Days turn into weeks. Our only contact from the outside world comes from Gale, and Plutarch. Peeta and Enobaria build a home gym using broomsticks and gallon jars filled with water. We resort to card games, Peeta finds parchment paper and we work on our book. Johanna's pregnancy scare deterred her from continuing to work as an assassin. The extra time is our worst enemy. Boredom leads to naps which leads to nightmares.

… "Hi Girl on Fire." It's Finnick

"Finnick? You're dead?" I puzzle at him. He's glowing.

"I am."

I stare at him more the light emanating from him becomes blinding and eventually explodes in my face. Time begins to move backward I coiling wire around my arrow, aiming at Finnick, searching for Peeta, Johanna attacking me, back to the where Peeta hit the force field. Except Finnick isn't there reviving him. It's Snow devouring his heart. Peeta's blood soaks my feet.

"Finnick!" I'm screaming.

"You left him there Katniss! You left him!"

I wake up sweating and screaming. I hear footsteps clamor up the stairs and fling open the door to my room.

"I'm here" He says cradling me. "It's just a dream."

"Peeta please stay with me." I sob.

"Always."

We lay in bed until the sun comes up the next day.

"It should have been me!" A arm rests upon my shoulder.

"Katniss, I'm here it's me."

"Peeta, I'm so sorry. It's should have been me they left."

"Shh… We're here now. I'm with you."

He wraps his arms around me and I press into him. Hatred wells up into my throat, into my mouth. I want to scream, I want to hurt someone, something, me to make this hate go away. I'm shaking. Peeta kisses my neck and I meet his lips with mine.

"Hurt me." I tell him.

He grips my hair and pulls. He bites down on my shoulder, my nipple. He enters me and pumps hard, causing me to gasp. He maintains his pace but wraps his arms underneath me and stares me in the face. He's crying.

"Peeta."

"I love you, that's what matters. I love you."

He throbs in me, the power of his emotions causes me to come, I'm loud in our lovemaking and I don't care. I roll on top of him and undulate as he grabs my breasts he squeezes my waist as he comes. I look down at him.

"I love you." I tell him

"Real or not real?"

"Real."

We rest for a while, when we emerge from our room Johanna whistles. Peeta gives her his middle finger. The next to scream is Beetee.

"No! No! Wireless!"

Johanna rushes to his side and stays with him. Enobaria even has violent nightmares. Hers are different her's are that of remorse. She mourns for her victims in her sleep. She calls for Brutus. It feels like fifteen minutes can't go by without one of us having an outburst. This includes while we're awake. Mostly Johanna. Everything makes her sick, and she lets us know. I'm not sure whether or not she's pregnant. Beetee eventually clears this up for us.

"She's pregnant."

"Are you happy?" Peeta asks.

"Yes. I'm not sure she is."

When the sun goes down we all are at unease. The fact that we're not busy allows the thoughts to intrude. We talk about it amongst ourselves which brings comfort.
"I should've been like a morphling. I was off everyone's radar anyway." Johanna says.

"Yea, well the game makers could have thrown a wrench into that plan." Haymitch tells her.

"In the arena did you become numb to it? Killing people?" I asked

"I was numb to it before the arena." Enobaria says. "I expected it. It was later that I felt surprised. I didn't feel honored. I felt disgusted at myself for what I had done. I put on the mask of Enobaria to cope. I pretended like it was an honor to the tributes I sent to die."

"Were you Cato's mentor?" Peeta asks her.

"Yes." She says.

"Did you expect him to win?"

"I expected Thresh or him, yes. I didn't think either of you had what it took."
"What's that?" I ask her.

"Thresh was angry. Cato was a brainwashed killing machine. So was Clove. Clove was like me, and built her life around it. She thought she was blood thirsty."

"There's nothing worse than watching your tributes die." Haymitch said. "Year after year. I sent them in with no skills other than being hungry. I tried so hard to get sponsors and gifts, it was fruitless. Eventually I thought I didn't care anymore."

"The tributes from my district were at a similar disadvantage. None of them had any physicality about them. They had brain. But when they ran out their use the Careers easily dispatched them. It was gut wrenching knowing you were sending them to die." Beetee told us.

