Episode 10: Top 11 Anime Heroes
Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this countdown all characters I mention are owned by their respected creators.
"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he sat in his chair. "You know a there are a lot of heroes in the world of Anime whether they are badasses, idiots, punks, or just plain weirdoes so today I decided to do a top 11 list of my favorite anime heroes. Why top 11 because aren't the rest of the authors who do this kind of thing also rip offs?" Airnaruto asked, "These are my top 11 anime heroes." He said.
(A montage of anime heroes is displayed on the screen as we hear Bonnie Tyler's I need a Hero playing in the background)
Number 11
Kenzo Tenma from Monster
"Okay I don't know much about this guy since I only stumbled across this anime recently, but from what I gathered in researching it he's a famous Japanese neurosurgeon who one day gets ridiculed for saving a young boys life over an important patients life but then suddenly his life takes a turn for the better when the doctors who ridiculed him mysteriously die, it's not until years later he realizes that the events leading to his promotion were linked to a serial killer, one that he saved from death known as Johan Liebert." Airnaruto said. "Now we all know that Tenma is a kind hearted fellow and does manage to steer a few people away from Johan's influence but the reason I put him at the bottom was because it was HIS fault Johan's running amuck through out Europe to begin with but none the less he's at least trying to correct his mistake." Airnaruto said.
Number 10
Sailor Moon from well her namesake show
"Now I'm going to be blunt girls don't get your hopes up, she's only heroine on my list just because for a lot of young girls during the 90s she was pretty much the first all female targeted anime that you had come across in North America and why not, she was kind, pure hearted, and well let's just say there are other details I'm not gonna go into concerning her." Airnaruto said, before he got to explaining her faults, "Of course the problem a lot of fans had with the dub was that initially they portrayed Sailor Moon's alter ego Serena as too much of a klutzy, lazy, crybaby and stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl who let's just say is not the sharpest tool in the shed…in terms of her brains not her other goods." Airnaruto said in order to keep himself from getting any other female fan heat for that comment. "Then of course there was always that logical but pointless nickname given to her by her eventual love interest, boyfriend and husband, Darien who would always insult the way her hair looked like a certain food item." Airnaruto said before getting into a quiz show host mood; "And you have four guesses as to what that insult revolves around does it involve; A. Music Albums, B. Global Warming, C. Bad Hair days, or D. Meatballs?" He asked before letting Darien reveal the answer and playing scenes where he calls Serena mentioned nickname over and over again.
Darien: Meatball head (Certain number of times)
"If you said Meatballs, WELL NO FUCKING SHIT!" He screamed. "Actually in later seasons the series took a darker turn and Serena actually began to live up to her role as a leader, an old sibling and an eventual mother however it was too late for her to get any higher on my list but still she is the one who grabs the number 10 spot in the countdown." Airnaruto said
Number 9
Vash the Stampede from Trigun
"In this post apocalyptic space western Vash is considered a major troublemaker mostly because of the fact that he has a 66 billion dollar bounty on his head dead or alive. I mean the guy even has fucking insurance company representatives chasing after him. But when you first meet him he just comes off as a goofball who likes gorging himself on donuts" Airnaruto said, before we see Vash point his gun at some bounty hunters and pull the trigger a few times only to find that he's out of bullets. Then we see a scene where he's feasting on donuts. "But we soon get a reality check as Vash proves his reputation. What makes you get behind the guy is that he has vowed to never take a human life and will only draw his gun out as an absolute last resort, and then there's his voice actor Johnny Young Bosch who really nails both sides of Vash's personality from the goofy idiot to the serious and conflicted individual. Of course I only put him in this position because later on his philosophy of non-violence is severely tested by Legato Bluesummers who pretty much forces Vash to kill him via his telekinetic abilities to get Vash to pull the trigger, but for all his faults and quirks Vash is one western hero you really want to get behind but his catchphrase and his victory pose still need work." Airnaruto said before we see Vash doing his famous pose and saying his catchphrase.
Vash with his index and middle fingers crossed: THIS WORLD IS MADE OF LOVE AND PEACE!
Brother D-Von (TNA wrestling): OH MY BROTHER TESTIFY!
"How did that get in there and what does wrestling have to do with gun slinging?" Airnaruto asked before he heard a voice.
