****Thanks for the reviews everyone! Ok I am getting into season 1, 2, 3, 4 basically. It's hard to follow the story line as it was exactly so please bear with me. A lot of things won't be mentioned, but some will to go along with the points of views. It's all to fit the story and make it what it is. No disrespect.****
The road before him was endless. Long and winding, desolate and peaceful, his bike beat heavy against the pavement, the roar of his engine bouncing off the rock walls echoing the sound of his anger.
He knew that what Ashley had told him was true. No part of him doubted it. He had no idea why he had even said that to her, maybe part of him was only wishing it wasn't true, part of him wanting something else to put the blame on Mark for.
But he knew it, Clay was capable of killing an old lady, he was capable of trying to kill his best friend, and he was capable of doing it all behind the clubs back.
Jax was a murderer, a terrible violent person who had to make ugly decisions for the good of his club, decisions that sparked retaliation and sometimes hurt the people he loved. But Clay, Clay was a whole different kind of evil. Clay was the real traitor.
Clay needed to be dealt with.
He had promised Piney he would take care of Clay, a promise he made fresh in the wake of Donna's death. He had watched his best friend unravel from the loss, become reckless, withdrawn, alienating himself from his kids in the process. And now to learn that even before all of this, Clay had been after Ashley too. Killing members, old ladies, family of the club, it was all against club rule. He knew that the club couldn't have known about his plans, but something told him maybe Tig did, his Sergeant at Arms.
He was beginning to see how far Clay's power could reach.
The last place he wanted to be right now, was in Charming, with Clay and not alone. He hadn't had enough time to properly digest the fact that he had ordered a hit on Ashley and could have potentially killed his daughter in the process.
He would deal with Clay, that's for sure. He already knew that Piney was behind him, shit, he had told Jax to take care of this before. But if he had, Mark would still be hiding with Ashley and Jax may have never seen them again. He couldn't be entirely pissed with the way things played out. There was definitely a reason that Clay was still breathing, and he was going to listen to the signs and plan this out. He needed to be smart about it, turn the club against him, bring it to a vote. He would have to fight the urge to rip his beating heart right out of him every time he would have to see him, until the time was right.
And that time was coming.
Walking through the clubhouse doors with only one thing on his mind, Jax scanned the room for Tig, only spotting Juice sitting alone, working on his laptop.
"You know where Tig is?"
His face full of concern, he answers him, telling him the last thing he wants to hear, "Yeah, he's on his way to the safe house."
The safe house held an eye witness to one of their crimes, "What's the matter?"
"The info on that witness just came out, she's a seventeen year old girl Jax," Juice told him, looking almost relieved to get that off his chest.
"Holy shit." He could see Clay come into the room, listening in on their conversation and watching him, gaging his reaction. His stomach lurched, the pit of it growing with distaste, realizing Clay was calling it again, another woman, and this time it was a kid. Turning his attention back to Juice, he made his mind up on what he needed to do, his anger pressing him forward, "Where are they?"
As Juice hands him the address, everything flashes through his mind. Revulsion and rage at the shit they've pulled, the shit that they're still pulling. Pulling his gun from his kutte, he shoves it into his waistband, throwing his kutte down on the table in disgust.
"What are you doing?" Clay asks, but Jax doesn't regard him, storming out of the place that's starting to close in around him, "Jax...where the hell you going...Jax!"
Ashley sat on the floor, watching her daughter playing happily with her toys. At this point she was able to sit up on her own and she would even roll over if she wanted to grab something. But now she sat with a noisy caterpillar toy, slapping it when the music or lights would stop. The toy slipped away from her, rolling across the carpet from the weight her body had pressed upon it, and Violet did something new.
Leaning forward, she planted her hands on the soft carpet and pushed her legs out behind her. She grunted as she reached for the toy, resting her weight on her belly. Ashley smiled, thinking of a cruel but perhaps smart idea and pulled the caterpillar a little farther away. Violet pushed her little chubby legs, her arms, and looking more like a crab, she began to crawl.
"Yay!" Ashley praised her as she scooped her up, planting on her tons of kisses, all over her face and neck, "You are such a big girl!"
