A/N: Aloha! This chapter is inspired by the song Not In That Way by Sam Smith. I love the song and this idéa has been in my mind for a while so it feels nice to finally put it into words. Enjoy!:)

Song: Not In That Way by Sam Smith

And I hate to say I love you

When it's so hard for me

And I hate to say I want you

When you make it so clear

You don't want me

I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say

You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."

And I hate to say I need you

I'm so reliant

I'm so dependent

I'm such a fool

When you're not there,

I find myself singing the blues.

Can't bear,

Can't face the truth

You will never know that feeling

You will never see through these eyes

I'd never ask you 'cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say

You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."

You'd say, "I'm sorry, believe me, I love you but not in that way."

I was in love. With my best friend. I finally admitted it to herself, even though I had a feeling it was like this since I was 15 years old. I had lived 2 years in the lies I told myself. I told myself that what I felt for him was not a crush, it was just friendly, like it's always been. I was tired of the lies.

Tobias and I met for the first time when I was five and he was seven. Our father's were very good friends and one night Marcus, Tobias father, brought his son to the Prior's house. We immediately got along and we've been best friends since then. I know everything about Tobias, as well as Tobias knows everything about me. I know about the beating he received from his father, I know about his mother. I know him in a way nobody else does.

We've always been able to have fun with each other. We always enjoyed the other's company, watching a movie, going on a trip, or just sitting in silence.

Lately it's been more difficult for me to ignore the feelings I have for him. They just seem to grow everyday. We've always held hands, but now it felt so different for me, it felt more special than just hand-holding. I knew he didn't feel the same, even thought sometimes I thought that we shared the same feelings. I knew that I was ridiculous, he'd never feel the same way for me. There were so many people that adored him, that wanted to switch places with me. And while Tobias was the more 'popular' one at our school, I was the one that people easily picked on. Tobias always defended me, though.

And even if he felt the same way for me, as I felt for him, I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk their strong friendship. What if we did get together and then broke up? That would break any relationship we've ever had and will ever have. I didn't want that to happen.

That was one of the reasons why I didn't tell him, or anyone, about my feelings. Another reason was because I was afraid I'd be rejected, which would most likely happen if I told him that I loved him in a stronger way. He loves me, I know that, but I love him in a way that a friend shouldn't love another friend.

I was now sitting by myself in front of the TV in the living room. I was waiting for Tobias to arrive to our movie-night. Something that we have every thursday night, and that we've had for years. I'd already picked out the movie and fixed the snacks, and I was now sitting and thinking about Tobias. I wanted to tell him how I felt, and I decided that tonight I'd do that. I wouldn't be afraid anymore, I had to be what he always told me to be, brave. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, which told me that Tobias had arrived. I started to get nervous, my heart beating faster, my palms sweating.

But everything vanished when I opened thet door and met his dark blue eyes. I felt the comfort he always gave me as we hugged. He always managed to calm me, even thought he was the reason why I had to to be calmed.

"Hey" we both said at the same time as he pulled away. We both chuckled before we made their way to the living room. The house was empty, except for the two of us, as it always was on these nights.

"Does Dirty Dancing sound good to you?" I asked him as we sat down. He smiled at me, since he knew it was my favorite movie of all time. He sat down next to me, grabbing the popcorn bowl and placing it on his lap.

"Of course, Sylvia" he said and I laughed at him.

"Good, Mickey" The movie started, but I didn't pay much attention to it. All I could think of was how I would start the conversation, because I knew that if I didn't tell him tonight I would never get the courage to do that.

"I need to tell you something" I was shocked when I realized that the same words came out of his mouth. We looked at each other and he gave me a small smirk, clearly amused by how the often we seemed to do that.

I let him go first, as I prayed that what he had to say had something to do with what I myself had on my mind. I was so wrong.

"I finally asked Nita to be my girlfriend" he said, playing with his fingers that were in his lap. "And she said yes"

I felt her heart shatter. How could I forget? The last reason why I didn't tell him before was because he already had his eyes on another girl. On Nita. The girl that he met at a party that I myself dragged him to. Now I wished that I hadn't done that. Nita was everything I wasn't, which was another proof that Tobias would never be interested in me. Nita was curvy, she was beautiful and she was not a nerdy person. The opposite of me.

I wouldn't be able to tell Tobias her feelings for him now. That would just be pathetic when he finally got the girl he had a crush on since last year.

It still hurt, though. Nita would be the girl Tobias held hands with, that he kissed on the cheek, that he spent his time with. She'd be the girl he love. I knew that it was selfish of me to have these thoughts, but I was afraid that Tobias would leave me behind and forget about me. I tried to tell myself that it wouldn't be like that.

"Really?" I asked, trying to keep my mask. I didn't want to hurt him, especially not now when he looked so happy. He nodded with that big smile I loved so much. It hurt me knowing that I wouldn't be the only one he smiled at like that. "I'm so happy for you! Finally, right?" Crack, stab, punch my heart said at the same time.