(A Big-Lipped Alligator Moment)
Number 8
Alucard from Hellsing
"Now if you haven't figured out who this guy is, try putting his name in front of a mirror." Airnaruto said as he held up a piece of paper with Alucard written on it and then placed it front of a mirror to reveal what it says, the paper read in front of the mirror said "Dracula", "You guessed it this guy is basically Vlad the Impaler only he's British, a good vampire who protects humanity from evil vampires, werewolves, ghouls, and even an insane zealot Catholic assassin group." Airnaruto said, "Now I'll admit this guy is an all around badass who just can't be killed…in the anime, in the manga he can be killed via a blood transfusion which makes no sense to me." Airnaruto said as he tried to figure out how that was possible.
"Basically there are two reasons he's number 8 on my list; number one is obvious enough, he's always smiling I mean that toothy sinister grin is not something you would find on the face of a hero, and second HE JUST WON'T DIE!" Airnaruto said screaming the last part. "I mean what will get rid of this guy permanently if sticking a gold cross on his chest, stabbing him through the heart with a wooden stake, splashing holy water on him, or even sunlight won't destroy him?" Airnaruto asked before he heard a gun being cocked from behind him.
"Now my dear boy I wouldn't try to guess how to kill me." The voice said as he stepped out of the shadows he was a vampire wearing an all blood red suit with matching hat, with black hair and black eyes with a sinister smile on his face this was Alucard.
Airnaruto then dropped on his knees in front of the vampire, "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE DON'T! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!" He begged.
(Please stand by)
Airnaruto returned later looking fine, "Sorry about that folks but fortunately Alucard's boss called and told him Hellsing HQ was under attack." Airnaruto said before trying to remember his place, "Now where was I…oh yeah anyway whether it's a classy looking Englishman or a Romanian displayer of cruelty Alucard can prove how much of a badass he can be on his bloody best day." Airnaruto said before being creeped out by the smile.
Number 7
L from Death Note
"In the Death Note universe, L is recognized as a world renowned master detective, and throughout the course of the series he's locked in an eternal mental game of cat and mouse with the main character of the show Light Yagami, and before those who are fans of Light and give him sympathy by saying that he's an anti-hero and he started out with good intentions I only have one thing to say to that." Airnaruto said before letting out his opinion about the Light Yagami fan base, "BULLSHIT!" He roared, "Anyone who calls themselves God of anything definitely has a fucked up psyche." Airnaruto said.
Light: and I…I will be the god of this new world.
Bison: OF COURSE!
"All jokes and bashing aside the real hero of the show is L, why because he's the one who pretty much carries the bulk of this radio drama of an anime on his back, despite being a greasy gnome with ADHD at least in my opinion which explains his poor people skills and his insomniacesque face, while his Japanese voice actor did a decent job with giving him a quirky personality he's blown way out of the water by his dub counterpart Alessandro Juliani who really added that whole say one thing but mean a totally different thing dimension to the character." Airnaruto said as we see a scene involving a conversation between Light's father Soichiro Yagami.
L to Mr. Yagami: Mr. Yagami.
Soichiro: Hmm
L: If I die in the next few days then your son is Kira. Here's another one.
"Unfortunately after L's death the series kind of staggers up until the final episode where one of L's pupils named Near manages to bust Light and Light is left to run leaving a trail of blood in his wake but for his part in the series L really held the plot together, he was that good he even puts Sherlock Holmes to shame…but he's definitely no Batman." Airnaruto said before he ended up getting a heart attack and dropping to the floor dead.
(Please Stand by)
Airnaruto is soon revived by somebody using the death eraser to rid his name from the notebook. "Okay this is the second time something like that happened today could we continue with this thing please?" He said.
Number 6
Kenshin Himura from Ruroni Kenshin
"After serving as an assassin during a civil war set in 19th century Japan, Kenshin Himura or better known as Hittokiri Batosai "The man slayer" takes an oath to protect the innocent and never kill again but as we all know old habits die hard, and for Kenshin he is almost always thrown into a scenario where he has to kill the enemy but here's the thing his special reversed edge katana is known only for injuring not killing." Airnaruto said before going on to Kenshin's positive traits, "However he does show that he does care for his friends and surrogate family and is willing to do what he can to save them or help them out by running errands, protecting the younger sisters of the dojo mistress, and even turning a few enemies into his allies heck he even ends up marrying the dojo mistress at the end of the manga but mostly because he had to retire as a swordsman because his fighting style was either shortening his lifespan or causing him to go blind, I can't remember which one of the two it was if anyone reviews please give me the answer to that one." Airnaruto said before picking up where he left off "Now where was I of course, in any case Kenshin is one samurai you don't want to meet in a dark alley." Airnaruto concluded.
