The Classic Critic

by Luffy L Deathwalker

Airnaruto45 takes his chance at parodying the Nostalga Critic will he meet success well let's see this weeks review: Cromartie High School

35. Episode 35: My Top 16 Anime Series

Episode 35: Top 16 Anime

Disclaimer: This list consist of copy written material owned by various, studios, companies, authors, that it would take too long to list them all. This countdown is of my property and covered under the fair rights usage law.

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic sat at his desk once more ready to address the audience. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said.

"You guys remember that a year ago, a friend of mine known as DarkPaladinmon aka The Digital Critic did a list of his top 12 anime series, so I figured what the heck and do the same thing however I'm going to countdown my top 16 anime series also since this list is based on personal preference if you don't like the fact I excluded your favorite anime, then go make your own list." He said before using a new catchphrase; "Why 16, because just about every other number between 10 and 20 has already been used." He pointed out.

"So sit back and relax because these are my top 16 favorite anime series." Airnaruto said as the screen displayed various anime openings.

Number 16

Super book

"Okay you can go ahead and laugh it up if you want, but believe it or not this 1981 Christian kid's anime was the first one I ever watched as a kid. my parents had bought about half of the series on VHS which had two 20 minute episodes on each tape, with one video having 3 episodes on it. Anyway the series centered around two kids named Christopher and Joy who along with Gizmo, Christopher's wind up toy robot who becomes life sized during their trips back into Biblical times, are taken back in time by means of a magical talking bible named well Super book, just go with it folks, and meet various Biblical figures to learn life lessons about; obedience, responsibility, courage, etc. It may have been cheesy, the animation was crappy, and the voice acting was a little campy but hey like I said this was done in 1981 and for nostalgic purposes and introducing me to anime it's the perfect series to kick off the countdown." Airnaruto said as he moved on to the next entry.

Number 15

Monster

"I don't think I really need to go over the plot with this one since I've talked about it three times before; but what draws me into this 74 episode series the mystery behind Johan's behavior, the challenge Tenma has to overcome to spare Johan's life no matter how many times Johan goads the doctor into killing him, and the series does a good job with providing a social commentary on the monsters within ourselves and what it takes to over come those monsters, so to that I say thank you Naoki Urusawa and Madhouse for bringing us such a thought provoking and well paced masterpiece." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next pick.

Number 14

Fruits Basket

"Okay I know that right about now you're going to laugh at me for putting this series on my list." Airnaruto said as some of the more manly members of his audience laughed at him.

"However like I said when I reviewed the series in May, the themes and setting of the series really hit home with me, but as I mentioned the anime is incomplete since its manga counterpart finished about 5 years ago." Airnaruto said before grumbling to himself. "Why they just didn't release the series in 2007 instead of 2001 is beyond me."

"Regardless, if you're interested in this series check it out though you won't get the whole story out of it for that look for any copies of the manga that you can find since Tokyopop USA is out of print, or check out something I forgot to mention the last time, go on the Internet and take a look at JesuOtaku's Fruits Basket Radio Drama which I admit she has handled very well. So if you want to laugh and cry at the same time then check it out." Airnaruto said before moving on.

Number 13

Digimon Tamers

"I would say Digimon as a whole however, to me Tamers was probably the best season out of all them." Airnaruto said before explaining his point. "I mean season 3 of the franchise had; the most unique story, the most complex cast of Digidestined, and probably the darkest and most unexpected twist two thirds of the way through the series." Airnaruto said before adding one other piece of info,

"I suppose that's what you get when the guy who did the screenwriting for Serial Experiments Lain perhaps one of the biggest mindfuck anime series of all time is also the guy screen writing this series but I digress that's something for another day."

He said before wrapping this choice up; "All the same for its unique twist on the familiar Digimon formula I applaud Digimon tamers and place proudly at number 13 on my list." Airnaruto said moving on to his next entry.

Number 12

Basilisk

"If you want to know what this series is like I'll put it like this; take the ninja elements from Naruto except make it much more serious, and more graphic, then combine it with a Romeo and Juliet style of plot set in 17th Century Japan and that's Basilisk in a nutshell."