"Yeah, I'm so relieved she said yes" He looked at me with his beautiful dark blue eyes and I told myself that I had to be happy for him. Even if it deeply hurt me. "What did you want to tell me?" he asked.

Well, I just wanted to tell you that I've fallen for you really hard and that I've felt this way since I was 15, but you just got yourself a girlfriend, so never mind.

"I'm not feeling very well," I lie, hoping that I'll convice him. "I think I've catched a flu or something" I don't want to lie to him, but I can't have him here right now.

"Okay, well, I should probably go, anyway" he says, standing up and making his way to the door. I follow him, as I always do and give him a hug before he walks out. I close the door and slide down with my back against it. I put my face in my hands before leaning the back of my head against the door. I don't cry, there's no meaning in that, but i do feel sad. Empty. I don't blame him for this. If he's happy with Nita then I shouldn't stand in the way for his happiness. It still hurts, though.

It's been three weeks since that night, exactly. It's thursday and I'm still waiting for Tobias to arrive. He's two hours late.

Suddenly my phone starts to vibrate next to me and Tobias' name flashes on the screen. I can't believe it when I find myself thinking twice about if I should answer it or not. It's just that since Tobias and Nita got together we haven't been so much together. I understand that he wants to be with his girlfriend, but it feels like he's completely forgotten me.

"Hello?" I say as I answer the phone. Tobias and I haven't talked with each other since monday and I'm feeling nervous now. In the background I hear a giggle. Nita.

"Hey, Tris?" I can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks. I don't answer him because I can already feel the lump rising in my throat. "I'm sorry, but I can't come tonight, something came up" Now I feel the tears in my eyes.

"But we've been doing this for years" I say, the tears starting to roll down my cheeks. "And what's the point of calling and canceling two hours later, Tobias" I hate that you can hear how I cry when I speak.

"Yeah, I know and I'm sorry for that" Tobias says, with no sympathy at all. "But Nita wanted me to be with her tonight and I couldn't say no" This was exactly what I had feared from the beginning, that he would choose her before me, that he would forget about me. Now the tears are streaming.

"Of course" I say, my voice breaking. I can't believe this is happening, this isn't the Tobias that I knew just some weeks ago. This is not the Tobias that I love. "But I suggest you don't come here next week, either. And do us both a favour and don't call me" It hurts me to tell him that, but I don't want to be friends with this person.

"What? Tris, come on! I leave you alone for one night and now you can't stand me anymore? You're crazy" As he says it I hear the seriousness in his voice. I don't answer him, I just sob in to the phone. "Please, Tris. Don't do this" Now he's begging and it feels like the old Tobias. The one that cares about me, that would do anything for me.

"I'm sorry, Tobias" I say. "But you're the one that brought this on yourself" With that I end the phone call, not wanting to hear him say anything more. Now I let myself cry, I just lost my best friend. I never wanted our friendship to end, especially not like this. But it did and now all I can do is to think about all of the great memories we have together and feel sorry for myself. I let myself be selfish for once.

A week after me ending our friendship and a week of Tobias constantly trying to contact me by calling and texting I'm sitting in the living room. I'm watching a movie by myself with a bowl of popcorn that I forgot to salt. I've been avoiding Tobias the whole week, I can't see him because I know that I'll just end up crying.

All of a sudden there's a knock on the door and I feel all of the blood rushing to my head. Please, don't let it be him. Please. But when I open the door I immediately wish I didn't, because here he is, standing right in front of me with sad eyes and a box of my favorite chocolade in his hands. The look he gives me is all it takes for me to want to crumble to the floor.

"I'm pretty sure that you don't want to see me" he says to me, still looking in my eyes. "But I just want you to know that I'm sorry and that I broke it off with Nita. I promised myself that I'd never hurt someone that I love, and here I am, hurting the one that I love the most in this whole wide world. I can't believe it took me this to understand that you're the one who means everything to me, that you're the one who I want to spend every waking moment with. The one who I want to hold hands with and the one who I want to kiss when ever I want to. I love you, Tris. And I'm so sorry for what I did and I know that some words and a box of candy won't fix what I did to you, but I do hope that you'll forgive me one day and that you'll maybe feel the same way"

I'm fully on crying now at his words. I didn't expect this at all, but I'm so happy that it happened. I give him a smile before throwing my arms around his neck and giving him a hug. He drops the chocolate box to the ground before giving me a tight hug. I don't know if it's stupid of me to forgive him this quickly, but I know that I don't want to be without him any longer.

"I forgive you" I say, smiling. "And it seems like our feelings are equal" He gives me a smile back before embracing me again.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry it's pretty cliché and late! But I'm so freaking tired!XD

Happy easter everyone and eat a lot of candy!:)

(A similar story: Windows by FoureverDivergentInitiate)

Peaceserum, pansycakes!