***Hey everybody, can I just say OMG you guys! You gave me the most reviews for one chapter I ever received...17! It's unbelievable and I love every one of you and appreciate every single review. I'm sorry I'm so bad at updating. But I WILL finish this story, and my others, I promise. So please don't give up on me!***

"This shit is hard," Ashley spoke out loud to no one but herself. She was losing it, she knew it, and now she had resorted to talking to herself on top of it. Well, I am pretty awesome, at least I can appreciate myself for it. She rolled off of the spot on the couch which she had made into her bed for the ninety minutes or so she had since she fed Violet last. This kid eats every two and a half hours, it takes forty five minutes to feed her, so that leaves one hour and forty-five minutes to sleep or do anything in between, ugh. Ashley groggily pattered over to the bassinet she had placed in the room with her, and leaned over to pick up a screaming Violet.

"You really love to eat, huh baby?" Her voice turned sweet the moment she saw her daughter. She scooped her up and brought her back to the couch to nurse her. This shit is hard too, Ashley thought as she positioned Violet against her body so that she could eat. Maybe she wasn't able to give her enough milk to satisfy her. Maybe that's why she was constantly hungry. It wasn't like a bottle, where you could measure the formula to a line and know exactly how much she had eaten with a little mathematical equation when she was finished. It was a fleshy boob, no see through walls there. Maybe she could get one of those pump things, pump the milk, and then feed her out of a bottle. As tedious as nursing was, there was something special about it, a sweet bond that she only felt when experiencing those moments, and maybe some day, she would wish she could have these moments again.

Ashley could feel herself drifting off as she held her baby across her lap, with only the occasional hard tugging on her skin bringing her back into the moment. Looking down at Violet, it seemed her baby had drifted off to sleep as well, using her body only as a pacifier at this point. Ashley stood, carefully transferring Violet back to the bassinet so that she wouldn't wake her, before heading into the bathroom to take a shower, something she hadn't done in a couple of days, something she used to do every day. She left the door open, just in case she heard the baby waking up.

Standing in front of the mirror, Ashley stripped herself of her old, faded t-shirt. Her baggy sweatpants hung low on her hips, probably about three sizes too big now. Her bra, hiding somewhere beneath the swell of her new larger breasts, probably about three sizes too small now. She stared at her face, pursing her lips at the abomination in front of her. Her hair, nothing but a matted mess, was sticking up in several different directions, while flattened on the side of her head that she had been sleeping on. Her eyes were sunken in, purple circles camped out beneath them. She looked down at her stomach, that was one thing that was starting to look better instead of worse. Right after she had Violet is was a loose, jiggly mess of skin, like a balloon that had lost it's air. But now it was tighter against her body, a small soft pillow and the only physical reminder of her pregnancy. She stared hard into the mirror, searching for any sign of her former self and sighed. Maybe that's a good thing. She took the rest of her clothes off before slipping into the much needed shower and leaned her back against the tiled wall, turning the water on as hot as she could possibly stand it. Just ten minutes, that's all she needed, just a few minutes to pull herself together so she could start all over again.

She hadn't let herself think since Mark had moved them to their new place. She had only been going through the motions, immersing herself in Violet and living just one hour at a time. Mark had moved them to a small house in Walnut Creek, a small town a little over an hour west of Charming. It wasn't the ocean, but it was closer to it, and she actually had found the quaint little town beautiful in it's own way. It would be a great place to raise Violet, close enough for Mark to commute to work, and far enough to be out of the outlaw/gang life she didn't want her daughter to ever be a part of.

But now that they were farther away, Mark was barely home and Ashley often wondered why that didn't bother her. Staying home with the baby alone was really taking a toll on her, and she would have expected to crave some help and adult company. But something had changed in Mark since Violet was born, something she couldn't put her finger on just yet, which left her content in dealing with everything alone. She wouldn't change it for the world though, she loved Violet more than she thought she could ever love anyone, and the wonderful part about their love, it was forever.

Ashley sighed, stepping out from the shower and grabbing the towel she had left herself on the counter. She quickly dressed and made her way back out to the couch. Maybe she could get a little sleep in before her six week old baby screamed bloody murder to eat once again.

Six weeks. It had been six weeks since Jax had seen his daughter and it had been the longest six weeks of his life. When he found out that Ashley and the baby were gone, he had visited every hospital in an hours radius. But the time he could search for them was limited, between the club and Abel, he didn't have too much free time to look without drawing attention to himself, and that left him with a feeling in the pit of his stomach that as much as he tried to ignore it, it only continued to grow and nag at him.

And it wasn't only that, after Donna's death he wanted answers. Seeing his best friend broken the way he was, and the type of pain that came from that, it was one that he'd been feeling a lot of lately. It was something that felt like guilt. He had stopped at the police station not long after the murder to talk to Unser and see if he had any news about it. Unser had shrugged him off, telling him there were no new developments and as he went to leave, David Hale, an officer he had gone to high school with, asked to talk to him privately. David had told him that Opie had been set up to look like a rat to the club and suggested that maybe Clay found out and ordered to have him killed, that maybe Donna was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was something about the way he said it, something that made sense considering everything that had been going on recently. So Jax confronted Clay, asking for his honesty. But Clay denied it. He knew that Clay was capable of it though, he saw it in his eyes when he spoke about Ashley. And if he could order his best friend be killed, kill his wife by mistake and go on like nothing, what could he do to Ashley? And would he do something to the baby too? It made Jax question everything, it made him feel sick.