Airnaruto said before explaining the plot. "It follows the feud between the Kouga and Iga ninja clans who's heads Genosuke and Obouro respectively are engaged to be married but a sinister demonic ninja named Tenzo instigates both sides into breaking off a truce between both clans and reignites the hatred between the clans while driving Genosuke and Obouro further apart."Airnaruto said before shedding a tear.

"Now this would be okay for me to cry a little bit and I mean if you've read or seen Romeo and Juliet in any form you know how this story ends. Bottom line if you're in to these kinds of shows I suggest you check it out Basilisk; it's Naruto for adults."Airnaruto said going to his next choice.

Number 11

Berserk

"Oh Berserk, you wonderful manly, gore fest, I would have you put up much higher on the list if someone over at OLM chose not to flip you off and continue to focus solely on Pokémon, honestly this should have been allowed to continue instead of ending up as a manga commercial, however thankfully as many of us may already know the series is getting a remake done in the form of a movie trilogy that it set for a theatrical release early next year." Airnaruto said before getting into what pulled him into the series.

"What really grabs me with this series are; how much substance the story has going for it, the complex characters, and of course the hack and slash action." Airnaruto said before showing the scene of Guts cutting through 100 enemy soldiers.

"Personally I think what was handled the best in the series was the dynamic virtually polar opposite relationship between Guts and Griffith, as well the whole Greco/Roman feel the series had with it's themes of fate, hubris, political intrigue, and the desires of the human soul. It was creepy, dark, manly, and full of …" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by another wrestler named Rhino.

Rhino: GORE! GORE! GORE!

"Nevertheless, Berserk hacks and slashes its way to the number 11 spot on my list." Airnaruto said wrapping up that pick.

Number 10

Desert Punk

"As funny as this show is, I put it pretty low on the list simply because while it is good, it is seriously flawed." Airnaruto said before listing off the flaws.

"I mean out of the entire cast only Kosuna gets any significant character development, the plot goes from almost non-existent to all over the place, and while some of the perverted moments are funny, some of them felt force and were a poor attempt at making sounding crude seem cool, I can't believe this show nearly crossed the line into full blown hentai twice in the same episode about a third of the way through it." Airnaruto said finishing the flaws.

"However I will say that the action is pretty cool in this show and the fan service is pretty subtle even for a studio Gonzo series so while it is kind of dirty if it gets a few laughs out of me I like it that and I can't believe that this hasn't made it to AMV hell yet…" Airnaruto said before showing a certain clip from episode 8.

Rain Spider: AAAHH! There's a party in my pants and everyone's coming!

(BANG!)

"Bottom line, if you like raunchy, perverted action comedies then you'll love Desert Punk for the action, adventure, the tits, the ta-tas, and the stonking great milk jugs." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next show.

Number 9

Naruto/Naruto Shippuden

"I decided to put these two together because they're two parts of the same story more or less." Airnaruto explained to his confused audience.

"What I like about the show is that the cast is rather diverse, the fights are paced pretty well for the most part, and the animation is very good and detailed, however the reason I put it pretty low on the list despite it sharing a part of my penname boils down to one simple fact; Too many filler arcs!." Airnaruto said screaming the last part.

"Granted that the Shippuden filler arcs are spread out a little better than the original, they still take away from enjoying the overall story and filler arcs are the main reason that when it comes to Shonen Jump anime, that most people would prefer to stick to reading the manga scans every week and I'm no exception." Airnaruto said before wrapping up his tie choice.

"Regardless Naruto was what brought me back into anime and for that I thank the little hyperactive knucklehead ninja by giving both his shows my number 9 spot on the countdown believe it!" Airnaruto said wrapping that up with Naruto's punch line.

Number 8

Black Lagoon

"Oh hell yeah! This one is just adrenaline rushing, heart pumping, and action packed." Airnaruto said before getting into the plot.

"This series follows a Japanese salary man named Rokuro Okijima aka Rock who gets ditched by his company after he discovers some dirty business the company was taking part in. After being abducted by pirates that call themselves the Lagoon Trading Company, he develops Stockholm Syndrome and joins up with the crew as the negotiator more or less with each new assignment they get and trust me their clients are all over the place but when I get to do an actual review of this series I'll talk about the rest of the cast." Airnaruto said before getting to the main four of the show.

