Ch 5

Dean checked his message in the phone from Sam ; hey I took the impala, im gonna be out, don't wait up. Seems like you and Cas need some 'bonding time' don't want to be in the way. Glad to see you relaxing some.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He had a headache coming on. The angel in his bathroom was actually whining in several languages between heaves.

"tantaeque est…" *gag* "minua gualo exio" *gasp* *splash* "Jeg spiser…. ikke så mye" *gag* "uh" "no more" *splash* *wimper* "warum ist das brennende…. Schmerzen" Cas could be heard making a humming whine.

Dean laughed dryly "so relaxed" Dean said

actually a little relived to have this kind of humorous distraction in afterthought

"hey Cas want breakfast" dean said after there was a long silence from the bathroom with a grin

Cas grimaced soulfully turning back in for another round at the thought of food

Several dry heaves were heard "mi animi…. est ex mi ora mox…dean… fuck you"

"in your dreams buddy" dean said

his grin fell off his face taking in the angel sigils there above his door and remembering some of his dreams a blush crept to his ears.

Dean was flitting around a world of small bubbles round and quivering each one a memory or emotion somewhere in the distance a young dean was blowing air into a bubble wand loosing more memories and emotions, one drifted nearby, a small girl who had walked up to him in one of his high school days and kissed him on a dare.

Another drifted right in his face and popped a voice of bobby saying something gravely and lovingly condescending, a half remembered sentence that flowed across deans conseousness as more the emotion than the words.

Dean reached out and held a bubble in his hand a memory of a quiet moment as grown men chasing Sam around playing tag.

Cas stood off in the distance watching bubbles float past and taking in the memories of dean as well. Dean had let him be, along for the ride in dreamland but not interfering. Cas would sometimes just hang out in deans dreams.

Dean flashed with a passing whim to Cas and poked him "tag" and fled to another dreamscape dean hung in a darkness and it had occasional solid form, dean hid behind one.

Cas did not fallow the sudden change in dreamscape but hung in the distance in a small spotlight confused. Dean ran to cas a dream induced loss of inhibition dean passed by cas again immaterial and giggling "chase me" was conveyed in not so much words as giddy emotion.

Cas with efficiency popped up next to dean who reflected the idea and popped up miles away a small spotlight on him in the distance, cas gave chase. Dean split himself into several deans which ran in every direction and cas was at a loss to follow them all. Grabbing a toddler dean who ran on stubby legs nearby it squeed and in a smokey dissipation disappeared under Cas's hand.

Dean condensed himself into one and grabbed the angel around the waist "tag, no tagbacks" then giddy and ethereal dean swirled as a joy around cas who smiled a little at the swirl of dean separated from self and construct in the free world of dreaming. Suddenly dean solidified and the dreamscape turned into a front yard of a house.

Cas had supposed dean was aware of cas and the dreaming, a more keen reality had formed and clearly defined dean looked at cas piercingly. Cas nervously wondered if dean would be pissed and yell at cas for witnessing a dream like this. Dean stepped closer "um, can I see your wings?" dean fidgeted a little childishly "because I won" cas took back his previous summation, maybe dean was still dreaming deeply. Cas looked a bit taken aback, but then with a intense look at the dreams constructed ground unfurled them, why not cas had thought.

He had seen dean laid bear in this dreaming. "ooh, cool" dean said in a voice too young for the face he was projecting of himself and wandered off as the dreamscape losing detail and form a swirl of green and blue in a foggy mist of a universe swaying curls of color brushed by Cas's still exposed wings deans couscous lended itself into the colors and vague form swirling through Cas's feathers cas heard a boyish giggle and recognized it as a young deans voice. cas spread his wings out farther for the joyful play of deans subconseous rolling through them and swirling around him.

A thrill of goose bumps raised on cas, and deans conseousness was aware of them as case's wing feathers poofed out raised as well as the hairs on his arms and neck. A knowing giggle near his ear perhaps a teenage dean while a childish squeal of another part of the dean admiring a pinkie toe, a chorus of giggling as various voices and tones given form rushed through the now more available space between feather shafts and skin. This was overwhelming and immersive.

Cas closed his eyes and sighed the dreamscape changed again but cas did not notice until the vague swirl had condensed into fingers carding through his wings a head on Cas's shoulder. Dean had turned his head to Cas's ear and whispered as if divulging a world shaking secret "I feel happy" dean laughed and the sound that came out was of a young child.

Dean then had turned into a young child in his dreamscape and with small hands pushed Cas's leg "tag" and ran off. Cas smiled vaguely, took a few calming breaths and gave chase.

Their games of dreamland tag had varied themes from chasing each other through concepts, color, remembered landscapes, to chasing each other through acts of sex and joy, a recurring thread but that one was so sickly sweet it had been stuck in deans brain almost as much as the first sexual one that he knew for sure cas was in because he had asked in the real world a few days later.

Dean was running through a field of wheat caught alternately between running with a heard of deer and chasing them, a golden antlered buck surrounded in a haze of light turned to him and made a ghostly noise like a elk and dean whistled back a echo of the noise and ran with it into a lake where it melted into the water and warmed it and tinted it a light red. Dean floated content and dove under and chased a busty mermaid that flitted by when he came up for air ready to dive in again he heard a familiar gravely voice "dean" and sure enough cas was in a boat just beside him.

A fishing pole hang lazily beside and dean looked down to see he was holding a bobber, picking the line up he saw the bait was a small plastic cheeseburger the weight a small replica of fries.

"really cas"

dean climbed into the boat tempted to dump cas into his dreams water but the boat did not rock.