The babies eyes squinted from the shower of love her mother was planting on her.
"Maybe I should let you play with it, since you worked so hard for it and all," Ashley told her, setting her back down on her butt in front of the toy. She let her fingers run down Violet's hair, playing with the curls that fell behind her ears, and smiled to herself. It wasn't all horrible, Jax had really given her the best thing in her entire life. It was a different kind of love, one that filled her up and then some, like an overstuffed teddy bear. Filling in a hole that she never knew she had, her entire life until now. But if something were to ever happen to Violet, that hole, while being the same, it would be the end of everything.
There was a knock at her door and her heart dropped, it had to be Jax again. She wasn't sure if she was ready for round two yet. Standing up, she straightened out her body and headed over to the door, peeking out to make sure, just in case. But it wasn't Jax, it was Sandy, Mark's partner.
Ashley opened the door, just enough for her to stand in it's opening, "Sandy." She greeted with a feeble smile.
"Hi Ashley, can we talk for a minute?"
"Sure, come in," Ashley answered, trying to appear calm, but secretly her nerves were stirring up, wondering how Sandy found her, scared about her questioning her about Mark.
"Hey Violet," Sandy greeted the baby as she went to sit on the couch, "Look at those eyes." She glanced up at Ashley knowingly, who only avoided her gaze. "She's gotten so big, she's beautiful Ashley.
"Thanks," Ashley answered as she joined her on the couch.
"I have some terrible news," She started, and Ashley could see a frown start to form, "Mark, he...he's passed away Ashley."
It was a fact that Ashley had already come to terms with, but until now she had never been told for sure. And for Sandy to know? She wasn't sure exactly what that meant.
A tear escaped her eye, "How?"
Sandy shifted in her seat, her eyes trained on the baby playing happily in front of her, "We believe it was a gun shot."
Believe? How the hell do you not know? "What do you mean believe? You didn't see a body? Well then maybe..."
"No, his body was found and ID'd. It was just difficult to...pinpoint."
"Oh."
"We had his funeral on Tuesday and I wanted to get out here and talk to you. He had gone over what I should do if something like this were to happen."
"You already buried him? Don't you think maybe I would have liked to come?" Ashley asked, turning in her seat to really look at Sandy.
"It wasn't safe for you."
Ashley sighed, she was getting really fucking sick of everything. Staring into the carpet, her tears clouded her eyes, making it hard for her to do anything.
Sandy grabbed on to her hand, holding it with compassion, "I want you to know, if you need anything, anything, I'm here for you."
"Thanks Sandy."
"When Mark bought the house, he put it in my wife's name so that there would be no record of you or him anywhere near it. We couldn't even chance my name being on the deed. And all the bills, they are coming to our office. So, I want you to think about this, if you want to stay here or move away. If you want to stay, great, we can transfer it into your name when things are more safe. If you want to move, I will give you cash for the price of the house."
Ashley looked to Sandy, "I don't know, I really don't know anything, I'm trying to figure it all out, but I have no idea." She started to cry again, letting Sandy see her vulnerability, thankful to be able to break down in front of another woman and not have to prove how strong she really was.
Entering the safe house, Jax was repulsed by what he saw. The little seventeen year old girl was sitting in a chair in the kitchen, her hands duct taped together, a shirt covering her face. Her body trembled uncontrollably, shaking with sobs, her voice sounding no older than a child, and Tig standing over her, ready to do something that only reinforced what Jax already thought in his mind.
"Jesus," Tig breathed out from being startled by his entrance, "You scared the shit out of me man."
Zoning in on Tig, he could hardly restrain himself from immediately beating the shit out of his pathetic life. "Put down the gun."
"What?" Tig honestly sounded surprised.
"We don't kill women." He hoped he got the message, loud and clear. His voice dripping with implication.
"What are you doing here brother?" Chibs asked him, his voice stern with warning.
Tig sneered in response, placing his gun up close to the girl, provoking Jax to press his gun against Tig's head. "Put it down or I will put a bullet in your temple."