"The Lagoon company is made up of; the leader Dutch a former Vietnam war veteran that serves as a secondary voice of reason, Benny the tech expert, and Revy who I'll just say is the heavy artillery and trust me you do not under any circumstances want to cross her path." Airnaruto warned before Revy cut him off.

Revy: Go fuck yourself

"Oh come on Revy I was just giving you a compliment…" Airnaruto said before Revy pointed her pistols at him.

Revy: Give me what?

"Uh Revy could you put the guns down please?" Airnaruto asked as he started to sweat bullets.

Revy: You said you were gonna give me something, come on!

(BANG!)

"I'm hit!" Airnaruto said before the camera cut off.

Please Stand By

The camera re-displayed Airnaruto except now his arm was in a sling after Revy shot him. "Ouch, now I think I have an idea of what Rock has to put up with on a daily basis." Airnaruto grumbled before Revy cut him off.

Revy to Dutch: Dutch, let's kneecap this pussy.

"No please don't break my legs. Look I can move my arm." Airnaruto said demonstrating that his arm had healed up before the camera cut back to Dutch.

Dutch to Revy: There's no need.

"Thank you Dutch for sparing my life!" Airnaruto exclaimed while groveling before Dutch. "Anyway this show is not for kids; I mean it has, violence, black comedy, drugs, alcohol, and it drops 259 f-bombs throughout the course of the series." Airnaruto said

Before concluding; "All in all if you like this kind of stuff then strap in cause you'll be in for one hell of a ride as Black Lagoon takes its place at number 8." Airnaruto said.

Number 7

Fist of the North Star

"Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 30 years, then I won't need to go on about this series, also if you read my review of the recent video game based on the series then you'll know the plot." Airnaruto said.

"It revolves around Kenshiro, probably one of the most badass and coolest characters to come out of the Shonen genre and heir of Hokuto Shin Ken, an assassination art that utilizes striking the body's hidden vital points to cause significant damage from the inside, and ultimately kill the target; Kenshiro travels around the post apocalyptic world protecting the weak and innocent while trying to find his lost love Yuria who was taken from him by an old rival and his fighting style often leads to him putting his opponents in their place which leads to his famous catchphrase…." Airnaruto said before Kenshiro cut him off.

Kenshiro: Omae we mo shinderiu (You are already dead)

"This is the countdown to mind blowing awesomeness….pun intended." Airnaruto said before moving on to the flaws.

"My only complaint with the show is that the series was never dubbed completely I mean out of 152 episodes only 36 of them were dubbed into English." Airnaruto said before wrapping up his choice.

"My complaint aside with its gripping story, rememberable characters, kick ass opening theme preformed by Crystal king, and reputation of manliness this series more than deserves it's spot at number 7 on my list and if anyone's dumb enough to go against that then don't cause if you do then you are already dead." Airnaruto said as he moved on.

Number 6

Baccano!

"Often considered the magnum opus of studio Brain's Base, this anime is one hell of a ride and I mean it." Airnaruto said before explaining himself.

"This show has three separate yet related storylines to it that all seem to intertwine very well within 13 episodes, 16 episodes if you include 3 ova episodes that serve as the epilogue to all three stories." Airnaruto said as he began to explain each plot.

"The first storyline revolves around a The New York mafia turf war and a bunch of elderly alchemists trying to create a liquid philosopher stone, the second plot involves the robbery/massacre incident on the transcontinental train The Flying Pussyfoot…." Airnaruto said before stopping himself. "Go ahead and laugh if you want." He said to the audience and they did.

"Finally you have the search for Dallas Genoard the jerk from plot 1 who seems to only serve the purpose of being the punching bag of every other character." Airnaruto said in regards to each story line. "The show itself follows more the Pulp Fiction formula as it bounces around between each storyline taking place from 1930 to 1932 like a pinball on crack and it actually works quite well. In terms of the characters most of them are likeable and can be funny as hell at times especially characters like the bumbling dimwitted thieves Isaac and Miria who are the only characters that show up in all three storylines…." Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Isaac and Miria in one their funniest scenes.

