A/N: A very emotional chapter ahead. Just so you're warned, grab the tissues.

How a Soul Shatters

Later that afternoon, Celes walked into the hospital wing. Her brown eyes glanced about the main area in an attempt to find Madam Pomfrey. However, she clearly wasn't looking hard enough. She sighed, kicking one of the loose stones on the floor loudly.

"Hello?" she yelled, obviously annoyed. She crossed her arms when the matron slowly emerged from one of the far rooms. "You asked to see me, Madam," she said bitingly as if she had better things to do than to be there.

"I did, Miss Martins. Please come with me."

"Fine. Is this going to take long, though? I have class."

"Oh? I was under the impression that you've skipped all of your classes so far, Miss Martins. At least that's what your professors have told me." Madam Pomfrey said nothing when Celes glared before she glanced towards the high arched windows. She merely continued towards the private room a moment later. Once they were inside the room, she silently closed the door. "Take a seat please."

Celes scoffed, but complied a moment later.

"As I'm certain you're aware by now, every student this year is required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation," Madam Pomfrey explained.

"Yeah, so? I wasn't here last year."

"You're right. Celes wasn't, but you were, Aurora. And, frankly, judging by the behavior you're exhibiting currently, this is long overdue."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm fine, Madam."

"That's not what Severus is saying."

"What does he know? He's messed up."

"That's your anger and pain speaking."

"Oh? Is it really, Madam?" she mocked. "I didn't know that." She scoffed. "Are we done? Because I sure as hell am." She went to stand and leave, only to stop when Pomfrey spoke again.

"He acted just like this during his first session with me. He was scared. Just like you are. But we spoke, took things slowly, and now he's comfortable. He still fights me occasionally, but he talks eventually and tells me things."

"Congratulations. Would you like a medal for that?"

"What you're feeling right now is perfectly natural. You suffered a horrible—"

Celes clenched her teeth, hissing, "May I go, Madam?"

"Brushing your pain aside isn't going to help you deal with it."

"Maybe not, but at least I won't have to listen to you drone on about crap you know nothing about," she replied with a shrug. "Now, may I go?"

"No."

"You can't keep me here. I'm not your damn prisoner, Pomfrey."

"I can keep you here as long as I think you're a threat to yourself."

"Oh, Circe." She laughed derisively. "What? Do you think I'll hurt myself?"

"You've engaged in several instances of risky behavior this summer, Aurora."

"What are you talking about?"

"I have reports here from St. Mungo's that state you were involved in numerous bar fights. Not to mention, Minerva informed me that she ran into you with another man this summer in London."

"A friend. That's all." She shrugged listlessly. "Just like I told her."

"Normally, I'd agree with you. However, Minerva reported differently."

"Yeah, well, her eyesight is going bad. Because he was just a friend. That's it."

"Do you normally go up the stairs in the Leaky Cauldron with male friends, Aurora?"

"She misunderstood, dammit," she snapped. "All right?"

"No. It's not all right. Even your husband has noticed your reckless behavior. In fact, that's why he asked me to speak with you today. He's worried about you."

"Like I said, I'm fine, Pomfrey."

"Tell me what happened this morning in the abandoned classroom with Severus."

"Nothing," she hissed.

"That's not what he says."

"Well, he's lying. Nothing happened. Now, can I go?"

"Aurora, what are you trying to achieve with this behavior? What are you seeking?"

"To leave this damn place and go to class!"

"No. The truth. Tell me what you want, and I'll let you leave. I promise. Just tell me the truth. What is it that you're wanting?"

Her whole body was tense as she stood rigid, glaring at Pomfrey. What did she want? What the hell did Pomfrey think she wanted? She kept her jaw clenched. It was a trick. The witch wouldn't let her leave the hospital wing if she answered. There was no way in hell the matron would.

"What is it that you're trying to achieve? What do you want?" Pomfrey repeated.

"Nothing. Just let me go."

"Not until you tell me the truth."

"No."

"Just tell me the truth, and I'll let you leave. I promise."

She shook her head, though. It was a lie. Pomfrey wouldn't let her go. There was no way in hell of that happening. She'd be forced to talk more until she was dissected entirely and there was nothing left of her. She had seen how Severus was when he came home after his sessions with Pomfrey. She wasn't entirely oblivious to him.

"Aurora. Please. Answer me. What is it that you want? Severus told me that you became forceful with him this morning in that abandoned classroom. He told me that you became angry when he told you to stop. Aurora, please. What is it that you want? You know what it is. Just tell me, and I'll let you leave. Just answer me. What do you want?"

"I want my—" Her mouth snapped shut instantly, stopping the honest answer from escaping. She couldn't say it. Not yet. She wasn't ready to tell Pomfrey, to tell anyone. Well, maybe Severus. She drew in a slow breath, forcing herself to be calm. "I want m-my life back. All right? Now, let me leave." She watched Pomfrey stand aside. Quickly, she rushed out of the room, fleeing for safety.

