Episode 9: Video Game Month Part 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this review as the game is owned by Ubisoft Montreal.

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic and MisstressofDawn aka the Irate Werewolf sat at the desk now wearing hooded cloaks, leather boots, leather gloves, gauntlets with hidden blades in them, and swords at their sides. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he turned to his co-host MisstressofDawn.

"As always I'm the Irate Werewolf, I play them so you won't get to." She said.

"Today is the final video game review for this month it's been fun but all good things must come to an end." Air said.

"Indeed it must end but at least we get to go out with another classic title from last year right Air?" Dawn asked.

"Got that right Dawn for those who don't know why we're dressed up like this lets take you back to 2007 when Ubisoft released Assassins Creed, in this game you take the role of Desmond Miles, a young bartender who gets captured by Abstergo a pharmaceutical who apparently has been abducting innocent people to use them as test subjects for a machine known as the Animus and once you're strapped into the machine you get sent back to 12th century Israel where you take up the sword of the assassin Altair ibn La-Ahad as you try to stop the knights templar group from stealing a piece of Eden." Airnaruto said. "Now I know what your thinking how could the templars be called the bad guys in this game or throughout history?" Airnaruto asks for the audience, "Well that's simple apparently they were actually a bunch of atheists and/or Pagans who didn't believe in Jesus Christ as either a historical figure or a deity, much less read a Bible, their appearances in society ranged from noblemen, scholars, bankers, and a bunch of other high ranks of authority, they tricked the Christians into going on the Crusade to cleanse the Holy Land when in reality the templars wanted to go their so they could steal the treasure of King Solomon. They also worshiped the body parts of saints and martyrs and not God directly which is completely paganistic and they also worshipped Minerva the Roman Goddess of wisdom also known as Athena. However I'm going to go further into my rant this game has towards religions later in the game flaws." Airnaruto said.

"Anyway, this game was great with its attention to detail and historical information but the main flaws were in the stealth elements due to the fact that you could only hide amongst scholars, the combat system was kind of unresponsive, and of course the camera would get screwy." Dawn complained about the first game. "However two years later Ubisoft Montreal would take most of what was wrong with the first game and manage to fix most of it and make the travelling portion much more wide ranged. So released in North America on November 17, 2009 the game is Assassins Creed 2." Dawn said.

"Relax although I have beaten the game we're not going to spoil it for those who are still playing it now on with this review." Airnaruto said. "The game opens with Desmond and a former Abstergo employee named Lucy escaping from Abstergo who are pretty much the modern day templars, after making it to their secret hideout, Desmond once again takes a dive into the memory of one his ancestors via an Assassin made version of the Animus called the Animus 2.0." Airnaruto said.

"The reason be is because Abstergo much like their ancestors are trying to find the Pieces of Eden so they could use them to brainwash everyone and take over the world." Dawn explained.

M. Bison: Of Course!

"SHUT UP!" Airnaruto screamed to Bison. "Moving on Desmond now finds himself living in the footsteps of Ezio Auditore de Firenze the son of a Florentine banker who was a famous assassin himself who lived in Florence during the Renaissance." Airnaruto said as we take a good look at Ezio.

"Ezio at the beginning is pretty much a troublemaking ladies man who just can't seem to find an outlet for his life." Airnaruto said.

Ezio: I have outlets

Mrs. Auditore & Airnaruto: I meant besides vaginas. (Slap)

"What did I say?" Airnaruto asked as Dawn glared at him for that comment. "Oh right sorry." He apologized quickly.

"Anyway one night Ezio's father and brothers are taken prisoner so he's told by his dad to go find a hidden chest in his office and take the items inside it the robes and weapons of an assassin. However the next day it's too late for Ezio to save his father and brothers as they are sentenced to death by hanging thus starting Ezio on his path towards revenge." Dawn said before turning to Airnaruto with a scowl on her face.

"What I said I was sorry for that comment. What more do you want from me?" Airnaruto asked. Dawn still scowled at him. "Okay I apologize to all female readers if I made them sound like objects of pleasure there Dawn you satisfied?" He asked, She nodded.

"Anyway throughout the game Ezio learns all the tricks to the trade of an Assassin such as hiding among the people or in the shadows, running on rooftops, climbing up building sides, picking peoples pockets, hiring thieves to fight guards alongside you, throwing money to distract them while the populace scrambles for the cash, or of course Nukid's favorite hiring prostitutes to seduce the guards." Airnaruto said.

(Cut away gag) Meanwhile far away a British narcoleptic assassin named Nukid was sitting down minding his own business when suddenly…"ACHOO!" He sneezed out a jet stream of blood from his nose and crashed into a wall. "Someone must have mentioned me in the same sentence as something perverted." He said to himself.

(End cut away gag)

"Later on Ezio manages to get his Mother and Sister out of Florence and to a villa run by Ezio's uncle on his father's side named Mario and be warned when you bump into him there could have been a copyright issue with how he greets you." Airnaruto said.