Number 5
Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchimest and Full Metal Alchimest: Brotherhood
"Probably one of the more three dimensional heroes in anime, Edward carries the mark of his mistakes wherever he goes in the form of an automail right arm and left leg after he and his brother Alphonse committed the ultimate sin of alchemy with an attempt at human transmutation, Ed ends up losing his leg and Al loses his body so in a desperate attempt to save his brother he gives up right arm in exchange for anchoring his brother's soul to a suit of armor." Airnaruto said as we see the scene of that fateful night.
Ed: AL! HE'S GONE WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
Later Ed is seen forming a seal out of his own blood and putting it inside a suit of armor.
Ed (regarding to Alphonse): Give him back he's my brother take what you want from me, just GIVE HIM BACK HE'S MY LITTLE BROTHER HE'S ALL I HAVE LEFT!
"Ed because of that night Ed is forced to carry the mark of his mistake and learn from it and again what makes him so believable is the voice actor specifically for the dub Vic Mignona who really brings out the serious and scrappy side of Edward as well as his caring nature bottom line Edward is really a hero to relate to as well as look up to plus be warned if you call him short He's gonna kick your ass." Airnaruto said before we see several of Ed's short rants.
Edward in FMA episode 1: SHORTY?! COULD A SHORTY DO THIS? WHATELSE YOU WANNA CALL ME A HALF PINT BEANSPROUT MIDGET?! I'M STILL GROWING YOU BACK WATER DESERT IDIOTS!
Edward in FMA: Brotherhood episode 1: OH YEAH CAN A RUNT DO THIS?!
Edward in FMA episode 13: DON'T CALL ME SMALL OR I'LL BREAK OFF YOUR FEET AND STICK'EM ON YOUR HEAD.
"Trust me he will kick your ass if call him short." Airnaruto warned before thinking about something he forgot to mention, "There is one other thing that's bugged me about him though. If his father was a homunculus from the beginning does that mean that he and Alphonse are demihomunculi or something" He said before Edward stormed in to his room with white eyes of rage.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED HALF PINT WHO DIDN'T GROW UP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK?!" Ed screamed at him.
"That's not what I said Edward." Airnaruto said plainly.
Number 4
Yugi Muto from Yu-gi-oh Classic (The original Yu-gi-oh)
"This kid's a different kind of hero since he's mostly the timid and shy background character at the start who loves playing games and solving puzzles, because of this Yugi got picked on a lot at school until he manages to solve an ancient puzzle known as the Millennium puzzle which infuses him with ancient magical energies and binds the spirit of an ancient pharaoh with him and throughout the course of the series Yugi tries to help the pharaoh regain his lost memories with the aide of his friends and the heart of the cards as they came, saw, dueled, and conquered every enemy that got in their way." Airnaruto said. "Of course the flaw many people had with Yugi aside from allowing the pharaoh to fight his battles for him for the bulk of the series, is that also for the majority of the series he acted to much like an anime version of Jesus." Airnaruto said which got on his nerves with the fans complaining about that character design flaw. "In fact as far as I know the only time either he or the Pharaoh commit a truly wicked act was in the Doom riders arc when the Pharaoh lets his anger get the better of him and plays the seal of Oricalchos against Yugi's warning." Airnaruto said thinking back, "Of course this ends up costing the pharaoh big time as he loses the duel but just as he's about to lose the duel, this happens…" Airnaruto said before revealing the scene.
(Yugi shoves the pharaoh out of the seal thus sacrificing himself to the seal)
Pharaoh: Yugi no! What are you doing here?
Yugi (Smiling sadly): It only needs one of us, so I'm letting the seal take me instead.
Pharaoh: NO YUGI!
"Shortly after that the pharaoh has to fight the darkness within his own soul but for those who never got that far in the anime I won't spoil it." Airnaruto said before concluding this number on the countdown. "In any event Yugi shows why he's the king of games and deserving of the number 4 spot in the countdown and if you're not down with that then I've got four words for you, IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" He said shouting the last part.
Number 3
Naruto Uzumaki from Naruto and Naruto Shippuden
"Okay you pretty much knew that this unorthodox ninja was going to be somewhere in my top 3 and I'm sure many people know his back story by now." Airnaruto said, "So here's the condensed version basically Naruto at first comes off as a prankster who only pulls pranks to get the attention of everyone in his village because nearly everyone in it treats him like dirt because they believe that he's the human incarnate of nine tailed demon fox which was sealed into his body when he was born. However eventually Naruto begins to come into his own as the main hero of the story by assisting in the liberation of a small port country, saving his home from an insomniac with a raccoon demon locked in him, finding the 5th Hokage Tsunade, saving the 5th Kazekage Garaa, and his entire village again from a guy who believed himself to be a god." Airnaruto said, "Much like Vash this kid can be both funny and serious and really shows that he truly cares for his friends and surrogate family and his sage mode is just badass." Airnaruto said, "However right now his only flaw I can think of is that he's obsessed with returning a man who he once considered his brother back to the village when all Sasuke wants is to destroy his home but all in all Naruto is a hero's example of keeping your head held high even in the darkest times." Airnaruto said before Naruto did his infamous dub catchphrase.
