to our cottage. Where I lay her down on our bed like a babe. I sit beside her and I stroke her face, I examine every inch of skin and plant kisses on her forehead, her nose, her lips. She opens her mouth to allow my tongue inside. I maneuver on top of her balancing on my forearms. Her small soft hands move down my body, stroking the course hair on my chest tracing the ripples in my abdomen, tracing a finger back and forth at the hem of my pants. It's impossible to take I shutter and sigh into her mouth. I then slip a hand under her shirt and massage a supple breast rolling her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. I look into her eyes as I do this watching the sadness lift and hunger set in. My hungry girl, my hungry girl only I can feed. I lift her shirt and suck her nipple causing her back to arch. I inch her pants down and remove them one leg at a time. We're both panting, I'm so full and hard I want to explode. I put her legs on my shoulders and lower to her cunt. It's sweet and wet and I lick what she has to give me. I nibble and suck her clit and massage her insides with my fingers.
"Please… please fuck me." She begs
I comply. I remove my pants and roll her over onto her stomach I lay on top of her and slid inside her. I wrap her braid around my hand and breath into her ear as I thrust feeling her warmth around me. I whisper to her.
"God you feel so good. I've never felt anything like you, I've never tasted anything like you. Fuck Katniss, you have me." I push farther into her, entering her fully. "All of me"
She moans. I withdraw from her and roll her over wrapping her legs around my neck so I can reach deeper inside her. She lets out a long moan as I slowly reenter her as far as I can go. I look her in the eyes my whole body feels good.
"Peeta… Peeta… I think I might come."
"Good." I tell her. I want to feel her come watch her as she writhes. I want her to say my name so the universe knows she's mine. "Do it." I say as I feel her contracting around me. "Do it. Say it."
"Peeta! Peeta! You're making me come."
The animal inside me takes hold.
"Fuck" I feel myself growing harder more full. Her nails dig into my back and claw downward. The pain feels so good. My muscles tighten. "Katniss." I come. My thrusting slows as I give her what I have. "I love you." I lay in a heap on top of her catching my breath. I roll over and she places her head on my chest.
"Thank you, for having me." She says.
"It's you who have me." I tell her. She drifts to sleep in her satisfaction hands above her head completely relaxed, the necklace the only thing she wears. I pull out my sketch pad and pencil and draw her. She's peaceful, tranquil. I need to keep this moment. There's a knock at the door. It's Johanna peeking through the window. I slip on a pair of shorts and cover Katniss's nakedness. I open the door.
"I can't sleep." She tells me.
"Give me a minute." I tell her
I rouse Katniss and she pulls on my t-shirt. We open the door and allow Johanna in.
"Everytime I close my eyes I see the faces of the people I killed."
Johanna the silent assassin.
"It was in the arena Johanna. It was you or them" Katniss tells her.
Tears are streaming down her face.
"No. Not in the arena. In the Capitol." She says.
Neither of us know what to say we're shocked.
"After I won my games, they did to me what they did to Finnick. Pimped me to the highest bidder. There was this one man a higher up in the government. He had sick needs. He would tie me down and put things in me, hit me until I bled." She stopped for a moment. "He fucked me in the ass. He said he was punishing me for killing. I shouldn't have killed those people. After one brutal night he ripped me open and I had to go to the clinic to be sewn back shut. He paid the doctors and nurses off to keep their mouths shut. I snuck into his house with an axe. I chopped his dick off, before I slit his throat." She's almost in hysterics. "I just couldn't take anymore. In the Capitol when we were being tortured, one of the doctors came to assess my condition after I had inhaled water when they were attempting to extract information. I almost died. The doctor was the same one who sewed me shut. I blacked out, I strangled him to death before Peacekeepers could pull me off him. I feel rotten on the inside. Look at what they turned me into!" She screamed the last part. Katniss held her.
"I understand." I said "Some people are so sick. You had to survive Johanna. It was no different than the arena."
She fell silent looking at me.
"I had to survive." She repeated.
Katniss held her and rocked her. We both know all too well the reality of what the evening brings for us.
"Have I ruined the trip?" She asks.
Katniss laughs.
"No. Not at all. Tomorrow we're gonna eat the fuck out of more shrimp, and you'll drink mimosa's."
Johanna smiles at this.
"Kick ass. Mind if I smoke?"
"No not at all" I say and take a cigarette as well. We fall asleep one by one. Johanna, then Katniss, then me. Katniss sleeps in the middle of the bed and we all hold each other, keeping the bad memories at bay, forming a new good one.