How to Torture Mello
I am in sheer AWE of how many people reviewed this fic on the first chapter. I usually get two, maybe three reviews…and you all gave me 7. SEVEN! That's just plain AWESOME! Please, reviewers, give yourselves a round of applause. Thank you.
Your ideas were weighed…and this story will have some rather mild MelloxMatt, not enough to be called yaoi, some more L-ish-ness…and Mello cross-dressing.
All this and more…
In this chapter! WOOT!
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As soon as L and Watari closed the door quietly behind their retreating backs, Matt cracked open his eyes and pushed Near's limp white head off of his stomach.
It was time to prepare for his next escapade in torturing his roommate.
Mello and Near kept sleeping as he stole out of the room, tiptoeing over to his friend Lost's room. "Lost. Yo, LOST!" he whispered/yelled.
A bleary-eyed scruffy girl came to the door. "Whaddyawant?"
"I need…some dresses. And skirts."
Lost looked at him like he'd just suggested the existence of whangdoodles. "…Do I want to know why?"
Matt grinned. "Nope."
She sighed and went back into her room, rummaged around for a bit, and came back with an armful of lace, feathers, gauzy mesh, and fishnet stockings. "Here. Give it back by Tuesday, mkay?"
Matt nodded eagerly, taking the proffered bundle and running off to his room.
He had work to do.
--
Mello woke up with a start. "DON'T EAT THE MUFFIN!"
"…Good morning to you too," replied Matt, obviously somewhat weirded out.
The blonde shot him a glare and plopped back down onto his fluffy pillows, staring at the stuccoed ceiling like it was the Taj Mahal. "Don't blame me. Blame my dreams."
"…Riiiiiiiiiight." drawled the gamer, rolling his eyes in an obvious display of 'I don't believe you and you know it'-ness.
Mello turned over in his cocoon of covers.
When he woke up again, Matt was gone, the alarm clock next to his face read 12:00, and the stereo underneath Matt's desk was blasting Iron Maiden at a volume usually reserved for concerts.
Mello shook himself awake, staggered over to the stereo and kicked it, which caused it to sputter like an asthmatic chicken. Mission complete, he sat on his bed for a while thinking of ways to waste time while he twiddled his thumbs. Looking down at his boxers, he finally thought I think I should change into my clothes.
So he did.
Or at least attempted to.
He opened the closet…only to find that all of his clothes were gone.
They were replaced by hanger after hanger of…
Dresses.
Every imaginable color, fabric, size, and style, with matching petticoats and garters, to boot.
Mello stood there, awestruck and inwardly cursing whatever force had suddenly abducted his gorgeous leather and replaced them with this…this…this filth.
"Crapbiscuits," he swore, then proceeded to tear apart the rest of his shared room in search of any scrap of leather - even a loincloth would do.
His search was in vain- he had no other clothes- so he gritted his teeth, pulled down a random dress, and put it on. It took him a while to find the zipper, but once he stepped into it, it was clear that this dress was meant to show off cleavage, which Mello clearly had a lack of…being a guy.
So he threw that one off and tried another. This one was polka-dotted, poofy, and designed to be worn with a petticoat, which Mello was not doing. It was rejected, thrown in the pile with the other one.
Soon the heap was getting kind of big, and Mello was getting kind of irritated. So he ripped the next dress off of the hanger, impatiently put it on, and…it fit. Well, fit as well as a dress can fit on a guy.
He put on the matching socks, mainly because he wanted to see people's reactions, and without a second thought, strode out of the door to breakfast.
--
Bad idea.
Mello was crazy embarrassed.
Why the hell did everyone insist on making catcalls at him just because he couldn't find his normal clothes?
And little kids that he usually ate for breakfast were pointing and laughing!
Damn, Matt was going to be KILLED.
--
When Mello walked in, Matt nearly had a nosebleed all over his Calculus homework.
Jeezus H. Murphy, are normal people allowed to be that hot?! he wondered, looking down at some complex problems and mentally willing himself not to think about the cross-dressed blonde. Oh, crap. He's going to kill me with a set of pliers, a whip, and a baseball bat…oooh boy…
Unfortunately for him, said blonde plunked down across from him with a tray of toast. "Matt, I am going to KILL you with a set of pliers, a whip, and a baseba-" he growled, but was suddenly cut off as blood sprayed across the table from Matt's nose.
There was a silence as Matt dripped all over his shirt and Mello looked down at his ruined toast.
"That hot?" he asked.
Matt nodded, helping himself to a napkin.
"I'm still mad at you."
--
Across the room, a certain white sheepy someone was laughing his ass off.
--
"MATT!!"
"I'm sorry, Lost! It was a matter of sexiness!"
"I don't frickin' care how sexy he looked! YOU GOT BLOOD ON MY DRESS!!"
"…I'm…sorry…"
"That's it. You're doing my laundry for a week."
"Crapbiscuits."
--
Matt sullenly led Mello to a supply closet, dragged by his ear. "In here."
Mello opened the door, and thank God, his beautiful, beautiful leather was there. All of it, even that thong that Matt had bought him as a Christmas gift and had earned the gamer a smack to the face.
Mello looked back at Matt, who was looking utterly miserable.
He looks good in that, he thought, eyeing the polka dot dress-complete with petticoat- that the orange-goggled boy was currently wearing against his will.
Mello resisted the urge to tackleglomp his roommate, and instead piled most of the black heap of leather onto him.
"We've got to get this back into my room."
"Our room, a-hole."
--
Midnight.
The door to Matt and Mello's room creaked open enough to let Near crawl in. The sheep…was on a mission.
He crawled past the pair's beds, inwardly giggling as Matt sleep-muttered "Triple combo…Donkey Kong…no, Link! Z, Z, X!" and Mello began to snore. He crept onto the desk chair, took a pen out of his pocket, and began to write in Matt's book, beginning to detail a new quest to drive Mello crazy.
The last quest, Near thought, was a total flop. Hm…what to do next…crossdressing's done…how about…something with L? Yes…that'll embarrass him for years…
--
A boy walking to the bathroom outside Mello and Matt's room swore he heard a small evil cackle the next morning.
No one believed him.
--
When Matt opened the book the next morning, he found a totally new section. He couldn't help but smile as he read the loopy handwriting.
Mello was in for one wild ride.
--
Ooooooh, quasi-cliffy!!
Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, and for the lack of detail in Mello's cross-dressing…but I've done the best I can. Kind of.
I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter…let's just say that it currently involves L, awkward romantic advances, much cackling by Near, and more Matt nosebleeds.
MUAHAHA.
Crapbiscuits is my new favorite swearword. Lolz.
Pocky to reviewers!