Naruto: Believe it!
Number 2
Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece
"Now while One Piece is considered one of the hottest manga/anime out there today for those who don't understand it's over the top and cartoonish plot allow me to explain that, it's about a boy named Monkey D. Luffy who enjoys three things in his life those three things are friends, adventure and of course…" Airnaruto said before Luffy cut him off.
Luffy: MEAT!
"He always wanted become a pirate and he does just that, what's his goal, simple find a treasure known as One Piece located in the grand line and become king of the pirates." Airnaruto said before Luffy cut him off again.
Luffy: I'm gonna be king of the pirates!
"Of course Luffy has one obstacle he'll never overcome what is that obstacle you ask?" Airnaruto asked for the fans. "Simple He can't fucking swim!" he said before thinking it over; "A pirate who can't swim?" He asked "They made the hero of the show a pirate who can't swim?" He asked again, "Oda had the balls to turn his main character in one of the greatest manga out there today into a pirate who can't swim!" Airnaruto again burst out in a fit of rage, "NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" He screamed before barking like a mad dog again.
(One rabies shot later)
"Ouch, okay let's forget that happened, yes sad to say that when Luffy was seven he accidently ate a devil fruit known as the Gum Gum fruit, which turned his body into rubber and stripped of his ability to swim let alone stay afloat in any body of water deeper than a mud puddle and he's also a Narcoleptic meaning he falls asleep at random points of the story, and along the way Luffy picks up some real interesting crew members." Airnaruto said before breaking down the straw hat crew.
"First there's Zorro a former bounty hunter who wields three swords and hopes to become the greatest swordsman in the world, Nami a thief who's pretty good with maps and more often than not is seen wearing…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Roy Mustang.
Mustang: TINY MINISKIRTS!
"Ussop a marksman who's a horrible liar hence why his nose makes him look like Pinocchio, Sanji a womanizing chef who never fights with his fists, Tony Tony Chopper a blue nosed reindeer who's actually a doctor and can only talk and walk on his hind legs because he ate the Human Human devil fruit, Nico Robin an archeologist who make hands sprout in different places and it's not a sexual joke." Airnaruto said before continuing, "Franky a shark faced looking surfer guy and a talking skeleton whose name I can't seem to remember and a couple of other guys I overlooked, but anyway Luffy is the kind of guy who like Naruto will keep battling against the odds no matter how high the deck is stacked against him, sure he's funny and at times a complete moron but when his friends are on the line he'll do anything to help them or save them especially since the manga has taken a real dark turn." Airnaruto said before wrapping up Luffy, "Bottom line whether you hate the catchphrase or not Luffy is going to be…" Airnaruto said before he let Luffy cut him off.
Luffy: KING OF THE PIRATES!
Number 1
"And my number 1 anime hero of all time is…" Airnaruto said before revealing the character.
Goku from Dragonball/Dragonball Z/Dragonball GT
"Okay you knew this was coming but for a lot of us growing up in the late 90s Dragonball Z was our first exposure to true anime, I mean Goku was the bomb in a good way and there are two reasons why first, the Kamehamaeha wave." Airnaruto said.
Goku: KA...ME...HA...MAE...HA!
"The other reason his power level remind me again Vegeta what was it at?" Airnaruto asked.
Vegeta: OVER 9000!
"Aside from being all powerful alien badass, he's also a caring friend, father, and husband who always seemed to find a way to pull it out in the toughest situations and of course if you don't agree with me on that he'll go Super Sayian on you ass." Airnaruto explained, "Therefore I rank Goku as my number 1 greatest anime hero of all time." Airnaruto concluded, "Well there you have it my top 11 anime heroes and I would like to apologize to those who were hoping that heroes like Spike from Cowboy Beebop, Guts from Berserk, Ichigo from Bleach, or Yusuke from Yu Yu Hakusho would be on the list but the truth is I only stumble across several of those anime recently and some I don't know the whole plot behind them." Airnaruto said letting out a formal apology, "I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." He said before getting up and leaving.
A/N: Read and review folks!