"Come on Effie. It's not like you and Haymitch don't get down and nasty." Johanna says.
If Effie weren't heavily made up her face would be red.
"That isn't your business!" She snaps
"It's always the prudes who are the freaks. Eh, Haymitch."
We don't contain our laughter. Johanna high fives Haymitch.
"Let's go we're running late."
"Jeezus it's just a dinner at the guys house. Do you have to be prompt all the time?" Johanna quips.
Effie huffs.
We all file out and walk to our car. Johanna continues to tease Effie. The pastime of our group. She's able to clean herself up nicely. She's stylish in a pair of black skinny slacks and a racerback white blouse. I reuse my pants from the night before and and pair it with a crop top and sweater. We arrive at Goldstern's home which is less than humble. The driveway is grand rolling out before us like a tongue flapping from a mouth. Grand stairs lead the way to wide white front doors. Gargoyles stare down at us from atop the roof. He eagerly meets us at the top of the stairs.
"Oh! I'm so glad you came! Peeta! I heard about your injury. I'm glad you've come."
He ushers us in. Portraits line the walls. Pictures of himself with Victors, the last Finnick O'dair. I grasp a hold of Peeta. Grounding myself firmly. He takes us into the dining room.
"How did you get all this?" Johanna asks motioning around the room with her fork.
"I played a role organizing the games." He said plainly.
"What?" Johanna replies.
"My father was a head game maker. I had the misfortune of being born with morality. I saw the games for what they were. I attempted sabotage on many occasions with Plutarch Heavensbee. Not until Katniss pulled out those berries did we decide to destroy the arenas, to launch rebellion. Katniss gave us courage."
I felt myself losing grip on reality. My life has become entrenched in those moments. Something I did to survive construed otherwise. An unwilling hero."
"...I'd like to thank all of you for what you've done. Although I realize that this may be unwilling." Goldstern continues.
The night unfolds, as the reliving of the nightmare. How I inspired a nation to rebel, although I was only trying to survive. Touted as a hero though I am far from being one. It wasn't me who inspired them but Rue. The little girl who remained pure throughout the Games that demanded the ugliness within us all. She contained none. She died pure, decorated with flowers. Innocent, the personification of the evil that the Games were.
"I want Rue to have a holiday in her memory, a memorial. She's the one who inspired us all not me."
The room goes silent.
"If it weren't for her I wouldn't have had the chance to threaten suicide."
"I can lobby for that." He answers.
"Promise me. I don't want the world to forget her." I tell him.
"It will be done."
The dinner carries on with cackling joking. I could care less. I look around me, at the excess the gaudy exterior that leads to nowhere around me. It makes me choke. I want nothing more to go home to Twelve. To go to the woods, to lay in my bed with Peeta. Where are home smells like a home. Where I feel like a human. Not a false idol. Peeta announces his discomfort due to his injury and excuses us from the dinner. Returning to the apartment.
"We're never coming back here Katniss." He tells me. "It's them who owe us not the other way around."
I nod at him.
"This whole thing is a reminder of what they put us through it's sick."
"That man wouldn't survive a minute in our shoes." I tell him
He gathers me into his arms and kisses me. There's a knock on the door.
"Wait here." He tells me.
He opens the door and Gale forces his way through.
"How did you know we were here?" Peeta asks.
"I work for the military. I know where you are all the time." He says.
"What do you want?" I say to him.
He looks at me sadly. His eyes like that of a guilty dog.
"I can't live with you hating me."
"Gale…"
"No false apologies we owe each other that. Everything is false right now. You and him, you and me. I don't know what anything means to you. Did I ever mean anything to you?"
"Yes." I tell him.
"Don't lie."
"Not the way you wanted. I tried to feel the same."
"I asked you so many times if you loved him." He continues.
"I didn't know I did."
He looks at Peeta.
"You should feel betrayed more than anyone."
"There's no point to that." Peeta replies.
"You followed her like a puppy and she strung you along."
"Same goes for you." Peeta retorts.
Gale laughs.
"I can't look at you without thinking you're a whore." He says to me.
"I can't look at you without thinking you're a murderer." I tell him.
"Then we're the same."
I think about that and to some extent he's right. We slighted each other.
"The difference is I didn't mean for my weapons to kill Prim. You meant to fuck him."
"Gale. We weren't together."
"You promised me nothing would happen. Then you lied and told me nothing did. You used us both."
"You had no regard for life. You turned into a monster." I tell him.