Eventually we would succumb to the night. Haymitch never with the lights off. Peeta would fall asleep holding me. His nightmares were the worst, he never knew where he was or what he had done.

"No! No! I won't do that to her! No! Let me go! Katniss!" Peeta would scream. His eyes would be wild when he woke up. He looked at me in fear. "What are you?"

"Your wife. We got married. We're in love."

"Who am I?"

"You're Peeta Mellark. You double knot your boots, you make amazing cookies, you don't take sugar in your tea, and we live together in district Twelve."

"There is no district Twelve."

"Not real. The Capitol bombed it but we won the war. We're rebuilding it."

His eyes became more clear. He wrapped his arms around my waist like a child and rested his head on my lap. I sang to him, the valley song until he fell asleep.

Johanna would often scream. She would scream sometimes about being tortured. Sometimes about the arena. It would subside quickly. At least quicker than it did when she was sleeping alone. Beetee gave her the comfort she needed. The sounds of her fear leaving her at Beetee's gentle probing makes me believe they can raise a child together. They're a unit. They're strong when they're together.

We often felt like we were in the arena again. Night after night we relived it. We relived it during the day when there was nothing to do but nap.

Plutarch informs us that Romulus Thread has been captured and letting us return home is being debated.

More days pass. More nightmares. Eventually we return home. Johanna promises to visit soon. We'll be going back to the Capitol in a couple months anyway. Gale is being promoted to Brigadier General, and the Victors are receiving Peace medals. The irony is not lost upon us. They take us on hovercraft back to Twelve. Upon returning home Buttercup hisses at me. The garden is overrun by weeds. The bakery is built but unfurnished. There is lots of work to do. Haymitch remains in the Capitol for treatment so Peeta and I spread out a blanket and soak in the sun. He lays me down and gently kisses me. He's so gentle. He's so inherently good. Anger wells up at myself for using him, anger wells up with Haymitch for abandoning him. Anger. Just anger. The day is beautiful, warm, and green. I can't enjoy it I'm too angry. For no reason.

"Are you okay?" Peeta whispers to me, kissing my shoulder.

"No."

"What happened?"

"I don't deserve you. I used you. I abandoned you. I left you that night. Then I was with Gale when you were being tortured. When you said I was a whore you were right."

Peeta tenses. He squeezes his hands into fists. Tears form in the corner of his eyes.

"That's over now." He tells me. "We're here."

"Peeta you know it, I know it. I'm selfish. You don't even look at me different after that man fucked me. I'm yours and he fucked me."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm soiled."

His breathing is rapid. I stand and run. I don't know where I'm running to. I just hate. I hate everything. Especially myself. I want the pain to go away but it follows me everywhere. It follows me in my sleep. In the meadow I scream. I scream and pull my hair. Then someone comes from behind me and grabs me. Presses me into him. Peeta. Peeta. The gray world fills with sun again and I look up into his face. His eyes of blue. We meet each other in a kiss. He grabs the back of my hair and pulls me further into him. He grabs either buttock and picks me up carrying me past the meadow, the garden and into the house dropping me onto the bed. He removes his shirt and I run my hands down his strong torso. He pushes me back down on to the bed and removes my shirt, he kisses my breasts then sucks on them desperately. He releases his mouth and moves downward to my pants removing them. I hear him groan and then he kisses my cunt, he sucks on my clitoris then my opening. He slips his fingers inside me and moves back to my mouth kissing me and I can taste myself. I hear him removing my pants. He puts one arm underneath me and enters me. Thrusting deep and slow. The feeling of all of him is agonizing, I'm drunk in pleasure. He grabs me and rolls us over sitting up in the bed I grab his face as I grind on him. I begin to slip. He sucks on each nipple and my back arches without my permission. I come. He then rolls me over and fucks me. He fucks me until he comes. He crumples on top of me. Sweating. I realize during this whole encounter neither of us spoke a word to each other.

"You're mine. I'll never ever stop loving you no matter what happens. You understand? Do you feel it when I'm inside you? Do you feel that I love you?"

"Yes I confess. Yes."

I roll over and we lay in bed until the sun rises the next day.