Isaac to Miria: This is terrible! Miria, we've forgotten something of the utmost importance.

Miria: What do you mean?

Isaac: Miria its Ennis!

Miria: What will we do?

Isaac: Whatever shall we do?

Miria: ISAAC!

Isaac: MIRIA!

(Both start crying)

Both: WE FORGOT TO BUY A GIFT FOR ENNIS!

"I honestly ask why these two were not made the protagonists each time I watch the show." Airnaruto said before shrugging his shoulders, "Then you have sadistic psychos like Ladd Russo…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Ladd.

Ladd: Even though we are going to shatter dozens of lives inside a crowded train wearing white is gonna make the blood look so pretty.

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who pulled out a cuckoo clock and set it to a certain hour before the bird popped out.

(CUCKOO! CUCKOO!)

"Though I will admit my favorite character in the series also happens to be the one who has got possibly the worst name for a character in any series and that character is and I shit you not….Jacuzzi Splot." Airnaruto said before show a photo of a young bootlegger with red hair, a sword shaped tattoo on his face, a brown vest, a plaid shirt, and brown pants.

"To keep it short and to the point Baccano is…." Airnaruto said before getting cut off once more this time by Dallas.

Dallas: IT'S FREAKIN' UNBELIEVABLE!

Number 5

Great Teacher Onizuka

"I already reviewed this series so I won't spend too much time on the plot, characters, and the other stuff but I will say that I like this series because of hilarious it is in terms of it's humor even if the title character does get his stick bitten by venomous snakes twice, and some of the content in the series could use a little rebuttal it's social commentary on the harsh reality of Japanese school systems is what drives the point of the series home and to me the point of the series is this." Airnaruto said before a text appeared above his head.

"What good is your education if it keeps you from being a good person?" the text read.

"That is a good question, is it justified for Japanese teachers to pressure their students to achieve good grades to get into better colleges or find better careers if it ends up stripping the students of their humanity?" Airnaruto asked before wrapping up his choice; "Well either way for a series that let's the proverbial inmates run the asylum and a teacher who will bust his own balls to save your ass and trust me he will, I wish I had him as my teacher in high school because then I would be one happy son of a bitch." Airnaruto said.

Number 4

Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

"I chose Brotherhood simply because; I found it to be much darker than the original series and had better pacing. I mean sure the first 13 episodes were kind of rushed but that was only because the first 13 episodes in Brotherhood more or less condense the events of the majority of the 36 episodes it took to get to that point in the manga in the original series but hey no point in stretching out the part of the story you've already seen again so I was okay with that move; every event from then on out is strictly in accordance with the manga and let me tell you while the original FMA series is the one that most non anime fans think of when they hear the title will automatically like it though be warned with the original series don't start watching with the episode Night of the Chimera's cry aka the Nina Tucker story you'll be scarred for life if you do." Airnaruto warned.

"With Brotherhood again while the first 13 episodes are rushed due to them being familiar material I did like the inclusion of Xingese characters like May Chan, Lan Fan, and Fu but I found Ling Yao to be incredibly irritating skipping out on the bill, and mooching off others for food. How much were Mamoru Miyano and Todd Haberkorn paid for this part anyway?" Airnaruto asked before wrapping it up.

"All in all either FMA series is worth the watch also if you can sit through all of both series then I can strongly say that you have a heart made full metal." Airnaruto said before moving on to his top 3.

Number 3

Chrono Crusade

"I got this as a birthday present recently from a friend of mine. Since I already went over the plot when I reviewed the series, I'll just go over what I liked about it." Airnaruto said before going into what he liked about it.

"Personally I liked how the English Dub used all the 20s slang to make it sound authentic, the fight scenes were slick and stylish, the musical score was just beautiful and the animation was very good, not to mention that the whole Beauty and the Beast formula used in relationship between Rosette and Chrono was very touching throughout and at times funny. Leave it to Hilary Haag and Greg Ayres to give this kind of performance." Airnaruto said before getting to what made him cry. "However I think everyone remembers Chrono Crusade for it's ending." Airnaruto said before a disclaimer popped up.

