Sorry I've been gone so long!
The next two hours may as well have been two days. Johanna in a state of complete delirium as Katniss and Beetee desperately and fruitlessly try to get her to nurse the new babe. Eventually they do come and incubate the tiny child and stabilize Johanna. We pile on the hovercraft and go with her to Four. Katniss clings to my hands blood covering her hands arms and sleeves. Effie is in complete hysteria. Beetee sits beside Johanna rocking himself and crying. I pat Katniss on the hand and rise to sit by him.
"I can't lose them. Since I was 16 my life has been consumed by death. The death of those I love by the Capitol. Those other children I killed haunt me! Those children killed under my mentorship. Johanna in all her gruffness has been my reprieve from that. She's the only person who makes me feel alive. She's the only one who understands me."
I look at him and I can say this with all sincerity..
"I understand completely. That's what Katniss means to me. If I….If I ever lost her."
"You'd die."
"Yes."
We reach the hospital and Johanna is taken into intensive care and the baby to the neonatal intensive care. Beetee confused as to which gurney to follow.
"She'd want you to be with the baby." Katniss says. "We'll keep watch."
We file into the waiting room for intensive care. Katniss stretches out on my lap on a sofa. Effie sits with her perfect posture torn asunder hunched into Haymitch's arms. Within five minutes Katniss's mother turn the corner into the room.
"Katniss."
The women embrace for a long time.
"I'm so proud of you." She whispers to her.
She looks around the room at all of us.
"She's going to be okay. The doctors here are very talented. The majority of them are from Thirteen. She's in excellent hands."
"And the baby?"
"The baby probably won't make it. He's too little. The doctors are good and he's incubated so he's totally supported by machines. Things will all be fine. I have to go I'm on shift." And she leaves us.
I look at my wife ravaged by the events of the night. The same pupil dilation in her eyes as after leaving the arena in the first games. If either the baby or Johanna lose their life she will be distraught. Too many times have we seen life hanging on a precipice and too many times have we failed at keeping it from falling. She sits on the floor and stares at the ground. I sit behind her and wrap all of myself around her creating a cocoon protecting her from the world. Despite the hunting and the trauma she still smells of mint and jasmine. I kiss the nape of her neck and squeeze her tighter reassuring her I'm there. I let her escape into my arms free from the fear for just a little while.
"Remember when Haymitch puked all over Effie."
She giggles.
"Which time."
I laugh beside her.
"They're meant for each other."
"In a bizarre way." She says to me.
The doctor's convince all of us but Beetee to go to bed. We checked into a room at a hotel across the street. We only nod to Effie and Haymitch as we close the door behind us.
I turn the water on and run a shower in the bathroom. I can see Katniss's reflection in the mirror as she disrobes, so strong so gentle and light. She releases her braid and a leaf falls to the floor. I hear her laugh which makes my heart lift a bit.
"I forgot I had gone hunting."
"I can see why."
She presses herself against me. She smells so sweet. I squeeze her naked frame a moment as the atmosphere begins to shrink, smaller and smaller until the only thing left are the two of us. We aren't in anguish we are one. She reaches her hands beneath my shirt lifting it above my head. Steam clouds the room. I bury my hand in her hair and kiss her more as I relieve myself from the confines of my pants. My hungry girl. So in need in what only I could give. She looks at me with hunger in her eyes. We just stand there for a moment wrapped around one another staring. Tears filling the corners of my eyes. I grab each of her buttocks. The tension is at a breaking point. I push her against the moist wall and enter her. Our mouths touching I thrust into her, both of us moaning yet making no intelligible words and we understand the meaning of each sound.
I feel her heart pounding against my chest and I move her once again to the shower. Hot water rains down on us. Instantly I feel her come, and instantly so do I. We stay silent as we wash one another, then we entwine upon the bed naked.
"I can't live without you." I spew out breaking the silence. Somewhat transferring us back to reality.
"I know. I can't live without you either. We protect each other remember?"
"Always."
Tears stream down our faces.
Once again my lips move to hers and I feel her hunger again. I make love to her there agonizingly slow. Bringing back memories of the Victory Tour, wanting so bad for her to feel what I felt. Knowing she only wanted my comfort. I try to turn my mind for those memories. Knowing how angry I felt that she didn't love me back. How she shattered me when she'd turn her gaze away. I feel her hands in my hair bringing me back to her and I look her in the eyes. This time unlike then they meet mine. Tears still freely flow as she meets my every motion.
A lump has formed in my throat. One which belonged to that boy on the Victory Tour the one who believed what we pretended was true. I need, I need so badly.
"Say it. Tell me you love me." I choke out on the verge of sobbing.
She grabs my face looking at me with those piercing eyes.
"Peeta. I love you."
I crumple above her as I resume making love to her. More and more forcefully. We do this until we sleep.
At some point in the night I don't know when, only it was still dark the phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Johanna is awake." Effie says
"Good!" I reply
"We need to go to the hospital." Her voice was flat. But I rose Katniss from her slumber and we make our way to the hospital. Hurriedly we rush down the hallways to where she is. First thing we see Beetee sitting outside her room. He looks up at us with puffy eyes.
"She has had a few seizures, and she's heavily medicated." He informs us. "She hasn't regained her sight, and she thinks she's being held in the Capitol."
I sit beside him. I'm crushed that place is where her mind returned.
…
Our cells are connected by a wall. I'm not allowed to talk to her. I'm not even sure of who she is. I keep trying to remember the humidity and forest. She tries to help me remember. I have to remember I have to come back to Katniss. Although I don't know where she is I can reach my arms out to her. She's forgotten about you. During shift change we hurriedly will have a conversation, in which Johanna reminds me of who I am. Or what she knows of me.
"Psst. What happened today?"
"They showed her to me. Dropping tracker-jackers on me."
"The careers had her cornered up a tree. Do you know what happened after that?"
"No."
"You fought the tribute from District Two. Cato. You fought him to save her. He cut you on the leg with a sword and left you to fend for yourself. Katniss found you camouflaged by the river. She risked her life taking you to a cave, she almost was killed getting medicine for you do you remember that?"
I squeeze my eyes together. I keep trying to remember it, I know it's true but it's her I see with the sword.
"Shhhh…."
Footsteps down the hall. A Peace Keeper takes me to an interrogation room and straps me to a chair.
"Peeta, Johanna is lying to you. A you were the Victor, not her. We put her there as a mutt."
I squeeze my eyes shut. I see rain… I see a little girl I don't know who she is…. she's pale…. her eyes are hollow…. she's dying… she's picking through our garbage for scraps. My mother chases her away…. I see her sitting there because she can barely walk… I place the bread in the oven I know how long to bake it but I don't take the loaves out… I let them burn… So they'd have to be thrown out… So she could eat… My mother beats me with her rolling pin… she sends me to throw them to the hogs… I throw them to the little girl and I tun inside wet…
I feel the pain of the tracker jacker sting and that little girl fades away… that pretty girl with braids in her hair...she picked a dandelion.
…..
"We have to be patient. Maybe Katniss should see her or Haymitch."
"We could try that. At the moment she's being given morphling and a psychiatrist is attempting cognitive realignment."
Beetee pauses. He looks as though he's choking. He buries his head in his hands.
"The…"
"The..babe"
He begins to sob.
"He's gone."
Tears flood my eyes. Katniss stands glassy eyed staring at the wall. I grab her and pull her into me.
"It's not your fault. They would both be dead if it weren't for you."
She nods into my shoulder.
And there we stand wearing fatigues, beside the cornucopia, holding nightlock in our hands.