"I have weird enough dreams cas". dean lie in the bottom of the boat and put his head at the angels shoes comfortable and a little bit glad to have the company. The busty mermaid had swam up and leaned into the boat dean reached out a hand and fiddled with her nipple lazily.

"cas I think this is a particularly happy dream though, maybe come back tomorrow?" "did you need something?" cas considered dean at his feet, "I like your happy dreams dean" dean looked up at the open honesty in the angels face.

Dean didn't think the angel got subtly ever. as if to drive the point home the mermaid had grabbed a hold of deans manhood and cooed. Dean wasn't aware he was naked and looked up at cas slightly apologetic but when he suspected he might see cas looking at him with disapproval cas was watching the mermaid play with him.

"hey!" dean blushed then squirmed "ah! Nuh" Dean blushed deeper and made to move the mermaids hand away grabbing one hand the mermaid set to work with the other and dean could not grab a hold of both her hands with his as fast as she was switching one to another. "ah nuh, dammit! Uh… for the love of…" dean blushed and gave up instead slapped her boobs in irritation. She didn't stop. "uh… ah!"

with a gasp dean woke up. Deans confusion was lost in a moan as his body betrayed him and he came. Wet dream or cas…both… dean caught between one emotion and the next looked down at himself "aw man".

Cas was still in his room, dean did not push the current patron angel of hangover out. But it still irritated him. But then Cas had flopped sadly on his bed and buried his face in the pillow and whined that he wasn't able to move anymore without ' the universe spinning painfully and trying to crush his scull from the inside and rip his intestines out his mouth.' dean had assured him he was a wuss and would live. Cas had muttered in enochian for a while after that, and dean backed out his room hair on the back of his neck rising.

Later in the kitchen Dean flipped through his contacts and hovered over Crowley's number, then closed it and set it aside. Deans bowl of cereal was getting soggy, he couldn't bring himself to eat it.

Dean mixed up a hangover cure for Cas and dropped it off by his room where the angel was in a mist of some internal struggling that was painful to look at straight on, his hair stuck up at odd angles and his bottom lip trembling between nausea and pain. dean cleaned up the room while Cas shakily spun in the waves of pain and regret that only worsened to a cringe when he took in the flowers by the bed a red creeping in his cheeks and a slightly horrified space between lips. "no…"

Dean had left by the time Cas could pull together a cogent thought waking up and looking to a clean room gone of dean. Cas snuck off to his own room the lighting in the bunker was just gaudy cas decided cringing from every bulb he passed and when he got to his room he gave the bed a grateful hug and passed out, when Cas got up to take a shower and after brushing his teeth caught sight of himself in the mirror, he still had on deans clothes.

The toothbrush hung at careless angle and Cas was as embarrassed of the realization arousing him as much as… actually watching himself blush in the mirror. Cas looked away from himself not really wanting to look himself in the eye. He took the shirt off but he found himself hard and pressed against the jeans when he went to take them off. Once again looking up to the mirror he took in the blush and looked away.

Cas looked at the shirt on the floor for a long moment "carpe diem" he shrugged.

Cas grabbed the shirt and put it back on, looking at himself in the mirror he touched himself through the jeans and imagined touching dean in them through them in the same way, a whimper of needy on his lips he put his hand in them and rubbed himself.

Cas closed his eyes against his own reflection and ran a shaking hand through his hair to grab a hold of it and imagine dean pulling it back "nuh" Cas cried out and his knees gave out and he fell back against the door and slid down into a embarrassed and puffing pile, he got up and leaned over the sink stroking himself he put a hand to the mirror to steady himself and looked down at himself imagining dean touching himself in this way as he came in surprise his breath in hurried puffs punctuated by small mewls, the mirror broke and rained down.

After gaining his breath back Cas took in the various messes and decided to go for the mirror shards first, liking the idea of him dirtying deans jeans like this. Cas berated himself slightly he was turning human again not into a beast, but the self dialog did not stick and he smiled despite himself.

Did humans go through estrus? No, dean would say he needed to get laid. Cas understood hedonism as a desire.

Maybe it was for the best Cas paled in fear, had he chosen a female vessel he would have not had as much resistance from dean and would have created a niphilium by now or three.

But this was a dialogue he had had with himself in the past, dean was not a white picket fence and pinfeathers type of guy anyway Cas was unsure how their relationship might have been inversed, body before soul? Dean could have physical relations with anyone he belonged to Cas in a way that no other thing could touch on. But Cas wondered as he plucked another shard from the sink and dropped it in the trashcan why he was pushing the boundaries more than ever. He caught his chapped lips reflected in the shard of mirror.

Ah he was going to die, no dreamscape rendezvous, no touching deans soul from across the room. No he would find himself mortal and unconnected the best thing would be a echo of touch with no power other than physical desperation, and memory of more.

Maybe the connection the bond within them would be the last thing to go before his ears were shut off to the universe and all else but his breathing in and out and the singular quiet of a lifetime in ones own head apart from all else and reaching for more. He wanted to know that he could hold dean and remember holding his soul if even no longer feel it. The shard broke in his hand cutting him a little.

Cas could understand now a little the way Lucifer had been tempted to by force or by accident twist the souls of the first demons.

Cas worried for a moment how much he had accidentally brushed against deans soul to poke it to its eventual curl, was he hurting the man by interaction alone? But cas was not selfish like his bound brother.

dean was his charge, cas had to stay strong... But what of when he was no longer a angel but a dieing man?

Cas looked down, there was still glass to clean up, but he wanted to go back to bed just now. Cas tunneled into his bed and his ribs were shaking against his lungs and he was unsure why he could not stop. Sure cas had been bummed before but this, this felt painful. Cas found he could not breath all the sudden.