~Rising~

Lying atop of his bed in the Ravenclaw dormitory, Toby glanced up at the ceiling with his hands on his stomach. His mind replayed his conversation with Madam Pomfrey, causing him to sigh loudly. Celes would be pissed with him for going to the matron, but he didn't know what else to do. She needed help, and he knew he couldn't help her. However, he hadn't known just how bad she needed help until Pomfrey informed him of the reports.

During the first month of her class, June in other words, Celes—or rather Aurora in this case he decided to say—had been involved in numerous bar fights when she should have been at her class. He hadn't been an idiot of course. He knew that first month of her leaving to go to class had been rough for her. Hell, he even recalled smelling alcohol on her breath a few times, looking back on it now. However, he hadn't known it was that bad.

Pomfrey had stated that Aurora had gone to St. Mungo's after a few of those fights. Not on Aurora's own accord it sounded like based on the reports. A few times, she had been taken there by Aurors, who always seemed to release her for some reason with only a warning not to start a fight again. He frowned as the list of injuries rattled off in his mind. Lacerations. Bruises. Broken arm. Broken knuckle. Broken nose. Broken ribs. Punctured lung. He couldn't recall her ever coming home in pain or even looking like she had been in a fight. Pomfrey had explained it away, though, stating that Aurora likely had casted a glamour on herself and took pain potions to hide her injuries from him.

He closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't heard Pomfrey continue her report earlier. The matron had gone on to state that Minerva had once witnessed Aurora heading to a Leaky Cauldron male patron's room. His heart clenched agonizingly as he swallowed back his pain. He had begged Pomfrey to tell him when Minerva had seen the encounter, needing to know. When she had stated the date, he nearly retched at the realization that it had been just a day after he had lost his temper when Aurora was being pushy once more and begging him to sleep with her. She had been in one of those moods again.

In July and August, it seemed as if Aurora was better according to there being no reports of recklessness and from Minerva's own observances. Though, he knew why. He had given in to Aurora, stopped fighting her and slept with her whenever she begged him. Only their sex life wasn't the way it had been before May 2. Hell, it wasn't anywhere near what one could call a sex life anymore in fact. He couldn't stay aroused with her. No matter what the hell they tried. One moment he'd be harder than granite, ready to shag her for hours or at least feeling like he could. The next it was as if all the blood rushed from his erection and left him with just a limp member while still feeling hot as hell. However, his making the effort of wanting to have sex with her was enough to satisfy whatever it was that made her nearly jump him during these times.

He frowned, recalling the first time Aurora had been in one of these moods. He had just started moving around their rooms on his own since he had been bedridden for a few weeks in May. She had come in after talking with Minerva, clearly frustrated by her talks. She had immediately headed to him when she saw him up and around. He had thought at the time that she was going to help him. Only when she grasped his face and started snogging the hell out of him, he realized his error. He had nearly fallen, choosing instead to sit back on the sofa.

The way Aurora acted that day—or whenever she'd get in these strange moods—was as if someone had given her a powerful lust potion. It wasn't her anymore. She'd become forceful with him, aggressive at times, randy as hell in other words. It was as if she didn't shag him right then and there, she'd die. Her nails had raked against his flesh painfully, leaving behind marks. She'd never hurt him. He knew that in his very heart that Aurora wasn't like that. But during these moods of hers, it was as if all that he knew about her was a lie. She'd become downright animalistic with him sometimes. And more than a few times, he could recall where she'd openly sob, her fists hitting his chest when he couldn't satisfy her because of his inability.

Something had changed in her after the events of May 2. He scoffed. Something had changed in all of them at Hogwarts. They were all rough now, tortured and broken. Some more than others. He knew his wife's soul had been broken that day. He even knew how. However, he didn't know how to glue it back together. How did one mend a soul after losing something so— He felt the hot tears run down his cheeks, causing him to swipe them away angrily. Why didn't the loss affect him that badly? Was he truly that heartless, that cold-hearted?

A knock suddenly forced him to sit up and stare at the closed door. Who could possibly be bothering him now? He glanced at the clock, frowning. It was seven. Whoever it was knocked again a moment later.

"Who is it?" he yelled, knowing the person would be able to hear him.

"Luna. You have a visitor, Toby."

A visitor? His brows furrowed. Who could possibly want to speak to him? He then exhaled loudly. Potter likely. The boy had a horrible knack for breaking the rules after all. He got up soon after, heading to the door and opening it.

"Where?" he asked, not noticing anyone with Luna.

"In the common room." The mysterious dishwater blond smiled faintly. "I believe she's come to apologize for earlier."

