The Secret Social Life of Dr. Spencer Reid Chapter 11
Kathryn and Spencer were the only two left in the conference room. For the young woman it was by default, but the genius, he waited so he could have her alone.
"Hey." Spencer said praying that she would answer.
"Hi." He got a reply. An awkward minute or two passed by, both having so much to say but neither knowing where to start. "Look we've gotta get on the jet. I've gotta go." She attempted to rush out but was stopped as Reid took hold of her wrist, pulling her towards him until they were standing a reasonable distance away from each other, opposite each other.
"We stil have 24 minutes and 17 seconds. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry and I miss you and I want you to come back I need you to come back please come back." He rushed, gasping for air after he'd finished but pleading with her with his eyes. He knew it wouldn't be this easy but he so desperately wanted it to be. If he could take it all back he would. Heck, he wouldn't have even started dating Nichole if he knew this was going to happen.
"Spence." She looked so incredibly apologetic and he knew it was going to be bad. "Spence. I'm sorry but it's … it's just not that easy. Maybe we need some space. Maybe we need some time away from each other. We've had two arguments in the past 5 days. That's not normal for us. Usually it'd be once in a blue moon. Recently though, it's just so often and it hurts. It's not fair on either of us." She took a small step back and wrapped her arms around herself. She refused to look at him.
Garcia was just about to walk in when she saw they were in the middle of a serious conversation. She didn't like to listen in … well ok she did but she also couldn't just walk away in case they saw her and she couldn't walk in on them while they were talking. She had no choice but to listen in.
"Woah. Space? We don't need space. I'm sorry, what else is there to say? We've always recovered and got back to normal. Why can't we do it now too? You promised you'd never leave me and now because of some stupid argument you are gonna leave me?" Spence was astounded, her of all people wants to leave him. His best friend doesn't want to see him anymore.
"I'm not leaving you I just think with me intruding here and your team feeling suddenly obligated to involve me in their plans with the team, maybe we're getting stressed with each other? I mean, come on Spencer, you didn't even tell me you had a girlfriend. You told me about all of the others and yet not her. This was after I was forced onto this team. It was the worst argument we've ever had aside from when you were using and you can be so mean. Look we really have to go." Kathryn made herself look at him. She didn't want to do this. It was killing her, she couldn't live without him but she had to let him be happy and he wouldn't be as long as she was constantly around him. She needed to leave now or she'd give in to him.
"No. We still have 18 minutes. It only takes 5 to get to the jet. The BAU are a family, Kath. You are a part of this family. There's no obligations, they invite you because they want to invite you not because they feel obligated to. I was annoyed, I didn't mean any of it and it certainly doesn't warrant this. I want you to come home. Please?" This had to be some kind of sick, cruel joke. Surely she couldn't be serious about this. It'd never gotten this bad before.
"No Spence, they are your family. Yours. I don't have a family – my parents are dead, have been for 14 years now. If they liked me then how is it so easy for Hotch to just snap at me and get wound up by me, why is it that they keep their distance? I'm more of a burden to this team than anything else. As soon as I can request a transfer I will and maybe this will get better. Have you ever wondered why none of your previous relationships never worked out? Maybe it was me. You called me selfish, Spencer. You said I only care about myself. When people are angry they say what they mean, yes they can say things they don't. The thing is though, is that before you said that I was selfish or only cared about myself you'd have to think or believe it first, they're not things that you just say." He took a step towards her before half sitting on the table and running his hands through his hair. She watched him in fear of what he'd say to her. It could go either way – if provoked enough he could snap, if not then he'd stay calm. She just didn't know.
"You can believe what you want to believe in regards to the team, but trust me when I tell you they care about you." He told her looking her dead in the eye. "You want to know why you're selfish? It's because you have no qualms about giving up your life to save someone else's. You don't care about how anyone else would feel about it, you just do it-"
"It's my job." She interrupted in an attempt to defend herself. She now had her arms crossed and rather than looking upset she looked, offended.
"It's not your job! Your job is to save lives and catch killers yes, but not to be reckless with your own life. You don't seem to think, you just do. You think no-one would give a damn but what about me, Kathryn? What about Lindsey and Lucas? What about your goddaughter? That makes you selfish." He knew she knew it. He knew she understood.
"I'm sorry." The girl suddenly looked younger, she looked like she was going to cry.
