How To Torture Mello 5
How To Torture Mello 5.
I'm sorry for the extra-long wait for this chapter…I'll make it up to you guys next chapter by including more of your given plot bunny seeds! YESSSS!!
I has a cold. Boooo.
I got a lot of...somewhat interesting reviews for that last chapter, and since I'd already written this one, I wasn't able to stick your plot bunnies in. -sigh-. I'm sorry. But I'll try to keep up with your awesome ideas. 40-something reviews...woooowww...
In this chapter-
Fluff, nosebleeds, cackling, and (as always) über embarrassed Mello. Woot!
--
Mello sighed, stretched, and laid down on his bed clad in only his M&M-patterned boxers. He was tired, and he knew that as soon as Matt came in, he'd be challenged to beat him at some random video game.
"Hey Mells," said the aforementioned gamer, sliding in with a smirk on his face. "Any guesses to which game-," he broke off, seeing that Mello was still staring at the ceiling. "Bad day?"
"Nah, just tired," answered the blonde, getting up and sitting in the desk chair. "Anyway, which game?"
"GOD OF WAR, SHELLS YEAH!" yelled Matt, brandishing a disc case. "I will so totally pwn your guts at this!"
"Can you even play multiplayer?"
"…no…"
--
Meanwhile, Near was getting annoyed at the lack of Mello-irking, as he leaned back in the air vent with Optimus Prime at his side. "I don't know what's gotten into Matt," he remarked to the emotionless plastic robot, "but it's sure detrimental to my plan. I need to write some more stuff in that book."
He shook the figure's head up and down, and in a falsetto whispered to himself, "Good idea, Near!"
--
Next morning, Mello was rudely awakened by a very heavy something plopping on top of him and loudly warbling "Apple bottom jeans, tha boots with tha fur…"
"SHUT UP." answered Mello, throwing his pillow into Matt's mouth and effectively silencing his sad attempt at rapping.
There was a silence, much longer than expected, and a second too late Mello realized that Matt had swiftly handcuffed him to his bed. "Matt."
There was no answer- the gamer had gone bush- so Mello was left to seethe by himself. Matt and Near…they were going to get it. And so Mello's brilliant mind began to churn, thinking how to get himself into the best possible situation for revenge.
But first he had to get out of these wretched handcuffs. He looked up at them, blinked, then sighed. Why was Matt so stupid?
The keys jingled merrily as Mello nearly busted a gut trying to hit them off of the top of the headboard.
--
"What's that?" asked Lost's roommate, Laura, her head cocked.
"What's what?" replied Lost, taking off her huge earphones.
"Sounds like someone's smacking against the wall."
Lost's face blanched. "They're going all the way!"
"Who is?" asked Matt, poking his head in.
"…Er, no one."
--
Later that day, an unsuspecting Near accidentally left the grille for the air vent open as he left to the playroom.
And after Mello beat him up with a towel (it can be done, folks,) a very sore Matt was forced to spray toothpaste all over his bed. Then roll around in it. And then go hug some random person. He did this all with a pained look on his face, regarding Mello impassively over the shoulder of Lost, who was squirming wildly as he hugged her.
They couldn't keep a grudge against each other for long, though, so by the time Matt had washed all of the minty gunk out of his hair, Mello had reconciled him.
--
"Hey, how about we sneak into Near's room?"
"Why?"
"Because he's Near, the small sheepy emo person."
"Emo?"
"He's emo. Trust me on this, mkay?"
"Alright…but why sneak in?"
"Just because we can, that's why. We're just that awesome."
They sneaked into the room, quiet and stealthy, and were immensely relieved that not a trace of the sheepy someone remained.
"Phew, he's not here."
"Hey, Mello?" asked Matt, pointing at the open vent. "What do you think this's for?"
Mello considered it for a second, stroking an imaginary beard before finally pronouncing, "I don't know. Let's go in and follow it."
So they did.
It was cramped for them, seeing as Near was so much smaller than both of them, and also much skinnier. They managed, though, and squirmed their way down the vent until Matt's goggles clinked against another grille. "Can you see where it ends?" asked Mello tiredly. "It's…in our room!" answered the squished gamer, surprised.
He turned around, smack dab into Mello's back. "You're blocking me."
"The other side's closed!" yelled the chocoholic. "Someone closed the vent in Near's room!"
"Crap."
Mello turned around, and unexpectedly the two boys' faces were inches apart.
"Uh…"
"Er…well…you see…"
They both turned furiously red, their noses threatening to let loose a torrent of blood. So Mello decided to make the most of the moment, and pressed his lips to Matt's.
--
His eyes opened wide, like someone had just smacked his cerebellum, then slowly fluttered closed.
…he tastes like chocolate…he thought, and then had the more urgent thought Holy shit! I'm kissing a guy! Moreover, I'm kissing Mello?! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!