"Celes," he whispered, the name escaping his lips before he could stop himself. She was here? He caught Luna's smile widen instantly. "Thank you, Luna."

He didn't wait for her reply. He quickly strode down the hall to the common room. His mind raced with thoughts of why Celes would come visit him. Was Luna right? Was Celes there to apologize? Or maybe she was there to slap him for telling Pomfrey about her? He brushed back his thoughts, though. None of them would help him anyway.

With one foot in the common room, he found himself instantly enveloped in a strong hug. He had to take a step back because of the force. What did a hug mean? Good? Bad? Worse? Merlin, if only he understood females.

"I'm sorry, Toby," Celes whispered. "I acted like a bitch earlier. I-I didn't mean. I'm sorry."

He glanced around the common room, thankful it was empty. They needed somewhere private, where they could talk. He slowly pulled back, grabbing her hand and leading her to his room. Females, after all, were allowed in the male dorms. Though, it was rather frowned upon of course. He closed the door behind them.

"Shh," he said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "It's fine." He'd be the understanding one now.

"No. No it's not. I-I'm sorry. I don't know why . . . I didn't mean to do that."

"It's all right, Celes." He hated it when she cried. He was absolutely pants at comforting her. She'd cry, and he'd do practically anything to get her to stop. It was one of the few weaknesses he couldn't hide from others. Crying was just so damn uncomfortable to witness in his opinion.

He pulled her to his bed and lay down, holding her in his arms as if to protect her. He could feel her journal tucked under her robes, close to her heart. Idly, he wondered if she had written in it yet. He patiently waited as she calmed down.

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Stop apologizing," he replied quietly, his chin resting on top of her head.

"Pomfrey wanted me to tell her. I-I couldn't. She wanted to know what I wanted. What I was trying to accomplish when I-I do that to you."

He remained silent. It sounded similar to his sessions with Pomfrey, where the matron always wanted him to explain himself and what he was thinking. It annoyed him greatly, but he'd admit it did do some good every now and then.

"I-I told her that I wanted my life back," she cried softly. "I lied."

She quickly started to dig in her robes, which made him move his arms so she'd have better access. A few moments later, she pulled out her journal, holding it to him to grab.

"I can't say it. I-I just can't. Please?" she whispered as the tears rolled down her face.

He silently took her journal. He felt her resituate herself, rolling herself over so she'd face him. Instinctively, he rolled onto his back, knowing what pose she was wanting. She swiftly rested her head on his chest, her arm draped over him.

Opening to the first page, he silently sighed. She was letting him in. Only he didn't have a clue as to how to help her. He truly didn't. He hadn't even known how to help himself. His eyes slowly moved over her elegant cursive, reading her words.

We were happy once. Before the darkness settled in and ruined it all. I could make him smile with just one touch. Now, I only hurt him. Something's wrong with me. I don't know what. Sadness and grief, they say is normal. They say I'll get better with time. That it'll hurt less. I don't believe them. They lie. It's only become worse. The pain in me. The anger. The sadness. The loss. I want to go back. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want the pain in my chest to stop. I want the sadness that suffocates me to leave me the hell alone. But most of all, I want what was taken from me back. It's not fair. It's not. It's not fair. I waited for so long. We waited for so long. Why?

He could feel her heartache, her emotions in her writing swirl around in his mind. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, kissing the top of her head. There were more words to read, so he continued.

I want to go back. I want to be like I was. Happy. In love. Hopeful. They say it'll take time to heal. My wounds aren't healing, though. My heart still has a hole in it. And I'm trying everything to fix it. To mend it. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want the pain to stop. Why won't it stop? I have to be strong. For us. It's the only way. But sometimes I wonder. It'd be easy to just let go. Just once. See if that would help. I can't, though. He needs me. So I hang on. So I fight. It's when I don't have any strength left that the monster inside comes out. I see myself hurt him. I see the pain in his eyes. I'm the reason for that. He told me to stay. To remain in the cottage. Why did I leave? Why didn't I listen? It's my fault. No one else's, but mine. I hurt now. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of hurting. I just want it all to stop. Just once. It's not fair. We waited so long. Why? I want what was taken from me back. I want my baby back! THAT'S WHAT I WANT! Give me back my baby! Please! That's Please. I want her back.

He inhaled shakily, closing his eyes. He could feel her tightly grasping him. He closed the journal, setting it aside on the table. How did one repair a shattered soul after losing one's child? He kissed the top of her head again, pulling her closer to give her every bit of his strength. At the sound of her mumbling against him, he glanced down, noticing that she had fallen asleep somehow.

She had been so happy when they found out she was pregnant. It broke her, losing their child. How could he be so cold, so heartless? He had lost a child just as she had. It didn't affect him that greatly as it did Aurora, though. They could try again for a child later in his mind. He still had her. That was all that mattered. He hadn't lost her that day. It could have been so much worse.