He thought about his best friend, everything that he had gone through for the club, all that he had sacrificed. He had come out of prison determined not to come back to SAMCRO, but Jax had convinced him otherwise. And now, Donna was dead and he couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. He loved Opie, he loved him so much that he couldn't tell him what David Hale suggested, what he knew in his heart was true. He couldn't bring him any more pain than he was already feeling. Everything was going to hell, turning to dust the minute he tried to grasp it in his hands.

He was getting stressed, feeling the anxiety from the weight of everything that was going on. He slowed down and pulled his bike over to the side of the road, he had almost made it to Teller-Morrow, but he just needed a quick smoke in peace before he had to face everyone again. Placing his white sneaker on the curb for support, he pulled the pack of cigarettes out and dumped one into his hand. Lighting it up he leaned back, letting the nicotine work itself deep into his lungs and held it there, keeping it captive for as long as he could stand, before allowing it to escape back out. He looked around at his small town, it was really so unassuming, a real fucking Leave it to Beaver neighborhood. If anyone was just driving through, they would never believe the stories this place had to offer. He noticed a tan Cutlass Supreme pulling to a stop on the opposite side of the road. His mind flashed, never seeing a car like that around here before and wondered if it could be one of the Mayans. Clay had claimed one of them were responsible for Donna and of course Opie retaliated. Jax continued to eye the car, his mind peaked with curiosity. He would be ready for whatever they were bringing back to Charming.

Jax jumped off his bike, flicking the cigarette away and swiftly jogging across the street. His hand landed on the gun tucked inside the back waistband of his jeans. When he was about 100 feet away, the driver's side door opened and a clean cut man in a suit and tie stepped out, heading right into the coffee house the car was parked in front of. Jax almost stopped then, preparing to turn around and finish heading to the garage. But as he got closer, he could see someone very familiar in the passenger side front seat. An insane sense of glee washed over him as he got closer and he pulled his gun in front of him.

"Imagine the chances, running into you barely a block from the garage," He said as he squatted down to look through the driver's open window, waving his gun carelessly inside the car as he leaned in nonchalantly. It worked, Mark's eyes were instantly drawn to it before they flickered over to Jax's smiling face.

"Nice to see you Teller." Mark answered, appearing to be trying his hardest to keep his emotions in check.

"Is it?" Jax's grin spread wider, he could feel his self control evaporating every second he had to look into this piece of shit's eyes. "How's my kid doing?" He stared at him hard, almost unwilling to give him the opportunity to answer.

It was so quick he almost missed it, but Mark's eyes flicked back to something behind him before he answered, "My kid is doing great, if that's what you're asking," Mark responded with a smile of his own. Was he fucking serious, suddenly feeling brave? That skinny shit would probably wet his pants before Jax even got a punch in. Jax straightened up and decided a bullet wasn't enough, this asshole needed his ass beat and what better place than in the middle of Main Street, Charming. He went to stick his gun inside his pants so he could pull Mark out of the car when he heard a familiar click behind his ear, one he'd heard directed at him more than once before. One that only turned his grin more lethal.

"It's time you got on your way Teller. We wouldn't want a reason to bring you in, now would we?" Mark's partner spoke to him harshly behind his back, pressing the barrel of the gun into the base of his skull.

Almost every part of him just wanted to take his chances and rip Mark out anyway. But there was something holding him back. Just enough to let him know that the consequences wouldn't be worth the actions, that he would never get what he was searching for if he handled it that way.

But it wasn't enough to shut him up.

"You have a bad habit of taking what's mine." Jax informed Mark, his voice chillingly calm, "Enjoy it while it lasts."

"Ok, that's enough, time to get going," Mark's partner pushed into Jax's back again, but this time Jax went with it, letting the motion drive his head back towards the open window.

"Can't wait to run into you again." He spat at Mark. A look on his face, full of threats, his unspoken promise to take his life.

Ashley smiled as she watched her daughter sleep, snuggled up against her chest. She did realize that she wouldn't be able to move for awhile, and as soon as she figured that out it was like every part of her body was itching to move. She heard the front door open and glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was only 5:14.

"You're home early," She spoke softly across the room in an effort to not wake her daughter up.

"I needed to see my girls today, I couldn't stop thinking about you." Mark told her as he walked over to where she was spread out on the couch.

"Well that was nice." She smiled up at him in response, but her smile never met her eyes. A part of her was disappointed that he had come home.

"You showered," Mark said, looking her over, "You didn't go out, did you?"

"No Mark," Ashley practically sighed in response.

"Ashley, you can't leave this house, it's not safe, you have to understand that."

"I do." She answered, not at all interested in hearing another lecture at the moment.

"I brought you these," Mark said, pulling a bouquet of flowers around his body. Flowers. Sure they would die in a few days, but Ashley loved flowers. She smiled again and this time it was genuine. "I was thinking about our family..."

Ashley raised an eyebrow, not liking where this was going.

"I think it's time we got married, go through with the adoption and get our lives officially started."

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