Swiftly Mello pulled away, and they were left red-faced and panting, still within inches of each other.
"…I'm sorry…" he muttered, a distinct blush visible on his cheeks.
"S'okay. Raging hormones, I guess." replied Matt, shrugging and trying to keep himself from tackling his roommate.
There was a very awkward silence before Matt pounced on Mello, smashing their lips together.
He tastes like…toothpaste…thought Mello, inwardly smirking.
--
Near had walked into his room, heard the two talking from inside the vent, and had a brain flash. He replaced the grating, set up a video camera near it, and taped the pair.
It was the best idea he'd had…until suddenly Mello kissed Matt.
Near blanched, then blushed, then abruptly realized that blood was dripping out of his nose in a torrent of red. "Haahhh?!" he said, wide-eyed, and scurried off to the bathroom to somehow stop the bleeding.
--
A few minutes later, two panting, blushing teens finally discovered that the vent that opened into their room could be opened from the inside.
"Well, that was interesting," said Matt, pushing himself through the hole and landing with a plop on the shag carpet.
Mello said nothing. This escapade actually hadn't been too bad. No one had seen it, right?
--
When Near came back, two tampons stuck up his nose, he realized that he'd left the camera running. Brilliant, he thought sourly, then perked up at the fact that he'd be able to show this to the entire orphanage…and to L himself.
Near began to cackle nasally.
--
"Er…Near?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you have two tampons stuck up your nose?"
"…Tampons?"
"Yeah."
"…I had a nosebleed…"
"…"
"…Really…"
"You do know what tampons are for, right?"
"…no…"
--
That night, at dinner, neither Matt nor Mello noticed the small sheepy someone go up to Watari and whisper something in his ear. Watari nodded, and Near went off to the back of the room.
The next thing that happened would be burned in Mello's "Kill Near For…" list for the rest of his life.
A white projection light appeared on the far wall, much to everyone's puzzlement, and abruptly a video of the vent came up.
Mello's face began to twist in a very strange array of motions. Matt cracked every single one of his knuckles.
Suddenly the screen-Matt and Mello kissed, and the entire room gasped, some unfortunate yaoi fangirls getting nasty nosebleeds.
And Matt and Mello (the real ones) got up and ran for Near.
--
"GYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! DON'T KIIILLLLL MEEEEEEEEE!!"
"You're the one that asked for it, Near."
"But…but…Matt! You were on my side!!" whimpered Near, practically begging for mercy.
"Until you started including me in your pranks, too."
Near began to cry.
--
The movie was still playing, and L sat there in shock.
Ooooohkay. His orphans were very…er…interesting.
He needed to have a talk with Matt and Mello before they got too involved.
So after the movie, L strode in their room, half-expecting a makeout session to be going on, but instead seeing two very intense teenagers playing a game of Wii Tennis.
"I'm going to kick your sorry ass all around the room, and then I'm going to set it on FIRE!"
"…Whatever you say, Mello. I'm still kicking your butt here."
"SHUT UP!"
L stood there, puzzled. "Hello, boys."
They turned, surprised, and Matt paused the game. "Hey, L. What's up?"
"Well, about that movie that Near showed today…"
"Oh, that. It wasn't anything."
"Well, if it turns into something, please tell me before anything…happens."
There was a silence before they understood what L was implying.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" shrieked Mello, utterly disgusted. "L, I know we're teenagers, but we're not going to do anything like…that."
L sighed in relief. "Good. Goodnight, then."
"G'night."
--
They didn't beat Near up that night, since the very sight of seeing the small sheepy someone bawl his eyes out was enough revenge for both of them.
But Mello insisted on making Near buy him three bars of chocolate, which the sheep did, with a sniff and a sigh.
"Alright, Near. You're forgiven for now. But watch out…we might just choose to…slip a little thing into your drink or something like that. So keep on guard, mkay?"
And with that, Mello stalked grandly off before falling flat on his face.
"WHO PUT THAT THERE?!" he yelled, and a smirking Matt stealthily ran off to his room.
--
Yeah…
The tables will turn! Muahahah! For, I, teh Mighty Authoress, have decreed that Mello's been tortured enough. Now it's Near's turn…and maybe L's…and Roger's…
I want Mello's boxers. I'll wear them around the house. Shelllllls yeah.
Oh, Wammy's House is going to be very interesting from now on…-evil cackle-
Thank you, reviewers, for your patronage of my fanfics. Your efforts to get me to update are not in vain.
Anyone want to send me a plot bunny? Cool.
PUPPIESBUNNIESANDTOMATOESOHMYSUBLIMINALMESSAGEREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWOHMYGOSHITSAGRAPEVINEFIRELET'SGOEATIT!
I love the song Grapevine Fires by Death Cab for Cutie. It's awesome. Listen to it. TOASTER!
-黒川- blake mckenzie-daisukeismyboyfriend-