"Stop defending yourself!" Gale shouts. "Admit to it. That you lied to me!"
"I lied to both of you! I'm a whore! I used you for what I wanted! Is that what you want me to say?"
"Just tell me the fucking truth."
"I have a million times. I was a confused girl. I loved Peeta. I fell in love with him before the first games began. I never meant to hurt you."
"You hurt someone no matter what you did." Gale says coldly. "You prolonged the agony."
"Yes. I did." I tell him.
Gale stands inches from my face. I feel his breath. I smell him. He's cornering me. Smothering me. He puts a hand on my shoulder. Peeta runs up to him and Gale turns hearing him coming giving him a hook across the jaw Peeta falls. Gale turns to me again and forces me against the wall.
"You know how much you've made me hurt. How I live with the fact you hate me constantly on my mind. It's eating me alive."
I'm frightened. He moves his hand up to my throat pinning me. He kisses me. I can't pull away.
"I'm in pain Katniss. Isn't this what you do?" He bangs his head on the wall behind me. "Pacify me!"
"Gale." I whimper. "I know you didn't mean to kill Prim. What happened to you? This isn't you Gale."
He holds my face and trains his gaze into my eyes.
"You broke my heart."
"You broke mine." I tell him. "We're even. Let me go."
"No. After all I did. I saved your fucking family! Then you discard me like trash! For him!"
He continues to stare into my eyes. He presses himself against me. I feel his erection pressing into my stomach.
"See how I still love you? I can't control with that. I have to live with that. I need you to too." He whispers in my ear.
His hand meanders between my legs.
"I had you first."
I nod. Hoping this concession will stop him. I hear a grunt and a thud. Peeta has taken Gale to the ground. He's strangling him.
"Peeta stop!" I scream at him. His eyes are wild with hate. He relinquishes his grip on Gale.
"Can you live with the hate?" He asks. "Knowing I hate you too."
He spits on the ground. He's lost his mind. He can't stand not having me. Viewing me as a possession rather than a human with free will. He needs to punish me. He needs to punish himself. That's something I can't give him.
"Can you live knowing I forgive you?" I ask him back.
Tears shroud his seam eyes and he drops into a heap sobbing.
"Just come back to me." He pleads his face buried in his hands.
"No." I tell him.
He shudders in despair.
"But I forgive you."
He sits cross legged on the ground.
"Move on Gale. You're a hero now. Panem needs you. Need Panem back. That's your lover now."
This seems to give him resolve. I don't know if it's exactly what he's looking for. He stands and pats my shoulder. Looking like Gale again. Not the sadness monster he had become, but strong resolute Gale.
"Thank you." he tells me.
Then he leaves. He leaves for the last time. I know that I'll never see him again. I think of Rue, the small girl from Eleven who was at home in the trees. That girl who never lost her innocence who no one could take for a whore. That girl so much better than me. That girl I couldn't save. That girl who still lives in me. Peeta looks up at me panting. He gathers me into his arms. The only thing that feels real.
"I'm sorry. I know he meant a lot to you." He whispers to me.
"He's hurting." I reply.
Peeta kisses my neck.
"No excuse for hurting you." He says looking me in the eye.
"He's lost. He'll find his way." I say this despite the fact that my heart is bleeding for him. My oldest friend. "I don't want to talk about it any more than that. We're going home tomorrow. We're going back to the real world, not the toxic cess pool this place is. It sucks the sanity out of us all. You, me, Gale. This place rips all the scabs off our wounds. Let's think about going home. Haymitch will still be here so we can fuck in the meadow."
Peeta smiles. Pressing me close to him. The only person whose touch I don't shudder at.
"I like that idea."
He grips my face and kisses me. I grip his shirt and lead him back to the bedroom. Where I strip off my clothing. His face stoic. His eyes locked upon me. I lay back on the bed. He walks up to me. I'm prepared to meet his lips but they don't come, rather he begins sucking my clit. Licking my cunt taking my breath away. He removes all barriers and enters me fluidly kissing me as he does. I can taste my own sweetness. Both of us knowing what the other needs. Escape from the nightmares that are sure to come once we close our eyes. We stave them off through our love making. Coming over and over, until we are too tired to dream. Our bodies shaking from exertion, tangle amongst one another. Building a shroud keeping out the toxicity of the Capitol. Trapping in the purity of our love. The only thing as pure as Rue. The love shared between me and Peeta.