"As to why I didn't tell you about my girlfriend." He walked up to her and lifted her chin up, waiting for her to look at him before he continued. "I settle. Every time I tell you I have a girlfriend I see it in your eyes; that you don't like it. See, there's this girl I know and she swore that she'd never date. She told me she wants to get married and have children but she won't. She won't because it's pointless and only gets people hurt. She said she's happy being single and just having 'no-strings-attached-sex' and so I took her word for it. This woman is very stubborn and the likelihood of anyone changing her mind was slim to none. She always told me I'd always wanted what I couldn't have and I wanted her. I still do. But she's stayed true to her word and never dated and I thought I should move on, so I date and have girlfriends, but it's not enough. It never feels the same as when I'm with this amazing woman and I always end up coming back to her. Always. I do because I can't stand the thought of life without her. I'm in love with this woman but I've never been completely sure whether she feels the same. Sometimes I think she does and then it seems like she doesn't. I've never been sure whether it was worth telling her just in case it ruined what we had. This woman made a promise to me a long time ago. She said that she'd stay by my side and never leave me for as long as I wanted her to stay. I don't want to let her go. I need her here with me, and this girl, this girl never backs out of a promise." Ok, he had to admit, as glad as he was to get that off his chest, it was scarier than being tortured by Tobias. It was scarier than Hotch's glare and that takes some doing. He didn't know what she was going to say, if she said anything. She was just standing there. Standing there with a blank and unreadable expression on her face. He thought he'd blown it and was about to walk away when she spoke.
"You're an idiot. You always put yourself in such unnecessary and difficult predicaments." She scolded, raising her eyebrows.
"Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but ok." He responded with a slight bit of confusion. He'd just poured his heart out and she called him an idiot. He really didn't get it. "How exactly am I an idiot?"
She rolled her eyes as though it were obvious. "If I told you now that I felt the same what would you do?" She once again crossed her arms over her chest and stepped back to get a clear look at him.
"Erm … maybe, kiss you? I don't know. But I gotta tell you, you're being really cryptic about this." He really was genuinely clueless. Damn this girl. He may love her but she really did irritate him sometimes.
"You're an idiot." That's all she said. She knew it'd annoy him but she couldn't help it. All she wanted to do was tell him that she felt the same and kiss him but she couldn't. She had to hold herself back. She couldn't be responsible for something like that. She may love him, he really did irritate her sometimes.
"Ok, I'm an idiot. But why?" He was clearly getting frustrated and Kathryn couldn't help but be slightly amused. Well, so slightly that it brought a smile to her face – the first smile in two and a half days. This made him smile too. He pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead, cheek and neck before snuggling into the crook of her neck for a moment. After he pulled away, he looked her right in the eye and asked her to answer him.
A look of sadness temporarily seized her face but the moment he saw it it was gone. "Because you have a girlfriend. That Nichole girl. Remember?" He had forgotten. He suddenly looked a little bit guilty and then sulky.
"Oh yeah. Ok fine, you win, I am an idiot. I can't believe I actually forgot about her. I'm a genius and I forgot about my own girlfriend. Well that's not good. Wow. I guess there really is a first time for everything." This elicited an actual laugh from Kathryn before she kissed his cheek, hugged him and buried her face in the crook of his neck, kissing it in the process. This was perfect.
From outside the room Garcia was almost in tears. They'd actually made up. She was a bit worried at the beginning for a minute there. Although she really didn't realise Reid could be so, romantic. She wished someone would say something like that to her.
"Hey." Prentiss said. "What are you doing?" All Garcia did was point at the scene in front of her. Emily had to admit it was cute. Soon the whole team were standing there, watching as the pair talked and smiled and laughed – still wrapped up in each other of course.
"It's about time. If he didn't apologise soon I'm pretty sure I would've had to have a word with him." Hotch stated making the team giggle.
"Well I have three things to tell you guys." Garcia started, turning reluctantly away from the cute scene and towards the team. "First is that she thinks she's not a part of our family; that she's a burden and we only feel obligated to invite her out with us – her words not mine. Secondly, she thinks Hotch hates her because he's so easily wound up by her and always shouts at her – again her words not mine. And third. Has anyone ever noticed before now that she has Reid's name tattooed on the back of her neck? Well it says 'Spencer' and not Reid but you get what I mean."
The team stared at the colourful woman in shock for a minute.
"I don't hate her. She just has … different methods of doing things than the team. She doesn't exactly like to follow orders and I have an obligation to keep all of the team safe. That includes her." Hotch sighed. He'd have to talk to her and do some damage control. Should be a fun conversation.
"We don't hate her either. She's far from a burden and she is a part of our family. Right Hotch?" JJ teased, making the others smirk.
"Don't start JJ. We all know she is." The poor man was beginning to get a headache.
"She doesn't." Rossi commented somewhat solemnly. He figured he should try to sort that out. Well, he'd talk to Hotch about it because he was pretty sure that he'd be the only one able to get that through to her. Reid was great and could knock some sense into her, hypothetically of course, but only Hotch could make her understand that she's here to stay. That she is a part of this family.
"Oh and for the record. She really has a tattoo saying 'Spencer' on the back of her neck?" Morgan asked.
"She really has his name tattooed on the back of her neck." Garcia confirmed.
"Oohh, she also has a tattoo of a black butterfly on her lower back. It's actually kinda cool." Prentiss added. She looked as though she was actually considering getting one.
"Well. I think it's safe to say Reid's pretty lucky." JJ concluded. They were all back to staring at the pair.
"Yeah. No girl has ever had my name tattooed on them." Morgan told them, pouting. This caused everyone to laugh.