Mario de Auditore: Ezio don't you recognize me? It's-a me Mario!

"Ubisoft used a Nintendo quote in their game and got a way with it?" Airnaruto asked. "They had the BALLS to use a quote coined by the mascot of a famous video game company and they DIDN'T GET SUED FOR IT?!" Airnaruto asked in a blind rage. "NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" Airnaruto screamed flailing his arms in the air before barking like a mad dog as Dawn, Charles Roberts, and JC619 tried to restrain him.

(20 minutes later)

Airnaruto appeared to have calmed down, "I apologize for that outburst it was childish and stupid of me." Airnaruto said sheepishly, "I just get a little peeved when I hear a quote from one of my childhood icons being used in a game made by another company….AND THEY DON'T GET SUED FOR IT?!" Airnaruto said snapping again. "UBISOFT YOU BASTARDS I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU YOU'LL GET THE GAS!" Airnaruto screamed again and again having to be restrained.

(2 hours later)

"RAPE MY CHILDHOOD WILL YOU? YOU WILL ALL DIE ALL OF YOU WILL DIE!" Airnaruto said before being restrained again.

(8 hours and one rabies injection later)

"Okay, I'm fine got it all out of my system, so anyway after Mario takes you into the Villa you learn that you can help improve it's status by purchasing upgrades to certain to locations which in turn give you discounts when shopping in the town, for medicine, weapons, paintings, armor, and maps heck you even get to swim instead die in the water in certain locations aside from the other locations in the game you also get to utilize the economic system of the game which really implies that you should spend your money wisely. The combat system of the game play has been improved to major levels that you can fight numerous guards and either stab them with the hidden blades or a poison one beat them down with your fists, use smoke bombs to escape and yes you can even steal an enemies weapon while fighting bare handed." Airnaruto said before giving it back to Dawn.

"The cut scenes in the game are really cinematic whether you bring a codex page for Leonardo Da Vinci who is an ally in this game that will give you new weapons and upgrade your health with each codex page you find and yes you even get to test Leonardo's version of a hang glider or you're unlocking assassin tombs to get Altair's armor through platforming puzzles that give you the feel of playing The Prince of Persia: The sands of time." Dawn said as the two got to the bad parts of the game.

"There are several flaws with the game for example, if you shove someone off a ledge or pull them off a ship they die rather quickly." Airnaruto said bluntly before picking another flaw, "Also the camera gets a bit awkward when you're climbing and when in combat in a very dense area you'll have a very difficult time defending yourself from all angles against the guards in the cities, and of course the anti-religious ending and the truth video when collect the all the pieces to the puzzle left behind by subject 16. This truth video which is just a failed attempt at Science fiction claims that the Garden of Eden was a highly advanced utopia and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was a gold orb of sorts which makes no sense whatsoever. The other anti-religious message in this one shows that the game takes every chance it can to jab at Catholics and Protestants alike for example in Venice, Ezio meets up with a nun who's really a slut who formed her own religion by removing some of the negatives of Christianity so she can feel better about her own sins. FYI that's a cult not a religion Madame, when you change the message of Jesus Christ from what it's supposed to be and what he's suppose to represent then whether you like it or not you've created a cult." Airnaruto ranted.

"Are you done with the religious rant?" Dawn asked skeptically.

"Yeah I'm done with it so let's get this review finished." Airnaruto said.

"Overall Assassin's Creed 2 is a game that you'll never get bored with the improvements on the stealth and combat systems, wider array of weapons, and hundreds of missions to do you'll never get put it down." Airnaruto said.

"True but as you mentioned the only problems with the game come in the form of the endings, the camera, and the physics during the game. However none of these flaws are big enough to make people avoid playing it." Dawn said.

"So together we give this game a rating of 4 and a half stars out of 5." Airnaruto said giving the final rating.

"Well folks that's it for video game month folks, I would like to thank MisstressofDawn aka The Irate Werewolf for joining me as my guest co-reviewer for the month." Airnaruto said before kissing Dawn on the cheek which surprised her.

"You do know you're kissing a Lycan right?" Dawn asked.

"So I've been kissed in the mouth by a dog once." Airnaruto retorted.

"Never mind." Dawn muttered, "I'm the Irate Werewolf…" Dawn said.

"And I'm the Classic Critic…" Airnaruto said.

"We remember it so you're not required to." They said in unison.

Assassins Creed 2 recap:

Star rating (out of 5 stars): ****1/2

Pros: Great graphics, cinematic cut scenes, intriguing plot, better combat system, economy system introduced, and better stealth mechanic tough puzzles to solve just to reach the tombs.

Cons: The anti-religious message, horrible attempt at Science Fiction towards the end, and a weird camera when climbing.

Well folks there you have it Video game month has come to a close for me so read and review