"You think you got the balls to do that?" But Jax wasn't backing down, the hatred in his eyes was palpable, "Aight." Tig said, setting down the gun he was holding.
"You get out of here." Jax yelled to Chibs. Shooting him another warning, Chibs reluctantly left.
Freeing the girl, he shoved money into her hands, screaming at her to scare her off. Telling her that Tig would kill her for being a rat. If Tig didn't figure it out by now, by the end of this, he would know exactly how Jax felt about killing women.
"You just crossed the line brother," Tig told him, shaking his head.
"No," He said, placing his gun on the counter, "Not yet."
All the anger, all the rage, all his thoughts about what Ashley had told him, the fact of why he wasn't with her, he wasn't with his daughter, the thought of Opie being killed, the reality of Donna, the sadness in their children's eyes, everything...it all propelled through and out of him, pummeling into Tig through his fists. He didn't even see him as he laid all he had into him, didn't even know if he had hit back, and with one final punch it was over. The violence streaming through him like an electric current, relieving him of just a small part of his anger, lifting an invisible weight from his chest.
Organizing the bills that Sandy had dropped off, Ashley stared at them, trying to come up some sort of a plan. The first thing that she really needed was a car. Glancing over from her place at the table, she could see Violet happily playing away.
There was a knock at the door again and Ashley went over, peeking out to see that it was Jax again, dressed in a gray hoodie and jeans, missing his kutte and knife. Her heart dropped, not ready to finish the conversation from the other day. She knew it was inevitable, but it was so hard to stay strong. He hadn't believed her, he had chosen his club, not that it surprised her, but it was a hard pill to swallow considering everything her life had gone through because of Clay.
Opening the door, she was greeted with a smile. "Hey," He greeted her, leaning in to kiss her cheek and walking right inside. She had let him inside, she realized, but no she didn't, he had forced himself inside. Her heart was still guarded, still safe like she needed it to be. She touched her face, briefly considering that he might be bi-polar, especially after the way they had left things a few days before.
"Hi," She answered, following him to where he was already inside, taking off his hoodie and tossing it on the couch. She could see his face light up looking at Violet, and tried hard to push away the feelings that started to ignite in her. Kicking off his sneakers, he sat down on the floor with the baby, kissing her cheek too, "Hey beautiful."
"Jax?" Ashley asked from her spot, standing behind the couch. He glanced over his shoulder at her with a huge smile on his face. It didn't escape her that the baby inspired that in him. But did he have no memory of their conversation the other day? Was he just pretending it never happened, his failure to believe what she had told him? The pain and hurt they had both felt? And was this how it was going to be? He was just going to drop by whenever he wanted to and play with his daughter. There was no way she could let this start, she needed to set some boundaries. "What are you doing?"
"I'll watch her a little while, if you have something you need to do," He answered, pushing the caterpillar toy across the carpet and talking to the baby.
Well she did need to take a shower, but what if he took off with Violet or something. Hesitating, she wondered if he would really do that. He seemed to be playing the game of forget and pretend it never happened, not just regarding the other day, but the past year or so in whole. It was all so bizarre and while she didn't want to go along with his plan, pretending everything normal, she did crave a minute to herself. She deserved it actually, so she reluctantly took advantage, just this one time.
"Well she's going to need breakfast, if you want to feed her."
"Yeah, alright," He answered, turning to smile at her again.
Ashley headed to the kitchen to get the food together for him. Mixing some cereal in a bowl, she warmed some applesauce in another, got a bottle ready and grabbed a bib. This was all so weird, once again acting like a normal family. She wasn't used to giving up control either, but she had to admit, any help she could get was definitely appreciated. She placed everything he would need on the table and walked back over to where they were. "Everything's ready if you want to put her in the highchair, just make sure you buckle both straps because she squirms a lot and don't put the bowl of food on the tray or she'll pick it up and fling it. Oh and she'll try to grab the spoon too which can also be a mess. And I usually wait til the end to give her the bottle so she doesn't fill herself up on just formula."
Jax stared at her as he stood up, smirking the entire time that she was talking. "Is it ok? I was going to go take a shower."