Warning: The following consists of spoilers to the anime of Chrono Crusade if you do not wish to be spoiled please leave now.

"Anyway after the battle with Aion, Rosette and Chrono spend about six months in an old log cabin and on the final day Rosette's life the two start reflecting on all the adventures they had together up until Rosette admits the one thing she was afraid to say the whole series." Airnaruto said as he showed the scene.

Rosette (About to break into tears): I'm just…so…scared Chrono…I just want to live a little longer….is that so wrong? I don't want to die (Crying while embracing Chrono)

Chrono (quietly while holding it in): Oh Rosette

Little later as the sun comes ever closer to setting completely.

Rosette: Chrono…thank you.

(Rosette's watch ticks slowly until silence)

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto with a tissue box next to him, "What? That scene always tears me up, and if you were watching it you would have wished that there was some sort of loophole in the contract made between them too." Airnaruto said.

"With it's unique premise, likeable characters, well paced story, and emotional moments Chrono Crusade is one series I recommend that you guys should check out, because if you don't I'll give you a taste of my gospel." Airnaruto said holding up a colt revolver loaded with an alchemic silver bullet called the gospel.

Number 2

Trigun

"What can be said about this series that hasn't already been said?" Airnaruto said before carrying on.

"Based on the manga by Yasuhiro Nightow, Trigun has become one of the most popular anime series in the west." Airnaruto said before moving on to the plot.

"As I mentioned in my review, the story revolves around Vash the Stampede, a pacifist outlaw gunman with a bounty of 60 billion double dollars on his head dead or alive along with a pair of insurance agency representatives who have to enforce risk prevention on the guy, and a trigger happy priest named Nicholas D. Wolfwood travelling around the desert planet of Gun smoke tracking down the man who ruined his life, his own twin brother Knives." Airnaruto said before carrying on.

"In my Trigun review I did bring up the series many flaws such as; the scrappy animation despite coming from Studio Madhouse, but this was originally released in Japan back in 1998 but anyway, the mess up with the Japanese voice cast, and the tonal shifts and plots twist that pop up about halfway through, but what saves it is it's strong beating heart of story and it's characters." Airnaruto said before explaining himself; "Like the Jesuotaku, I was equally creeped out at how rooted in Christianity the shows themes were both on the surface and on a deeper level, also like Jesuotaku I didn't know until last year that Nightow himself was in fact Catholic Christian. He been born and raised a Buddhist but converted to Catholicism when he began coming up with the concept for the manga which is rather shocking for me on a personal level." Airnaruto said before stating.

"However much like with Super book, I'll take any representation of my faith accurate or not, global or American where I can it get not to mention that Vash is just so funny, badass, and loveable at the same time." Airnaruto said before wrapping it up. "Trigun; it's my number 2 anime of all time and the only gun sling fest where the man on the wanted poster shouts…" Airnaruto said before Vash cut him off.

Vash: This world is made of….

"All together everyone…" Airnaruto said

Vash, Air, audience: LOVE & PEACE!

"Now after all those shows you're probably wondering; "Airnaruto what is your favorite anime?" Airnaruto asked for the audience. "Well this last one might surprise you." Airnaruto said as he revealed his favorite anime.

My number 1 favorite anime series of all time is…..

Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo

"Now by now everyone knows how impressed I was by the series; I mean the surreal and stunning visuals, the way takes the classic Alexander Dumars novel and puts a whole new twist on it as expected with studio Gonzo, and the music is just excellent." Airnaruto said as he continued.

"If there was any other interpretation of the book that does the original justice it would be this one, it's full of intrigue, mystery, romance, a bit of humor, and tragedy and yet it's handled so damn well. Yeah the characters don't get a lot of development but hey in this case it's forgivable, either way to my audience I offer these words; bide your time and hold out hope. Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo my number 1 favorite anime of all time." Airnaruto said.

The camera then returned to Airnaruto sitting at his desk; "Well there you have it my top 16 anime of all time and to all those who are disappointed that I didn't put their favorite series, I apologize but remember this was my list and therefore based on my personal preference. I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he got up from his desk and left.

Well there you have it folks my first chapter in over two months so tell me what you think so until next time read and review.