"Perfect," He answered, scooping Violet off the ground and bringing her over to her highchair. He buckled her in, just like Ashley had told him and went to slip on the plastic tray.
"Oh, you have to make sure these two plastic things snap into place with the tray, or else it comes loose and could fall off."
Grinning, he raised an eyebrow at her, keeping whatever thoughts he was having to himself. Duly noted, she thought and made her way into her room for her shower. Not completely trusting that he was not going to take off with her daughter, she left her bedroom door wide open and the bathroom door cracked open as well. Every few minutes she would lean her head out of the curtain, listening for the sound of his voice as he chatted with the baby, trying to get her to finish all her food. It felt nice not having to rush through it, even having time to shave her legs. She honestly didn't even know how long she stayed in there, just letting the hot water spray on her muscles that were tired and sore.
"Hey," Jax's voice called her, sounding like he was right inside her bathroom.
Pulling the curtain to the side, she stuck her head out and found him standing right there. "You're in the bathroom."
"You left the door open."
She stared at him, feeling very naked behind the plastic sheet, and waited for him to tell her why he was in there to begin with.
"Where are your diapers?"
"Oh, I'll be right out, just give me a minute," She answered, pulling the curtain shut to finish up.
She scrambled out of the shower, closing her bedroom door and toweling off quickly before throwing on an off the shoulder top and jeans. She combed through her hair and applied some deodorant as quickly as she could.
Walking out to the kitchen, she noticed the tray was a mess, but the food bowls were empty.
"I found them," Jax told her as he walked into the kitchen, holding a freshly outfitted Violet who was grabbing on his beard. Ashley's heart flipped as she watched him holding her, looking at her, with love, and smiling, Violet smiling back. It was so sweet, and it was seriously messing with her head.
"You changed her?" She asked him, taking in the fact that he had even matched her shirt and pants.
"You're right, she is a squirmer, pretty challenging to feed," He laughed, kissing Violet on her cheek again.
"I'm going to put her down for her nap now, if that's ok," She told him and he handed the baby to her.
"Yeah, I have to get back."
Carrying the baby into her room, she could feel him following behind her. She laid the baby in her crib and turned on her crib toy, giving her something to look at until she fell asleep.
Turning, she saw Jax leaning in the doorway, a thoughtful look on his face. Her resolve was weakening and she knew it, which only left her feeling very confused. There was something about the way he looked at her, a love in his eyes that she felt was misplaced. A love that should be for his wife. He was so good looking, and seeing him with Violet...she just wished that there were no bad history, no other family, no club...but that wasn't reality, not even close.
Walking past him to go back into the living room, he grabbed her wrist, halting her movements. His eyes were serious, intense, and making her uncomfortable with whatever conversation was coming. "I'm taking care of Clay."
He believed her, he heard her and he believed her. A tear escaped her, more out of relief, triumph and fear all rolled into one.
She opened her mouth to say something but he didn't let her, "I'm not going to walk away Ashley. I know things are so fucked up right now, but I'm going to fix them, it's going to take some time, but I will do it."
Ashley sighed, not knowing how to answer him, she didn't know what to say, or what he expected her to say for that matter. Her eyebrows furrowed, knowing the only one she could count on was herself.
"I need you to trust that I know what's best for Violet, I know you want to see her, but you just can't show up whenever you want. But I get it, you want to be in her life. I see that."
"I want to be in both your lives."
Confused again she shook her head, "No...you...I..." She had no idea how to form the thoughts in her head into any type of coherent statement.
His hand slid down to hers, gently holding it as she fought the urge to tear it from his grip, "I'm sorry."
A second tear escaped her, betraying her vulnerability to him, something she was struggling so hard to prove she wasn't. She pulled her hand away, "Your wife, she..."
He took a step back and sighed, "She's in rehab, she's not coming home."
Ashley just stood there, frozen and staring a hole into the wall in front of her. A million thoughts were swirling around in her head, bad ones, ugly ones, ones that only confused her when she tried to focus on the bad and ugly ones. Mark's voice. Violet's smile. Another fucking tear of betrayal.
She couldn't move, if she moved she would crumble for sure.
***Please review! Let me know what you think!***